Allowance for thai bf

Hi, my first post. Firstly great board~I arrived in Bangkok a few months ago and have been a background 'lurker' reading here since then.

My issue is whether, and how much, to give a thai bf as an allowance. I think an allowance is warranted, as he is a student, and I'm on an expat salary, but I don't know how much is appropriate.

A bit of background:

I'm an expat , early 30s, posted here for 3 years. He's 20, lao, has had farangs before but never a barboy, although he admits that it has tempted him. Does have a part-time job, but with negigible monthly income. I like him and want to see where things go, he's the same.We've been dating for 2 months, and I've given him some money during that time, basically because I think I ought to due to the income differential. He's never asked mefor $$ before but probably would have, direclty or indirectly, if I hadn't given him 'tuk tuk money'. But now i think we are in a position to formalise things a bit more.

I have come up with the following budget:

4000B - living allowance , transport, food etc He won't move in with me, I'm keen for him to keep his own place for the time being. Rent for that is included. This tops up his part-time earnings
3000B - Parent. They're from Laos and could probably do with the extra cash. This lets him fulfil his filial responsibility and avoids demands on me down the track.
4000B - education. Is this a lot? I have no idea how much college costs here and haven't asked him yet. I think education is worthwhile and am happy to (partially) fund it while we are together.
8000B - his 'extra money'. A mix of a savings account, money for gifts from me, money for his family's medical expenses, extra money for college fees, basically anything he wants. If we break up and he hasn't used it I'll give this to him in a bulk sum.

19,000B Total, per month, on toip of what he brings in (4000B).

My question - Is this way too much? am i being too generous? Too stingy?

Any advice relating to this issue would be appreciated.

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[allieb]

He won't move in with me,

Perhaps he wouldn't be able to have other punters if he did.

Wake up!!! if he doesn't want to move in with you the he dosen't deserve anything like what you ar proposing.

Clarification:

I miswrote - He would move in with me but, based on past relationships (admittedly back home),i think its best to wait 6 months or so before taking this step.

[allieb]

Don't base Thais on relationships back home. If you really like him move in together now and see what happens. Don't wait he may get a better offer

His education was funded through part-time earnings and his brother's contribution - his brother works in a guesthouse in Luang Prabang. And he (bf) studies part-time so I guess that halves his college costs .

Agree completely with the last point - no relationship will work if its purely transactional. All the money and the best looks won't sustain anything long term. And I haven't given him much, nor has he asked, over the last couple of months, but now that we're comfortable with each other I'd like to help him out a bit ease the penny-pinching he does.

Thanks for putting what I'd proposed into perspective by the comparison with starting rates for college grads.

If you're looking for a handsome handbag I think 19000 Baht per month is not unreasonable. If you're looking for a boyfriend, you're on the wrong track all together.

My Singapore Chinese bf spends more than 19,000 baht per month on cologne.

19,000 THB! If you can afford that and think it's fair then give it to him and see what happens, don't ask us.

I had a secretary working in my office in Bangkok with a degree and very competent who was paid just over 8,000 a month. She kept her mother going and funded her various brothers expenses out of all that. We would have paid more but the Thai management insisted wages were kept in line with what similar companies paid in Bangkok. In fact we actually paid her more as 6000 was a more common salary.

Believe what you read here if he's not living with you and you give him 19,000 a month he's gonna be one rich guy about town, and it wont be long before he's asking for more.

Good luck.

Point taken - consensus does seem to be that its a bit high

Do others give an allowance to their bf? It seems natural to me to want to 'help out'.

The way I read your budget was that you would be keeping and handling the 8000 baht for savings and emergency expenses which would bring the total you actually give him down to 11000 baht. That seems more than resonable as he would continue to work some and go to school. I would also watch for the signs of his involvment with other farangs. Once they know how to play the game they become very good at it.