My boyfriend is HIV and didn't tell me

[allieb]

I have just found out that my boyfriend of 3 years is HIV + I visit Thailand about twice a year and look after the guy really well. when I am not there I send regular remittances to him. I haven't seen him for 6 months and was just ready for another trip until I heard through a friend of mine that he had another boyfriend who he had been with for all the time he was seeing me. He was running both of us. I also heard that he was HIV +. I called him and he confessed that he had been HIV+ for the last 2 years. He had encouraged me to have unprotected sex on my visits and I did. (Stupid me) I have been to the hospital for a test and thank god I am negative. I canceled my trip to Thailand and have stopped taking his calls. I don't care about the other boyfriend because I only see him for 2 months of the year and he is a young good looking boy, good luck to him. I am however very disappointed about him keeping secret the HIV and encouraging unprotected sex. I still think of him and feel sorry for him I understand that the other boyfriend who lives in BKK is taking care of all his medical problems. What shall I do? ignore his calls and have nothing more to do with him, or talk to him again.

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You're asking us?

I don't think you need any of us to give you advice. Just think yourself very, very lucky to still be negative, and learn.
If he has only been positive for 2 yrs (I wouldn't believe that statement either) he most probably will still have a relatively high CD4 count so will not need medication. Normally medication starts when a count of 250 - 300 is taken.
I also wonder how many other (especially Thai Boys have been encouraged to have unprotected sex with him!) In most Western countries it is now a criminal offense to knowingly infect someone with the virus.

OK, this brings up a dark subject and it is a global issue.
Some HIV people are very pissed off they are sick (with good reason) and are so twisted that they either really don't care about infecting others or are consciously infecting others out of revenge against the cruel world.
Just practise safe sex everytime.

If you have unprotected sex then the responsibility for placing yourself at risk is yours, and yours alone.

If you truly have feelings for him then keep talking to him at least for a while.

If the relationship/sex life is finished at least you can be a shoulder/listening ear to help him through the hard times that will inevitably come...no need to give him money..if he values you as a friend he will stay in contact. he will need encouragement to stick to his meds whenever that stage begins and constant reminders not to have unprotected sex ever again as he could ruin many peoples lives.

Its a lose/lose situation for both of you and a very sad story but could you bear the thought of him possibly being very ill and dying alone?

Only you know how close you where and how much you want to help him.

Good luck to both of you and i sincerely hope they find a cure for this awful disease.

Thank you, Ann Landers!

This boy didn't care enough about the original poster to avoid having unprotected sex... in fact he encouraged it. Dump the piece of shit and move on.

[Dboy]

If someone tried to kill me, I doubt I'd still be on speaking terms with him; but it's your decision of course. I'm very glad you tested negative.

Dboy

The situation with my boyfriend was rather different as he was obviously ill at the time he had the test. His first act was to telephone me and encourage me to have a test. We'd always been safe and the result was negative.

There really is NO alternative to safe sex. As other respondents have said only you can decide whether to keep in touch with him.

[bucknaway]

You beat me to it... Now I don't have to say a word...

If someone tried to kill me, I doubt I'd still be on speaking terms with him; but it's your decision of course. I'm very glad you tested negative.

Dboy