Lonely & Depressed in Thailand?

It’s well-documented that “loneliness” can cause a number of health-related issues for seniors, including increased risk mortality, depression, cognitive decline, dementia care, high blood pressure, alcoholism and drug use, altered brain function, Alzheimer's disease progression, antisocial behavior, cardiovascular disease and stroke, decreased memory and learning, increased stress levels, depression and suicide. That’s some pretty serious stuff, especially for us expats.

Since the Pandemic hatched 15 months ago, I’ve watched several expat friends slip into various states of depression from a sense of loneliness, and I feel helpless to do anything to help them. Jai and I have to keep ourselves in check to make sure we’re not falling down the same spiral, and when we find ourselves becoming agitated, overly anxious, or getting angry over trivial things, we try to refocus, regain our footing, and take some kind of positive action.

The friends I’m referring to, are normally very active and positive-thinking people, although, the longer this Pandemic keeps dragging on, the more depressed they seem to be getting. They often talk about the strains of having their social lives disrupted, and the sense of loneliness they’re challenged with now. What I’ve been seeing a lot of lately are things like; signs of fatigue, loss of energy, forgetfulness, lack of motivation/energy, and bouts of anger. Other signs I’ve witnessed include rapid weight gain or loss, increased alcohol consumption, or a sense of panic, where a person effected by this type of depression wants to just run away, or jump ship.

There’s no doubt that loneliness caused by the Pandemic is contributing in an increase in depression in the expat community, but what can people do about it?

Any constructive thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

Start a Discord server.

Not meant as a joke, and actual serious recommendation. People can wake up in the morning, login Discord via video chat and enjoy their morning coffee with whoever else is in the group over a bullshit. Maybe get together for some travia or other games, or whatever.

Granted, it's over group video / text, so not as great as in person, but still no reason you can't hang out over evening beers with a group on Discord.

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Originally Posted by cdnmatt

Start a Discord server.

Not meant as a joke, and actual serious recommendation. People can wake up in the morning, login Discord via video chat and enjoy their morning coffee with whoever else is in the group over a bullshit. Maybe get together for some travia or other games, or whatever.

Granted, it's over group video / text, so not as great as in person, but still no reason you can't hang out over evening beers with a group on Discord.

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But don’t bother with it as a porn source - https://www.theverge.com/tech/2021/4...oosened-opt-in

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Originally Posted by Dodger

It’s well-documented that “loneliness” can cause a number of health-related issues for seniors, including increased risk mortality, depression, cognitive decline, dementia care, high blood pressure, alcoholism and drug use, altered brain function, Alzheimer's disease progression, antisocial behavior, cardiovascular disease and stroke, decreased memory and learning, increased stress levels, depression and suicide. That’s some pretty serious stuff, especially for us expats..

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I know that the pandemic has caused loneliness issues in many countries and certainly not exclusively confined to seniors. Frankly, when it comes to seniors living in Thailand who are normally in decent heath, I fail to understand why. There seems to be a view amongst too many retirees that their constructive hobbies in retirement would be merely a constant rotation of boys, booze and beach. A few friends perhaps,and a lot of snoozing - but not much else.

Perhaps I am just lucky. I have very good friends close by. Apart from the lockdown in April last year, we have seen each other regularly in our condos and eating both in and out. I swim almost daily, I am an avid reader, I started once again writing long letters/emails to friends as an alternative to always phoning, I have a couple of hobbies plus I have a boyfriend. We have not always been able to live together as he knows I am in a high risk group as a result of my age.

Like many, I can sometimes be a couch potato and just lie back with a drink watching Netflix or occasionally the now poor offerings on True Visions. But the thought that this would become a daily routine appals me. No doubt that would certainly depress me.

Much surely comes down partly to retirement planning allied to an acceptance that life will not always be as ordered as most might wish. We all have to adapt to changing circumstances. And we all create our own reality.

For the older generation it's impossible to escape the feeling that they're being robbed of the time they have left. A friend's brother is a UK policeman and he has said that as soon as it's over he's quitting the force, he's totally shot, having dealt with so many suicides.

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Originally Posted by arsenal

For the older generation it's impossible to escape the feeling that they're being robbed of the time they have left. A friend's brother is a UK policeman and he has said that as soon as it's over he's quitting the force, he's totally shot, having dealt with so many suicides.

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Really? If anything, I feel bad for kids out there. A year is a lone time when you're young. If you're 10, then about say 20% of your life since your long-term memory became a thing has been inside a global pandemic.

Undoubtedly, the current situation is depressing, but I don see where loneliness comes into play..I’ve always chose to live alone never even thought of living with anyone let alone a Thai boy 30-40 years my junior, what the fuck would we have in common? I cherish my personal space and time something very alien to most Thais who seldom if ever even eat alone.

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Originally Posted by Dodger

What I’ve been seeing a lot of lately are things like; signs of fatigue, loss of energy, forgetfulness, lack of motivation/energy, and bouts of anger. rapid weight gain, increased alcohol consumption, or a sense of panic, wants to just run away, or jump ship.

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EXCUSE ME but would you PLEASE stop talking about me and my life on the board !!!!!!! Oh,,,,wait, what......you didn't mean ME personally there and more just "people" in general......oh, right, ok, forget I mentioned it, as your above bares no resemblance at all then to my life at all then of late ......just lets pretend eh !! :) lol

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Originally Posted by Manforallseasons

Undoubtedly, the current situation is depressing, but I don see where loneliness comes into play..

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Understanding that many gay expats (not all) relied heavily on the boy bars and other gay venues for socializing and companionship before the pandemic hit - it's not surprising that loneliness could come into play. Not being able to travel freely (domestic or international) - social-distancing - friends disappearing from the scene - and the sense of isolation in general that this pandemic has caused are just a few more reasons.

If you're not effected by this - that's great, but others aren't as fortunate.

Here's an interesting article on the topic:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7306546/

I don’t know the current situation of most of your friends but I assume they are single/live alone and would like company.

Personally I would find a live-in partner (30 years age difference can work). To do this I would keep in some sort of good health fitness and control my weight. Eat well. Exercise most days even if just to go out for a walk. I can use a pedal machine indoors.

If I could afford it and my wardrobe needed updating, go into town to a decent shopping mall, buy some nice clothes, perfume, etc, look good to feel good. I’d make it a day out sit and have a coffee too and go to a big city if the shopping is better.

I would have a better chance of meeting Mr Right. He will be proud to show me off (I hope) to his friends/family. I don’t have to look like Mr Clooney but just have a good heart.

And wallet.

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Originally Posted by Dodger

Here's an interesting article on the topic:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7306546/

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I noticed the following near the start of that article -

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Older adults are also more vulnerable to social isolation and loneliness as they are functionally very dependent on family members or supports by community services

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I hardly think either of these situations applies to retirees in Thailand.

This is a problem certainly not limited to Thailand. Although I live on (most would say) an idyllic island, I feel seriously constrained by the fact that getting off this island has been hampered (luckily not totally forbidden) during this seemingly eternal pandemic period.

In trying to keep my balance, my (partial) solution has been to study up on my Thai (and a few other languages), clean up my home (which has become bursting at the rafters with all kinds of junk), and exercising at least an hour a day. Those all help a lot. But, I do have to admit, that if this crazy period goes on too much longer, even those diversions might not be enough! This has got to end!

Living in Thailand I am so fortunate to have been able to live a normal life for most of the past year or more. But I live alone, am in the category of high risk from the virus, so I am isolating again now. Me "friends" locally seem to have abandoned me completely, not even bothering to keep in touch, and seem to think I am overreacting to this huge increase in infections. I sleep ten hours a night, read a lot, watch mindless tv, listen to UK radio. Another severe lockdown is in the offing now and frankly I am dreading it.

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Originally Posted by Ruthrieston

I sleep ten hours a night

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I envy that ability.

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Originally Posted by Ruthrieston

Living in Thailand I am so fortunate to have been able to live a normal life for most of the past year or more. But I live alone, am in the category of high risk from the virus, so I am isolating again now. Me "friends" locally seem to have abandoned me completely, not even bothering to keep in touch, and seem to think I am overreacting to this huge increase in infections. I sleep ten hours a night, read a lot, watch mindless tv, listen to UK radio. Another severe lockdown is in the offing now and frankly I am dreading it.

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I don't think you are overreacting given you are in the high risk category. Hopefully the vaccination rollout rate will increase soon, this would change your circumstances for the better. I have to confess I am not familiar with vaccine rollout details in Thailand as I don't live there and accept it will be a long time before I can visit again. Here in Perth Australia we have started a new three day lockdown, assuming it is not extended. If you can do some physical exercise it is very helpful mentally , nothing too strenuous especially if you are not in good general health. Take care.

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Originally Posted by Ruthrieston

Living in Thailand I am so fortunate to have been able to live a normal life for most of the past year or more. But I live alone, am in the category of high risk from the virus, so I am isolating again now. Me "friends" locally seem to have abandoned me completely, not even bothering to keep in touch, and seem to think I am overreacting to this huge increase in infections. I sleep ten hours a night, read a lot, watch mindless tv, listen to UK radio. Another severe lockdown is in the offing now and frankly I am dreading it.

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You're in a very tough situation, no doubt.

I think Zebedee's suggestion about exercising is a very good one.

Sleeping 10 hours could be contributing to depression - and is counterproductive during isolation like this.

If you were to sleep 1-2 hours less, and use that time to do some basic (low impact) exercises, you would almost assuredly start to feel better mentally and physically.

Also, getting out and taking a daily walk (away from people) can only help.

Fighting depression during isolation is all about "survival". Which means you have to get off your ass and start moving - like it, or not. No one is going to do this for you. So, my advice is to get moving.

Here's a video of some basic stretch exercises for seniors which you may find helpful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVCqkiqsz4I

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by Dodger

If you were to sleep 1-2 hours less, and use that time to do some basic (low impact) exercises, you would almost assuredly start to feel better mentally and physically.

Also, getting out and taking a daily walk (away from people) can only help.

Fighting depression during isolation is all about "survival". Which means you have to get off your ass and start moving - like it, or not. No one is going to do this for you. So, my advice is to get moving.

Good luck.

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Dodger, your advice reminds me of advice given by a hyperactive friend (who jogs and walks). He told three or more people they should get out and walk/jog. One friend who is overweight and old; another who is very overweight and has health issues; another friend who has a bad back and bad knees and is elderly; and myself who has had heart problems.
Basically he was saying start jogging and "drop dead".:devilsh:

A 10 hour sleep is not the issue. What is important is the quality - deep sleep, light sleep and REM sleep he gets every night, in good proportion.

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Originally Posted by Dodger

I think Zebedee's suggestion about exercising is a very good one.

Sleeping 10 hours could be contributing to depression - and is counterproductive during isolation like this.

If you were to sleep 1-2 hours less, and use that time to do some basic (low impact) exercises, you would almost assuredly start to feel better mentally and physically.

Also, getting out and taking a daily walk (away from people) can only help.

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Good advice from Zebedee & Dodger.

The risk of catching the virus outside in the daylight is negligible, so go for a good long walk.
I'm a firm believer in exercise. So even when quarantined in a hotel room, I managed to walk 5 miles a day.
[Apologies to anyone who's past walking due to age related factors. No apologies at all to anyone who cannot walk due to self inflicted factors like over eating and under exercising.]

Then Charlie Munger has some good ideas about attitude. Particularly "Self pity is always the wrong way to think. It's counter productive".
Covid lock downs aren't much fun, but they are better than been conscripted to fight in some war for 5 years. Most board members have it very good.

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Originally Posted by francois

Dodger, your advice reminds me of advice given by a hyperactive friend (who jogs and walks). He told three or more people they should get out and walk/jog. One friend who is overweight and old; another who is very overweight and has health issues; another friend who has a bad back and bad knees and is elderly; and myself who has had heart problems.
Basically he was saying start jogging and "drop dead".:devilsh:

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LOL .

Aw Francois, starting to exercise needs to be done in moderation and the individual's general health needs to be taken into account. Better still visit a GP for a checkup and ask him for guidance on what you should and should not do. But there is no denying exercise is a huge benefit to ones mental and physical health. As said even a walk in the evening, or early morning is good for you. Slowly build yourself up, remember its only for health reasons not preparation for the Olympics.

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Originally Posted by Zebedee

Aw Francois, starting to exercise needs to be done in moderation and the individual's general health needs to be taken into account.

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Exactly. One of my parents had a heart operation and has still been advised to exercise daily by the consultant.

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Originally Posted by Zebedee

LOL .

Aw Francois, starting to exercise needs to be done in moderation and the individual's general health needs to be taken into account. Better still visit a GP for a checkup and ask him for guidance on what you should and should not do. But there is no denying exercise is a huge benefit to ones mental and physical health. As said even a walk in the evening, or early morning is good for you. Slowly build yourself up, remember its only for health reasons not preparation for the Olympics.

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For me, I do visit a gym 4 times a week and have been doing so for 50 years and I do walk but admittedly,not enough. Now with Covid the gym is on a reprieve from my presence. Walking in Pattaya happens a few days/week but not a pleasurable walk!

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Originally Posted by Marc K

In trying to keep my balance, my (partial) solution has been to study up on my Thai (and a few other languages),

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Marc,

I just want to thank you for bringing this up.

I have a Rosetta Stone Thai Language Course on CD that's been sitting on the shelf for two years now gathering dust. After all these years I speak enough Thai to order a beer, ask a person what their name is, and get my face slapped in a massage parlor.

I'm going to follow your lead and start dedicating 1 hour/day to this endeavor - with a goal of becoming 50% fluent in 12 months. If this was Spanish I'd be shooting for 90% fluency - but all this changing tone crap drives me fucking crazy.

Thanks again

Going for walks and learning a new language or a musical instrument are great ways to beat boredom and keep the brain active.

You can even kill 2 birds with 1 stone by learning a language as you walk.

Last year during our lockdown I had a "friend" come and live with me for the duration. He was a bit clingy so to get a bit of time to myself I set up a home gym for him. It worked like a charm! Lol

Meanwhile, I was out walking along the coast enjoying the view and fresh sea air. I have never even stepped foot inside the gym, let alone exercise. But my friend uses it whenever he comes over.

Maybe it's an age thing - many of us oldies prefer to get outside and walk rather than run on a treadmill.

I'm an introvert, so quarantine (14 days on entering Cambodia Nov2020) or lockdown (14 days now) is not a big issue for me.

But I have a German friend here who is an extrovert, and during his quarantine some days we had a videochat for half an hour, which satisfied my socializing needs for the entire week, but for him was just an appetizer for the day.

Two weeks without exercise, other than walking from bed to bathroom to fridge to window, is no problem for me and did not affect my physical fitness.

I have a local friend here (Phnom Penh) who would have loved to spend the lockdown with me, but I refused because I would quickly tire of him. Whereas two other I would have let stay with me for the lockdown, but they have jobs that don't allow this.

As for losing crucial years, assuming a money boy has 10 years (age 20-30) where he can earn good money easily, he loses 2 years.

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Originally Posted by francois

Walking in Pattaya happens a few days/week but not a pleasurable walk!

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Have you tried the walk from the Jomtien police box at Dongtan Beach to the Sands Bar and back? It’s just under a mile each way along the seafront on the new pathway/road. I do it in reverse regularly and it’s a very pleasant walk. You can stop at either end for refreshments. Best in the evening, the later the better. Well lit and completely safe even at midnight.

The other good place to walk is around the circular exercise road near the top of Pratumnak Hill (0.8 miles) but you need a motor bike to get there. Unless you walk up the hill to it as well! Also very pleasant though a little more strenuous than the Jomtien Beach walk.

No one has mentioned "swimming" yet which is probably the best exercise seniors can do.

I love swimming and routinely spend an hour a day (after my morning workouts) in either the small pool here at my condo, or in the ocean if the waters calm and the tide is in.

For seniors who are not big into swimming, there are some very basic swimming (zero impact) exercises that are probably the best types of exercise you can do. Evan if you have problems with heart, back, joints, etc., you can do these exercises and may even improve any preexisting physical conditions.

Note: If you're not an experienced swimmer I would avoid the ocean.

Here's a Utube video of some basic pool exercises for seniors.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEOvqKpf_lc

Splish-splash!

I love swimming, and used to do sixty lengths of the pool in my condo building almost every morning. Just when I need it the most it has been closed for almost five weeks now supposedly to change it to a salt water pool, but that was supposed to take two weeks. Sigh. When I do get to swim I really do feel a whole lot better, feeling my mood rising and just stronger.

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Originally Posted by Ruthrieston

I love swimming, and used to do sixty lengths of the pool in my condo building almost every morning. Just when I need it the most it has been closed for almost five weeks now supposedly to change it to a salt water pool, but that was supposed to take two weeks. Sigh. When I do get to swim I really do feel a whole lot better, feeling my mood rising and just stronger.

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All pools are closed under the most current Covid restrictions.

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Originally Posted by Manforallseasons

All pools are closed under the most current Covid restrictions.

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I got lucky. My condo pool, as well as other condo pools here in Bang Saray remain open.

Similar to the last two lockdowns, Bang Saray closes the beaches to outside visitors - but residents are free to go.

Everybody follows the safety rules here, but life does go on.

I love Bang Saray.

I used to like the circular walk starting at Jomtien Complex and going along Thappraya Road to the Acquapazza building, then left down the so-called Russian soi (which, fittingly, even has a chess club) and through the Pattaya Park resort past all the tree-shaded chalets to the gate onto the beach road. Then back along that to the police box and left into the Complex once more. Taken at no great pace it would take me the best part of an hour. The Rabbit Resort makes a good halfway stopping-off point for refreshments if required.

For the past year, since the first lockdown, the walk has not been possible. The last time I tried it a uniformed Thai at the sentry box at the entrance to Pattaya Park rushed out waving his arms and screeching at me that the resort is sealed off from the beach. Now a mood of devilment sometimes comes over me when I'm faced with overly officious people in uniform (not to be recommended) and on this occasion I just kept walking as if unaware of his presence. Next moment he was screaming into a mobile and a policeman on a motorbike promptly pulled up next to me and, much more politely, repeated the no-go message. At this point I decided that discretion was definitely the better part of valour. I smiled, nodded apologetically and turned back. As I passed the sentry box the guard was still glaring daggers at me. On the walk back I reflected that my behaviour would probably have got me shot in America.

For the year of Covid I have mainly been swimming at my condo pool for exercise. I enjoy it a lot. Currently, as has been said above, pools are all back on the banned list, so I'm getting my exercise by watching the snooker world championship on tv.

There are lots of possibilities for various walks in Pattaya.
This example involves riding the length of the baht bus route, then ambling slowly back, having lunch, a coffee and stopping off at a bookshop: