I was watching a brief report on BBC World the other day about the preparations for the World Cup. Included was some footage about (I assume) Russian football hooligans and speculation about the safety of Western tourists who went to Russia to watch World Cup matches. My question is – where could I get one of those young hooligans? Some of those who appeared in the crowd scenes on the BBC definitely belong on my To Do list

However I’ll have to fit in with my other duties – I’ve been appointed Chief Balls Sweat Licker for the Korean team