Oh what a fool am I

I know some members of this board will take the piss, (consider that I will ignore anything those guys inparticular have to say) but I would like some advice re: my num friend.

I met a guy here in Thailand about four months ago, we started seeing each other on a regular basis and then we agreed a set amount that I could pay him to see him everyday. He was a gogo bar boy for three months and he left the bar in which he had worked to stay with me. It has now been three months since we went 'full time'. He is a farm boy, he never asks for anything (no gold, no mobile - he bought his own) and he is full of energy and life. He has loved learning English and has developed good language skills, far more than the 'what your name' bar talk.

I am no angel and I like places such as Krazy Dragon and flirting with other guys but apart from one misdemeanour, I have not slept with another guy in the last three months.

A few days ago I panicked, a combination of dwindling funds, the fact that I was growing ever more attached and also that I was going to meet his family resulted in me calling the thing off. The reason I gave to him was purely my dwindling funds (but my feelings and the growing prospect of meeting his folks really began to scare me). I have said previously that we both knew the situation, he is a money boy and I am the client but the attachment over three months has grown and I have now thrown it away. Added to that I know I have embarrassed him. I was going to see his family and now I have not gone with him, he has returned home, minus Farang friend. Further, I previously thought that the money I had given him was being banked, with half being sent home to his parents and the rest kept by him for the future. I now know that apart from what he spent on his phone, some new cheap market clothes, rent and food, he has sent all the money I have given him home to his parents, who coming from Isan and being small hold farmers are not what you would call well off. We had planned on buying a few gifts for his family (dress for his mum, some pants and shirts for his brothers and father and a toy for his youngest brother), he would not acccept any money from me and I know he went out and purchased these gifts himself as he had promised his family.

He was confused when we broke up and wasn't sure what he would do. He hates working in the gogo bar, as I said he had just been there three months and was doing it because he wanted to send money home and could not find another job in Pattaya. Further, I know he was heartbroken (and not just for the money) and he even consoled me that everything was ok despite him being shell shocked.

For four nights I have not spoken with him and I miss him, I feel incredibly low. I want him back, I don't want to sleep with anyone else. I know trust will be an issue and possibly he will resent me.

Take it as read that anyone who posts, you are a bastard, you are an idiot, stop being so self indulgent, for chrisakes he's a money boy, get a life etc will all have been considered by me. If anyone has any constructive advice I would be grateful. Is it best to leave things as they are now that the break is made or do you think there is a chance of recovering the situation. I have one more month in Thailand, but as posted in other topics, I will go for another tourist visa and return to Pattaya if we get back together, if not I will probably move elsewhere or go visit other countries until the funds dry up.

Having just read all this back, I realise it is self indulgent and so pathetic, but hey i'll just press the submit button and await the flack.

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• What kind of fool am i?

Welcome to the club !! :cheers: :cheers:

After you rude comments about boygeenyus, maybe you should take his advice on this one.

[Aunty]

Putting aside for a minute your truly appalling just joking! Oh come on dude, as Pearl said, welcome to life! We all make mistakes, we all screw up, we've all had tears on our party dress (although in Edith's case it's usually booze)

My advice to you is very simple. Ring him up and tell him the truth. Read out what you wrote above. Tell him you panicked, that you got spooked by your own feelings, that you didn't want to hurt him etc., etc., etc. Tell him that you're sorry, and ask if he'll take you back, if that is what you want. If money is an issue, explain that to him that you'll continue to support him as much as you can, but there just has to be a limit. Fattie don't deprived yourself of this one chance to have a little happiness. Pretend he's an Islamist. Life is too short.

I can relate to your anguish. I would say forget it. You are going back to Farangland anway. My experience tells me it is usually silly to get too deep in a long term money wire kind of "relationship."

Thanks for sharing F/41. Wiser ones here may have better advice, particularly those who have a BF and may have been through something like this before.

If you can't get him out of your mind (which appears the case, as you're posting about him) then I think you have to make contact with him and see what, if anything, works out: phone him or just go to his village now, and act as if nothing has happened.

The guys we meet here are well able to handle the curious behaviour we love-sick and/or up-themselves farangs carry on with - there's no need to go through an exhaustive analysis with him of how and why this all came about.

And while you are at it, have a dance!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVsD3p5cxAU&eurl=

[Aunty]

By the way, your feelings do tell you things, they bring into consciousness that which is unconscious.

If you don't know that you truly love this boy, or if you don't know you want to love this boy, or you don't want the responsibility of looking after this boy and his family, or if you are frightened of being hurt, maybe you are frightened to love because what if he breaks up with you - whatever your feelings are telling you, do take a moment or two to think about them and, what you really want to do. Have that clear in your heart and mind first, as you don't want to be screwing this young man around.

If it's fear that is holding you back, fear of your own feelings well as the book says, feel the fear and do it anyway. Nothing ventured nothing gained. The worst thing that happens to you when you cry is your eyes go red.

[dave_tf-old]

All farang are alike...it's a shame we don't have buffalo to blame.

Actually, it sounds like you have been shacking up with my ex.

I'd follow Aunty's advice...but all of it. Of course, only you know your financial situation, and understandably everything hinges on that. But I wager that some honesty from you to him might reconcile things.

[UncleSam]

and want him back, but that you can only afford to pay him 50% of what you were paying before.

My guess is that he will solve your problem by himself.