Free giraffes, two arseholes and one farang.

[arsenal]

Well two actually. Mooching about on the Honda Click some miles south of Sattahip I came across Mountain Coffee. It's quite a large cafe with a full menu of both Thai and Western dishes. It's unusual in that is has a little, free to enter zoo with among other animals horses, zebras and a couple of giraffes.

So if you fancy watching some giraffes with your breakfast but don't want to pay for the pleasure you have two choices. Join the Masai and spend your days traipsing across the African savannah or visit this place. The cafe had about 30 customers so business is clearly booming.

Arsehole number one was some Chinese pig in Toy Boys playing that stupid Paper, Rock, Scissors game and forcing the poor boy he'd offed to knock back shot after shot when he lost. I felt so sorry for the boy as he sat there trying hard not to do what most of us would do if we consumed that amount of raw alcohol. This might be the future so beware.

Arsehole number two was some hideous fuckbitch of a lady boy who approached me far down the end of Jomtien in the early hours as I drank an iced coffee and watched the squid boats. I told her I wasn't interested and so she mouthed something in Thai before throwing her finished glass bottle onto the rocks on the beach where it smashed and waited for the children who'll clamber there barefoot the next day.

Other than that all was great. Offed yet another handsome boy from Nice Boys who a couple of weeks ago said he didnt do anything but I took him and he kissed beautifully and took his first steps into smoking. If you're interested his name is...haha, not fucking likely.

Bit of a row with the lovely owner of Dreamboys who also runs Royal House massage. He partook of the decidedly Thai habit of squeezing your thigh to signify a welcome and I made it clear that I don't actually like that and that he should avoid doing it to farangs. No ill feeling and I saw him the next day as I went to RH for a massage.

The karaoke there (Royal House) throughout the night is wonderful. You'll probably be the only non-Thai there and the boys will come and toast you and the atmosphere is brilliant. A beer costs 200 baht and I also stuffed a few down the boys pants. A great end to the night.

Didn't get to enjoy Ws massage special as he was on one of his "sick little bit" sabbaticals and he did look rather wan. Next time.

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