Limerick contest

[Captain Swing]

Sorry Marsilius, but my Muse whispers "needs skerric of change, says he". (He's a bitch, but ...). A few words with one too many syllables.

Would roll more smoothly off the mouth if that was cleaned up a bit. And sounds more 'musical'. (Line 1 and 2.)

One night in Boyztown Soi 3
A comely young "lad" 'proached me.
But it wasn't a boy,
Just a grasping kathoi
(I could tell when he sat down to pee)

Your Muse is drunk. Your new first line is debatable perhaps, but Marsilius's is better. The "on a ," being unstressed, don't disturb the meter and make the line flow better. Your new second line simply doesn't work, unless one comes down hard on the first "A," which isn't the way English is spoken and would also require stress on "young." Or, to make the meter work, one would have to make "comely" three syllables or "'proached" two. All three options are too hideous to contemplate. Miss Titus would roll over in her grave. (She was my third grade teacher, and may she continue to rot in hell, miserable old bitch that she was).

[scottish-guy]

Marsilius' original version scans better - the 'a' in "approached" is totally necessary for the meter

[snotface]

A smitten young farang on holiday
Gave his Thai boy a nice parting bouquet.
The boy took one look,
His head he then shook,
And said, 'With flowers I cannot my bills pay.'

[scottish-guy]

Sorry, but that's awful - specifically the second line which neither scans nor rhymes

[arsenal]

It's high season, time for the boy.
To present himself as our toy.
To pleasure our whim.
And the sex we won't skim.
As the farang relaxes in joy.

And post of here p'raps you might.
Of the day fun and also the night.
Plus all the rest.
It's always the best.
Deciding on Pattaya was right.

[Captain Swing]

It's high season, time for the boy.
To present himself as our toy.
To pleasure our whim.
And the sex we won't skim.
As the farang relaxes in joy.

And post of here p'raps you might.
Of the day fun and also the night.
Plus all the rest.
It's always the best.
Deciding on Pattaya was right.

Bloody fucking horrible. Ghastly. No offense.

[arsenal]

None taken. In fact I agree with you. Terrible.

[a447]

The tourists who flock to Bangkok
Have a need to be hard as a rock
To have fun in the sack
Just lie on your back
As your "friend" keeps his eye on the clock

[Captain Swing]

With apologies to Arsenal, and everyone else.

In high season it's time for the boy
To offer himself as my toy.
I'm counting on him
To serve at my whim:
His horror--(plus money)--my joy.

All too soon comes the day for "Goodbye."
We'll hug tightly and maybe he'll cry.
I will promise to write,
He'll know better: ( "Yeah, right".)
No matter--here comes the next guy.

[a447]

Lol.

Here's my second attempt.

My very best friend is a Thai
And is easy to tell you just why
He's got a big heart
And another big part
Which only my money can buy