With all the pollution you speak of I'm wondering if perhaps Thailand has an equivalent of what we used to have in Glasgow and Edinburgh: "The Jobby Boat".

This is a true story - a fleet of sizeable vessels which pensioners were allowed on for free to cruise into the Firth of Clyde and back. A lovely day out you might think.

However, once the boat got into the middle of the Firth of Clyde it would begin to discharge thousands of litres of human sewage which resulted in the formation of a mile long streak of effluent with seagulls following the trail and divebombing into it. Meanwhile the OAPs were having a whale of a time on the deck eating their sandwiches and listening to their transistor radios.

In a supreme stroke of genius I believe one was even named "Gardyloo" after the call that went out to people in the street below, in the days when you emptied your crap out the windows of your house.

Pattaya/Dongtan beaches don't seem quite so bad now do they

And Arsenal will be pleased at my post as it will allow him to make some acid comment which will go completely un-moderated.