Life in Thailand - Test Results

[Dodger]

I started planning/preparing for retirement 5 years prior to that magic date to make sure I had all bases covered and now find myself extremely grateful that I dedicated the amount of time that I did. Working in my favor was the fact that I knew without question that Thailand was the place I wanted to retire and after spending nearly two decades of routine holidays in Thailand I had all the information I needed for retirement planning purposes.

Similar to what most people do - my panning included; long-term financial considerations, health & safety considerations, logistics (where to live based on the lifestyle I wanted for myself after retirement), transportation needs, bank account(s), health insurance, visa maintenance, living arrangements (buy versus rent), and of course risk management as it pertains to all of these things.

I spent 5 years planning, and have now completed 5 years of living here full-time which I’ll refer to as the “test phase”. Fortunately, due to a lot of planning and a good tail wind, I’m happy to say that overall things have worked out remarkably well with no regrets.

My love affair with Thailand spans a little over two decades now with no signs of slowing and I still, as I’ve been saying all these years, contend that there’s no better place on earth for a gay man to hang his hat than Thailand. The cost-of-living is one of the lowest in the modern world…good health care…lots of sun…lots of skin…lots of boys and boy bars…plenty of places to take exotic side-trips, and, most importantly, the opportunity for the like-minded to enjoy sexual relations and romance with guys, who, before experiencing Thailand, only existed in your dreams.

One thing I’ve learned is that there’s a significant difference between coming here as a routine sex tourist for holidays and living here full-time. This is something I considered during the planning phase once I determined the type of lifestyle I wanted after retirement. I wasn’t interested in “going native” and living out in some remote jungle village (been there–done that), nor did I want to remain a bar-runner/boy chaser bouncing around from one penis to the next any more (been there-done that too). The vision of how I saw myself living after retirement became crystal clear to me after a while.

I chose the “Little House on the Prairie” lifestyle to force myself to focus more on health than I did before…small town (Bang Saray) on the sea…sidewalks roll-up at 10:00 PM…clear skies (and water)…and nothing but the sounds of the oceans waves and birds chirping at night…but also close enough to the gay scene in Pattaya when so inclined, etc. The perfect choice for me. Admittedly, having a terrific partner like Jai makes this all work. He’s a dream (literally) and I’m so fortunate to have hooked up with him.

My visits to the bar scene are rare, and when I do visit it’s mainly to rub elbows with friends - pinch a few cute butts - and just enjoy the camaraderie. Other than that, the best of anything I can experience is waiting for me back at home. This is probably the most pronounced difference between “tourist” and “resident”. When you live here year-round “time” is not a concern…and I think a lot of expats realize this shortly after they retire. There’s no more counting down the days on the calendar for that dreaded departure date – when paradise comes to an end and reality takes its place.

It’s also common for expats to have their own cadre of regular boys they spend time with who they can just call on the phone when in the mood, and/or have live-in Thai boyfriends, versus having to rely on the bars or apps. The best example of this is when you go to gay scene like Jomtien Complex and see the majority of expats more interested in just socializing than they are boy-chasing. In short, boy-chasing is for the tourists. Expats don’t have to chase.

Pitfalls to Avoid:

- Don’t plan anything until you can actually visualize the lifestyle you want after retirement
- Never implement the plan until you’re sure you meet the financial income requirements.
- Don’t ignore the aging factor as your needs will inevitably change with time.
- Forget living in the boonies. You’re an old gay man from the West – not Tarzan.
- Obtain a good Thai health insurance policy before age 70 if possible.
- Don’t squander all of your hard-earned money on #14. Just tip for sex and be done with it.
- And, as my old friend Carolina Jim would say, “Never fall in love with a whore”.


Mai pen rai

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[bkkmfj2648]

Great synopsis Dodger,

I would say that your expatriation into Thailand success is a model to us to aspire towards.

I am 18 months into my new expat life here in Thailand (Jomtien) and I only prepared 2 years prior for my retirement and move to Thailand.

Some general comments and observations:

1.) What is really needed is a how-to-retire successfully blog for Thailand with a specific section for Pattaya. The Supertown web page has a blog section but it has not been updated since June 2023 https://gaysupertown.blogspot.com/ it would be great if there could be a sub-blog section within this blog for retirement and which discusses how to become a successful expat in Thailand.

2.) What is missing is a type of "Welcome Wagon" system https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dic.../welcome-wagon that would be for the newcomers to meet with the already existing expats who live here - to help integrate into their new expat daily life and to make some new friends. Once a month would probably be a good idea. Many of the expat heterosexual groups here in Pattaya have these in place (PCEC, PEC, Buzzin Pattaya bar crawl, etc.) and they seem to function very well - as they make the newbies to Pattaya feel welcome and accelerate the process to find like minded friends.

--> many times some of the visiting forum members have requested for a meetup but it seems that it is difficult to find the right time and/or meeting place for many of us to agree to meet

After 18 months here, I see that it is fairly easy to make Thai friends but very difficult to make farang friends who have common interests. I have been invited to hang out with some farangs - but there was more often than not a BIG emphasis on drinking and staying out late - which unfortunately I am not really into. So, I still try to find farangs that don't put so much pressure on having to drink and to do things outside of the bars.
Unfortunately, after a while, the Jomtien Supertown Complex mantra of "farang sit and farang drink" gets real boring because the minute that I sit down I become lethargic and then add alcohol into the mix and I become sleepy and bored. If only there was a place in the Supertown complex where we could stand up and dance before midnight to classics from the 70s, 80s, 90s, and 2,000s.
I have been taken to the weekly Bingo on Wednesdays - but I find it really boring - so hopefully somebody will invent something more exciting to do in the Supertown complex then the current "farang sit and farang drink" business model.

I would be interested to hear what others think ?

[latintopxxx]

I've really enjoyed reading both these posts...thank you

[Oliver2]

Thanks guys, fascinating.

I was contemplating relocation in 2004. Everything had fallen into place for such a move- the death of my remaining parent, the strength of the pound and, most of all, after nine years of happily playing the field without wanting a relationship, I'd suddenly fallen in love.

i didn't move due to cultural and political reasons. However, today, as I post from Jomtien after an enjoyable stay in Samui and looking forward to dinner tonight with my partner of twenty years, I am aware that, a week from now, I'll be packing for my return home,

And I really, truly and honestly question my decision.

[latintopxxx]

it doesnt have to be a permanent decision...Ive met many who rent out their houses back in their home countries so they always have a place to go back to should the situation change

[Armando]

Excellent post by Dodger with essential tips there for many of us. I have never visited Bang Saray but it does sound like an ideal place for retirement provided one has transport (never driven a motorcycle) and a long-term partner. For the rest of us I guess the question is Pattaya or Bangkok. I used to love Chiang Mai but the gay scene in general has gone massively downhill in the last decade I have ruled it out. Obviously I exclude the apps which I would everywhere. If you like to meet up with guys you have never seen before and who may or may not look like their photos/profiles, they're fine. But like some posters, I like to see who I am going to spend some time with. So the bars for me are important.

But I moved to Thailand only in part for the boys - the Thai boys of whom like others I have fond memories stretching back many years. I did not want Lao, Vietnamese or Cambodian boys, even though I know many can be great. And increasingly this seems to mean the apps. A gay scene and a more lilberal lifestyle was only a part of the reason for moving. I have other interests, like sight-seeing, local culture, concerts both pop and classical, meeting like-minded guys who might become friends, occasional travel to learn more about neighbouring countries - and so on. I found Pattaya just did not work for me. Yes, I like a nice beach but I prefer many others in Thailand to those in and near Pattaya and I don't have to live by one.

So I selected Bangkok. Finding a condo iin a quiet area was difficult but with help I found a nice affordable one. Being based in Bangkok gives me much of what I want and I enjoy it. It's not perfect, but where is? Perhaps Dodger put it best, "One thing I’ve learned is that there’s a significant difference between coming here as a routine sex tourist for holidays and living here full-time." How very true!

[Dodger]

........After 18 months here, I see that it is fairly easy to make Thai friends but very difficult to make farang friends who have common interests......

I guess a lot of this hinges on what your common interests are.

Believe me, you're not alone in this category as one of the biggest complaints I hear from some (not all) expats is that they're bored-to-death in the daytime. And most of the expats I know don't have a large cadre of expats friends either. Most of their social interactions with other expats either happen around the bars at night - or sometimes early morning breakfast chats with a few other expats they know. That's about it.

That said, visiting the gay scene at night seems like a great way to start some new friendships regardless if you drink or not - seeing as the majority of expats you see on the scene are there for the very same reason, i.e. social interactions and building new friendships.

Also, using this forum as a way to generate some common interests among other members isn't a bad idea either. Just because the last "Meet & Greet" didn't work out doesn't mean it won't work in the future. We had a Sawatdee Meet & Greet arranged years ago at the original Memories Cafe/Sunee and a handful of members showed up, but not until after we moved the meeting date around a dozen times. The owners of Memories (Jack, Ralph & Oud) told me later that night that if they would have laid out free food and hung up balloons the place would have been packed...555.

On a personal note, for me, having a partner certainly takes the edge off the need for having social interactions with others. I still enjoy (and need) those interactions so don't get me wrong, but we do everything together...enjoy our own individual hobbies which fills most hours in the day... have each other to share with...reflect with...joke with...share meals with...debate with...laugh with...enjoy sex with...and love with. Ironically, we first met on GayRomeo and in both of our profiles we had posted "Looking for Friends" as our interest. Funny with how that fits with the conversation we're having now.

Your suggestion about there being some sort of "Welcoming" process for new gay expats is an excellent one.

My wheels are turning.

[arsenal]

A Pattaya expat walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a bottle of the hard stuff. Soon a few of the bar boys join him. They play on their phones, as does he. He pays the bin, tips them and goes home.

The next night he does the same thing.

He does this night after night until he either has no money left or no liver.

Dodgers success is very much the minority result for full time expats.

[Armando]

Around 25 years ago on a visit to Bangkok, friends took me to one of the regular meetings of the Long Yang Club. Basically for expats and Thais who enjoyed the company of expats, I seem to remember it was held in a house very close of the Malaysia Hotel. It was if I again recall correctly just a social gathering with drinks, small eats and lots of chat. Ratio of expats to Thais seemed to be around 2 to 1. It seems the Bangkok Club ceased operating quite some time ago. I think that's a pity because it was an ideal place to gather and get to know people who might become friends. Living in Thailand I try not to become cocooned in an expat ghetto.

I know there were similarly named clubs in various parts of the world. Anyone know if they still exist?

[Oliver2]

I note Arsenal's posting and suspect that he'hit the nail on the head.Perhaps the key to Dodger's success is that he was in a ltr before becoming an expat.