Bar Boys - Gay or straight, does it matter?

[Chuai-Duai]

I've been reading posts here for a long time and am a regular visitor to Thailand, particularly Pattaya, who's been "offing" boys from Go Go Bars for years.

Recently there have been comments in various different threads about whether a particular Go Go Boy was gay or not or about asking the mamasan about a boy's sexuality. There have also been comments about some bars having more straight boys than others.

I have to say that in all the years I've been visiting I have never asked about a boy's sexuality or, in most cases, has it even occurred to me as being important.

I've no idea whether the majority of the boys I've "offed" would have regarded themselves as gay or not.

They worked in a Bar where the understanding was that they were available and I made use of that availability. I've rarely had a disappointment and have enjoyed the company of many very nice young men and had some great sex.

Thai guys do seem to have a more flexible attitude to sexuality so does it matter if a Bar Boy thinks of themselves as gay or not?

Similar Threads:

• Straight boys in Jomtien
• Money boys, straight or not!
• STI's re the boys (or farang for that matter!) in Thailand?
• The difference between gay and straight boys?
• when does straight become gay eg with lady boys

[thrillbill]

I think that many of the guys tend to be "flexable"--if they're having fun, who cares? --But what I don't understand is why so many Thai gays think a male has to act "fem" , girlie, or whatever to be gay. My former Thai BF was very masculine and muscular and the Thais would think both of us were NOT gay. Why? "Because we didn't act gay." (in their words)

[x in pattaya]

The simple answer is that it matters to some people, one way or another, and to others it doesn't matter. You can't say it does or doesn't matter full-stop, as if everyone felt in only one way. As we discussed in my thread about old biddies who think everyone has to behave in one way alert-old-biddies-amongst-us-a-personal-rant-t17126.html?hilit=biddies "we" are all different people with different wants, needs, passions.

For many years I've read posts by people who thought they were revealing a secret by stating, in their words, that most of the boys in the bars were straight ... shock, gasp.

If it doesn't matter to you, that's wonderful. Some people seem to think it's a treasonable offence to prefer straight boys.
I prefer masculine acting boys and the boys who are best at acting masculine are straight boys. I also have found that the response, the interaction with me, the general behavior of straight boys is more enjoyable for me than that of gay boys. It may not matter that much if you only spend a couple of hours in bed and say "bye-bye', but I tend to stick with boys over longer periods of time and then it does matter more to me.

Watching some guy standing still on a stage doesn't always reveal his mannerisms etc, so I find that useful information to get. Some people freak out about tops or bottoms or hairy versus smooth or circumsized versus uncut or tattoos or piercings or cigarette smoking or spiky hair.

I GENERALLY DO NOT ASK the boy or the mamasan if I've seen the boy moving around or dancing energetically or interacting with other boys because then I have a better feel for his mannerisms, but if I don't get enough visual feed-back or am uncertain about how he may act in a different setting I MAY ASK.

As I said in the other thread, some guys like ladyboys, some like fems, twinks, bears, chubbs, et al ... so yes for all of us who have some preferences, it does matter.

I have offed some great gay guys whose behavior was not obviously gay, but generally I like men. Why that preference bothers some people is a never-ending mystery to me. A dark skinned lean man with defined abs, long straight black hair, a few tattoos, cheek bones to die for & dark pools for eyes ...haven't got my hands on all of that in one package yet, but the closer I get the nearer I am to nirvana.

[jolyjacktar]

I gotta agree with the above posting. Who cares if the guy is gay or het, if he gives me good company for a required period thats all that matters to me. As it happens i swing both ways.....so what :king:

[catawampuscat]

There was a time when 'gay' meant limp wristing effete prissy men and
then things evolved and for a while butch clones became the standard
but today gay men are represented by the full range of possible types.

Thailand is evolving a little slower than the West and 'gay' still means
kateuy or lady boy/men to most.
Men who would be considered gay in the West, have ladyboy as their
partner and think of themselves as straight as they play the top role
and the ladyboy the bottom. The fact that the partner is male and has a
penis is overlooked and somehow topping the fem boy is hetero behavior.

This was similar in the Western countries and many gay men thought of
themselves as straight because they got serviced and not the other way
around..
This is all changing and evolving and I agree with the author of this thread
about asking the boy's sexuality. He may tell you he is puchai or man,
meaning straight and have a very fem lady boy in his bed every nite and
still see himself as straight..
It gets confusing and one has to drop Western
definitions and just understand that most young people are sexual with definite preferences and if the boy can do what you like, does it really make a difference what category you put him in..

Of course this is a generalization but I can't tell you how often a boy tells
a farang he is gay and when the farang is away the boy is with his female
lady and their children. He is gay when he is with the farang and straight when he isn't. There are many variations on this theme and some of the
fem ladyboys are tops and some are almost dykes and as the old saying
goes, variety is the spice of life.

I have had great sex with straight boys and lousy sex with gay boys, so I
don't give a fuck about trying to pin a label on the boys and frankly they
will be whatever you want as long as you play your role of patron and benefactor and movable ATM.. Reality bites sometimes but boy oh boy does
it all work out just fine without worrying about if your bf is really gay or just
gay for pay.. just one man's opinion :cat:

[x in pattaya]

Well, I will agree with Cat in that gay or ladyboy or straight are nebulous terms, especially here. Maybe rather than saying I prefer straight boys, I should say I prefer boys who see themselves as straight/man/poochai and act accordingly.

But it is not solely a matter of what happens in bed. Especially with my LT friend with whom I interact on every level and in different situations and different contexts. I find very femmy behavior to be irritating. I enjoy sex with him and I enjoy his company at all other times. The fact that he has pictures of a bunch of sexy women on his computer doesn't bother me in the least. I like/love HIM because of everything that he is. If he confessed tomorrow that he is in fact gay, that wouldn't change anything for me, because I still love HIM however he may be categorized.

That may sound QUEER and difficult to logically defend, but I am QUEER or otherwise I wouldn't be joining in this discussion.

I gotta agree with the above posting. Who cares if the guy is gay or het, if he gives me good company for a required period thats all that matters to me. As it happens i swing both ways.....so what :king:

That's nice and I agree with you if he is good company that's important, but there must be some things that matter. If he were obese but amusing or if he was covered with tattoos or had long hair or short hair or metal objects in his nose etc.

For some people some of these things would matter while for others they wouldn't. That's what makes this non-homogenized world keep spinning. It doesn't mean there is essentially something good or bad about the boy, it just means he may be or may not be appealing to some of us.

Most of the above posts talk about company with a straight or gay boy, of course in that case, it is only who you are comfortable with.

As for sex, I think it matters. Many farangs who are passive, because of their looks or weight don't really excite boys (you can't blame them when you see some of the sights around Thailand), so they have to give them some viagra and maybe some alcohol to be able to get any sexual arousal from mainly straight boys. For farangs who are active, inflicting pain to a straight boy is rarely satisfactory as the don't enjoy it.
On the other hand, a gay boy would probably really enjoy it and to hear the sounds of joy makes all the difference - enjoyment and satisfaction all around.

Saying all that, most 20yo easily get an erection with a man or woman, gay or straight, try and remember when you were 20ish. Enjoyment for both parties having intercourse is, I think very important. To see a poor bar boy jacking off just to get a few bucks is not really enjoyable. Many bar boys do have to take drugs and/or alcohol to go with a farangs anyway - Thais generally prefer it between themselves - the difference is just money. But does money buy satisfaction?

[x in pattaya]

so they have to give them some viagra and maybe some alcohol to be able to get any sexual arousal from mainly straight boys.

Disagree. Most boys I see don't drink more than a beer or two and some stick with Coke and I sure never offered them any drugs.

Saying all that, most 20yo easily get an erection with a man or woman, gay or straight,

Agree. Guys in their 20's can get an erection for just about anything.

Many bar boys do have to take drugs and/or alcohol to go with a farangs anywa?

Can't say for sure beyond personal experiences, but the guys I've been with have taken little or no alcohol and show no signs of being under the influence of drugs, which they could hardly afford anyway. Certainly anyone who has stayed with me over a period of time has resorted to neither drugs nor booze ... and it isn't because I'm all that sexually alluring either. :rabbit:

[Alaan]

I don't think there is a standard rule book for barboy behaviour or definite guidlines..... to be honest.... some days I am more in the mood for certain things than others and I'm sure boys are the same... good days and not so good days... mostly for me it is down to the feeling between two people at a specific time.....

I agree that all 20 year olds would be able to have an erection at virtually anything... however I do feel that whether they are on some type of drug or have been drinking definitely plays a part in how they feel at a particular time or what they may be prepared to do.

But I do agree that as a top, sex with a gay bottom who might actually enjoy the experience is much more of an enjoyable experience for me than having sex with a boy who finds it painful or unable to be enthusiatic because he dislikes whatever I want to do... although I am realistic enough to accept that if a boy is in the trade whether gay or straight and if i pay what is acceptable to him, he will probably do what I wish, provinding that it is not extreme. So for my personal enjoyment I think it does matter whether gay or straight when it comes to sex....

When it comes to company or sanook it certainly doesn't matter gay or straight, as it is down to the personality of the person... and although over-camp/girly displays are not my favourite... I certainly don't get embarassed when out in Pattaya if someone like that is in my company...

On the drugs question....I have stated before that I think many farang would be surprised just how many boys are on 'something' ......I think it is easier to tell if boys who are on yaba and harder drugs.... as some of the signs are just too obvious... on the other hand I think if a boy is on something like ganja/dope or milder happy-feeling enducing pills... it would be very difficult to know if they were on anything. So I am cautious about stating if a boy is definitely NOT on anything as x in pattaya feels confident to state. On the softer drugs it is not down to the cost... If you talk to the boys and and build up an understanding they will tell more and you will find that although the yaba and harder drugs are quite expensive for a boy making a living in the bars, softer drugs such as ganja are very cheap about bt150 per bag from info given to me.... which will produce a good few spliffs and cost easily shared etc....

Personally if I know for sure a boy is on yaba or the likes i will drop him like a stone.....with softer drugs and hard to tell I would probably give benefit of doubt but I would certainly, never, under any circumstances use ANY type of drug myself whilst in Thailand. It would just not be worth the hassle/repercussions especially when I find myself in a happy enough state just simply by being in Thailand for a holiday and I find alchohol is enough to 'get me going' if i need a lift.

[Impulse]

I was in los for 3 weeks about 10 days ago and ran the gaumet of different type boys. I tend to like the beer bars as the boys there are usually gay and dont mind staying overnight,unlike go go boys. I spent most time with a fem gay boy from a beer bar as i liked his company.He was versatile and topped me once,I didnt mind since he wasnt very big in size. Then one night I had a ladyboy from a beer bar.He was 27.a little older than I like,but was very good in bed and at least pretended to enjoy me topping him. And I went to the only upstairs gogo joint in sunee and watched a bored guy playing with his cell phone.Well,he had a nice body so I had a drink with him and took him back to my place.He was just as bored acting as in the bar,when I asked him if I could top him he said "up to you".Well I believe him when he said I was first falang he was with,I enjoyed topping him but he was in obvious pain.After it was over he kissed me and seemed relieved it was over. He said he was straight and it really hit me that this guy would go thru this act just for money. I tipped him well and the next time I went to his gogo joint,he lit up when he saw me and came over to e rubbing my arm. What an attitude change a good tip will do. I had greAt sex again,unfortunatly my last night there.i would see him again,dont care if hes straight or not.He asked me to go to his home town with him. That would be pushing it obviously as he is straight. Im more fussy about the boys looks than his sexuality when it comes down to it.