This is a long post so skip it if you don't want to read it. It relates to Dodger's "boy prostitutes & karma" topic but unsure I should clutter up his topic with something so extensive so I'll start a new thread and see where it goes.
You may or may not agree with the opinions below. Fair and friendly comments appreciated, positive or negative. I'm no expert and never claimed to be.
As a younger guy, some of my briefly-formed beliefs about the complex world of prostitution and advice to those involved are:
In terms of USING a prostitute...
1. I think it's great this service is available, whether directly or subtly. How miserable it would be not to be able to have sex or sexual companionship.
2. There's a negative conclusion that if you use prostitutes it's because you're too old/fat/ugly or unappealing to get sex with your desired type naturally. This is NOT true in all cases but it certainly is true in some. If it's true for you, you can't get away from it. Accept it.
3. I see no problem using prostitutes if you want to have sex, whether because you can't get it naturally, want a different experience or want to get it more efficiently (i.e. not taking the time/risk to find a mutually willing companion and chat them up), BUT it comes with some caveats.
4. As with all things, self awareness as to your own motives, weaknesses, emotions and the effect this will have to you is important. Of the people who regularly visit Thailand or Pattaya for sex, there are those who remain self aware (you can usually tell by their character) and there are those who don't.
5. The ones who lack self-awareness are less likely to have a satisfying experience and more likely to fall into many of the downsides, which cheap availability of prostitutes can bring. They may not bother to look after their personal appearance (body, grooming and dress) any more, now that money makes up for this. They may loose sight of planning for long-term happiness in lieu of just chasing after the next instance of immediate pleasure in an almost purposeless existence.
Worse still, these oblivious types may lose the ability or will to interact and engage in normal genuine relationships and bring pleasure to others. There's a satisfaction one gets from a genuine relationship or even a brief interaction, which can almost never be achieved with a prostitute, so this is a big loss. Be wary of it.
In terms of LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS with prostitutes...
6. I think both empathy and self-awareness are important here.
7. There are farang who are aware and accept they're in a relationship with a person who wouldn't be with them if it wasn't for the money. They set their expectations and the way they interact with and meet their boy's needs accordingly. Their relationship is more likely to be satisfying and more likely to "succeed". The genuine component of the relationship is more likely to grow. If it falls apart, they're less likely to be upset by this. I feel these people are more realistic, much happier and confident in themselves. I've conversed with some of them on this board and have as much respect for them as I would any good person.
8. Then there are some farang who are deluded thinking they're in a real relationship with a boy with genuine feelings both ways. This is far from the case but they don't realise or accept it because they lack self-awareness and empathy to put themselves in their "boyfriend's" shoes. Sometimes they take great pride in what is essentially a charade of a relationship. This kind of relationship is more likely to end disastrously and in many cases has left the farang extremely bitter, unhappy and lashing out for years after. Such is the plight of those with low emotional intelligence, unfortunately. It's like watching a car accident.
9. Can a relationship with a prostitute turn into a 100% or almost 100% genuine one? Yes, I believe so. But it's a very grey area to judge. The emotional intelligence attributes of self awareness and empathy are all the more critical here.
In terms of BEING a prostitute...
10. If someone chooses to be a prostitute as a way to earn a living and their personal preferences don't get in the way, that's ok. But as with all things in life, he should be self-aware of his own motivations behind it and the negative effects it will have on him. I've talked to some gogo boys and money boys who are very self-aware and grounded. But unfortunately, some money boys who let themselves slide into this trade are not self-aware and let it lead them on rather than determining what they want for themselves.
11. Sex is naturally a personal thing. So when you offer sex for cash, then aside from the physically unpleasant aspect, you may also be giving up a certain degree of your personal integrity. It's a matter of being self aware about this and understanding your motives, how it effects you and whether it's worthwhile. I don't think there's a black/white right or wrong.
12. Because it's such a personal thing, most people wouldn't sexually prostitute themselves unless they're short on options and/or the reward is relatively great for them. The more well off a person is - whether materially or mentally - the less likely they are to consider sexual prostitution an attractive option to earn a living. Naturally, this is where much of the negative connotations of being a working boy comes from. There's a general belief that if you prostitute yourself sexually, you are more likely to be a poor person of lesser means. Make of that what you will.
I'm not naming anyone here and the purpose isn't to offend so please don't react with offence if you see what you think is yourself in any of the described situations above.
Personally for myself, I've been with one gogo boy who I met when I was on my first trip to Thailand alone, fairly shy about meeting people, perhaps lonely, an inexperienced traveler and horny. He was not much younger than me, very sweet, incredible in bed and we still keep in touch occasionally (he no longer works in a bar). I've no regrets.
Relating to Dodger's comments on Buddhism, I was born a Buddhist, but neither parents educated me on Buddhism so my knowledge of it is limited to some light reading and talking to close friends who have studied and embodied it in their own lives (not the more institutionalised form of Buddhism found in Thailand).
From what little I know, I suspect a big part of Buddhist teachings is oriented towards self awareness so you can better understand yourself, set your expectations and act accordingly for a happier existence. I like this. Don't have time to study it in detail now but I think one day, I will.
*Definitions for the purposes of this post...
Self-awareness is knowing your own motives, emotions, strengths and weaknesses and the effects of them and how you come off to others.
Empathy is awareness and understanding of other people's feelings, emotions, motives and genuinely putting yourself in their shoes.
Both are essential pillars in emotional intelligence.
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Originally Posted by camperboy
