I am going to split this report into smaller chunks of texts (mini paragraphs), as I recall my impressions of my trip last week. I think it may assist the reader too. So it is a series of recollections that occur to me, in no particular order, while I write.
In one of my recent posts I was undecided as to whether to stay in Boyztown - as I have for the past 24 years when visiting Pattaya - or in Jomtien, for the first time ever. I chose the latter and I didn't regret it for one moment. One slight caveat to this was the daily travelling between Pattaya and Jomtien in the ever-present rush-hour.
I flew out of Heathrow on Lufthansa and found it quite dreadful. The food was very sub-standard in my opinion, the flight was delayed and the in-flight entertainment was old and very temperamental. While chatting to one of the cabin crew she disclosed that the metal train that takes food out o the planes had tipped over and that the pasta and curry dishes were going to require some attention!!! Changed at Frankfurt onto the BKK flight. Miles and miles and bloody miles of walking at transit with the travellators out of action. Flew back to the UK, courtesy of Swiss, which was far superior in all respects.
Stayed at the Venue in Jomtien. Friendly staff, spacious clean room with pleasant views out to the back, and it is very conveniently situated. However, the lift is well past its sell-by date, and both television reception and internet connection need some attention. But, I would certainly stay at the Venue again.
The highlight of my trip was the nightly show at the Venue: what an incredible Christmas show!!! This was by far the best performance I have seen in any bar in Thailand in all the years I've been visiting. Choreography was superb, costumes were amazing, and the Venue was packed every night. Terrific atmosphere. Elfin-eyed Nes was my favourite performer. Look out for him as he is a natural performer.
Sure enough, the welcome received at @Home bar (next door) was terrific with the friendly fellow-Scot boss (Zack) proving the prefect host. The stable of young men is primarily staffed by Cambodians, and I must say they were most accommodating and friendly. Many are incredibly good looking.
Went to visit Mama Pai at the green (and white) chairs bar in Sunnee. Oh my God! Were Sunee to be compared to a hospital patient it would surely be located in the intensive care unit. It was like a ghost town. Can Sunee possibly survive? The few bars and clubs that were open, were staffed by bored-looking young men sitting outside perusing Hornet and Gay Romeo on their mobiles. Mama Pai was very philosophical about it all, but I always pay Sunee a visit for old time's sake and to recall some of the incredible shows and bars which were around in days of yore.
Boyztown was quite busy but nowhere as busy as the Complex (which I firmly believe is the future of gay Pattaya). And still the Chinese tour groups shuffle silently through Soi 3, cameras set to video the gay clientele (you could almost hear the hushed tones of David Attenborough guiding them through the soi with a detailed account of gay culture and the symbiotic relationship between the predator and the prey!
I usually had the first sundowner with Nana at Panorama (not my Nana - she's long dead) but Nana the waiter. He likes a bit of gossip, but much of what he has to tell you has to be taken with a pinch of salt. He was quite adamant, for example, that the boss (Mr. D) at Penthouse on Soi 2 had returned to the UK after falling in the bathroom, and in so doing, had sustained a serious brain injury! I went to the Penthouse the same evening and found Mr. D in very good health indeed and we spent some time chatting! Oh, a bit of gossip. When I first stayed at the Penthouse in 1993 the split between gays and breeders was 50/50. Over the years, particularly with the opening of the Kitten Club, it has been a hotel for straight guys. However, Mr. D told me that in recent months he hired only ladyboys, as the punters found them 'more accommodating' than the real girls. Eh? I found that a bit odd but it might account for why the Kitten Club on Soi 2 is now closed. Imagine for one minute your average loud, gay-hating, yobby, young hetero, pissed on Singha, leading his two pussies from the Kitten Club to the bedroom and discovering the inevitable in the shower. It would be like winning the lottery - six matching balls!! Only it wouldn't be would it? All hell would break loose. You read about the same scenario all the time, mainly with pissed Russians taking back 'ladies' to their rooms and the ensuing re-enactment of the Battle of Little Bighorn, in the shower.
I moved next door to Serene bar and had a drink with Max. I promised him last year that I would look him up again. A fairly popular bar with a respectable number of farang, and although I enjoy Max's company, like so many others, he is hooked on the addictive allure of Hornet and other gay sites. I was stunned when he told me that he served his apprenticeship in Sunee before graduating at aged 15 to the former Gentlemen Club in Pattayaland Soi 1! My God, can you imagine that today?
Strolled into Toy Boys: very disappointing and not a patch on last year. From there to Cupidol and there, at the entrance, stood my nemesis, the short, gushing Mamasan, twirling around outside like an excited Dorothy about to set off on the Yellow-brick Road.
"Hi, welcome, good to see you again. I remember you last time. Have many boys: new boys: take look."
There weren't many boys at all and of those on the stage, most stood staring intently, like Midwitch Cuckoos about to kill their prey, at the three bored farang who were in there. I resolutely ignored the Mamasan and refused to make eye contact as she twirled and swirled her way around the bar in her (his?) miniskirt, sweeping her arms - much like a magician's assistant - to point out various young men, none of whom were my type!
"Number 20, he do everything."
"Will he kidnap you and dump you on Koh Larn for twenty baht?"
"No ploblem."
Dinner on a few occasions at La Petite Planete was worth every penny, although the resident toddler, presumably the child of the owners, squawking and squealing, was most irritating. At one point, the infant was rolling about on one of the tables by the toilet. But, this is an excellent restaurant in terms of value for money and quality. The restaurant next door was not quite as full on Christmas night (La Petite Planet was full so I began to look for another venue) and the menu looked good. I was about to sit down when I happened to ask a couple of European men, who were leaving, about their Christmas dinner experience. Their response was not encouraging. I decided to give it a go, but just as I was about to sit down, a girl aged about ten approached me with a menu and an order pad. I left. If I want to be served by a ten-year-old I'll shoot up Pattaya South Road and have lunch with the kids at school 8! Eh, on second thoughts, probably not a good idea!!
I crossed the road to my old favourite, Le Bordeaux, in the same soi. In terms of decor and service it is more up-market and you will pay for it. Canapes and a complementary cocktail were presented, and I must say that the attentive staff could not be faulted. I was introduced to the new French owner by the Thai head waiter as a 'regular over many years'. I started with the cream of pumpkin soup which was pleasant but was lukewarm, and I didn't think that the small square of liver pate floating in the middle of it (it was called an island on the menu) worked at all well: it was quite odd. The imported fillet steak was of excellent quality but the veg serving was inadequate (almost nouveau cuisine). One glass of Chilean red, a very good wine, and the total bill 1,400 B.
The Nam Sing (Bird's Nest) restaurant next to Royal Garden: oh dear! It has been a favourite of mine for some years, but this year it was disappointing. There is a new front-of-house guy who doesn't smile unless you wrestle him to the ground and tickle him under the arms! This place has, in my opinion, gone down hill big time since my last visit in February. I had dinner there last week on two occasions and too much oil was used both times, leaving meat etc, swimming about in it!
The pantomime kicked off when an elderly Chinaman entered the restaurant and used the toilet. He was yelled at by Mister Happy, screaming, "Fifty baht, fifty baht! Toilet for customer! Fifty Baht!" Mr. Fawlty?
A PR disaster. The man in need of the toilet could well have been a tour guide leader or a prospective customer.
There were other issues which I will skip over.
L'Olivier restaurant in Jomtien Complex: pleasant enough but the steak was disappointing. Indeed, the entrecote at La Petite Planete was far superior and was part of La Petite Planete's 390 baht set menu! The buffet, however, at L'Olivier is a plus and the service is good.
Now this is the spooky bit: Last Friday I hired a motorbike taxi at Tukcom to take me back to Jomtien, and I recalled with a sense of some unease that I must have travelled many miles on the back of motorbike taxis over many years in Thailand without incident. This, clearly was a premonition, as thirty minutes after getting on the back of the bike I was being cleaned and patched up in a clinic in Jomtien. Coming down into Jomtien the car in front of us slowed and stopped. In it were two mature European men. My motorbike driver decided to undertake the vehicle in the space between the car and the pavement and it was at that point that the passenger in the car, without checking behind him, threw open his door to leave the vehicle. We smashed into the door, sending both the driver and me across the pavement! I sustained minor bruising and cuts and an injury to my right knee which, thankfully, is not fractured. From that moment on I went everywhere by taxi. Oh, and the driver of the car sped off while the motor bike driver pursued the passenger across the busy road in the direction of View Tallay, shouting, "Hey you! Stop! Stop!"
I waited for some time and decided to hail a baht bus. I climbed very, very gently aboard to complete my journey down into the Complex, and wondered why the other passengers were staring at me and smiling. I was still wearing the bloody helmet! I had no sooner sat down on the bus than I had to press the bell to get back off again to return the helmet. The staff at the Venue were excellent by providing bags of ice to reduce the swelling on the knee before I could limp to the clinic.
Just sharing a taste of my nine days in Pattaya. I hope you've enjoyed the account. A very Happy and Healthy New Year to all of you!
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