On Brain Farts

[scottish-guy]

Well,I've finally hit the motherload of travel mishaps. On reflection, it was only a matter of time....

I'd already turned up at LHR for the second leg of a flight many years ago, carrying someone else's passport in place of my own - and had to go all the way back to Glasgow and start again.....

I'd already checked myself and the rest of my party out of the Mercure in Pattaya about 5yrs ago, waited for the taxi to the airport, we all got in it - then I realised it was a day early.......

But yesterday I surpassed myself completely - my flight from Vietnam was at half past midnight on the 30th - so at 5pm on the 30th I was in the condo, packing the last remnants of luggage and looking forward to a light meal and a leisurely trip to the airport around 9pm ....

And then the awful realisation hit me!

I was on an Economy ticket with Emirates, so they could not have been less helpful when I frantically contacted them - their only offer being a $970 new one-way ticket - an offer I found easily resistable.

So...I'm now faced with Etihad SGN-EDI tonight instead @ $680

Must look out that advert I saw for early-onset Alzheimer's testing.

(

Of course, you could all cheer me up by posting your biggest bloopers, travel or otherwise - think of it as being supportive and purging yourself at the same time

[LoveThailand]

Happened to me once in BKK - the flight at 23:30 - at about 10 pm I was planning my last day in the city sitting in my hotel room in Silom. Only to realize I was 1.5 hours away from departure. Got online, got on the phone with my travel agent - luckily there were seats next day and the re-booking was only $50.

[Nirish guy]

I feel your pain as I too almost done exactly the same thing where I was booked on a 12.10am flight on a Sunday "night'- which even worse a whole two months before hand I had SPECIFICALLY booked to enable me to get so I could "have the Sunday night"in Bkk and fly home on the monday night /Tuesday morning" - even now as I type it I wonder what planet I was on when booking it, thankfully one of my keen eyed staff knowing my love of partying then had the foresight to ask why I wasn't taking the full use of my weekend and coming home early, unfortunately changing the flight wasn't an option and I was SO gutted at losing that last "free" night!

If I were you I would scream / argue / beg a bit more with Emirates as generally speaking most airlines seeing the position would try to accommodate you on the next available flight just, mind you I was once flying business class with them from Dubai to somewhere and actually made the reverse mistake and was already checked out of my hotel when I realised, no problem, the concierge rang for my, gave him my business class ref, no problem sir, come to the airport and we'll get you sorted - yeah they did, for a ┬г250 "fee" ( which to this day I've NO idea what for !) and they were the cheekiest pack of wheres you could ever ask for and after a few of the business class "ladies" giving me the brush off I was ready for pulling the so called service manager guy who was sent to tell me "tough, fly or don't or come back tomorrow, we don't care basically" and never in my life have I seen a total LACK of any business class service from any airline - so yeah, give them a call again, hell what have you to lose :-)

[joe552]

I, of course, have never made such a mistake, scottish-guy but then I think I'm a bit younger, so it could be in my future. I'm usually skint by the end of my holidays, so it would involve calling my big brother for a Western Union moment. Hope it all worked out.

[Nirish guy]

Shit I should have waited until I was in Asia before posting about travel hiccups as I left Dublin last night to get my connection to Heathrow via air Lingus to Malaysian airlines on to KL - so 7.00pm out of Dublin for my 10pm onwards ( but gate closing at 9) - bloody air Lingus flight delayed so me due to land at Heathrow Terminal 2 at 8.50 for a 9 o'clock gate in terminal 4 ( 20 minute bus change required) then the flight was even later so didn't get in until 9.25 !

I rang Malaysian to say I WAS on my way as my bag had already been checked through etc, tough luck, if you're not at the gate at 9pm you're a no show and we're off loading your bag and cancelling the reminder of your ticket - including my return journey home then of course. Their advice go to the counter on landing IF before 9pm and change ticket ( for a large fee), which of course I couldn't do as I was in the air. So I ran to the gate and made it there around 9.58 for a 10pm flight, lady at gate NO CHANCE, one proper bitch and started lecturing my about gate times and thankfully must have been my lucky day as a older man stepped forward, basically told her to shuss and boarded me with seconds to spare. Only problem now is that I made the flight and my luggage didn't it seems and is still in London I'm told :-(

Oh and in case anyone's interested in in the Capitol hotel in KL and its spot on, nice and clean and professional and the wifi is 100% in the room I'm in.

Ok, time to go get up to some mischief as my gay apps are all pinging away nicely here :-)

[joe552]

I'm surprised that an experienced traveller like yourself would have left such a short connection time, especially at Heathrow. Hope it's a lesson learned. And don't forget to update us on your adventures, lucky sod.

[scottish-guy]

Well...........here's how it all panned out.....and why I'm now fucking knackered!

The Eithad flight was scheduled for 8.20pm departure from Saigon with a 1.5 hour connection in Abu Dhabi to the Edinburgh flight.

About 3pm they sent me a SMS to say the flight was delayed 1hr 25mins - so you can do the arithmetic (threw that one in for our US cousins) as well as I can.

Turned up at SGN airport a good 2.5 hrs before the flight and pointed out that I was rather worried about the connection, to which I'm told that I'll have to re-route SGN>AUH>AMS>EDI with an arrival into EDI some 10 hours later than scheduled! To say I was not best pleased is an understatement - I did a 2 stop flight on Austrian some years ago and it was a nightmare and had no wish to not only repeat that experience but considerably worsen it.

I suggest that if they are going to muck me about to that extent, then how about at least re-routing me into Glasgow from AMS since thatтАЩs where I actually live. To give the check-in girl her due she shuttled back and forward to her Manager and came back with a reroute of SGN>AUH>DUB>GLA with a final arrival 10.5 hrs later than scheduled. Figuring that it would actually save me 30 mins overall and a horrendous bus trip from Edinburgh to Glasgow, I keep that in mind but stress that I am totally unhappy at a 10 hr delay and if they were to, say, upgrade me "it would make me smile". On hearing this she smiled too and I was hopeful.....but the fucking po-faced cunt of a Manager wasn't smiling and he came over to firmly put the kybosh on that idea!

After a 20 minute discussion with po-face about how the 10 hr delay was THEIR fault, not MY fault and why should I be suffering, I gave up on him as he just kept repeating that it was not under his control it was the faceless "hub" in AUH who wouldnтАЩt authorise it. He eventually gave me a free pass to the Business Class lounge in SGN (which was NO bonus whatsoever as I have a Priority Pass card anyway)

I trooped off to the lounge with their scribbled note of the new route - with flight numbers but no times - and once in the stinking hot lounge I sat down dripping with perspiration and logged into Etihad to see the timings. Fuck me - they had neglected to mention the small matter of a 9hr layover in AUH!

I went over to the Lounge receptionist and asked her to get someone from Etihad to come here so I could speak to them. In my mind I had a mental picture of Steve Martin at the car hire desk in Train, Planes, and Automobiles and the words "I fucking want it, right-fucking-now" almost came out, but I bit my tongue. Far from anybody coming to the Lounge to discuss with me, Po-face came on the phone and on asking him what I was expected to do for 9 hrs in AUH, he actually had the cheek to correct me that it would be only 7 hours because I was delayed! OK, I said - what do you expect me to do for 7 hours in AUH? Oh, they'll give you a meal voucher he said, as if I should throw my hands up in the air and shout "Praise the Lord" for a meal voucher. This is a Skytrax 5 Star airline remember!

Anyway, the SGN>AUH flight was half empty so I got 2 seats to myself but it the flight was absolutely nothing special and definitely below the standard of Emirates. Arrived at AUH and by the time I'd disembarked it was around 2am. Some Etihad guys standing around gave me a Meal Voucher - yeah 1 meal for 9 hours (because the plane had made up time) - so again I say, what am I supposed to do for 9 hours - sit on my arse on the floor? IтАЩm directed to the transfer desk and by the time I stand in line and get to speak to someone itтАЩs now 2.30am. Finally I get to speak to a female who, on hearing my case, asks me what I would like them to do. Well, I say - I can see 2 options - either you give me a hotel till the morning or you upgrade me on the AUH>DUB flight and I'll sit around for 9 hours. (I had no intention of sitting around, I'd just use my Priority Pass to get in the 24hr Lounge, but she didnтАЩt know that :ymsmug: So, off she goes to "ask her Manager". While she's away I remember the brief period of time I spent doing F&I in a Car Showroom - where going to "ask the Manager" about a discount meant the Salesman went for a cup of tea in the office and came back to say that the nasty non-existent Manager had said NO. Anyway, it was a NO to the upgrade (again) and a YES to a hotel.

I'm given a ticket/voucher and instructed to go to the Etihad Chauffeur Desk and it will be all sorted out for me. I have visions of being whisked in a Mercedes to the local 6 star hotel - but when I arrive at the Chauffeur Desk he just grunts and shows me the direction to walk in to the Premier Inn! By the time I walk to the Premier Inn and check in its 3.15am and I have to be back in the airport for 7.30am. So I grab no more than 3.5 hours sleep.

7.30am and I'm back in the Airport for a 9.30am departure to Dublin. The security and Passport Control is as slow as a strangled shit and I finally make my way to the gate which is overcrowded and no seats. I decide to come back later and wander back to the Duty Free area for a seat there. Suddenly the Departures board goes from Go To Gate to Final Call so I rush back down to the gate. Right enough, people are queuing up to have their boarding passes and passports checked - so I join the queue. My BP and PP are quickly checked and then....nothing. We all just stand there with the doors now wide open with the heat and diesel fumes belting in from outside totally negating the Air Conditioning. Within 5 minutes I am literally swimming in my shorts with sweat.

Finally I get on the flight. I've been assured I have been allocated an extra leg room seat due to the inconvenience I have suffered and am still suffering. True enough, I have an aisle seat at the Emergency exit. Picture it - thatтАЩs exactly where they have the baby bassinets. Perhaps there wonтАЩt be a baby I hope. I'm right, there's two.

7.5 hours flying time. One baby is as good as gold and sleeps for 6 of those hours - this does not of course prevent the parents from jumping up and down every five fucking minutes getting this that and the next thing out of the lockers. The other baby? Well, it's the baby from Poltergeist тАУ itтАЩs possessed - it never shuts its fucking hole from the minute it gets on board to the minute it gets off WAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA for 7.5 fucking hours. PS the Noise Cancelling Headphones", donтАЩt. PPS if there wasnтАЩt a baby in Poltergeist, there ought to have been, and it would have been this one.

OK, IтАЩm now in Dublin - what else can go wrong? I'm surpised how empty Dublin Airport it - has there been a bomb scare? It's 3pm on a Thursday and itтАЩs deserted. I make my way to Gate 333 and pay for a beer and a pkt of crisps to wait on my Aer Lingus flight to GLA. Eventually we are herded onto a bus and driven around what seems the entire perimeter of the Airport, past all the nice (if a little old fashioned) Aer Lingus planes until the bus finally stops at this rickety old FlyBe plane with propellers. Not just any old FlyBe plane mind you - this one has "Operated by Stobart Air" emblazoned on it. WTF, is it a converted lorry?

The plane inside has 2 double rows of seats. Spartan is not the word - there is no backing on the seats - you can see the bare metal. I wonder if the Captain is Douglas Bader, but no it's some Macedonian guy instead. The flight attendant has a seat in the aisle facing the passengers with his back to the cockpit. WTF is going on, itтАЩs like a military transport plane.

One propeller starts up and the pane taxis along the apron. I wonder if I should ask if the other propeller is actually in working order - and do they even realise it's not rotating? I decide discretion is the better part of valour. Eventually they start up the other engine so I assume it was deliberate. The plane rocks back and forth like a car held on the clutch. We donтАЩt move for 20 mins. The heat in the Cabin is stifling - the air con is blowing in hot air instead of cold. The Captain assures us it will get cooler "once we are in the air" and I speculate if that's because the roof will likely fall off. Dear readers - bear in mind this is part of my 5 star Airline experience.

The plane makes its way to GLA steadily enough - no announcements can be heard over the din of the engines and I decide against taking a drink from the trolley as I cannot hear whether itтАЩs free or not and I have no Euro on me. I see notes changing hands so I assume itтАЩs not free.

Finally I arrive in GLA at 5.30pm. By the time I reach my door I have been travelling for 28 hours.

Etihad - not recommended to say the least.

#:-s #:-s

[joe552]

Oh dear, scottish-guy, what a nightmare! But I loved your sense of humour about it. I also flew Etihad on my last trip and had a horrible 2.5 hours in Abu Dhabi - never again.

[Nirish guy]

I once sucked a cute young taxi driver off in a layby on the way back to the airport in Abu Dhabi courtesy of a long layover there and nearly ended up getting arrested by the religious police ! ......but that as they say is a whole other story ! :-) Lol

[scottish-guy]

You (and certainly the young Taxi driver) had a narrow escape NIrish - isn't Abu Dhabi one of those places where they chop off the offending body parts