Asians and emotions?

[cdnmatt]

Anyone else bang their head against the wall when trying to get Thais (or SE Asians in general) to express their emotions and thoughts? After all these years, I still don't really get it -- what's stopping them from opening up more? Even when it comes to communicating with their own family you can see this. If you don't believe me, just grab any random Thai bar boy in Pattaya, head off to his village in Issan, and observe the communication. It'll be almost as if they're not family, but just passing friends / acquantancies.

Does this ever get under anyone else's skin? I mean, if you love someone, you want to get into their mind, know what makes them tick, what makes them happy, sad, angry, etc. Most times you just get stonewalled though, then when you get frustrated, they get confused and hurt, as if they think you're angry, but don't know why. Anyone else in the same boat?

I guess just live life by the day, and as long as today is a good day, nothing else matters? That's the best I can figure.

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[oldfarang]

You want Asian emotions?
Get them drinking, make them angry, but before you do that, make sure you know where all the exits are and run.

[fountainhall]

Anyone else bang their head against the wall when trying to get Thais (or SE Asians in general) to express their emotions and thoughts? After all these years, I still don't really get it -- what's stopping them from opening up more?

Waste of time banging your head against a wall since it will achieve nothing but a sore head! The fact is that there are traditions and customs in Asia which are totally different from those in the west. The Japanese have traditionally lived on top of each other in homes with interior walls made of wood and paper. Of course Japanese knew what everyone else in their neighbourhood was doing, but at the same time they were brought up not to know. They knew, but did not know. They saw, but did not see. The heard, but did not hear. Even though many now live in impersonal cities, the centuries-old traditions and customs remain. Keep an eye open on the subway and you see many guys - teenagers, the elderly and all ages in-between - reading highly pornographic manga. All the other passengers know what they are doing. But then again, they "don't know".

Thailand has its own customs. I've been visiting and living in Thailand a lot longer than you - and I still have little clue what is going on in a Thai's mind. Thai logic is just so totally different from western logic. The moment I think I have got some insight, it's then I realise I'm still in the dark. Rarely expressing emotions and thoughts is part and parcel of being Thai. "Mai pen rai" and "you decide" are just two common expressions of the vagueness that makes some farang a bit mad! As are the little white lies told by guys who, when you first meet them, say they hate liars!

A couple of years ago I was rounded on by a few posters when I reported on the concerns I had seen expressed on the faces of many Thais waiting for a Skytrain at Saladaeng as they witnessed two youngish falang guys deep-throat kissing body-to-body for around 30 seconds. One poster said as a major international city it was time people in Bangkok learned that tourists are different and not to bother about it. One critic had actually lived here. But those critics completely failed to accept that many ordinary Thais are in fact deeply offended by such open expressions of love/lust - because that is the culture and that is the feeling bred in them from birth. Not all Thais, of course. But most.

[Oliver]

Thinking about my twelve years with P. I come to the conclusion that the only time he makes a choice or expresses a preference is when he responds firmly to my question as to where we should eat that night in Pattaya. He always has an opinion about this.
However, a bigger decision, most frequently as to where we shall go for our next holiday is usually left to me; "I not sure". "What you like?" I end up trying to read his mind. Unsuccessfully.

[latintopxxx]

Thai Mb are masters of being there in body...but most definitely elsewhere where face is concerned.

[cdnmatt]

Wow fountainhill, you went and covered multiple aspects of society here in that post.

I know what you mean by the they "know" but "don't know" thing, and I actually quite like that. I'm single and work from home, so it's comforting for me. I know loads of people around here, and probably even more know me. I know their all good people, and they know I'm a good guy, so it creates a comfort zone in life that I wouldn't have in the West. At the same time, as long as I act and dress respectfully, I can basically do whatever the hell I want, and nobody is going to bat an eye-lid. For example, when they see me nicely showered & dressed, and walking by at 10pm with my tablet in hand, I'm sure they know full well I'm heading to the curtain motel, but at the same time they "don't know".

It's a communal society, so inclusion is much more important than division. Here, it's much more of the mindset of "it takes a village to raise a child", which I honestly think is better than the West. For example, here, there's no shortage of women willing to chastize a random kid on the street for misbehaving, and it's completely acceptable. If a random stranger chastized your child in the West, good chance the mom would be fuming and yelling at the stranger, "don't you lecture my child!", whereas here it's more, "god damnit Somchai, quit being a little shit when you're out playing, and quit pissing off the neighbors!".

Point is, in Asia, our similarties matter more than our differences, and thanks mainly to the media, nowadays it seems to be the opposite in the West.

And yeah, agreed, Thailand is actually a very conservative society. I still somewhat cringe when I hear farangs say, "oh, but Thailand is very open sexual society". No, actually it's not. They don't even shake hands, let alone deep throat in public.

[francois]

For example, when they see me nicely showered.......

Wow! Do they see you nicely showered before or after you are dressed?

[cdnmatt]

No, I think they manage to figure it out when they can't smell the BO as I walk past.

[cdnmatt]

BTW... you live in Thailand, right? You don't have different sets of clothes for different occasions?

It's +40C out during the day. Get fucked if you think I'm wandering around in a nice heavy shirt and jeans all the time.