A day in the life of a Quality Tourist
5am. Get up for your sightseeing. Have salmonella eggs for breakfast.
6am. Give alms to monks. They are Burmese since Thais don't want to be monks anymore.
7am. See a temple.
8am. See another temple.
9am. See a market where your guide gets a kickback on what you buy.
10am. See yet another temple.
11am. When you return to your hotel, the driver acts offended if you don't give him a tip.
12am. Lunch. Take Imodium with the bird flu chicken.
1pm. Enjoy a fistfight with a baht bus driver over the fare.
2pm. Go shopping for electronics. Wonder why they cost the same as back home.
3pm. Dodge an underage jailbait moneyboy who tries to grab your arm in the shopping mall. Get sullen stares from plainclothes farang and Thai police who are watching.
4pm. Get filmed by a farang television crew hiding in the bushes as you give a street kid 20 baht. Expect to be disowned by your family and fired from your job when the program runs on Farangland TV.
5pm. Try to have a nap despite the faulty air condition in your room.
6pm. Hit the "nightlife". Have dinner while swatting mosquitos. Take more Imodium.
8pm. The bars open.
8.30pm. Police raid. Pee in a plastic cup.
9pm. Watch over-21-only fully dressed go-go boys stand around in a bar. Be pestered by mamasan to take one of them off.
10pm. Closing hour. Take your rental back to your room. Add 50% to your room charge.
10.15pm. Can not. Too big. You give me money 2 000 baht.
10.30pm. Sleep.