Boris and arsenal - a secret tryst?

[snotface]

A regular customer of mine when I used to drive a minicab was an elderly small-time criminal with the unusual name of Dexter, who had spent more of his adult life inside than out. He knew the Krays in the sixties and admitted that it was no fun getting on the wrong side of them. He owed them a bit of money once and next time he saw them Reggie asked him all innocently, 'Seen Jack lately, have you, Dex?' About a week earlier the twins had lured Jack 'The Hat' McVitie into a basement and knifed him to death. Duly put on notice, Dex promised to pay what he owed asap. He told me he spent the next few nights getting up from bed every few minutes to make sure all was clear outside.

Dexter was not the sharpest tool in the box and nor, it seemed, were some of his accomplices. I heard a funny story in the cab office. Wearing masks, he and an associate held up a petrol station one night, one emptying the till while the other pointed a gun at the terrified cashier. When they were done, the accomplice said, 'Okay, Dex, let's go.' Great was their surprise when the police turned up at Dexter's flat a short while after, just as they were counting out the takings on the floor.

[poshglasgow]

A regular customer of mine when I used to drive a minicab was an elderly small-time criminal with the unusual name of Dexter, who had spent more of his adult life inside than out. He knew the Krays in the sixties and admitted that it was no fun getting on the wrong side of them. He owed them a bit of money once and next time he saw them Reggie asked him all innocently, 'Seen Jack lately, have you, Dex?' About a week earlier the twins had lured Jack 'The Hat' McVitie into a basement and knifed him to death. Duly put on notice, Dex promised to pay what he owed asap. He told me he spent the next few nights getting up from bed every few minutes to make sure all was clear outside.

Dexter was not the sharpest tool in the box and nor, it seemed, were some of his accomplices. I heard a funny story in the cab office. Wearing masks, he and an associate held up a petrol station one night, one emptying the till while the other pointed a gun at the terrified cashier. When they were done, the accomplice said, 'Okay, Dex, let's go.' Great was their surprise when the police turned up at Dexter's flat a short while after, just as they were counting out the takings on the floor.

Great story, Snotface.

Two things come to mind when reading it.

I can recall that the Today programme (BBC Radio 4) in or around 1980/1981 made mention of a detective at New Scotland Yard whose name was a real hoot among colleagues and cons (and production team were adamant that this was true). His name? Detective Inspector Robin Banks!!

Another thing came to mind when reading your post (nothing to do with Dad's Army's "Don't tell him, Pike"!). I seem to recall somewhere that a hapless novice thief decided to augment his meagre income one day by robbing a bank and, as he always took his dog for its daily walk in the streets of south east London, he'd combine the two tasks (as one does).

He saddled up the dog (or whatever you do to a dog before walkies)) and led it off towards the target bank. He tied the dog up to a lampost outside the bank, shoved a balaclava on his head (not the dog's), concealed the spud gun (a toy) under a tea towel and entered the bank. He passed the cashier a fairly explicit message scribbled on a piece of paper and she handed him a wad of cash. She also activate the alarm with the effect that the amateur thief took off like a whippet with its arse on fire and headed for home.

The police arrived at the bank and, in the course of their initial assessment of the crime scene (enter the SOCO), found the lonely dog still attached to the lampost. The dog had a collar around its neck with a large silver disc offering the police the full address and telephone number of its owner.... the bank robber. He received a visit from the old bill within the hour. "Get your clothes on, your nicked!!"