What do you do at the temples?

[cdnmatt]

I'm sure many of us here end up at a temple from time to time. I'm curious, as a farang (who I'm assuming doesn't understand Buddhism), how do you conduct yourself? Do you actually partake in the motions? Kneel down before the statue, pickup the little golden elephant, do your three bows, shake your incense, meditate for a bit, three bows again, pick the elephant again, etc... Or what do you guys do?

I find myself going to the temple two or three times a week nowadays, and generally just wander around like and idiot, while I look at the walls and ceiling as if they're absolutely fascinating. Kim loves going, but won't go by himself, mama's not around, and I want him going, so I go with him. Kim keeps prodding me to partake with him, but I don't feel comfortable doing so, as I feel it's somewhat disrespectful. You know, if I understood the underlying beliefs of Buddhism, and understood why I'm doing what I'm doing, then it'd be fine. But I don't, and don't particularly have any ambition to learn, so I just don't feel right in partaking with him.

I'm happy that he goes, feels fulfilled afterwards, and that's enough for me. I'm more than content with the Canadians beliefs and world-view I was brought up with, and have no need to learn Buddhism. I know the majority of Thais could care less if I partook with Kim's meditation, and wouldn't think anything of it, but I don't care. I'll stick with the empathetic and compassionate beliefs I was raised with. I think me participating is somewhat disrespectful to Buddhism as a whole, unless I first take the time to learn why I'm doing it.

Anyway, I strayed off there... so, what do you guys do while at a temple? Do you actually partake in meditation with your friend?

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I don't cross myself when visiting a cathedral, why would I mimic Buddhist prayer when I'm in a Buddhist temple? Unless my friend asked me to -- I would do it if it meant something to him. But for me, why?

[joe552]

I sit at the back quietly (trying to sit in the correct way) until my friend is finished. I find it a useful time just to go blank, not think about anything too much. Quite relaxing really. But basically being as unobtrusive as possible without causing offence.

Pray.

Fortunately in my local temple chairs are in plentiful supply, and I am usually brought one out of sympathy by someone!

..... and what is this "little golden elephant"?

..... and why do you "want him going" if you don't know what it's about, or why?

The only time most Thais/Buddhists go to the temple to make merit or pray is in the morning, around 7.15 for an hour or so, to give food to the monks after they have done their morning rounds, particularly during Vassa (Buddhist Lent after Kao Phansa) when most do not leave the temple grounds so are reliant on the food that is brought to them. If you are going at other times, regularly, when you can feel free to "just wander around", then there would normally be some specific reason for it - there's no direct equivalent of the Stations of the Cross or anything like that in Buddhism.

[cdnmatt]

..... and what is this "little golden elephant"?

I honestly don't know, and haven't bothered asking, because well, I don't particularly care. I've only ever seen it at the huge temple that KK is famous for, and it's only at a couple of the statues, not all of them. I don't know, it's this little golden colored statue of an elephant with a handle at the top. When Kim kneels, the first thing he does is lift the elephant off the ground by about 6 inches, then puts it back. Then shakes the tube of incense, does his three bows, meditates / prays for a bit, another shake of the incense and pick-up of the elephant, three more bows, and he's done.

I have no idea what the elephant is for though.

..... and why do you "want him going" if you don't know what it's about, or why?

Because mama is extremely Buddhist, he loves going, and it's important to him. It's apparent that after going to the temple, he's much more at peace with himself, which I think is great. I have my own ways of clearing my mind, and going to the temple is his, so of course I'm going to encourage him to go.

The only time most Thais/Buddhists go to the temple to make merit or pray is in the morning, around 7.15 for an hour or so, to give food to the monks after they have done their morning rounds ... you are going at other times, regularly, when you can feel free to "just wander around", then there would normally be some specific reason for it - there's no direct equivalent of the Stations of the Cross or anything like that in Buddhism.

What??? You can go to the temple any time you feel like being with Buddha for a bit. It's not like the monk's shutdown all temples after getting their food in the morning.

[bao-bao]

Two comments you made that seemed to speak volumes:

I honestly don't know, and haven't bothered asking, because well, I don't particularly care.

and

... he loves going, and it's important to him.

Obviously not my place to judge (so I'm not), but if I've learned anything in this life it's that communication is the key to any relationship - family, professional, personal or romantic partnerships.

It would seem that an understanding of a person's spiritual thinking and preferences is equally as important as an understanding of the nuances of their food, music or sexual preferences, if not more so. For example, saying to someone "I don't understand how you can stand curry that spicy" might not cause much of a ripple, but saying "all that bowing and scraping you do in the temple is ridiculous" can often do lasting damage on a deeper level.

Again, I'm not accusing you of being emotionally abusive to this person you speak of as the beginnings of a real relationship, but I'd suggest you make an attempt to understand this part of his life a little better. Who knows, you might gain something from it. Goodness knows Western religions have done far more than their share of emotional, physical and financial damage to the world.

Hopefully you were just making a small joke?

[cdnmatt]

Geez, people on this forum nitpick alot, and generally about the smallest shit. So what? Because I don't understand the underlying meaning of the little golden elephant, that somehow means I'm not empathetic towards him, his beliefs, and his values? I don't know, but for me, it'd be a good stretch of the imagination to come to that conclusion.

[Beachlover]

I find myself going to the temple two or three times a week nowadays, and generally just wander around like and idiot, while I look at the walls and ceiling as if they're absolutely fascinating. Kim loves going, but won't go by himself, mama's not around, and I want him going, so I go with him. Kim keeps prodding me to partake with him, but I don't feel comfortable doing so, as I feel it's somewhat disrespectful. You know, if I understood the underlying beliefs of Buddhism, and understood why I'm doing what I'm doing, then it'd be fine. But I don't, and don't particularly have any ambition to learn, so I just don't feel right in partaking with him.

Two to three times a week? It's lovely that he is spiritual... but that's a lot of time spent at the temple. I wonder if he was always like this... or if he just feels very thankful for the farang who's dragged him out of poverty into a life that's... well, nice.

Anyway... like you said, just show him you support and are happy for his praying, but have your own beliefs.

It's nice that he doesn't like going places without you and wants you with him all the time. Might seem annoying at first, but this thing he unconsciously does probably leads to a stronger relationship.

I don't cross myself when visiting a cathedral, why would I mimic Buddhist prayer when I'm in a Buddhist temple? Unless my friend asked me to -- I would do it if it meant something to him. But for me, why?

Totally agree....

[Beachlover]

Two comments you made that seemed to speak volumes:

I honestly don't know, and haven't bothered asking, because well, I don't particularly care.

and

... he loves going, and it's important to him.

Obviously not my place to judge (so I'm not), but if I've learned anything in this life it's that communication is the key to any relationship - family, professional, personal or romantic partnerships.

It would seem that an understanding of a person's spiritual thinking and preferences is equally as important as an understanding of the nuances of their food, music or sexual preferences, if not more so. For example, saying to someone "I don't understand how you can stand curry that spicy" might not cause much of a ripple, but saying "all that bowing and scraping you do in the temple is ridiculous" can often do lasting damage on a deeper level.

Again, I'm not accusing you of being emotionally abusive to this person you speak of as the beginnings of a real relationship, but I'd suggest you make an attempt to understand this part of his life a little better. Who knows, you might gain something from it. Goodness knows Western religions have done far more than their share of emotional, physical and financial damage to the world.

Hopefully you were just making a small joke?

I agree but I think it's taking one step at a time.

Everyone nitpicks and says "why haven't you done this?" and "you should do this" and says it in a way that implies you're being neglectful, incompetent (i.e. GF does this a lot) or abusive if you don't... but as with any venture... there's lots of little steps, which you take one at a time (hopefully in order of importance).

[Thai Dyed]

Geez, people on this forum nitpick alot, and generally about the smallest shit. So what? Because I don't understand the underlying meaning of [anything] I don't know, but for me, it'd be a good stretch of the imagination to come to that conclusion.

The smallest shit for you consists of being blackmailed, getting death threats, pulling up stakes escaping to the Boondocks where you have told us your devoted boyfriend would castrate you if he caught you going with another boy. All the while starting off this erstwhile Pattaya barboy with monetary gifts of р╕┐30,000 per month, while now simply giving him an ATM card on your account which you don't bother tracking withdrawals, so much so that you are totally clueless as to how much money you spend each month.

If that's your reality Matt, we hardly need to add anything whatsoever to stretch our own imaginations.

We also don't need Karnak the Great to predict your future.
[attachment=0:1652vu2q]Predicting Matts Future.jpg[/attachment:1652vu2q]