Preferring to die in my own home than retirement or nursing homes

[scottish-guy]

I’m not dismissing anything, and i was actually replying to LW - don’t take things so personally dear

[Marsilius]

My father-in-law is suffering from inoperable and terminal cancer so we are currently facing up to this issue.

His original intention was to die at home. However, the woman who visited from the local hospice made what seems a very good point: in his final few weeks the necessary physical changes to his living arrangements (restricted area in which he can move around, plus the need to install either a stairlift or temporary lavatory facilities, as well as the arrival of various bulky bits of medical equipment) will mean that his home of many decades will no longer seem like his home.

In her experience, she said, it was better for someone in that situation to go to a well-run specialist hospice (which, as others here have already said, can be the most positive experience in the circumstances) with fond memories of their home as it was lived in - rather than seeing it transformed out of all recognition into a mini hospital ward.

[scottish-guy]

I sympathise with your situation, and of course there would be difficulties but "temporary lavatory facilities" can be as simple as a commode.

As for a hospice worker recommending a hospice - to paraphrase Mandy Rice Davies - 'Well, she would say that, wouldn't she'

However I'm sure you'll weigh everything up and I'm sure whatever decisions you make (or contribute to) will be the right ones for your father-in-law's particular situation.

Wishing you the best.

[topjohn5]

Hi Wombat,
I understand completely your desire to be at home. I have recently returned to the USA from 8 years in Thailand and then Cambodia to live with my 99 year old father. He had caregivers during the day but needed someone there in the evening as his short term memory is very lacking at this point.
My sister was at wits-end after several wild events he had and his desire to still "control" all situations. So, I returned to stop her from starting the legal process to commit him and then put him forcibly in a facility. I don't blame her at all as our father is a narcissist on the level of Trump and a true pain-in-the-ass, lol.
The funny thing was, for the first time in my life, he was thankful......he has NEVER thanked me for anything before, lol.
Anyway, I hope you can accomplish your goal of staying in your home.

[lonelywombat]

I had email from a member who likes to discuss other things than sex in Thailand.
We had discussed this ,and he in a meeting with friends raised what I had said and other contributions.
One of those attending was upset and left quickly without contributing to the conversation.
Scottish has mentioned above,commodes, and her mother went past using bed pans to losing all control of how to remove waste.
Although not heavy they had to lift here body in and out of bed, to change bed and to clean, it was becoming a nightmare.
They could no longer cope and had to move her out.
It is only a few weeks since it occurred. The huge criticism came from family and friends not living at home, with no responsibility for care.
There are two sides for everything. Who knows it could happen to me.

[Jellybean]

Part of this topic has been split and moved to the Holding Room
under the title, Dignitas.

Jellybean
Moderator