Latest on my HIV+ boyfriend

I've not posted an update recently on the progress of my HIV+ boyfriend. I'll be spending Christmas and the New Year with him so will have a clearer idea of how he's doing fairly soon. Unfortunately two of his friends have died recently. Both from the effects of AIDS and this has obviously upset him. One of them was a close friend who had been abandoned by his family and who died alone in a Bangkok hospital. My boyfriend couldn't get there in time from Ratchaburi but travelled later for a Buddhist ceremony and was the only person there. He was in his early thirties and it's so sad to think of him being so alone. I had hoped to meet him on my forthcoming trip but it was not to be. The other friend was much older and his family had kept in touch with him and my boyfriend visited them after his death.

My boyfriend has a recurrent stomach problem but manages to stay positive and rarely misses his College course. His CD4 count remains stubbornly low which is a worry and he has little energy and gets tired very easily. But he remains positive about eventually getting a job and supporting himself again. His biggest ambition at the moment is to persuade his doctor that he's well enough to extend his time between appointments from three to four weeks. He finds the journeys to Bangkok very tiring and hates missing his college and also has to lie about why he has time off.

He gets depressed occasionally and will cry when I talk to him on the phone but most of the time he's remarkably optimistic and always planning something new for the future.

I'm looking forward to seeing him at the Airport soon and giving him a very big hug.

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[bao-bao]

None of us know how much time we have left. It's one of the most sobering thoughts on the menu, if you come right down to it. When you add to it the multitude of possibilities due to strains of the HIV virus, drugs available (or unavailable) and each person's own constitution it's a rigged crap shoot, at best.

If there's any comfort to it, though, the Buddhist Thai have a far more logical and peaceful mindset about death than we media-infused Westerners. "When it's my time, it's my time" and "On to the next and away we go" makes one hell of a lot more sense than the great wailing and gnashing of teeth you hear amongst the terminally ill here, and I include many who are near and dear to me in both places.

It always sounds to me from your posts that your friend has the right attitude: keep pushing forward and do what you can do within the limits of your own situation, and I salute his courage and determination. The folks I've known who have told the doctors "Hey, I'll let you know when I'm finished" have lasted far longer than those who've just given up, lay down and given in.

It's always a bit disconcerting to read your updates, Jon - it shakes my faith in the overall compassion and kindness of mankind somewhat when I hear how your friend and stricken others are treated over there - but I suppose it gets filed under "Ignorance" as do most other woes of the world.

My wish for him is that each person who finds out about his illness becomes an ally for him in his battle to live.

Safe trip to you, keep us posted.

[marc11864-old]

From someone else who is in combat with HIV and all it's associated issues and predjudices both in the U.S. and in Thailand, it's so wonderful to know that there are good people out there who have an understanding that the quality of our relationships is most important.

I wish your bf was closer to BKK as that is where I am now so that I could meet him, hug him and show him that he still has much to look forward too if he continues to be positive in his outlook about his life with HIV. It is managable no matter where you are. And it is people like you, my Wit, bao-bao and others who help to make lifes journey such a joy no matter the circumstances.

Marc

And just in case anyone thinks HIV prejudice is only a Thai thing.. just take a look at the listings in Gay.com, Gayromeo etc. and notice all most all the positings saying "HIV-" only please". They won't even consider dating someone HIV-. And whats a common question first asked when chatting with someone new? "Are you CLEAN?" Now if that is not a question with a built in prejudice, what is?. As if to imply that HIV+ people are "Unclean" ie Lepers. They don't even have the balls to ask "are you positive". I have many Poz friends and one friend of mine always answers "Yes, I take a shower every day!" LOL

oh.. and before you ask.. I have been in a sero-opposite relationship before. I judge the person.. not his viral load.

[Bob]

Best wishes, Khun Jon, to you and your friend.

However, there is something that bothers me with One2Go's comments. While I can fully appreciate treating everyone with dignity and compassion including anyone that is HIV+, his comments suggest that someone would be prejudicial (somehow wrong) if that person chose not to have sex with a person he knew was HIV+? Well, if that's the gist of your implication,
One2Go, I fully admit I'm your target as I would intentionally avoid having sex with somebody I knew was HIV+. It seems to me to be the only safe thing for me to do. I choose not to take that risk and doing so doesn't make me either unfair or prejudiced in my eyes.

And, while I agree that one shouldn't "judge" a person's viral load, I certainly wouldn't ignore it with respect to how that alters my choice as to what sexual activity I would or wouldn't have with that person.

If I'm misreading what you are expressly or impliedly saying there, One2Go, then please ignore my comments.

If you frequent boy bars or gay saunas, you're having sex with HIV+ people ALL THE TIME. Probably one out of every four encounters or more. So why bother avoiding having sex with someone you know to be HIV+? With the certainty of his status, you would probably be SAFER in what you do with him than with those HIV+ boys you unknowingly fool around with every week.

Think about it.

[bucknaway]

In the USA it is said that on a frozen pizza there are roach legs, spider eggs, rat and mice droppings and other unsavory things but we still eat frozen pizza but never would we eat a pizza that listed roach legs, spider eggs and rat droppings as the advertised ingredients.

If you frequent boy bars or gay saunas, you're having sex with HIV+ people ALL THE TIME. Probably one out of every four encounters or more. So why bother avoiding having sex with someone you know to be HIV+? With the certainty of his status, you would probably be SAFER in what you do with him than with those HIV+ boys you unknowingly fool around with every week.

Think about it.

[allieb]

BOB Buddy,my old mate,my old friend i agree with you.
You need to accept this now,he s going to go.Maybe you wont believe it,but you need to accept he s dying.Stand by him,maybe even ask him if the doctor has told him,maybe he s keeping this from you,so you wont be upset.
I dont know what medication Majic Johnston is on,but eventually he will also succumb to this disease.As did all the others.

I disagree with what is said above by wx40afp. I'm sure that Jon thinks all the time about his boyfriends situation and he has the right attitude about the whole affair. First of all never lie down and give up. I had a friend in the UK who had HIV for 20 years. In year 10 his blood count went down to 150. He went on a drug regime and was almost given up for dead when it suddenly came back up again. He slowly recovered over 2 years and his blood level went up to 800. At this point he was 63 years old. He died last year of old age. The moral of this story is NEVER GIVE UP.

keep going Jon and when you get to LOS later this month see your boys doctor, maybe there is another treatment available which has not been offered due to cost. I'm sure that you will sort it out and get him on the best treatment available. Meanwhile all the best.

[b]I'm sure that you will sort it out and get him on the best treatment available.

Well said, as long as there is hope and the will to live one can, on the right treatment survive a longtime. In fact most professional HIV doctors are now committing themselves to the notion that most positive people will in fact die of old age or a related illness rather than a HIV induced early death.

Keep your chin up Jon and give your friend a big hug from us all.

Sorry WX40AFP but you are full of it! The medications offered now certainly do not promise eternity but the majority of those on the drugs are remaining healthy. One of these days they will find a cure or drug that will work better against the virus. The whole point is to stay healthy as long as one can and have a decent quality of life. Some of the problems with HIV in Thailand is that the boys do not get tested regularly and it is when they come down with serious health problems that it is found they have HIV. For some it is too late but for others they recover, get the CD4 count up and go one with their lives.

As far as hooking up with an HIV+ person, most of us would not go there. Let's face it, I don't intentionally do a lot of things that might bring harm to me. That being said, 4 out of the last 5 bf's ended up with HIV (one died). That did not stop me from continuing to see them and have sex with them. Just so happened they seemed to come down with some illnesses during the time I was with them. Fortunately, I always play safe. The breakups were because of non-HIV related matters. In one case I have continued to pay for the meds he needs to stay healthy. Small price to pay to keep someone I care about healthy. People like Dr Philippe in Pattaya are doing everything they can and each and everyone of us should be doing what we can to give encouragement where we can to those that maybe depressed because of their status. BG is correct in that 1 in 4 is probably HIV + and those odds are not stopping people from having sex, are they? For me its 4 in 5 that I have had more than just casual sex. Who knows how often I have been potentially exposed to HIV? Somewhat of a sobering thought when you think about it. That's not something I would knowingly walk into but it happened and believe me if nothing else it has taught me to play safe.

Kun Jon, Please keep us up to date on your bf's condition. I know it must be extremely difficult for you not being there to give him the support he needs. These guys need to know that someone cares about them. The idea that a family would abandon thier son and let him die alone in a hospital is so repugnant to me that I would like to see them taken out and whipped. Thankfully your bf is not in that position. All my best to you and your friend. I do know what you are going thru as I am sorry to say I have been there. So good luck and give your friend a hug for me. There are lots of people who really do care as can be seen by some of the posts here.