Never expect anything in return.

[cdnmatt]

One of the biggest things farangs will encounter is the frustration of their helpfulness / kindness not being returned in kind. They will give, but then get frustrated when the receiving person doesn't seem to give a shit, and kindly goes on with their life as if nothing happened.

If you settle in to Thailand though, you will realize, this is just the way things are done here. You will notice as long as you're a decent individual, many people will do you favors for no reason. Small favors, but nonetheless, they go out of their way for you. If you ever try to repay them instantly for their kindness, there's a good chance they will be offended, and completely refuse. However, if later on in the future you decide to do them a favor, they will humbly accept it, and thank you for it.

It's just the way things work here. You help people because you have a good heart, and want to reach Nirvana, basically. Accepting a return on that helps defeat the purpose, hence most Thais will get offended if you offer instant reprisal. Instead, you humbly take what's given to you, help where you can, but never expect anything in return. That's just the way it works here, so when you help someone and think to yourself, "what an unappreciative asshole!", then that's why.

This is also how you can tell someone is genuinely Buddhist. Offer them help, and if you can tell they feel disrespected by the offer, then that helps let you know they're genuine.

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[francois]

This is also how you can tell someone is genuinely Buddhist. Offer them help, and if you can tell they feel disrespected by the offer, then that helps let you know they're genuine.

I do know one Thai who is genuinely Buddhist but he is never too Buddhist to accept any $help$ I give him.

[cdnmatt]

Does he bitch, plead, beg, and make up excuses as to why he needs it? Or just gratiously accepts it?

[francois]

He graciously asks and graciously accepts and never rejects. Also prays to Buddha that I will have a long and prosperous life.

[fountainhall]

One of the biggest things farangs will encounter is the frustration of their helpfulness / kindness not being returned in kind

Do you reckon this is one reason why I rarely get any kind of thank you when I hold open a door for a Thai? He/she will merely walk through without even a nod of gratitude. Equally, though, it generally happens that no Thai having entered a coffeeshop, say, will hold open a door for me. They will generally allow it to close even though they know perfectly well I am just a couple of steps behind them. This seems to me to imply a simple lack of courtesy and basic manners. Is it really a result of their feeling disrespected? I do find that a bit hard to believe even though I have lived here for years.

[bobsaigon2]

Going from Lack of Gratitude to Door Holding: It's the same here in Vietnam. Vietnamese and the numerous Koreans where I live seldom bother to notice that someone is approaching the door behind them, and seldom offer any acknowledgment when I hold the door open for them. Is it because taking notice will somehow interrupt their anonymity or make the brief encounter too personal and oblige them in some way? Haven't got a clue. One Vietnamese told me that traditionally, thanks are not offered. Rather, the recipient will look for some way in future to repay a favor.

[cdnmatt]

Do you reckon this is one reason why I rarely get any kind of thank you when I hold open a door for a Thai? He/she will merely walk through without even a nod of gratitude.

That would be the Thai social class system at work. Holding doors open is for security guards, and that profession is viewed at about the same level as a rice farmer, meaning bottom of the barrel. They don't show common courtesy because they're raised not to, as they're above that level.

I don't agree with it either, but hey, that's how it works here. I still hold the door open for people, but well, that's because I'm Canadian. Nobody ever holds the door open for me. Actually, some people do, but they're generally always kids, because as it turns out, many kids haven't learned how to be assholes like adults yet.

[bkkguy]

This is also how you can tell someone is genuinely Buddhist. Offer them help, and if you can tell they feel disrespected by the offer, then that helps let you know they're genuine.

so Buddhist monks on their morning rounds all around the country feel disrespected when people offer them help, for example food? or are they all just not "genuine"?

and a "genuine" Buddhist rice farmer would feel disrespected if others in the village offered to help him with his rice harvest because he has no family members to do so?

I often wonder which of the Lord Buddha's teachings Thai friends have been reading before they go to the temple to get lucky numbers for the lottery or get the monks to come and bless their new Mercedes at an auspicious time, and I would be equally as interested in what you have been reading or who you have been dealing with to come up with this observation!

bkkguy

[cdnmatt]

Oh fuck, let me rephrase it then. "If you're presumptious due to your perceived higher social standing upon offering help, and they feel disrespected by the offer, then that helps you know they're genuine".

You know full well what I meant, so don't be a prick about it.

Anyone here who is a genuine person will not accept a handout. They will accept favors, but at the same time, they will always do you favors without questioning it, simply to be a good person and Buddhist.

Obviously, this little rule doesn't apply to monks. We're expected to help them, as it just so happens, they're the glue that holds this entire society together.

[latintopxxx]

class system in Thailand is very strong, which is why u only confuse the MB when u treat him as an equal.....even I figured this out ages ago and have had lotsa fun over the years.