You know when you've been in Thailand too long when...

[giggsy]

You begin to enjoy Thai TV programs.

You look four ways before crossing a one way street.

You put salt and chilli on your fruit

A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet.

You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car.

All your tee-shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar.

You think a polo shirt and jeans are formal attire.

You arenтАЩt upset when the bar boy next to you eats beetles as a snack.

Later the same night, you actually kiss the bar boy who earlier dined on the beetles.

You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there.

You think white wine goes well with Som Tam.

You understand when your Thai boy friend says, тАШMy friend youтАЩ or тАШSame, same, but different.тАЩ

A Thai bar boy youтАЩve just met tells you that his mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away.

You consider you mobile phone a fashion accessory.

You start driving cars barefoot

You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewellery

Dogs become animals you'd rather kick than pet.

When driving a car you'll start using every free inch of the road.

You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection.

You only go to bars with balloons strung outside.

You realize that all the important words in Thai begin with the letter тАШSтАЩ. Sanuk (Fun), Saduak (convenient), Sabai (comfortable), Suay pretty).

You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable form of foreplay.

You think a calendar more useful than a watch.

You go to a Thai Boxing match and a soccer game breaks out.

You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus.

Indian tailors ignore you when you walk past their shop.

When you call and tell your parents about your sick buffalo

When you see a falang and yell "Falang!"

Taxi drivers understand you.

Not only does it not bother you a lady is cleaning the urinal next to the one you are using, but that you also start to have a casual chat with her.

You think blondes look exotic

You read the subtitles at the movies rather than listen to the English

You find that everything you own is counterfeit.

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[cdnmatt]

LOL, several of those actually gave me a good laugh. Thanks for that!

[Beachlover]

Heh... eating bugs:

This is a pretty cool article about visiting an Elephant Festival in Isaan:

http://www.theage.com.au/travel/mammoth ... -goa8.html

-----
As he munches on a bag of grasshoppers and fried locusts like it is the most normal thing in the world, he tells me of the local elephant that recently helped his family put the beams into place on their new home and the blessings that are still sought from the chang (Thai for elephant) at Buddhist ceremonies.
-----
From a stall at the end of the pavement, I smell something vaguely familiar. Thankfully, it's not the elephant droppings I have learned to dodge. Pradit bounds ahead and produces a wad of Thai baht for the cook.

Sizzling palm oil spits from a wok and it smells just like fried chicken yet when I look inside, it's not quite what I was expecting. To Pradit's glee it is full of pungent Surin snacks: a fresh batch of fried grasshoppers, grubs and beetles for our afternoon meal.
-----

This is a pretty cool spot on eating insects in Isaan:

[youtube:1fitukmz]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt09xg9m02I[/youtube:1fitukmz]

[travelerjim]

Thanks giggsey...Many truisms here...
and some good laughs too!
tj

[Smiles]

Evocative, funny, many quite true. I've obviously been in Thailand too long ... thank god!

You begin to enjoy Thai TV programs.

Not there yet. Sometimes I'm forced to as when a good one comes on I can get a running commentary and decent translation. The acting and story lines are so bad they're Jerry Springer-like: one can't believe what one is watching ... so one keeps on watching.

You look four ways before crossing a one way street.

Actually you look 4 ways, 4 times, then cross. Someone who's been in Thailand 'too long' gets the street-crossing tango sooner or latter. The main idea is to step into traffic and keep on moving no matter what! Never stop. The closer vehicles miss you by, the longer you know you've been in Thailand

You put salt and chilli on your fruit.

Sometimes there are lines to be drawn in the sand. Deep heavy lines, uncrossable.

A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet.

If you're Boygeenyus you tell him to fuck off. For everyone else, you tell him to fuck off after you've driven away (minus one or two hundred baht, receipt-less).

You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car.

No no ... you think a Honda SUV is a prestige car. This in the 'Land of Smiling Fortunas'. Driving a Toyoto Fortuna means you can hit anyone, anytime you want and just carry on drivin'. Priceless!

All your tee-shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar.

Except the ones which ~ worn by a 12 year old girl, serving drinks and khao pad gai to farang tourists under the umbrellas on the beach ~ are emblazoned with a long list of "Things You Can Do" . . . with the third one down being "Go Fuck Yourself!" (Seen at Hua Hin beach last year)

You think a polo shirt and jeans are formal attire.

And your point is?

You arenтАЩt upset when the bar boy next to you eats beetles as a snack.

It's being offered to 'share' which is another one of those deep lines in the sand.

You think white wine goes well with Som Tam.

Nobody thinks that! Red wine only with Som Tam ... chilled red wine. " ... I ate his liver with a little som tam and a nice Chianti ... "

You understand when your Thai boy friend says, тАШMy friend youтАЩ or тАШSame, same, but different.тАЩ

. . . when it actually should be said by the Thai boy after he's left the premises: " ... same same dick ... different farang. It's all just a blur ... "

A Thai bar boy youтАЩve just met tells you that his mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away.

Well, there's alway a possibility he's telling the truth, in which case a switchblade to the jugular might well be forthcoming. Try not laughing at what Thai guys say about their mothers or their family in general. Not healthy.

You consider you mobile phone a fashion accessory.

And your point is? Weren't they always? Mine's a Samsung J7000 Metal Slide . . . what's yours?

You start driving cars barefoot.

No no no. Sandals With Socks is the new Barefoot. Gives a better feel for the road.

You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewellery.

This still remains only hinted-at ever six months. You can laugh heartily (and safely) at this one with no worry of being stabbed to death ... after all, it's not about Mom.

When driving a car you'll start using every free inch of the road.

Just showing your ignorance. In Thailand, driving on ever free inch of pavement (including the oncoming lane) is enshrined in the Constitution. Actually, it's illegal NOT to.

You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection.

Those are indicator lights??

You only go to bars with balloons strung outside.

Ballons, shmaloons. Nowadays, after being in Thailand forever, I only inhabit bars which never take down, and always turn on, their twinkly christmas lights. In Thailand it's called 'ambiance' lighting. It's very very inexpensive and no need for a Lighting Consultant.

You realize that all the important words in Thai begin with the letter тАШSтАЩ. Sanuk (Fun), Saduak (convenient), Sabai (comfortable), Suay pretty).

You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable form of foreplay.

In our house, foreplay is the only acceptable form of foreplay. The guy's white bread pretty much, but makes up for it by being ~ as the song goes ~ 'horny-all-the-time'. Works for me.

You think a calendar more useful than a watch.

Calendar? Watch?
My dear old man has a business which, by all acceptable business standards, should require that both be at hand, all the time.
Well, think again: forget the calendar, that's hopeless. A watch? He has one ... I think ... somewhere.

You go to a Thai Boxing match and a soccer game breaks out.

Fun breaking out all over, for no goddamn good reason. What a bunch of fools! (What's the difference between a boxing match and a football game?)

You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus.

The majority of farangs (according to scientific observation) require, not a phone pole, but another bus for proper shading waiting for a bus. The last observed farang actually receiving shade behind a phone pole was (1) constantly on the move around the pole, and (2) Woody Allen.

Indian tailors ignore you when you walk past their shop.

Indian tailors ignore no one, no time. I walk past the same three stores to go into town and every single time the same Indian man (badly dressed I might add) sticks his hand out, says 'good morning' and invites me into the store for a new suit . . . and he gets all this out while I'm on the move at a hasty clip. Once ~ dressed in the t-shirt I slept in and a bathing suit ~ I blurted out: " ... do I really look like a guy who needs a suit ... ?" The smile received said all.

When you call and tell your parents about your sick buffalo.

My parents are ~ shall we say ~ not quite aware what a buffalo is. When I told them it was sick they just replied: " ... ah, poor thing, what's he got ... ?" Then they went onto something else. Like most bloody parents ... it's all about them!

When you see a falang and yell "Falang!"

It's a warning to the boyfriend that a German is approaching. Once a few years ago it was "FARANG TITS!" which meant a German fraulein of gigantic proprortion had divested herself of her top. This warning is even more appreciated.

Taxi drivers understand you.

Well ... they understand "sawatdee khrup" and "tip". They only rarely understand "cha cha". (Refer to the item about Thai driving above)

Not only does it not bother you a lady is cleaning the urinal next to the one you are using, but that you also start to have a casual chat with her.

There's rarely anything 'casual' about me standing in some place with my dick in my hand. This circumstance would give new meaning to the concept of 'Body Language'. (And one I might try one of these days.)

You think blondes look exotic.

• All Thai blondes are transvestites. [/*:m:1zgjc3k5]
• All transvestites are un-exotic (and unappealing, but that's another story).[/*:m:1zgjc3k5]
• Therefore all blondes are not exotic[/*:m:1zgjc3k5]

You find that everything you own is counterfeit.

Including myself. Been in therapy for this 'feeling' for years. It's why I moved to Thailand. Gad, what a confession!! I've been here too long

[giggsy]

:laughing3: :laughing3: :laughing3:
1 more..
You know when you've been in Thailand too long when you start charging farangs "farang prices".

[lonelywombat]

Thanks gigsy I had a great laugh then was shocked to realize you were talking about me.

Have we met????????????

You put ice in your glass of beer.

You put a toilet roll on the dining table instead of napkins.

[allieb]

You start to believe that boy special loves you

[gerefan2]

and.....you think the Hongnam is Krazy Dragon is up market....