What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?

**cdnmatt** · February 6th, 2016, 02:14

Been thinking about this. When you bring a Thai BF in to live with you, what (if any) ground rules do you implement? Are the rules 100% enforced, or there's some lee way given? Been thinking, and I think here's mine.

1.) Never lie to me. I can remember everything you tell me, but there's a good chance you're not going to be able to remember every lie you tell me, so just don't do it, because I'll be very unhappy when I catch you in a lie. Might take me a few weeks to figure it out, but 80%+ chance I'll eventually figure it out if you lie. Besides, I'm pretty open minded, so there's not much you can say that's going to shock me, or that I will be unaccepting of.

2.) No friends allowed at the house. Sorry, Kim ruined that one. If you want to party with your friends, that's totally fine with me as I want you happy, but take it somewhere outside of the house.

3.) Under no circumstances are the dogs allowed on the street. They stay in the yard.

4.) Clean up after yourself. If you make a mess, I don't care, but clean it up. I'm not your mom, nor am I your maid.

5.) You get free shelter, bills, food, clothes, phone, (probably motorbike knowing how things go), and so on. Plus you get a weekly allowance of say 4000 baht, which I think should be fair considering they have a free life and can get a job if they want more money.

I think that's pretty reasonable, no? What are your ground rules?

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**colmx** · February 6th, 2016, 05:56

14 years with my BF now.. and no real rules... except "we don't need rules"
Of course except the "no lies" rule

Main thing that used to annoy me was when his friends/family referred to me as "farang" I used to get to him to point out that the farang has a name... and that they should use it!
And on top of that the "farang" understands enough Thai to know what they were saying abut him too!

**Smiles** · February 6th, 2016, 13:08

Like Colmx, I also have been a very long time with my old man.

Pot's 48 now and the very concept of 'implementing rules' is long past. I met him when he was 31 so he was a mature and savvy man already. I guess if we had any rule ~ and it was quite a long time before we even discussed it ~ it would be something along the lines of 'honesty-in-everything', but I cannot recall a specific sit-down when we talked formally about even that. I think we both learned the honesty compact by means of a kind of osmosis. After all these years I cannot imagine Pot being dishonest on any level.

Possibly, being in a new relationship with a much younger Thai guy, who had worked in the host bars and gogo bars ~ i.e. "in the business" ~ an 'understanding' about behavior (on both persons part) could be a wise endeavour.
The downside, and unfair side, of the whole process would be if the older farang starts dictating how he expects the Thai to abide 'in-the-life'. That would be a street to nowhere, and would only end badly.

I would like to ban nose-picking, but these cultural icons are hard to stamp out. Averting mine eyes, then rolling them, is the best I can do.

**Oliver** · February 6th, 2016, 14:52

Colmx's comment about the use of the word "falang" struck a chord. In our twelve years in partnership, I can truthfully report that my overhearing of him using the word to describe me while on his phone to someone I don't know led to our bleakest moments. "How would like to describe you as my Thai-boy?" I said. "No, no, word OK," was his response. I was furious and made sure he knew it- and why.

**cdnmatt** · February 6th, 2016, 15:27

I don't know, I've never been too bothered when people referred to me as "farang", because it's always been people who either don't know me, or don't want to know me. Kim's dad's village was always the worse -- I don't know what they were saying because they were speaking Laos, but considering the laughter, it wasn't very polite. I always just shrugged it off. Kim's dad's friends didn't know me from a hole in the ground, so what did I care what they think?

Everyone who's ever known me on a personal level has always referred to me by my name though. Then with Kim it was always either "honey", or if he was pissed with me, "Matchew!". That's when I would know I was in trouble.

**christianpfc** · February 6th, 2016, 22:29

I would say if you need such rules, the relationship is doomed from the beginning.

1.) Never lie to me. I have not gotten that far with any boy that this would be important. In general, no problem with lies. Only one boy I remember is a consummate liar.

2.) No friends allowed at the house. Why not? No loud party or TV, but friends would be fine.

3.) Under no circumstances are the dogs allowed on the street. They stay in the yard.I like animals, but I can barely take care of myself. And they make dirt. No animals in my household!

4.) Clean up after yourself. If you make a mess, I don't care, but clean it up. I'm not your mom, nor am I your maid.
Goes without saying. That's how I lost one boyfriend candidate last year. He came back drunk from disco and puked on my bathroom mat, and the following day it was clean so I thought he cleaned it. I was related, until I found he just turned it around.

5.) You get free shelter, bills, food, clothes, phone, (probably motorbike knowing how things go), and so on.
Nothing for free and no allowance. How do you (cdnmatt) get such ideas? I would make up an elaborate scheme to share costs according to our income/wealth.

No smoking, no excessive drinking, no drugs.

No games, no drama. One acquaintance shared his relationship problems with his now ex on social media, he didn't even get to boyfriend candidate status.

Currently my major problem is communication. When I call or Line a boyfriend candidate, I expect an immediate reply. I can understand the occasional delayed reply, but if that is the rule he is out.

**Manforallseasons** · February 6th, 2016, 22:54

I'm not quite sure that the use of the word "falang" means anything other than foreigner or (non Thai) however Thai people that know me call me by my name first or last name seems what they do, it is fine with me, every Thai I know has nickname just look at their drivers license no way I can pronounce it.......It seems I know many A, O, Beer,Aek etc. I get a kick out of Thai guys that use names like Johnny, Tom or Mike does any Thai actually call eachother by their real name?
As for rules I only had one and it was incomprehensible to a Thai guy (I need my own space and sometimes I need to be alone) concepts totally alien to them.

**cdnmatt** · February 6th, 2016, 23:36