I am visiting my BF's family in their home for the first time this May. Seeking advice on etiquette and do's and don'ts. Do I take gifts, money, pay for meals, honour mother and father etc. Should I expect him to stay with me in hotel? Any advice greatly received. :alc:
I'm assuming you're just going to some hole-in-the-mud piss ant village filled with drunk rice farmers? If so, wouldn't worry too much about anything. Expect to pay for everything, and other than that, you're welcome to do as you please. Nobody is going to say anything, and etiquette isn't as big of a deal as you'd naturally think.
Think of it as going camping with some friends, except you're paying for everyone. Relax with that type of "camping attitude", be yourself, don't worry about anything, and all will be well.
Matt said it perfectly. Don't worry about learning any new forms of social niceties. Assuming you are a polite guy to begin with, and you smile a lot, all will go well. Even if you make a faux pas, they will just attribute it to behaviour that is acceptable among farang. You won't have to bring any little dinner invitation cards to distribute. Just bring enough cash/ATM/creditcard to pay for everything - meals, parties, outings, shopping excursions to the nearest Tesco - and after you've paid for everything, don't be surprised if family has need of a special amount for any one of a hundred reasons. To be nice about it, put your parting cash gift in an envelope.
Also donтАЩt be surprised if it is made known to you that Mom would agree to accept a gift of gold jewelry, maybe one bahtтАЩs worth.
They will simply view you as a source of income, and as such, of course you and BF will be sharing the same bed in the hotel, otherwise, they will think, why is farang spending all this money on us if our son is not sleeping with him?
Well our posters seem a bit cynical but I am sorry but they are correct, that's just the way it goes here in Thailand. No matter how much you give while you are there with the family, there is always room to leave more. Usually like in the case of my b/f they live in the woods in a shack and you won't want to stay there, there isn't enough room anyway so book that hotel before you go. Take only the amount of money you want to leave with them or spend or better yet, just mail it and stay where you aready are! :3some:
Over the years, I have meet several BF families. I can think of 4 different ones and each time a little different but basically
as Matt says. Twice we went to a Tesco and another time to the large village market. Each time, lots of friends, neighbors
and others come to eat and drink beer and see the farang..
On one occassion a neighbor lady propositioned me and was quite suggestive but all in fun and lots of laughter.
My advise would be to limit the visit to one day/night. Should the relationship continue with the BF, there will be more
meetings and if you take a 2 bedroom condo/house you will see more of the family that you can imagine. EVen a smaller
apartment, if you are a good sport.
It is an experience and you will see the "real" Thailand. Don't expect any conversation and in all probability you will be much
older than the BF's father and mother. Fortunately, age is respected as is being a farang..
Just so people don't trash me for being a dick towards Issan peasants, let me clarify a bit. Whenever I have to explain life in a village to people back home, I always use the camping analogy. At least up where I was raised, camping is/was huge, so it's the best way I can describe life in an Issan village. Think of being born and raised in a campground. I don't mean that in a condescending way, but that's just the reality of it.
Think of the times you were camping. In the morning you wake up, wander out a few feet into the bush for your morning piss, if you stink or smell of smoke it's not that big of a deal, having decent refrigeration is considered a luxury, your meals are cooked over an open fire, etc. When you're bored, you just head out and see what everyone else is up to, stopping in on the way to whoever's house. Same as when you're camping... you just go for a walk around the other campsites and say hi to the other campers.
It's that type of lifestyle, but instead of just a weekend trip, they do it from when they're born. So again, wouldn't worry about trying to be polite or respectful or anything of that nature. From my experience, it will 100% fall on deaf ears, and just leave you feeling let down due to the effort you put in. Instead, just relax, hang out, and enjoy the party. Treat it as a place you can relax, scratch your balls in public, and do whatever you want.
Then only other thing is, expect to pay for everything. And make sure YOU draw the lines as to what's financially feasible and what isn't, because nobody out there is going to do it for you. Nobody is going to say, "geez, we already spent 16,000 baht of his money, shouldn't we maybe hold back a bit?". That's just not going to happen, and it's up to you to draw the lines. For a bunch of poverty stricken peasants, you'd be surprised at how much money they can blow through if given the opportunity.
I remember the first time i met my bf's familly i was a bit worried, if i'd be apcepted....my bf kept saying dont worry they will like you....and he was right ....next time will be my 4th time i've visited them and its my favourite part of my trips....so dont worry ..just be yourself..from my exprerience they make big fuss over you....you pay for some things....but they know i'm on a budjet ..so dont ask me all the time....every body's different ...somtimes when were alltogether with his friends we share the cost of the beer, wisky, soda from the local store and when we all go to the local kareoke....cause i told him from the start i was'nt going to pay for ever body else ..everytime i go back its like a big reunion.....hope you enjoy it
Guys tank you for the very insightful and helpful information. I am looking forward to my trip to Isaan. I will try and keep a tight rein on my ATM card and wallet. But hey you can't take it with you and Isaan lads are so intoxicating.
Matt, can't imagine why anyone would trash you for being a dick toward Issan peasants.Originally Posted by cdnmatt
Not much different than a redneck trailer park in Canada or USA where the good old boys sit around chewing tobacco, spitting, farting, swilling whiskey and scratching their balls and laughing at fag jokes.
Well, if it's of any credit, that's nothing compared to what they call us, many times to our faces because they think we don't understand what they're saying.Matt, can't imagine why anyone would trash you for being a dick toward Issan peasants.
Exactly. No problem calling them closed minded, ignorant lowlifes either. I'm a strong believer in hating everyone equally. :-)
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