Why doesn't (poor?) SE Asian families hug?

[bobsaigon2]

Thais may feel that hugging and kissing may reveal too much of their emotional state, may in a sense risk a loss of face. Or as Nirish said in post 6, "...my family aren't at all tactile and my parents were fairly much of the Victorian mind set of it's crass to "show emotion" and always show a "stiff upper lip" etc..."

Thai student returns to family after several years abroad. Wai's of course, but aside from that just a gentle pat on the shoulder by mom or dad. No hugs or kisses.

And whatever happened to the romantic sniff-kiss? No lip kissing when I first came to Thailand many many years ago, though thankfully most of the Twilight boys are not hesitant about it now.

American friend with Cambodian bf reports that he experimented with some sniff kissing and his bf was immediately aroused.

All of this appears to be perfect material for someone's D Phil dissertation. Looking forward to that.

BTW, after reading Nirish's post above I had to double check to see who wrote it. No evidence of his usual stream of consciousness, to hell-with-grammatical-agreement-and-spelling writing. Completely intelligible. Maybe that's an example of his weekend posting?

[kittyboy]

Many people in the west may have grown up with parents that were not huggy kissy types etc. And some poster here may want to regale us with tales of their sterile upbringing..but I think the question Matt poses is a question about the values and norms of a society. Not the values and norm of one family.

In general are the norms and values of Thailand such that parents do not hug and kiss their children? In general what does Thai culture see as appropriate forms of displays of affection between generations?

I now live in the USA. But I did live in China for 6 years and Chinese parents are in general (one can always trot out some counter example-- so what..I am talking about in general the majority of Chinese parents) are not affectionate towards their children. Chinese parents dote on their offspring, they make sacrifices for their children..but they are not huggers and kissers.

Chinese children are supposed to know that their parents care for them and love them because the parents sacrifice for their children..provide food and clothing.. and make sure the child get a good education and parents endlessly criticize their children for not working hard enough..which supposedly demonstrates how much the parent loves the child.

[cdnmatt]

No, I'm not really talking about some families are closer than others. Without question, this is across the board, and a (large) cultural difference between the West and East.

I'm just curious if anyone has any insight as to why. Best I have is due to the respect aspect of society here, as far more importance is placed on respect in SE Asis than out West. Maybe here the culture dictates if you show too much love, you lose respect? You have to admit, in general terms, SE Asian kids are far better behaved than Western kids.

Maybe it's simply you need to be strong in life, and love weakens you? That can't be it, because love only makes you stronger. I don't know... would like to understand better though, especially if we're taking Leo's nephews in.

[Smiles]

I rather enjoyed Nirish's "no paragraphs, no periods, period!" philosophy: Nirish channeling Kerouac channeling Thai script.
Not sure I'd like it so much if everyone does it, but just having one member who writes a 3,690-word apostrophe-less post is nicely challenging.

" ... I'm just curious if anyone has any insight as to why ... "

Because Thai's (and other nationalities) are different. This is hardly rocket science.

" ... Maybe it's simply you need to be strong in life, and love weakens you? ..."

Oh please!

[MiniMee]

But the 10 Commandments came down from the mountain, angry, to smyte them, and rain them in.

Err.....that would be rein them in this time.

[FarangRuMak]

All that hugging and kissing in the coming and going of folks started in America and then spread throughout the west via Movies & TV.
The old Victorian disapproval of emotion display mentioned by NIrish fits well with conservative Christians of all types.
Poverty is the world's greatest 'kill-joy'.
Money is not the root of all evil-lack of money is much nearer the mark in this regard.
Perhapse somebody here could give more of an insight into the Asian reluctance to show emotion.

[bobsaigon2]

Matt says: "You have to admit, in general terms, SE Asian kids are far better behaved than Western kids."

Bob says: No, I don't have to admit that. On a daily basis I see kids at restaurants, coffee shops, supermarket aisles running rampant, shouting and screaming, while their parents are clearly in attendance. These kids are speaking (shouting) in Vietnamese or Thai or Khmer and their little eyes look very Asian to me.

OK, if a parent introduces a child to you, you are likely to get a wai in Thailand and Cambodia, and a hands-clasped slight bow in Vietnam. But that is the extent of their "better behaviour".

[Smiles]

Err.....that would be rein them in this time.

Err, yes, I know. On purpose, as are the other spelling mistakes there. Just trying to be a dick, after promising not to be. With Matt ... can't help myself.
What about "slypri slowp"?

[cdnmatt]

Matt says: "You have to admit, in general terms, SE Asian kids are far better behaved than Western kids."

Bob says: No, I don't have to admit that. On a daily basis I see kids at restaurants, coffee shops, supermarket aisles running rampant, shouting and screaming, while their parents are clearly in attendance. These kids are speaking (shouting) in Vietnamese or Thai or Khmer and their little eyes look very Asian to me.

OK, if a parent introduces a child to you, you are likely to get a wai in Thailand and Cambodia, and a hands-clasped slight bow in Vietnam. But that is the extent of their "better behaviour".

Really? That hasn't been my experience at least. For example, if I end up on a songtaew full of kids coming home from school, I don't worry about it at all, and just hop on. However, not a chance I would get get on a school bus in Canada packed with 13 year olds.

Another example, if I go to the mall, and there's a group of say 10 teenagers hanging out, again, no worry at all and just walk past. That same scenario in Canada, there's a decent chance I would go out of my way to ensure there's some distance between us.

I guess the only real experience I have with kids here is when Kim's little brother stayed with us for a while, although no real idea how old he was. OOccasionally asked him for a few years, and each time he said he was 11, so who knows. Nonetheless, he was a great kids, and no problems at all with him. I guess I was pretty hands off with him, but he was really well behaved. He'd come bug me while working, and we'd watch some funny Youtube vids together, play some badminton on the street, etc. I can't think of a single thing to fault him for.

I remember when my nephews were that age, and they weren't that well behaved at all, and they were actually really good kids. Far better than some of their shithead friends, that's for sure.

[kittyboy]

Because Thai's (and other nationalities) are different. This is hardly rocket science.


Oh please!

It is not rocket science. It is social science and why other cultures do nor do not do things is an interesting field of study.