What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?

[Manforallseasons]

[-( https://youtu.be/G7a1TxVV4Bg

[goji]

Back home we (thats my partner & me) do have a live in fuck, he's a uni student and basically trades his arse for accomodation. I get a high having access to him whenever I want...but a week can go by and I dont even touch him....and some days I'll fuck him 4 times.

How do you find that kind of pleasant arrangement ? I can't find anyone after that at our local university, although it is hardly the type of rental package I can post on the University website.

[Tobi]

How do you find that kind of pleasant arrangement ?

http://www.houseboy.com/

[latintopxxx]

this one I hooked up with on grindr, he turned out to be an international student living on a tight budget so arranging it was real easy. he's not the 1st and will not be the last.

[bidreamer]

The first rule of the OP was'no lies' or something like that... Sounds good, but really, does it ever work this way? At least I have come to the conclusion that I cannot trust my bf to be 100% honest with me. So far I haven't caught him at something really bad, it's mostly sort of white lies and when I ask him why he did not tell me the truth, he looks embarrassed and says 'easier this way' or 'l worry you angry'. Maybe I am generalizing, but it seems telling half-truths or a make-up story comes naturally to thais. They seem to do it to each other a lot.

So should I break up with him or just take things he says with a grain of salt... But then, how many of us are 100% honest with the thai guys about everything? I think not many...

[Yraen]

Maybe I am generalizing, but it seems telling half-truths or a make-up story comes naturally to thais. They seem to do it to each other a lot.
So should I break up with him or just take things he says with a grain of salt... But then, how many of us are 100% honest with the thai guys about everything? I think not many...

bidreamer, it seems to me that you are both wrong and right. Everyone, of whatever nationality, indulges in "white lies" as a means of providing "lubricant" on the train-line of sociability. With Thai, that is of ever greater social impact when you consider Kreng Jai. ( I refer you to http://www.thaizer.com/culture-shock/kreng-jai/ for a more complete understanding.)

Not that us non-Thai will really ever understand the nuances of Kreng Jai. But in that context, the answers your bf gave you blend right in. He was avoiding situations where he may cause harm to you by making you angry and thereby cause you to be offended or to "lose face".

My suggestion: Just relax and enjoy his company. You may find find that you need more than a grain of salt but that is the Western v Thai culture shock.
Our Thai partners understand that we are "farang" and they cut us a lot of slack for not understanding Thai ways and customs, and for being set in our western ways *- *- . As visitors in their country. should we not give them the same consideration?

[bidreamer]

Yraen,
Yes, that's exactly what I am doing, enjoying his company and messaging while away, so the "rule #1" does not apply! Initially I was a little disappointed, though, because he's so smooth and believable with it. But now I just say "sure!" and I think he gets from my tone of voice if I believed him or not.

[cdnmatt]

Yrraen,

There's a bit of a difference though, no? For example:

Lie #1 -- A mini van pulls up to pickup a group of people including yourself. There's 10 seats, and 11 people. You lie and tell someone, "go ahead and take the last seat, as I'm still waiting for a friend", although you're not actually waiting for a friend and wanted that seat. That's an acceptable lie, and would be a form of "kreng jai".

Lie #2 -- "I need 3000 baht for rent, or else I'll be homeless". Thai guy gets 3000, and off to karaoke he goes with his friends. Unacceptable lie. That's not "kreng jai" -- that's just being a manipulative asshole.

EDIT: With this whole "kreng jai" stuff, make sure to always put it into perspective, and remember the lens which many (majority?) of Thais view life though. It's a Buddhist society, so this is just one of their many lives. Basically take life as it comes, never want for anything, and be as good of a person as possible with hopes of being reincarnated into something better, and eventually reach Nirvana. Ok, that's quite simplified, but basically how it works. Remember that, and all of a sudden lots of things Thai people do that leave you scratching your head all of a sudden make sense.

[latintopxxx]

on the issue os saving face I fully agree, in Thailand this seems o be really really ultra important. Lots of little lies are told to lubricate life and wish away situations which could cause the loss of face. Thai's will put up with a lot in private but in public their image counts for a lot.

[Manforallseasons]

https://youtu.be/S1A0p0F_iH8