Doctor, I need some advice.....

[poshglasgow]

Sixty-year-old Bill went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I'm worried about my wife, she doesn't look well."
"No problem," said the doctor, "I'll give her a thorough examination."
Fifteen minutes later the doctor spoke to Bill in the waiting room. "Bill, I've examined your wife and she's suffering from one of two conditions: aids or alzheimer's!"
"What the hell! Are you kidding me, doc? Aids or alzhiemer's???"
"Yes, aids or alzheimer's."
Bill was shocked. "So what can I do, doc? How can I tell which condition she has?"
"When she's finished dressing," said the doctor, "and joins us here in the waiting room, I want you to give her a shopping list and tell her that she has to make her own way home on foot, after doing the shopping."
"Doctor, we live two miles away, via a maze of convoluted lanes."
The doctor replied, "Precisely, Bill, and when you get home and find that she's already there with the shopping intact ....do NOT fuck her!"

[bkkguy]

Bill: Doctor I'm worried, my dick's turned orange

Doc: I've never seen anything like this - have you had sexual relations with a new partner recently

BIll: No Doc, I'm getting old and don't get out much anymore - I' mostly spend my nights just hanging around at home watching porn and eating Cheetos

bkkguy

[DaveyJonesLocker]

My favourite is about the man who reported to his doctor that ever since he'd taught his wife to do it doggy style he couldn't stop her chasing cars. Then there's the couple who reported a preference for doggy style as they could both watch the television.