Lets hear the experts suggestions on how to shed a Thai guy whos not fitting the bill and allowing both parties to keep face.
Does cash make it easier or cause more problems.
Lets hear the experts suggestions on how to shed a Thai guy whos not fitting the bill and allowing both parties to keep face.
Does cash make it easier or cause more problems.
More information would help.
Is the Thai guy a new boyfriend or a guy you've been with for a long time?
Do you class him as a 'boyfriend' or an occasional off from a gogo bar?
What does he think he is to you, and how deeply does he believe the connection is?
Knowing more details of the situation would help folks answer your question.
Bottom line for saving face is be sure the the Big Discussion is done completely in private, and never say a single word about any aspect of it to his friends (if you are acquainted with them)." ... how to shed a Thai guy whos not fitting the bill and allowing both parties to keep face ... "
If he wants to spread the word around later, fine ... just be sure you don't do it. If the relationship has been a long one then without question some 'face' will be lost, but you must try and do your part to limit the damage.
On the other hand, if the guy has been "in the business" for a reasonable length of time he'll more than likely shrug his shoulders an go blithely on to greener farangs. God knows the grass grows thick in Pattaya.
IMHO only ...
Cheers ...
Just another reason why I love living in Thailand
Ok thanks smiles - heres some info.
hes not a bar guy - hes just graduated from university and works at a top Bkk hotel. He does like dancing a lot and going to regular gay scene.
Been seeing him for just over a year - he has become very intense and emails me daily - i had to order him to stop phoning , as he would call when i was at work and at 3am morning etc. I explained UK is not same same thailand , people go to bed around midnight and personal calls at work arent always appreciated.
hes cute enough and never ever asks for money but he snores like you wouldnt believe. he also doesnt understand why i dont like him bringing 3 friends when we go out. he will drink to try please me but fall over after 2 bacardi breezers. he will do anything i want sex wise - but hes obviously not too experienced. His english is a little below average i would say.
As a friend hes perfect - but i just dont have that "special" feeling for him.
I really dont want to hurt him - hes never done anything bad to me.
Do thais have a way to lose a BF but keep a friend?
I think they do, but it will cost you some baht.Originally Posted by Oogleman
Ofcourse I go with other Falang, it's my job, but you are the only one I love :)
... you want to be a butterfly. They all know what that means
"Tell him... you want to be a butterfly. They all know what that means"
Agree. I usually make that the case up front. Some just don't believe you and will try all their charms but most will accept it and either accept the relationship as is or move on.
Oogleman...
First and foremost, I'm in the middle separation phase of a relationship right now and haven't got the foggiest clue how to handle it. So any attempts on my part to offer you advise should be taken with a grain of salt.
I'm assuming that you don't reside in LOS and probably visit a few times each year. You stated that you've known him for a year now, so I guess you're saying that you met your friend during one of your last holidays, had a fling, and now this connection is made. If that's the case, why don't you just be open and honest with him about your feelings and part ways. Thai's have an uncanny ability to be able to accept the truth. We (farangs) commonly get in trouble when we forget that.
If he's a university graduate, and you're his senior by a few years (I'll be conservation there...LOL), you should be able to communicate honestly, even if the words are a bit painful. I think you're fortunate to have met a guy like this...it's a shame he doesn't light your fuse. A cute Thai guy who's good in the sack and never asks for money is a diamond in the rough, although, I think I understand where you're coming from.
I also embarked on a mini relationship with a university guy a year or so ago. He was (is) a real darling. He reads, writes and speaks fluent English, has a great sense of humor, can define the differences between Buddhism and Christianity like a scholar, never asked for money (directly anyway), and routinely reached a climax while in the bottom position. NOW THAT'S A RARE FIND. The only problem was, the chemistry simply wasn't there. After about 4-1/2 weeks of traveling around LOS together the mismatch in our chemistry as lovers became more apparent. I was so fortunate to have found a true friend, and someone I would always want to stay connected to, but that magic just wasn't going to happen. We talked very openly about our feelings and plans for the future, and by the time the discussion was over our feelings were understood. Sad, yes. But we allowed each other the privilege of remaining friends with no lose of face for either party. . BTW...Thais don't' lose face because of a breakup, regardless if they're gay or str8. They only lose face when they are lied to...and fall to that deceit.
If you communicate your feelings to him openly and sincerely, he'll respect you more than you could imagine...and nobody loses face.
Good Luck.
Dodger - you are almost spot on with all u said.
Its not wanting to be a butterfly............its wanting to feel something special.
the loss of face would come on his side - as he takes great delight in showing me off to all his friends and family as much as he can.
I hope he can accept the friendship part - i do enjoy dancing with him and his friends are a good crowd.
The problem is all inside your head she said to mehow to shed a Thai guy whos not fitting the bill
The answer is easy if you take it logically
IтАЩd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
http://www.wbr.com/paulsimon/lyrics/50w ... leave.html
bkkguy
I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days!
Oogey, I might be wrong here but I have a sense from what you've written that this guy may actually be genuinely in love with you, and you may be very special to him. The constant phone calls and emails tells me that he may be feeling insecure about the permanence of your commitment to him - i.e., that on some level he already realises that you don't feel for him in quite the same way that he feels for you and the realisation of that leads to feelings of insecurity (does he get jealous when you're around other guys at all?). He needs you, perhaps you can't cope with that, or maybe you're just commitment shy? It's just a thought. And then maybe as you have said, the chemistry that renders a lingering need for him just sadly isn't there.
You know I think that there are quite a number of young Thai men who are genuinely looking for a long-term loving relationship with a farang. For some it's not all about screwing the farang out of as much cash as they can to put petrol in the tank of the families dead buffalo when Momma is sick and she can't pay for the loom that houses diabetic grandpa who needs an operation. Some I think actually do fall in love and really want to as well. Oogey, coo che coo che cooo, somebody loves you baby!
Look why do you want to break up right away? You're in the UK and he's in Thailand, right? So what's the big deal? He's not going to turn up on your doorstep is he? You can if you want to easily get away from him, right? So why rush and break a young man's heart?
My advice for what's it worth is twofold.
1. From now on don't do anything that encourages him to believe that he is in a long term relationship with you. Let it cool, slowly, but let it cool. Miss a phone call here, delay an email there. Don't talk about plans of bringing him to the UK, don't send money to pay for the sick motorcycle. Just let him go quietly, but do it, and gently.
2. Encourage him to go out and meet other boys around his own age. Tell him you think he should have a Thai boyfriend. Tell him you think this would be more appropriate than to have a relationship with you who lives so far away and who is so desperately horribly old. When will you next get back to Thailand? Maybe never? Who knows? You get my drift. There is no future in a relationship with you. Encourage him to find happiness elsewhere. Don't discuss with him about going back to Thailand, even for a holiday. If he says he feels that you are drifting away from him, just say yes you feel it too. Tell him you don't think a long distance relationship is going to work for you, it's not what you want.
Don't just be another stinky cheap white-trash talking gay farang of little to no class who just crushes these young men's feelings through boorish and self-centered bahaviour. Finish your relationship with him with a bit of dignity, for both you and him. I know you've got it in you to do that, that's why you were thoughtful enough to post this thread in the first place. Good luck.
JESUS LOVES YOU, yes, even you nancies
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