Bringing New Comers Up to Speed on Thailand?

[cdnmatt]

I have a really good friend, 26 years old, and is heading to Thailand for the first time. Trying to bring him up to speed on things, so let me know what I'm missing here:

Two biggest things I have are -- Don't say anything about the monarchy, and if anyone begins professing their love of the King to you, just smile and nod. That, and don't show anyone the soles of your feet. If you have some cute dude laying on the floor watching TV for example, and want to get to the other side of him, walk around him. Don't step over him because you might really piss him off. I remember Kim almost kicked the shit out of me a couple times for that.

Aside from that, everything is fairly trivial as he's just going to be a tourist so everyone is going to expect him to be a naive, white slob anyway. Other things I have though are:

Dress respectfully when you go out, meaning long pants and a nice buttoned shirt. Don't wander around in basketball shorts and a wife beater.

Never get angry, because it's not going to get you anywhere. Always remain calm, cool, and respectful as a little respect goes a long way there.

Who you are matters more than what you are. Karma is a big part of life there, and being a kind, good hearted person gets you a long way.

Three most important phrases you need are "mai bpen rai", "leaoy dtee kun" (up to you), and "kaawp kum mak kap" (thank you very much).

People believe in reincarnation, and view this as just one of their thousands of lives before they reach nirvana. understanding this perspective helps quite a bit.

If you rent a house, food waste goes out every day. Maggots show up really quick in Thailand (see below for funny story).

If you rent a house, neighbors are going to give you food. Could be as simple as a banana and some 3-in-1 coffees. Return the favor, as food sharing is a part of the culture there.

If you get hitched with a cute guy, know that you're not just entering a relationship with him, but with the entire family. His parents are always going to come before you, as kids there are expected to help take care of their parents and elder family members.

Don't be an idiot and wai go-go boys or other young guys. Wai a monk if you come across one, but other than that, don't really worry about the whole waiing thing.

A little generosity to the security guards at your hotel goes a long way. If you're just going to 7/11 to grab some stuff, once in a while ask them if they'd like a couple beers. They'll remember it, and take better care of you.

Don't feed the elephants. They're babies, and are supposed to be in the jungle with their mom.

Don't fall in love with the first cute guy that jumps into your lap (he's looking for a long-term relationship). There's definitely genuine guys out there, but 98% of them that you meet just want your wallet.

If you goto Pattaya, believe nothing of what you see or hear. It's not real, and is basically just a massive red light district. Granted, it's great fun and setup for your personal pleasure, but just don't allow yourself to get sucked into it.

There's other things, but I can't remember right now. Please add yours. What am I missing?

--------------------

And funny story that I only rememberd a couple days ago while chatting with my friend. One day in Khon Kaen at first we had a large open garbage can, and one morning I noticed there were tons of maggots in there. I freaked out, and ran upstairs to wake Kim up and tell him the horrifying news. He's hungover, doesn't care, and isn't getting out of bed.

So I rush over to the little mom & pop store just beside us and grab a can of bug spray, then proceed to empty it into the garbage can thinking it would kill the maggots. Didn't work, and instead just pissed them off and they began crawling out of the garbage can all over the floor.

Now I have hundreds of maggots crawling all over the kitchen floor and am totally freaking out. Run back upstairs to get Kim, but nope, he's hungover and ain't moving.

I hop on the internet and Google "how to kill maggots", and it tells me I need boiling water with permetheum (sp). I think to myself, "fuck yeah, I think I got some" as I had dogs and hence special flea and tick shampoo for them. Check the bottle, and sure enough, it contains 1% permetheum, so I think "perfect, I got this".

I start boiling pots of water mixed with dog shampoo, and start throwing it all over the kitchen floor. Nope, maggots ain't dieing. Kim finally wakes up, hungover and disorientated, and comes downstairs to see what's going on and what I'm freaking out about.

He's in total shock and gives me this look of total disdain of, "what the fuck are you doing? why I am even with you?". I'm still freaking out because I'm not used to dealing with maggots, so just take my laptop and go upstairs while leaving him with the mess. haha, good times, I miss Thailand.

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[Moses]

The very first thing you should tell: always use condoms.
The second one: never use drugs.

[cdnmatt]

Yep and you're right, and already told him about the drugs thing. Condoms I think are just common sense and don't need mentioning.

Oh, and I forgot a phrase -- "gin kaao le yang" (have you eaten yet?). Will make sure to tell him.

[thaiophilus]

The temple/palace is not closed "because the monks are asleep/for a special ceremony".
There is no government scheme giving tourists cheap tuk-tuk rides.
There is no "Temple of the Lucky Buddha".
You can't buy gemstones here and resell at a profit back home.
Legitimate dealers in expensive things accept credit cards. They don't make you buy gold from the shop next door.
Laminated ID cards (any ID you like) are readily available in the Khao San Road.
Uniforms mean nothing unless the wearer also has a gun.

[pong]

Oh way laew, Matty canuck, this is FAAAR more as the tipical newbee young tourist here (I happen to stay near that area where the congregate, though its way not that much as before when they went by guideboox) can remember or will be willing to do. Plus that he will not visit that Isan anyway-way too far and not in the guideboox/sites.
Instead of maggots ANTs (mot) are everywhere and will find a tiny half-crumb of sugar in mins. But the BMA here does a serious job of refuse collecting and cleaning streets and parks even. They even send out boats to clean the canals every week.
As such a young guy he will be bombarded by any lookforfun/guys site he will care to open. Better learn how to deal with that.
And the very basics for new arrivals (assuming on a lower budget as 100$/N HTL?): what to do in airport/Swampy (get SIM, change some money, find transportation into town) and overcome the jetlag-should be even much worse coming of cold wintery icey canuckyland. The rest will be told by the various also young bekkiepekkies in the hostels he will stay in. Could even be FRench to develop that all-canucky feeling for languages.
Perhaps tell that there are even other sorts as elefant beer (with that green+gold chang on it).
And that toong yang (bags of not yet=condoms) are not easily available in giant western sizes.
And that its perfectly all right to consume rice+things on from 40 bt/dish roadside stalls. Or-there is always a 7 close by-and they do not even charge extortionate CN/US ´convenience´prices. They also do microwave meals-also around 40 bt-heating + spoonfork comes free with it.
Lets say pre 2000 all those things were-in a little more neutral wording-in those famous Lonely Planet Guidebookx.

[cdnmatt]

@pong -- You do realize that not all 20 somethings are poor, right? He'll definitely be doing the food markets, but out of desire, not necessity.

[latintopxxx]

matty me thinks u exagerate some of the "rules" like the whole feet/soles...ive lost count of the times ive planted a foot on the back of the mb's head while I'm fucking him....never had a problem...at least not a serious one...a couple made a half hearted effort to object but once informed that his job is to make me happy we carry on...he needs to know he's there for one thing only and money talks...maybe rules for MB's are different than for a live in lover..Im there on holiday and do wander around mostly in a t shirt and shorts...on the odd occasion I go to a nice restaurant I do wear a nice short sleeved shirt or polo t shirt...but yeah guess if one lives in Thailand full time rules are different or at least one needs to pay attention to neighbourly dynamics. Im always nice to security personel, in many a place they facilitate matters...in Morocco they supplied me with Mb's for a small finders fee...

[Mancs]

It's often hot. Wear shorts and a t shirt, unless you're doing something more formal.
Consider the combined effects of heat, jet lag, lack of sleep and alcohol, if these are relevant. Another shower and a nap may be a good idea.
Mosquito cream can be handy near water or in the North and even tells alley dogs that you're not a stranger.
I say 'sorry' in Thai quite a lot - ขอโทษ (khǎaw-thôot).
If you drop a banknote do not put your foot on it.

[Dodger]

Who you are matters more than what you are. Karma is a big part of life there, and being a kind, good hearted person gets you a long way.

Of all the good tips you provided - I think this one by far is the most important.

Thais have an incredible ability to see inside a person (where Karma lives)...almost clairvoyant.

[Oliver2]

Of course, they don't always need to be clairvoyant if a falang puts a foot on their neck. Or anywhere else on their body.