Advice for long-term needed...

What you probably have going for you ~ perhaps the only thing besides the ATM card ~ is your relatively young age. There's a small chance that he might well fall head over heels for you no matter what the language barrier. But Gone Fishing makes a very good point to keep in mind: you will be seen as a great status-enhancer in the eyes of the guy's friends, if only for the young age. Make no mistake about it, this social dynamic is extremely important to Thai people, and so many westerners ignore ~ or don't comprehend ~ it's very deep pervasiveness in Thai life.

I agree, Smiles hit the nail on the head.

You also need to understand the idea that most Thais don't think or make decisions independently. They tend to work and function best in groups and are influenced by their peers, friends and family a lot more than the average Westerner. It's not peer pressure because the average Thai willingly submits to this mob mentality! This isn't a derogatory comment, it's just part of Thai culture, and it has good and bad consequences.

What it means to you and your new-found boyfriend is that any decision he blindly makes is most likely what his mother or the network of other bar boys or whoever tells him to do. That's why all the girls/boys who work in the bars say the same stock phrases "You handsome man", "up to you" and so on. Once you've known him for a few weeks, you'll bet his friends will be telling him "say mother sick" "ask for diamond ring, ask for pickup truck" or the classic "kwai mai sabai" (three more Thai words to boost your vocab). Not saying he's going to be dishonest, but as a young guy who's new to the game, he's going to be looking to the other bar boys for bragging rights, recognition and advice.

"I'm 27, look much younger, no Brad Pitt but fairly decent looking, nice guy, well composed, good hygiene, etc."

OMG. Are you for real? OK, this is just from my 68 year old point of view. Look at the customers in the boy bars. In most cases, we are older men who have not much to offer 19 year old boys except money. So, any relationship we have with them starts out as commercial, and it stays that way, though it may be tempered somewhat by something resembling "love" at a much later date.

So, I don't get it. Why would a young, "fairly decent looking" guy with obviously sufficient funding go to bars to look for "true love", for an LTR?

Current university students, recent graduates, young office workers, all of whom would speak some English, are available and perhaps would be less eager to empty your bank account for the sake of the farm and buffaloes in Issan.

Starting off with a bar boy who speaks no English, and wait 2-3 years till you two can communicate meaningfully??? What if neither of you will like what the other says, the way the other thinks???

But I have made so many mistakes in this area that my comments have to be taken with multiple grains of salt.

All I can say is Choke dee, na.

Wake up and smell the coffee - You Can't Have a meaningful long term relationship with a money boy!!! You're in big denial right now - one day you'll see.

Cut his daily allowance from 3000 baht to 500 baht and see if he is still as you say "molesting you". No money no honey is their motto.

You're young - stay away from the bar boys and find someone compatible - Pattaya is NOT the place to find your life partner.

I have to agree with the above. You're talking about a prostitue you picked out of a line-up. You picked him; he didn't pick you. You can take a boy out of the bar, but you can never take the bar out of the boy. You are signing up for a lifetime of paying a prostitute.

At your age, you can do better.

[Beachlover]

"I'm 27, look much younger, no Brad Pitt but fairly decent looking, nice guy, well composed, good hygiene, etc."

OMG. Are you for real? OK, this is just from my 68 year old point of view. Look at the customers in the boy bars. In most cases, we are older men who have not much to offer 19 year old boys except money. So, any relationship we have with them starts out as commercial, and it stays that way, though it may be tempered somewhat by something resembling "love" at a much later date.

So, I don't get it. Why would a young, "fairly decent looking" guy with obviously sufficient funding go to bars to look for "true love", for an LTR?

Current university students, recent graduates, young office workers, all of whom would speak some English, are available and perhaps would be less eager to empty your bank account for the sake of the farm and buffaloes in Issan.

Starting off with a bar boy who speaks no English, and wait 2-3 years till you two can communicate meaningfully??? What if neither of you will like what the other says, the way the other thinks???

But I have made so many mistakes in this area that my comments have to be taken with multiple grains of salt.

All I can say is Choke dee, na.

Maybe he went there for some quick, easy to get fun... and ended up falling in love.

[Beachlover]

The "social status enhancer" thing mentioned by a few posters is true. Picking up a cute, young, well to do foreigner is a big status enhancer thing with many Thai boys...

[TrongpaiExpat]

Thanks for the comments everyone! Except for you SF farang. Are you that much of a dick in real life too? I mean, really, what's the point?

Actually, I did not find SF Farang's post all that offensive. I agree with many of his points though I know you don't want to hear that side of the equation. You really learn more from the critical posts than those who are taking the cheer leader approach.

I might ask, what's your point in posting if you did not want to hear from all sides?

I was already married for three years. Met in Toronto, we were both 22, genuinely fell in love, got married, travelled the world, and the whole nine yards. I got hurt very badly through it though, so I'm not really looking for a genuine, natural relationship. I'm looking for more of a contractual relationship this time around, where we're BOTH happy with things. There's tons of contractual relationships out there, both in Asia and in the West. About 8 months into my previous marriage, I ended up financially responsible for everything due to various reasons, so I'm fine with that.

The plot thickens and is near perfect! My suggestion is to give him 75,000 a month, with annual increments, and make it officially a contractual relationship as well since you're "fine with that". I should be so lucky to be in the same position! You have engineered this perfectly and you should formalize it with a legal contract.

Look, you have the money, this boy is making you very happy. What the hell! Why not?

Forget the nay sayers! You may never have this golden opportunity again! Go for it! :thumbright:

[Beachlover]

Thanks for the comments everyone! Except for you SF farang. Are you that much of a dick in real life too? I mean, really, what's the point?

Actually, I did not find SF Farang's post all that offensive. I agree with many of his points though I know you don't want to hear that side of the equation. You really learn more from the critical posts than those who are taking the cheer leader approach.

I might ask, what's your point in posting if you did not want to hear from all sides?

SF had some valid points... but I don't think there's any need to be this insulting or negatively assumptive when offering feedback.

[Beachlover]

In terms of getting him to stop working in the bar, this might be possible. But it's not going to be sustainable in the long term if he is doing nothing else... i.e. nothing constructive.

You might want to consider helping him into another occupation... whether by teaching him English or supporting some studies.

If the relationship doesn't work out... you might want to consider (if you haven't already) going out to meet Thai boys elsewhere... online, in clubs and discos... etc. There's plenty of ordinary Thai boys to have fun with. Many would never consider being paid for sex. Others are 100% money boys. Some are sort of in between... they are ordinary Thai boys who are "opportunists"... they want to have fun but wouldn't mind some "support" or "gifts".