Boyfriend's $$$

[aussie_]

My boyfriend lives in a rice village, no jobs available at present so no money. This walking ATM is carefull about handing over his money, we all know the stories of the love struck farang and his empty bank account. I have known the bf for over a year and I like his family and most of the relatives very much and stay with them often. The bf is not over the top with showing affection which does not help the situation.

I read blogs about other farangs spending many baht to build houses, bungalows and shops for their Thai boyfriends. I have already lent the family some money which I will never get back. At least I can see where the money went as they now have a washing machine and lockable windows on the house.

How much is suitable for a monthly allowance?

Am I being over cautious or is it time to move on?

If I start again with another guy it will probably end up in a similar situation.

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[allieb]

With BF not showing enough affection your not getting value for money. Move on

You think it might be the same if you move on to another. Your probably right but you might get a better actor next time .

[RichLB]

This is a difficult question with a simple answer. You are not buying a computer or air conditioner. You are helping someone you care for. The amount you give is determined by how good it makes you feel to be of help. If you are concerned about "value for money" I think you'd be wiser to hire a sex worker; if you have real affection for the guy you will help as long as it makes you feel good to do so (determined by your financial resources).

Recognize the expectations of farang here in Thailand. Many Thais (almost all) believe in reincarnation. Your current life has been shaped by previous existences. Relative to them, they believe that you must have been a good person previously or you would not be financially comfortable. This earns you considerable respect and influence. Unfortunately, there is a downside, too. Since you are (have been in previous lives) a good person, it is expected you will be equally good and generous in this incarnation. They will believe you actually want to help them and not see your generosity as you being an "easy mark".

You set the rules and stick by them.

If your like me, I am a strong believer in the best thing you can buy him, is an education, so he can make a living when your not around one day, so I always include that in my allowance, for my guys special.

If you want to know how much to pay a long term lover, 2250 a week is what I consider fair, plus 1000 ever time you have good sex, less if you donтАЩt think sex is not up to standard, ruthless I know, but thatтАЩs how they work in Thailand. But out of that he pay family and any other exspenses make that clear.....The job they work at will fine them, if they do anything against the rules, then your find you have the best you can expect. If you think he can live on half that up country, try it and see, he will need all of in in big city like pattaya,

But I love my BS to look good and buy farang style cloths monthly, plus a nice phone, if lost sold or stolen 1000 baht phone to replace it, once every 6 months. Motor bike a big No.No. Unless you want him to be out with his mates all the time, or worst kill him self.

Jewelry, well I donтАЩt buy now, in the past I have bought like many, a shop load, to find it all sold, one boys mother sold with in 10 days, I got over that many years ago, when I bought a farm and then went to visit, had to build a house then a tractor then I had a stupid Idea as the Chickens were all eaten by snakes, I had bought previously, not a few, hundreds I said why not Get the new tractor and grow Pineapples, 4000 bought and planted, Rain's came, washed them into oblivion, so be very careful about living in a Village, word gets round, either Ji Dee farang, which translated to a Thai, Gives away money like a fool, or ji Dum is careful and sensible with money they respect that more.

So only give if you think is for the good of the family, as you have witnessed already, buy Things not give away money.

Good luck I agree it is wonderful down on the farm, they all know what your up to and if you are good man, they will give you such happiness, in a very basic simple but genuine way. if you are not a butterfly and stick to your main man, well thats fine if not like with me, they will bring you boy to take back to Pattaya so we can build big house, as one family told me, I declined, even though father say, him big koi yi same me, I said yes but age to small and that no good for me, in the end he made it on his own now has a Ji dee farang lives in UK , helps run farang hotel and then comes back to village with all his wages they are so happy and he such a nice guy.

[TOQ]

My boyfriend lives in a rice village, no jobs available at present so no money. This walking ATM is carefull about handing over his money, we all know the stories of the love struck farang and his empty bank account. I have known the bf for over a year and I like his family and most of the relatives very much and stay with them often. The bf is not over the top with showing affection which does not help the situation.

I read blogs about other farangs spending many baht to build houses, bungalows and shops for their Thai boyfriends. I have already lent the family some money which I will never get back. At least I can see where the money went as they now have a washing machine and lockable windows on the house.

How much is suitable for a monthly allowance?

Am I being over cautious or is it time to move on?

If I start again with another guy it will probably end up in a similar situation.

Hope you enjoyed my blog

john

[Bob]

Since you say he's from a rice village (which I think you to mean a small village in Isaan or up north) and presuming he's staying with momma/pappa at the family home, then I'm with Fattman on this one. Three thousand baht a month is more than enough to make life a little better for the bf and folks.

My only caution is not to start this unless that's what you really want to do....and I note this only because you made some comment that the affection between the two of you isn't all that great. He's "living" as best he can now, eating adequately (the Thais at home always seem to make do), and I'm really doubtful you'd be doing him any long-term favor by starting a regular payment and then stopping it down the road. And I'm not sure you'd be truly doing him any good by dumping a lot of money (a lot to a rural family, in my view, would be upwards of 5,000 baht a month) on a regular basis as it very well may alter his incentives for the future (as bleak as they may be anyway) as well as his family's and friend's views of him. I strongly urge you to do whatever you choose to do in view of how it will affect him and his family - and totally ignore the idea of what you think you personally can afford or that you would personally want him to have (i.e., separate out from the "how much" part most of your western thinking and feelings).

All in all, your question isn't easily answered.

[aussie_]

Hope you enjoyed my blog

john

Thanks for all of the valuable advise from the replies so far.

I was thinking of of your blog John and enjoy every new entry and the great photos. I have great respect for the investment you have made in Thailand for yourself and your partner. My boyfriend has cleared a block of land which he says he owns (I am yet to see the title) and told me that he wants to build his own house. Something similar to what you have done would be perfect in my bf's village but i am not quite ready to take that step. I can see that providing infrastructure where the bf can work and become self sufficient and also employ others in the village like your shop and bungalows is an excellent plan.

I have a lot to learn about understanding and dealing with the Thais before getting involved in a project of that size. You have been here for a while and I gather that you have learnt to deal with any freeloaders or the expectation that the farang is to host every event for large numbers of friends and relatives. I also guage from your blog that you can talk a lot with your bf while mine is very quiet and decisions about outings etc are made with very limited consulatation with me.

The short stays in the village are enjoyable with all the attention I recieve from everyone and my bf has two brothers who are real gems. They will take me on the motorcycle to the town to get food etc and there is never any expectation of a handout from them. It is only a couple of adult relatives that have spoilt the party with ongoing hints about how poor they are and I should be buying goods etc for them. It is still difficult to give them up after bonding with so many good people over the last year. Maybe the 3000 to 5000 monthly allowance and some discussion with the bf will be the way to go before making any big decisions about this relationship.

[TOQ]

As it turns out Choa will be hiring two people full time and around 4 part time. Yes I have been here awhile but that only shows me how much I don't know and how much more I need to learn.. It makes a difference in my situation because I live here and justify the expense a lot better . It would be very hard for me to spend the money that I have spent if I wasn't here full time.( What I have spent here would barely make a decent down payment on a house anywhere else) I am fortunate that the issue with family is no issue at all. Not once, ever, have they asked for anything. It could be because they could see how much I was already doing for one of their own. Papa comes around most everyday to say Hi and see his boy. He seems to be happy that he has a new roof on his patio, no longer has a utility bill to pay and always seems to have some money for food Papa is 87. He is a Jewel.

My only suggestion would be to do what you feel comfortable doing. If you have any second though or concerns, don't do it. Your instinct feeling will be you best judge of action.

john

[jolyjacktar]

Well aussie it goes a bit like this:-
Bt 3000 for sick buffalo
Bt 4000 for sick mama in Hospital.
Bt 20,000 for new buffalo as old one just die.
Bt 10,000 for new gold ring to tell you i lub u lots
Bt 6000 for air travel to come see you my telak in Pattaya
Bt 1000 to buy telak present
Bt 6000 as papa now sick
Bt 6000 as new buffalo now sick too.

Ok this is very tongue in cheek and done for a laugh but i think sending money can be an endless pit if your not careful, so just be sure this is what you want to do buddy.

[latintopxxx]

Aussie, you seem to know that you are being led down the proverbial garden path and are looking for an excuse to carry on down the same path...this can only end badly.
Already you mention that he is not as attentive as you would like him to be.
If sex is the primary obejctive of this relationship then you should link it directly to that, be very clear...no confusion. Bot performs and puts a smile on your face...boy gets paid...guilt trips are simply not my scene.
as for some other poster statements about hinm being a Budhist and reincarnation..what crap! The average Thai knows full well that those with power make their own good fortune...and that if you are shot por..as most of them atr up north condems thenm to a lfe of poverty now and in the after life...thats why they are willing to sell themselves and their offspring to the highest bidder...sad but true and lets not pretend otherwise.

o decide what you want out of this relationship and go about getting it.