One could argue it's way too early to bring up the subject of money. You have not even met him yet, so it is premature to over analyse the situation or to make any form of commitment, as things just might not work out. No need to get stressed out about this.Originally Posted by Jellybean
I would do no more than arrange to meet him on neutral territory, such as in a bar or coffee shop.
That leaves the option of dating someone else the same day or later in the week if it does not go well..
Sorry i meant to add that to and Goji is quite correct in that why are you even thinking about money at this point, go meet the guy, see if you get on, share some time together, have a look at this life situation and if you feel in the mood to help out sometime in the future with something or an amount of your choosing ( or NOT) then that's fine and isn't something you should be getting to concerned with at this stage. It's not like he or you are proposing marriage and discussing what is required from the other, just go with the flow, I'm sure if you're keen to splash some money every now and then methods will be made available for you to do so without you having to suggest setting up and direct debit within hours of meeting - although I'm guessing if you did you'd be one VERY popular white BF :-)
PS. Really, no, DON'T do do that - as if you're really that keen to give away your money then just send me your completed direct debit slip along with your bank account details and I promise that "I" will send you at least three SMS text messages, one email and four Facebook messages each and every day telling you just how much I love you and miss you !!! :-)
Ahhhh . . . but thatтАЩs where you are mistaken NIrish-guy. Forgive me, but I should have mentioned, but a few days ago, he brought up the subject of us getting married and having a home together in the Philippines. My reaction . . . Aaaaaagggghhh!!!!!!
Well, not exactly true, but deep down I was thinking that. Lol! What I actually said was, тАЬWhoa! We havenтАЩt even met yet, letтАЩs slow things down a minute and meet first and see if we like each other.тАЭ (Or something similar) And he already refers to me as his husband, but I find that rather cute.
It is very clear now that he is looking for me to take care of him and help his family. But to what extent? I honestly donтАЩt think IтАЩm in a position to provide him with the level of support he probably needs. ItтАЩs definitely not part of my thinking at this early stage and why I suggested to him that perhaps he should look for a foreigner who can visit him more regularly. But that suggestion was brushed aside.
ThatтАЩs why I feel we should discuss his financial expectations, as bobsaigon2 suggested, before I consider travelling out to see him. Apart from getting married and having a home together, IтАЩve no idea what else he expects. In previous conversations weтАЩve agreed that discussion of such things are best left until we meet and see how we get on together. But now, IтАЩm not so sure.
The only way I could possibly consider what he is probably looking for is if, after visiting him several times, I decided that life in the Philippines is preferable to my life here in Thailand. Well, a move of that kind is certainly not part of my current thinking. If anything, IтАЩm thinking that in the next year or two I should probably sell my condo and spend less time in Thailand, but using a rented property on the occasions that I do visit.
And all I really wanted to do was spend 7 relaxing days with a cute Filipino boy, visit his family and village, go on sightseeing tours with him, pay him a generous stipend at the end of my trip and enjoy my first trip to an Asian country outside of Thailand. [Sigh]
After giving the subject more thought, I believe it is right to manage the Filipino boyтАЩs expectations before I arrive and thereby let him decide if my visit should still go ahead. It would then give him the opportunity to move on and find a foreigner who is more capable than I of bringing him and his family out of poverty
Ha! If only I was in that enviable position. No, I certainly donтАЩt have money to throw around, IтАЩm not a rich company director.I am a, poor as a church mouse, former civil servant from your favourite government department NIrish. I had to retire early and exist on a government (as employer) pension. So, if anything, it should be me who is soliciting handouts from you. Lol!
Finally, did I mention I've also received a marriage proposal from a cute Russian guy. No? Well, that's another story entirely. Lol!
Remember: Coughs and sneezes spread diseases
Sheesh! Being called "my husband" and talking about marriage with someone you have only met online quite recently, rings so many alarm bells that the alarms short circuited. But that's me. I wish you luck as you seem determined to pursue this most unlikely fantasy.
Hmmm . . . your comments surprised me somewhat Brad.
You didnтАЩt see my post, quoted below, as alarm bells ringing? Perhaps I should have added an alarm bell sound effect to hammer home the point.
As for fantasy, for me, at my age and with my hideous appearance, my whole time in Thailand is a fantasy. The go-go bars, the host bars, the massage joints and the money boys off the Internet, all fantasy. Then there are the string of faux relationships, which only existed because money exchanged hands, albeit indirectly, in return for the fantasy of a relationship. Again, all fantasy! I know what reality is, reality bites the moment I return to the United Kingdom. IтАЩm under no illusion as to what is real and what is fantasy.
So what, in essence, was wrong in wanting to shift the fantasy to the Philippines for a week? DidnтАЩt you read the following?
ThatтАЩs all I was looking for. I certainly wasnтАЩt looking to commit to a long term relationship with I boy IтАЩve never met, in a country IтАЩve never visited before, to getting married at some future date, or to paying for the cost of building a house. I thought I had kicked that all into touch by saying these were all matters to be discussed when we met.
However, as my discussions with the Filipino boy progressed it was clear that he is looking for a foreigner to take care of him and his family. Nothing wrong with that in principle, many Thai boys are looking for exactly the same thing.
The point I was making, which I thought I explained in detail, but clearly not, is could I go out there, spend a week with him and walk away having left a fair amount of money knowing full well that IтАЩm not the person the boy is looking for. Alternatively, in all fairness, should I let him know in advance that I donтАЩt have the means to provide him with what I believe he is looking for. And thatтАЩs exactly what IтАЩve decided to do, as I said below:
I suspect that once we have this conversation, that will be the end of the story. In short Brad, no determination on my part to extend my fantasy life to the Philippines. Ah well, it could have been fun, but looks like IтАЩll never know.
There only remains one final thing to say . . . sheesh!
=))
Remember: Coughs and sneezes spread diseases
I used to visit the Philippines regularly in the early 1980s and enjoyed it, but then I always enjoyed Bangkok more and so gave up on Manila after a few years in favour of Thai delights. On the other hand, I have a friend who lives there - in some style, I should add - who adores it and always says he will never leave.
One thing that definitely puts me off is the circumcision business. According to The Nation in Manila, 93% of Filipino boys are circumcised and the annual circumcision ceremony, the Tuli, is actually sponsored by the government! I cannot understand where this comes from, unless it was the US medical community when the country was a US colony. Whatever, as Nirish discovered, it is an almost universal manhood ritual most often performed by non-medical people unqualified in the delicacy of that operation. I have seen many consistently ugly - and I do mean ugly - appendages in that country that it just rules out for me the possibility of being with any Filipino guy, no matter how gorgeous.
In my limited experience, colmx has it almost right in taking about the whining and bitching of Filipino guys. Decades ago I entered into a correspondence with a young Filipino I had not met. He seemed nice and we had an extended correspondence which included the possibility of my spending a little time in Manila with him. As far as he was concerned this also meant that we would become an 'item', even though I stressed that was moving far too quickly. When he learned that I would go Thailand on business, the questioning started - relentlessly. How many boys would I see, what would I do with them, why go to Bangkok and not to Manila to be with him? And that was just the start! I soon ended it. I couldn't take it. And I know of others who actually started up what they believed would be a longer term friendship. Always these ended up with meeting the extended family and being expected to finance a host of family matters - including in more than one case - the building of a house. Times may have changed, I suppose. But I do suggest to Jellybean that even a desire to shift the fantasy should be done elsewhere and not in the Philippines.
I couldnt agree more. You've just summed up the essence of being a happy sex tourist.The go-go bars, the host bars, the massage joints and the money boys off the Internet, all fantasy. Then there are the string of faux relationships, which only existed because money exchanged hands, albeit indirectly, in return for the fantasy of a relationship. Again, all fantasy! I know what reality is, reality bites the moment I return to the United Kingdom. IтАЩm under no illusion as to what is real and what is fantasy.
The people who get hurt are those who are unable to separate fantasy from reality.
What excellent advice fountainhall, which I shall follow up at the earliest possible opportunity.
Hmmm . . . after checking my diary, tomorrow sounds as good as a day as any for a spot of fantasy relationship malarkey. So, as quick as boiled asparagus, IтАЩll make my way down to fantasy city, Sodom-by-the-Sea, otherwise known as Pattaya. Where the fantasy lifestyle will continue apace.
Four days with my special boy from Khon Kaen should shake any notion of hitching up to a Filipino boy out off my head. The last time we met, weтАЩd just been up to see his family. They were very keen that I should become a member of their family and visit more often. Hmmm . . . is that the sound of wedding bells or alarm bells? IтАЩm really not sure, better ask Brad I think.
Thanks a447. I surprise myself sometimes.
Oh, and I like the idea of us being happy sex tourists. IтАЩm perfectly okay with that description, and much prefer it to scottish-guyтАЩs portrayal of us as gay desperados. Although IтАЩm content to live with that too.
So much so, I feel we deserve our own song a447. Something like the following perhaps:
The Happy Gay Sex Tourist Song
I love to go a-wandering,
Along the mountain track,
And as I go, I love to sing,
My knapsack on my back.
Chorus:
Val-deri,Val-dera,
Val-deri,
Val-dera-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Val-deri,Val-dera.
My knapsack on my back. . .
Hmmm . .. I might just test it out on the taxi driver tomorrow and see if he likes it.
=))
Remember: Coughs and sneezes spread diseases
I'm glad to hear it ! My advice, run a mile and then when you've run that mile run another just to be sure as no better an indication of him being an "I love you" boy that his current behaviour. Thankfully you have already worked that out for yourself it seems, although personally I'm surprised you even dallied with they situation for as long as you did and or worried about what he might need out of your meeting - a chancer of the highest order I fear and one best left behind at great haste !
Perhaps a slightly more ribald variation(!)
I love to go a-wandering
Just like a cute young buck,
And as I go, I always think
Of all the boys IтАЩll fuck -
Val-deri,Val-dera,
Val-deri,
Val-dera-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Val-deri,Val-dera.
Of all the boys IтАЩll fuck!
- Or suck and let my ass be fucked,
It matters not to me.
I love to think of all the fun
With all the boys IтАЩll see.
Val-deri,Val-dera,
Val-deri,
Val-dera-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Val-deri,Val-dera.
With all the boys IтАЩll see!
I know, my friends, itтАЩs far from real
This tourist yen of mine.
But what if тАШtis just fantasy?
IтАЩll really feel just fine!
Val-deri,Val-dera,
Val-deri,
Val-dera-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Val-deri,Val-dera.
IтАЩll really feel just fine!
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote