After reading the post entitled: тАЬBOYFRIEND OR BOY FOR RENTтАЭ I found myself daydreaming a bit and asking myself what the proper names for us farangs would be based on a working boyтАЩs perspective.

Based on the nature of the responses in the BOYFRIEND OR BOY FOR RENT post, it appears that the many of you agree that a farang should refer to these boys as either Rent Boys or HoтАЩs, or more specifically, as Prostitutes or Whores. Some of you also seem to get annoyed when a farang (like me) uses the term Boyfriend in place of one of these more logical and intellectual characterizations.

I wish I had a better command of the Thai language, as it would be more fun to be able to list the different names (or characterizations) the Thai boys have for us, but I guess IтАЩll just have to improvise. They also give us names (and characterizations) by the use of body language, hand signals and a myriad of different smile types, which makes this task a bit more difficult, but here goes:

THE SHORT TIME HARRY
The farang who bounces from bar-to-bar and-boy-to-boy like a mechanical wind-up doll. HeтАЩs OK for a one time hit and a decent tip, but donтАЩt even bother telling him your name because heтАЩs only interested in your number. If you comb your hair differently and wear a different style of under pants on the stage the next night, you may just fool him into thinking youтАЩre someone else and get lucky for a second off. Not likely, but itтАЩs worth a chance.

THE SLEEPING BUFFALO
The farang who asks the mamasan a million questions about your sexual identity and the services you will provide, then gets you home and doesnтАЩt have the stamina to pull his own zipper down. If youтАЩre lucky, he may even fall asleep before heтАЩs completely disrobed. Usually a decent tipper, but pull those grey hairs of your teeth before you return to the bar.

THE WANDERING CASSANOVA
The farang who thinks heтАЩs a sexual magnet on the same level as Brad Pitt when he stumbles into the bar. HeтАЩs an easy target because he truly believes that you are turned on by him and usually responds to all this attention by leaving big tips. Be careful though, because this is the guy who likes to pull your cock out in front of everybody as a show of his sexual prowess. Easy to spot, because he wanders around the dusty sois of Sunee Plaza draped in gold and diamond decorations and a skin tight silk shirt appearing as if he just left a Liberace concert.

THE DRUNKEN NAZI
The farang who spends his afternoons fondling 9 y/o boys in the back alleys, and then stumbles around drunk at night wearing filthy clothes and smelling like the back end of an elephant. DonтАЩt even bother taking a shower when youтАЩre with one of these clowns, just brace yourself for a long night. This guy is going to blame you for stealing his watch when he sobers up the next morning, so you may as well just take the dam thing anyway. These guys are also terrible tippers, and will sometimes try to stiff you all together, so ask him up front how much heтАЩs going to pay you. Just hold your nose tightly and remember, youтАЩre doing this for momma.

THE COUNTRY GENTLEMAN
The farang who acts very jaidee, dresses neatly, and conducts himself in a polite and conservative manner. This farangтАЩs a good bet because he tips over-the-average, doesnтАЩt expect too much in the sack, and may even buy you a new mobile before he leaves town. He doesnтАЩt have the desire or staying power to stay up late at night, so itтАЩs a safe bet that youтАЩll have his tip money in your pocket and be off to the karaoke while itтАЩs still early.

THE KINKY KOYOTE
The farang who appears as normal as the guy next door, but once the door to the room is closed, he transitions into a fucking lunatic. This farang is a real bottom-dweller and somehow escaped the clutches of his psychiatrist to make the trip to LOS to unleash his sick and perverse acts on anyone in his path. It doesnтАЩt matter how much he tips, itтАЩs not worth itтАжnot even for momma.

END OF LIST

Well, I guess I could keep this up all night, but IтАЩm starting to get drowsy.

Yes, the boys read us just like we read them, and tag us with these types of names and characterizations without us even knowing it. I guess the reason they donтАЩt call us by these names is to avoid offending us. Even after a long night of entertaining the Sleeping Buffalos and dodging the Kinky Koyotes, they just resign themselves to giving us a polite wai and a friendly smile as they make their way to the noodle stand for a bite to eat.

My boyfriend spent 2 ┬╜ years earning a living in the cesspool of characters I just described and has earned my deepest respect for having endured it. You can refer to him as a Rent Boy, a Ho, a Prostitute or a Whore all you want, but it may be a good idea not to do it in front of me.

Mai pen rai

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