When your partner leaves...

[joe552]

I rather like the idea of a microchip Matt. I looked after my mother with dementia for a few years before she went into a nursing home. It was challenging,, and exhausting at times, but I would't have it any other way. She mainly just watched TV. And I took her to Mass every day. She was very happy with that. The nursing home had a small chapel and daily Mass. That helped ease her into her new life there.

[joe552]

Matt, just a word of caution about having her come live with you. People with dementia need familiarity - their own possessions around them. They know where the bathroom is, for instance. So I'd be reluctant to take her away from her family and familiar surroundings. Instead, maybe consider employing a carer (part time) with experience of dementia?

[frequent]

Matt, just a word of caution about having her come live with you. People with dementia need familiarity - their own possessions around them. They know where the bathroom is, for instance. So I'd be reluctant to take her away from her family and familiar surroundings. Instead, maybe consider employing a carer (part time) with experience of dementia?

My thoughts precisely - living with and caring for someone with dementia is very difficult on the carers too - but I'm not sure that Laos would have experienced resources anyway. Bangkok does

[frequent]

We don't have tyranny of the majority here.

Just the tyranny of uninformed Moderators

[cdnmatt]

Matt, just a word of caution about having her come live with you. People with dementia need familiarity - their own possessions around them. They know where the bathroom is, for instance. So I'd be reluctant to take her away from her family and familiar surroundings. Instead, maybe consider employing a carer (part time) with experience of dementia?

Her new husband (Leo's step father) didn't even visit her in the hospital, so he's obviously totally fucken useless.

You want me to go hire nurses to go live with her in her village? Yeah... no. And we're not putting her in a home, because Asian families just don't do that. They take care of each other.

I guess one of Leo's sisters owns a hotel somwehere, so maybe she'll step up and take her in. I don't know, not up to me. I just made sure Leo knows she's more than welcome to come live with us, because she'll no longer be able to take care of herself, and her husband is obviously useless. There will be Leo, myself, and two kids, so that's a pretty strong base of support and care.

I don't know, up to the family, not me. I just made sure Leo knows the door is open, and I'm happy to take her in.

[joe552]

Ok Matt, you're right - it's Leo and his family's decision. You've made the offer - now up to them.

[bobsaigon2]

Matt, "a pretty strong base of support and care"? It would be totally on Leo's shoulders. Try to picture the burdens in Leo's daily life if he had to care for a mother with dementia, two young nephews and a blind partner who is not fluent in Lao and is useless in providing any kind of support and care. That would be enough to make him head for the nearest wat to resume his monastic life.

[joe552]

Matt, I think bob makes a good point. If you're taking on the 2 nephews, looking after his mother with dementia, just seems too much. You seem to want to do what you can for Leo and his family, but you have to be realistic.

[cdnmatt]

Matt, "a pretty strong base of support and care"? It would be totally on Leo's shoulders. Try to picture the burdens in Leo's daily life if he had to care for a mother with dementia, two young nephews and a blind partner who is not fluent in Lao and is useless in providing any kind of support and care. That would be enough to make him head for the nearest wat to resume his monastic life.

What? It's hardly all on his shoulders. You think taking care of a family of 5 (Leo, myself, 2 kids, an elderly grandma) and two dogs is going to be cheap? Someone will need to ensure that money shows up in the bank account, and that would be me. I'm sure I'll also end up being the cook in the family, so I'll be the one cooking every breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

The kids won't be useless. They'll help clean the floor, do the dishes, laundry, take care of Leo's mom, etc.

Yeah, Leo will have a decent amount on his shoulders, but so will I, and so will the kids. That's life.

The gury is still out on the mother anyway. She's in a hospital right now learning how to walk again, then will go back to her village. Then the family has a decision to make, and not up to me. She's going to need care though, so I just made sure Leo knows I'm happy to step up to the plate if needed.

[Smiles]

Matt, I think bob makes a good point. If you're taking on the 2 nephews, looking after his mother with dementia, just seems too much. You seem to want to do what you can for Leo and his family, but you have to be realistic.

M. Joe, I really think that you should put off your Meat & Greet date until exactly April 1/18. That date would be much more appropriate in my opinion, as well as being deep in the Heart of Irony.
Matt has apparently pushed up his latest bowel movement to Vientiane to "sometime in the future", so pushing up yours should not be a tight issue.

Just a gut feeling on my part, therefore "up to you".