Advice for long-term needed...

21 August: He's not greedy at all either, and he doesn't need much. For example, I just have a crappy 900 baht Nokia cell phone, and the one he bought for himself is even worst than mine, so it's not like he's eyeing me up for that fancy 8000 baht cell.

10 August: I don't pay HIM $3,000/month, no, but everything included, I'd say it's around there. He makes about 25,000 THB off me a month, or thereabouts I'd say. But then add in riding elephants, going to the island, buying clothes, eating, drinking, etc... yeah, I'd say around 90,000 THB a month. Well, that's probably exaggerating. Say 70,000.

Unbelievable. But as long as "I'm happy, he's happy" then I agree 100% - "it's all good".

IтАЩd add that if itтАЩs a change away from Thai ways to Western ways it isnтАЩt usually a change for the better, either.

I agree with that, bao-bao, with some reservations, and with your view generally, but I do disagree with some things.

Most of us would probably look on a relationship as being "long term" after a few years, rather than a few days, but that's only my opinion.

"When in Rome do as the Romans do" seems only fair - if a farang/Thai couple live in Thailand, then the more the farang can at least accept if not adapt to Thai ways then the more chance the relationship probably has of succeeding, just as the reverse holds true for those living in the West. Surely that is true of any couple from different countries, regardless of whether they are gay, there is an age difference, or one is Thai?

The question of family actually moving in "long term" is often brought up with the usual apocryphal stories, but "perhaps we're working with different definitions of "long term"" again - the longest any of my in-laws have ever stayed is overnight, and that's only when they want to get away, briefly, from their own family. Unless you set up home in a "home village" I just cannot see this as being the problem many imagine.

I do not really see the "trips to the temple, traditional religious holidays, events, journeys" as something you either need to "adapt to" or to "try to get the Thai to ignore". Why should you adapt? If you are not into going to the temple together there is no obligation to do so - Thai/Theravadan Buddhism emphasizes that we should all "find our own way" so any sort of evangelism is out and it really is "up to you". Similarly, why should you want to get him to "ignore" his own faith, unless you are trying to convert him? I can't see why "religious differences" should be any sort of a "challenge" at all, for either of you, unless it is you (the farang rather than you personally) who is the one with the problem. Theravadan Buddhism makes very few demands on any way of life and is far easier to get along with than most other religions with such strange and difficult to justify constraints as fish on Fridays, no turning lights on or off on the Sabbath, no eating or drinking in daylight for a month (but as much as you want at night), etc, etc. I think you are seeing problems where none (unless you are a bit of an evangelist yourself) exist.

[thrillbill]

cdnmatt: I see a clearer picture after your last explanation. Though you can afford thousands of baht for your new BF, 3000 is too generous to see if the relationship is "authentic". Think of it this way, would you go to Mac Donalds and pay $100 Canadian dollars for a Big Mac? --Why not? You can afford it? Or give that Indian taxi driver in Toranto $100 Canadian dollars for a two kilometer ride? I would give him??? 1000 or so for his stay with you (just tell him you cannot afford it since you are staying a long time) ;yet, you are still paying for his meals and such. If you want to help him to have a better future, then pay for him to go to college or to a trade school. Next, if you are just 10 years apart, that isn't a big gap - so don't let the age difference keep you from thinking of a future with him. Maybe I am still naive, but if your Thai bf is still molesting you non stop during the night and enjoys your company, it is more than a "business transaction". Usually these guys will do their "thing" and then jump to their cell phone and swithc on their plastic smile when needed.

I met my Thai bf four years ago (he owns a small shop) and was I very cautious...I kept doubting if it was a "real relationship' or just a window of opportunity for him. I made sure I didn't drown him with gifts or cash... and there was a breathing period (separation) of six months which helped me realize that I really enjoyed his company. (I am 11 years older than him--he's now 40 years old.) After three years of being together, I helped him to improve his shop which , of course, he always wanted to do. Though I do not have complex conversations with him about world affairs, I admire his hard work ethic, his honesty, his warm heart, and his devotion to his Buddhist beliefs. We enjoy each other's company (we like to work out at the gym/ hit the clubs in BKK (soi 2) together, travel, cook together...) ---BUT this bonding was a gradual one. True, when we first met, it was physical attraction, but after that the REAL important aspects came together

Good Luck

The lucky part you have is you probably can bring him back to Canada with you if the relationship becomes solid.

My expectation for myself is to not be negative at all and to avoid any angry, sarcastic, or caustic remarks to any other human being. But then, that's just me.

On meeting Osama bin Laden, Adolph Hitler or Pol Pot, for example, what sort of positive remarks would you make?

[Brad the Impala]

[quote=Copper Pheel]

My expectation for myself is to not be negative at all and to avoid any angry, sarcastic, or caustic remarks to any other human being. But then, that's just me.

On meeting Osama bin Laden, Adolph Hitler or Pol Pot, for example, what sort of positive remarks would you make?[/quote:20aumzes]

"Thank fuck that you are not Copper Pheel, I was dreading meeting him".

[Smiles]

" ... Well, it's been about three weeks, so I'm giving an update. For all you cynics and nay-sayers, it's working out beautifully, thank you very much. I'm totally in love with him, and I'm 100% certain now that he genuinely loves me as well ... "

Well, for what it's worth, let me tell you a little story which happened to me just a few days ago during a phone call from me to my guy. It rather relates to the above quote from Cdnmatt although it came about quite independently, and I only realized later it might have some interest for Cdnmatt.

To put things in context, I was phoning to wish Suphot a happy birthday and also a little mushy love-talk as I am just about to leave for Thailand, and frankly miss each other quite badly: kind of like that.
(Not trying to be overly mushy here guys, but it may contain some grain of an awareness of how Thais might well think about 'relationships' with farangs ... and probably with each other as far as I know)

Anyway, I (rather nostalgically/dreamily) mentioned something along the lines of " ... Gee honey, I can hardly believe we've been together almost 10 years now, such a happy anniversary coming up ... ".
To that he replied (again, 'something-along-the-lines-of') " ... yes it's been a wonderful 7 years ... ".
From me: " ... seven years? what you mean seven? It's 10 years, not seven ... ".
From him: " ... yes, we know each other 10 years, but I know for sure I love you for seven ... "

Flashback to 'about' seven years ago: I remember receiving a letter from him while I was back in Canada which included a very short line which contained the phrase " ... now I sure I trust your love ... ". It took him three years to make his mind up about this. And of course he was assuming that I would also be taking the same languid journey through time to make my mind up about him. I remember rather glossing over that phrase when I first read it, thinking it just a regular part of a nice love letter, but now ~ after the above phone conversation the other day, and reading this thread ~ I realize that it was literally, not figuratively, true. (In fact I wasn't taking that long, but I can understand, and appreciate, his assumptions).

Can one say they love someone ~ in Cdbmatt's case, it being 'total' love ~ after three weeks? And, even more of a difficulty, can one speak for the other person's love ~ in this case Cdnmatt is 100% sure?
Of course they can, because talk (about 'These Matters') is easy ... and Soap Operas are cheap to produce (just ask CBS).

Cdnmatt seems to feel it's "cynical" to express a certain head-scratching wonderment about those magical three weeks ( " ... For all you cynics and nay-sayers out there ... " ) and our other Canadian friend in this thread piles on in agreement.
I don't doubt that the three weeks were all of that ~ magical that is ~ (mine certainly were, so many years ago), but I'm also pretty certain that Cdnmatt would be very smart indeed if he were to give the 'love' part a bit longer gestation period before declaring the bottom line as been attained (100% ... "so let's move on, shall we").

[Diec]

Well then Smiles, was Pot just checking out your bank book for the first 3 years while you were in love with him?

..... It took him three years to make his mind up about this......

That's quite a coincidence, Smiles. My partner never said he loved me for the first three years we knew each other - as he told me later, there is a big difference between "liking" and "loving".

[Smiles]

"Well then Smiles, was Pot just checking out your bank book for the first 3 years while you were in love with him?"

LOL ... If that were the case then I would have expected him to run screaming for the exits a long time before 3 years had gone by. :cheers: :cheers:

By the way Diecy old man ... how's your love life?

[quote=Brad the Impala][quote="Copper Pheel":3tj0qknj]

My expectation for myself is to not be negative at all and to avoid any angry, sarcastic, or caustic remarks to any other human being. But then, that's just me.

On meeting Osama bin Laden, Adolph Hitler or Pol Pot, for example, what sort of positive remarks would you make?[/quote:3tj0qknj]"Thank fuck that you are not Copper Pheel, I was dreading meeting him".[/quote:3tj0qknj]What an angry, sarcastic and caustic remark!

Maybe I am still naive, but if your Thai bf is still molesting you non stop during the night and enjoys your company, it is more than a "business transaction".

"Naive"? Maybe not. Probably deluded and easily pleased, though. My partner "molests" me constantly, not just when he is asleep; I take it as meaning that he wants sex rather than necessarily as any indication of love.