Getting old

[cdnmatt]

I'm in the Okanagan now. Hopefully you are not.

No, I'm on the island right now. Hopefully you are not, or I'd be forced to throw my parent's cat at your face.

[Smiles]

So I assume a blowjob is out of the question?

[cdnmatt]

So I assume a blowjob is out of the question?

Well, from the sounds of things my parents have a pretty powerful vacuum cleaner. Would that work?

Or we could always just take you down to the local SPCA, lay you down, spread peanut butter on your nut sack, open the cages, and see what happens. I will happily arrange that for you if you'd like.

[scottish-guy]

... my parents have a pretty powerful vacuum cleaner. Would that work?

Certainly worked for me between the ages of 12 and 16

[Smiles]

Certainly worked for me between the ages of 12 and 16

And here I thought I was the only one. (Hoovering that is.)

[Captain]

I had a very handsome crew member in young twenties working on my boat in Phuket. All the female shopkeepers were absolutely in love with him. He was straight by the way. Taking him to a shop, just one time, forever slowed me down in the future. Whenever I returned to the shop all the women would look at me and ask "Where baby?"

I gather these women didn't know the word son, so they just said "Where baby?" and I knew exactly what they wanted to know. "Baby married?"

Actually that is cute, but not as cute as one time a tiny child in the farmer's market looked up at me and realized I didn't speak Thai. The child said what was obviously the only English word she knew. Mommy?

[christianpfc]

Be careful when masturbating with vacuum cleaners. There is a thesis in medicine "Penis injuries from masturbation with vacuum cleaners" (my translation) that even has it's own wikipedia page Penisverletzungen bei Masturbation mit Staubsaugern (in German, as is the thesis).

[scottish-guy]

Thanks Christian.

Of course I can't read any of it but I notice that the only picture is of an upright vacuum cleaner from perhaps the 1920's.

With all due respect, I'd suggest that shoving one's todger in an upright vacuum cleaner is indeed likely to lead to injury and that Hoover's advertising jingle from the 60's "It beats as is sweeps as it cleans" should tell any potential vacuum cleaner masturbator all they need to know in order to avoid those particular models.

Furthermore, shoving your aforementioned todger into a 90yo is also not recommended.

My vacuum cleaner of choice (for getting sucked off) was a 1960's Hoover Constellation (see below). I did have a friend though who (on my advice) tried to do the same. Unfortunately he stuck the hose into the "exhaust" outlet instead of the "suck" outlet and was picking dust out of his jap's eye for a week.

OralSex.jpg

[Nirish guy]

It's hard to believe but the topics on this board keep getting just stranger and stranger it seems !

[scottish-guy]

Good - that's exactly what Christian and I are aiming for.