Thanks for your review, FarangRuMak. To be honest, I've walked by the massage parlours around Tuk-com on many an occasion, but never stopped, as the masseurs have always struck me as too effeminate and not to my taste.

But the recent positive reviews for Royal House Massage have piqued my interest and, your mention of finding a hairy lad, has definitely aroused my curiosity. So when I'm in Pattaya next week, I'll be sure to drop in and see for myself if things have really changed.

And while I'm here, there's a question that I've been meaning to ask you, the Caucasian-who-knows-much. Did you ever appear on the stage at the London Palladium and were you ever asked, what are the 39 steps?