Advice on visiting a "BF's" family ?

Hey guys,

So after my previously asking for advice on the board about the chances of my getting a holiday visa for a thai "friend" to enable him to visit me here in the UK and being told (quite correctly) that I'd most likely have "no chance" I bit the bullet and have just booked myself a 3 week trip to LOS over Christmas instead :-) so, while I'm there I'll be meeting up with the guy I intended bring over and who I chat with most days online, who I guess in his head at least would refer to me as his BF ( even thought I've told him and reminded several times, in the nicest possible way of course, that he should consider me nothing more than a butterfly etc and should not to read too much into our spending time together when I visit as it won't and can't lead on to anything more than fun etc) - I should add that this isn't me intentionally being a Bas***d to him but me simply trying to protect his feelings and emotions as I know that no matter what he ( and even I) may "like" to happen between us both I'm a realist and know that most likely nothing can or will happen in the future (other than our enjoying each others company whilst I'm there etc ) and so we should and must just keep things "light" between us etc, so, my question to you all is that during the dates when I'll be there over Christmas he has told me that he is and was intending to travel back home to his village in Issan to see and stay with his mother and family for a few days etc and has asked me would I (like to) join him ?

So, my dillemma now is that a) whilst I wouldn't mind actually accompanying him for a change of scenery from the usual Bkk haunts to enable me to see his village and experience some of the real Thailand etc, I just want to be very sure that I'm not creating a huge social faus Paux in giving him and or his family the wrong perception about our "relationship" as I SO don't want to offend him or to inadvertently create the possibility of him losing face if and when he has to tell them that I'm not about again at some point in the future ( and I do fully also realise that perhaps I'm deluding myself here in thinking that I'm the first farang "BF" he's brought home ! :-) although I do think that is the case from talking with him about that previously) - so, my question is should I just go with him and "go with the flow" so to speak and enjoy the experience or should I not as that (albeit unintentionally) may give him false hope about my intentions ? - or perhaps am I'm just reading too much into the whole situation and should just stay in Bkk and ignore the whole thing and just enjoy myself as normal whilst he's gone ( although I've a funny feeling if I don't go he won't either as he wants to stay whereever I am, which also makes me feel slightly guilty about him not seeing his mother etc ?- either way your advice would be appreciated - and apologies about the length of the post !

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[cdnmatt]

I live in Issan, and personally, I'd just make up some excuse to get out of the deal. What the hell are you going to do in a village for 3 or 4 days? Sit around all hot, sweaty, and hungry while watching everyone eat shit you wouldn't touch, talk to the chickens, watch the rice grow, and beat off the village drunks who try to become your best friend with hopes you'll buy them beer. Oh, and don't forget, you have white skin which means you shit bricks of cash, and hence can pay for everything.

Stay in BKK, and enjoy your vacation. To hell with the village.

I don't even bother going to the villages anymore. What's the point? Sit around in the mud, watch everyone eat ants, and listen to retarded ideas about how they need investment money, while everyone else comes over to have a peek at the white guy. Fuck that, I'll stay home with the dogs and have a beer.

personally i think you will make up your own mind despite what anyone on here tells you .. id say go you like him .. he likes you .. and theres no reason as to why, even as you expect things wont go much futher than the pair of you just having fun, you cant stay friends after you get tired of having sex with the same person .. nothing wrong with seeing parts of the country you may never see otherwise ...
ignor matt .. i think he is worried all his drunken village mates might turn there attention on you :dontknow:

ha ha yes Matt that all did cross mind as well :-) and whilst I'm not adverse to buying the village drunks beer for a few days ( as I'm partial to a beer or two myself :-) that whole thought of being hot and sticky for three days and eaten alive by insects and sleeping on the floor perhaps etc with no one else other than my "BF" being able to speak to me as I can't speak Thai did sound good for a second with my rose tinted romantic view of Thailand on but I do fear as you suggest that the reality may be a whole different thing and I may be bored of it all after about three hours and busting to get back to Bkk and the debauchery that lies there within ! lol

Ha ha and there I thought that you out of everyone on the board here would have been saying " go, try it, hey you never know you could fall in love there and move here and live happily ever after" ha ha - just shows you, you never can tell what someone else will think ! ha ha but thanks for the input :-)

well theres another reason to go now .. you can drink beer with matt and get to know his dog !!!
life flows better with chang ..
do they eat the ants raw in the villages ?? lord know why i bothered to ask that .. id not eat an ant wether it was raw cooked or in a maccy d's burger ( pulled a few out tho ) .. i now agree with matt ... stay in bkk ... hmmm i dont like that place much either .. go ..

[martin911]

Hey my advice to a fellow countryman is go go go ---- its a great experience !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have only gone to one family /one bf s home so i am not sure as to going as a "friend " etc --others here may be able to enlighten u more

But i really liked my first trip to his home --(and subsequent trips !! )
True what Matt says they will come to look at the white man a bit --- but u also will get something from the experience that is so not what u get in the go go bars !!!!!!( but matts living there now so mabye he is a bit jaded on issan now ,understandably )

The local men will ply u with the local made muck -get a little bit drunk with them , have a few sweets in your pockets for the kids -- u will make life long friends !!

its not all about sweaty hot houses --get a car and stay in the nearest hotel for comfort --its easy drive in the north

Go go go -- its a great experience

[Hmmm]

cdmatt's perspective is slightly bleak, but probably only slightly.

I have visited the bf's village on numerous occasions but have never stayed overnight (nor does he when he's with me). There are basic hotels not too far away. The first trip was the most basic, and they have now evolved to the point reached during Songkran earlier this year:
1. Flew to Khon Kaen.
2. Checked into Sofitel (now Pullman), possibly the cheapest 4/5 star hotel in the world.
3. Hired a Camray. BF has license, so he drove. Massive face gained (his car is a Vios).
4. Visited village for a day to see the family.
5. Toured the surrounding area on the other days, including the incongruous locale "Pattaya 2" (yes, that's its name, and no ... don't bother asking).
6. Flew back to Bangkok.

I have always been guided by the bf on what to bring along. In fact he takes control of that. Usually that's lots of fresh fruit, fish etc. I usually eat much the same as everyone else. His old man 'likes' a drink, so the bf NEVER takes or buys alcohol. After showing me off to the locals on one trip, there's been no need to commune with the locals since then.

BTW, your bf may find it difficult to look after you while spending time with his family. Take a book.

Don't expect your bf to know much about local sights of interest - he's probably never seen them himself.

Overall, an experience not to be missed - at least once - as long as you're not too precious ,and look at it as an adventure.

YMMV. No two situations are the same.

Thanks guys, some good advice there and yes I was actually debating could I do exactly what you'd said I'd fly up, rent a car, stay in a hotel etc etc which I know sort of defeats the purpose somewhat but it's somewhere in the middle and will let him see his family ( and allow him to show off his farang "BF" to get some face which I've no doubt is the REAL reason he's wanting me along - ha ha I just have to be careful to remember not to bring anyone else back to the hotel while he's away visiting or I may end up getting lynched either by him or his family !!! lol

Oh one thing guys, as he says his village is about 12-14 hours away from BKK by bus I'm guessing that that's then maybe about 10 hours by car ? so, if I do rent a car out of BKK and drive up (and maybe even make a bit of a trip out of it stopping in other places on the way for a day or two as I know a hotel owner from N.ireland who owns a nice hotel in Khon Kaen etc ) can I / should I drive in Thailand on a standard Uk driving licence ok as I know my friend can't drive at all or am I risking life and limb :-)

[kittyboy]

About 15 years ago while I was visiting thailand my thai friend's grandmother died.
I rented a car and drove about 300KM with him and some of his friends up to his village to attend the funeral. It was fun for about 6 hours then being constantly stared at and being the obvious butt of many jokes got a bit old.

Ended up staying in a hotel about 15 KM from the village and my friend and I would drive every day to his home. I would stick around for a couple of hours then I would take one of his friends or one of the many nieces or nephews out for a drive. It was a pleasant way to kill a few days but deadly boring.

Getting a hotel room and renting a car or hiring a driver for a few days may be a good solution to the isolation and boredom issues.