I love her husband, did I really destroy his marriage or it meant to be that way by destiny?

In the year 2003 I was living in Thailand and struggling with everything in my life.

I’d met Ben, a German guy on a gay dating site and we’d started a relationship.

I’m a Thai guy in my twenties; slim, good looking and Ben was in his sixties; fat, short, and bald.



Sometimes I would stay in his apartment and sometimes I would stay at home. Ben sent me to a German language school in Bangkok to learn how to speak, read and write German. He was a retired professor from a German University and he worked part-time as a German reporter in Thailand. He wrote articles for a local newspaper for the German community in Thailand.



He got quite a good pension from his university and he could live comfortably in Thailand. He also got extra money as a reporter. The cost of living in Thailand is much lower than in Germany; that’s the reason why so many people from first world countries live in Thailand after their retirement.



I didn’t have a job so I helped Ben with his work. He gave me an allowance and some extra money whenever I needed it. Even though he was not rich, he was quite generous with me. It was quite common in Thailand for Western people to give money to their male or female Thai lover.



One day I told him he should move from his apartment to a bigger house. He agreed, and we found a good house to rent. It was much larger and nicer than the apartment. I came to live with him only on and off because sometimes I liked to stay with my mother in her house.



After a few months he told me he loved me very much. He would always give me some kind of affection such as kissing and hugging when I came to his rented house. When I stayed overnight with him, he would always hold me gently while I was sleeping.



One day when we were on the escalator in the shopping mall he touched my hair gently and said my hair was so beautiful. It was so soft like silk and my hairstyle was nice.

One day he told me he wanted to bring me to Germany so we could register as legal partners. It was called a registered partnership and it was available for same sex partner since 2001 in Germany.



We planned to go there and went to the German embassy to learn the procedures. He told me once we became registered partners, I would get his pension for the rest of my life in case he passed away.



He also made a will that I would inherit everything he owned such as an apartment in Cologne and all of his money in his bank account in Germany. He left his will with the German embassy in Bangkok. Everything was fine until some incident happened.



A white Caucasian American man sent me a message through the same gay dating site that I had met Ben. I’d forgotten to deactivate my profile so he was able to send me a message. He said I looked very cute and he would like to get to know me. He described himself and I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal. He wanted to meet me and I agreed. We first met in a restaurant and he - Michael - was so handsome in my eyes. He was 50 years old, tall, lean, but a little muscular.



As soon as we met, I fell in love with him right there, right at that moment. This was my first impression and I could feel the right chemistry. He was very honest with me about his life from the beginning. He told me he’d married a Thai girl about a year ago. He had Ph.D. and he was a teacher.



He also told me he’d worked in Japan for many years and earned a lot more money there but he loved Thailand much more so he decided to settle in Bangkok. He was bisexual and he found me very attractive. I was mesmerized by his charm, personality and physical appearance. He asked me to go back to his condominium because he knew his Thai wife went to visit her parents in another province.



I was very excited with his invitation and I accepted it without hesitation. As soon as we got there, he took me into the living room. We sat there and talked briefly with our hands on each other’s lap. The next thing I knew we were in each other’s arms and he started to give me a deep French kiss. Finally, we were lying completely naked on his bed. It was such wonderful sex as I ever had before in my life.He was so good in bed; he knew how to do it much better than Ben.



I kept the affair secret from Ben and I was sure Michael did the same thing from his Thai wife.

I was madly in love with him and we always called each other over the cell phone. If any days passed that I didn’t hear his voice, I would always be in a bad mood. I felt like I had to hear his voice every day if we couldn’t see each other. We met regularly and we would have sex almost every time in a motel. We developed a strong relationship and I was overwhelmed by his charm. He said he felt the same way as I felt.



After several months I told him that I didn’t want to be in that situation forever. He knew what I meant because by that time he knew about my German lover. I didn’t even want to go to Germany anymore to register the partnership. Michael also told me that since he started an affair with me, he had never had sex with his wife again. He said he didn’t love her in the way he loved me. He didn’t understand why he married her in the first place; maybe he felt sorry for her. He told me something like that.



We agreed to be together and he would take me to America to be his partner over there. He would divorce his wife, and I would tell Ben it was over between us because I had met somebody else.When Ben found out about my affair from my mouth he cried like a baby. I told him our relationship was over and I was going to go to America instead. I still remember his distressed face in the last scene very well.



He was begging me to be with him. He said whatever I did behind his back he had already forgiven me. He said “Please do not leave me; I love you very much; my life will be disaster without you”. I turned him down with a breaking heart.



To be very honest as I am writing this now, I felt very bad, very guilty for that moment. But, I couldn’t do anything.I couldn’t control myself or be with Ben anymore. I couldn’t force myself to love him anymore (if I ever loved him at all). We agreed that he would move back to his apartment. Then, the last day, which I remember very well, he handed me a brown envelop from the bank. I opened it and I saw a whole bunch of cash inside; it was 300,000 baht (about $10,000 USD). He said it was for me to start a new life.



He walked away from me and that was the last time I saw him.

I was so shocked that I couldn’t react to his last message.

Before I knew anything, tears came down my cheeks. There were no words to describe that scene.



Then, suddenly, less than a month after Ben and I separated, Michael told me he had to call off the plan because his wife was pregnant. We would not go to America and he had to be with his wife for the sake of the baby. I was frozen; speechless; looking at him in disbelief.



“I have to take full responsibility for the baby; the baby will need a father.” I remember one of his sentences very well.



“What about me?” I asked with the shaking voice. He said he was sorry but he couldn’t produce any more words. He left me in such confusion. He went back to his apartment to look after his wife and I went home with a broken heart.



My beautiful world lay in front of me totally shattered.

I was more than devastated; I was completely lost.



I felt like someone slapped my face and took my heart away. I felt like I’d fallen from a cliff.

There was a burning inside my heart. I was dead inside, but I still could walk.



I spoke to the mirror in vain. “How could you do this to me? I had sacrificed everything because I loved you and I wanted to be with you. You promised me that you would divorce her to be with me.



You said you loved me and would take me to America.”



“I dumped Ben who loved me very much. I gave up the pension money because I didn’t pursue his registered partnership. I have lost such a big amount of money when Ben changed the will as soon as we separated.

I have nothing now. I have nobody now. My whole world is empty now.”

I mourned and I cried like a wounded person in such agony.

“You betrayed me, and you left me with a severe wound in my heart.



I hate you, you hear me? I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”



He didn’t answer his phone no matter how often I tried to reach him. He simply sent me a message “I am so sorry for everything”.

“Yes, sure… you are sorry”



I whispered to myself “but I am going to make you sorry for the rest of your life.”

For months I had to go out every night to drink and party in order to forget him. I came home late and had to take sleeping pill to be able to rest.



I couldn’t get him out of my mind no matter how much I tried. Everywhere I went, I saw his face in front of me. Every night when I slept, I thought he was lying beside me and holding me.When love becomes hate, it is extremely dangerous.At one point, I was planning to kill both of us.



The plan was I would shoot him first and myself after him. Then, I would lie down on top of him so we could be together forever.



My Buddha was the one who changed my mind and turned me to another direction. Maybe, love and hate are too close to each other.



I got wisdom from somewhere, but I used it somewhat in the wrong way.

I sent Michael message one day pretending to be nice to him. I told him I understood his situation and I was going abroad. I would just like to see one last time. He agreed and that would change his life and my life forever.



We met in the same motel that we always used in the past. We were both lying on the bed naked when there was a knock at the door; I knew exactly who it was and I told them to come in. Suddenly, his wife was standing right there in front of us. Her face was as white as a ghost and she looked at her husband speechless. Her face said it all without any words; not one word came from her mouth.



Her face is still in my memory; a face that I will never forget.

I knew how it happened while Michael had no idea at all. He came to see me in a few days later and the first thing I knew he’d pushed me to the floor.



“You set me up, you set the whole thing up” he said in such cold harsh voice; a voice I had never heard from him before.



“You’re darn right” I told him. “I set the whole incident up for your wife to be there to see that scene in the motel.”



He didn’t know that I had asked a friend to call his wife about what time she should go there.



“I give up everything, and I mean everything, because you told me we were going to be together” I started rambling with a shaky voice.



“I had to dump someone who loved me very much because of you. I had lost everything because of you.” My voice was shaking because of the tremendous force of the sensation.



He stared at me before speaking to me in such a cold voice.

“My wife has already left me with my baby in her womb. She wrote a letter that she would have an abortion so I could never see my baby ever. In the letter she stated that she didn’t want the baby to grow up to find out their father was a gay man.



It would hurt the child badly; it would affect the child psychologically. The child would be teased forever and would develop an inferiority complex”.



Suddenly, he came over to attack me. I didn’t even prepare to defend myself because it was not his style. His nature was very calm and he had never shown any signs of violence at all. He grabbed my shirt and threw me down. I grabbed an object and threw it at him; the next thing I knew was we were rolling around. We were lying down on the floor; he was on top of me and I was on top of him. We were silent briefly, trying to catch our breath.

“I never want to see you again in this life time” he said as he left.



Those were the last words from him. This was long ago, more than 10 years, but I can still hear his voice in my memory today.

I was lying on the floor and I was crying like a six year old boy in such pain.



My body was curled up like a child. That scene I’ll never forget for the rest of my life.



My life went downhill as I locked myself away from the world. I couldn’t take care of myself and kept to myself in my room. My mother was the one who stepped in and rescued me. She tried to help me with spiritual stuff and it worked in the end.

Few months later; I was contacted by Stephen (the Canadian man with whom I had contact earlier). We’d lost touch during the time I was having a relationship with Ben.



He asked me if I was still interested in him and would like to relocate to be with him in Canada. It was like a sound from heaven to me.

I couldn’t wait to accept his invitation. My mother and my sister were very happy for me. I got a Canadian visa on my second attempt and was ready to go to Canada the following month.



I wanted to see Michael one more time in my life, but he was no longer in Thailand. When I went to his work place and someone told me he had already gone back to America. I couldn’t get any more information.



One day I found a piece of paper in my drawer which I had forgotten all about. It was Michael’s hand writing with his home address and phone number in America. I called and a lady answered the phone. It was his sister and when I told her who I was she said “I know you”. She even knew my official Thai name. Deep in my heart, my anger went away. I just wanted to speak to Michael and say how very sorry I was for what I’d done to him.



“May I talk to Michael please?” I asked politely.

She said “Michael passed away last week. He was in a car accident. He told me about you and he said he loved you” she said with a normal tone of voice.

My cell phone dropped from my hand and I was frozen in place. I could hear her voice far…far away.



Didn’t I say, a few months earlier, that I wanted him dead? I was the one who hated him so much. Now he was gone.

The tears came down my cheeks like a waterfall.

About a week earlier (before his sister said he was in an accident) I had a dream about him.

In my dream, he came to my bed and said he had already forgiven me. Then, he said good-bye. I tried to call him but he was gone and I then woke up. I’m convinced his spirit came to say good-bye to me.

I’m positive that he loved me but he had to be responsible for his baby. That was why he couldn’t be with me. Sometimes, love is just not enough.

Michael, wherever you are right now, I hope you have found a happy place.

I will always love you and you are always on my mind.

Love.

It took a lot courage for me to write my dark secret in my love diary, and I really hope it will set my spirit free.

I know what I did was wrong and I am not going to make any excuses to defend myself.

I hope this will give some ideas to some people out there who maybe in a similar situation right now not to do stupid things like I did.

Feel free to leave your comments or your opinions. I can accept both positive and negative comments. I am strong enough now to handle some difficulties.

If I could handle something that used to happen to me in Thailand, then anything that is going to happen to me here means nothing.


Everything in life happens for a reason and everything has its own reason itself.

Karma has followed me all the way down from Thailand to Canada without a doubt.

Karma has its own mysterious way to justified everything in the end, trust me.

Now, I don't wanna lose you
But I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry


And that don't really matter
To anyone anymore

But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door


But there's a danger in loving somebody too much

And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough


Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you
Baby, you don't have to take the fall
Yes, I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all


It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change



And there's no way home

When it's late at night and you're all alone

Are there things that you wanted to say

And do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX9aASk3Df0

Ok, first thing's first before I get to the substance....

You're a Thai guy in his 30s now, right? Where and how did you learn how to write English that well? There's lots of sland and other phrases in there that would never be taught in school or generally learned, unless you're a native English speaker.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cdnmatt

Ok, first thing's first before I get to the substance....

You're a Thai guy in his 30s now, right? Where and how did you learn how to write English that well? There's lots of sland and other phrases in there that would never be taught in school or generally learned, unless you're a native English speaker.

---

We'll make a sceptic of you yet, Matt

Well, really... how many Thai guys know what "inferiority complex" means, much less know how to use it properly in a story / article?

And about three dozen other examples in that post.

Who knows, maybe he has a good explanation, and will let all of us kind and gentle folk on SGT know.
wqw

I delete this one.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cdnmatt

Ok, first thing's first before I get to the substance....

You're a Thai guy in his 30s now, right? Where and how did you learn how to write English that well? There's lots of sland and other phrases in there that would never be taught in school or generally learned, unless you're a native English speaker.

---

I used to study in England and the states before. I came from an upper class family in Thailand. My father was quite well-off at that time. My siblings all went to abroad to study with my father's financial support.

When I was young I went to private christian school in Bangkok to study and English was my favorite subject.
And I have been living in Canada (English speaking country) for more than 10 years now. Therefore, you shouldn't be surprised with my English.

My English is not perfect because it's not my first language, but a little bit o.k..
You can ask me anything, and if I would like to answer I will do it.
However, if I don't want to answer, it's my right to do so as well.

I am definitely a Thai guy and not all Thai guys who have farang boyfriends are uneducated.

You can see my photos whether I am a Thai guy or not from my facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/andykellyrose

I hope you got the answer.

Ok, good enough for me, and I'll take you at your word. And no, I don't think all Thais are uneducated, so don't paint me with that brush either. It's just you used a whole lot of slang and other phrases in your post that generally, only a native English speaker would know. You could be a highly educated German businessman, and still not know some of the phrases you used. But my main business partner these days is an arabic Jordanian fellow who speaks English just as well as you and I do, so whatever...


Anyway, as to your post, if you want my blund response...

You're a dick. Don't cheat, pure and simple. And don't lie.

If you want to break it off with someone for whatever reason, then no problem, and just do it, but do it with grace and honesty. Don't string some guy along like that, while having a secret relationship on the side while you try and figure out which you like better. That's bullshit to do that to the first guy who's only fault was that he loved you, and you took advantage of that.

In return you decided to lie to him, while cheating on him behind his back, then surprised him by letting him know you've been having an affair for a long time and are breaking it off. That's simply a shitty thing to do to another human being, and although I don't generally like to see my fellow human hurt, there's a small part of me that is glad you ended up in despair.

Karma works...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by andyrose

And I have been living in Canada (English speaking country) for more than 10 years now.

---

This latest set of posts is simply a reprise of what you posted back in 2014/15

https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showt...ion&highlight=
https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showt...ase&highlight=
https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showt...ang&highlight=

Definitely consistent!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by frequent

This latest set of posts is simply a reprise of what you posted back in 2014/15

https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showt...ion&highlight=
https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showt...ase&highlight=
https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showt...ang&highlight=

Definitely consistent!

---

I first came to Canada in March 2005 and I stayed for 5 years until 2010 without going back to Thailand. And from 2010-2018, I went back and forth Thailand-Canada. And I know how many years I have lived in Canada. The total that I have lived here is more or about 10 years.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cdnmatt

Ok, good enough for me, and I'll take you at your word. And no, I don't think all Thais are uneducated, so don't paint me with that brush either. ...

---

I didn't paint anything to you with any brushes. I just made a factual statement.
And the rest of your post, you are entitled to your opinion and I am not going to get involved with yours in that area either.

So are you back in a relationship now, or alone at the moment?

Great story, andyrose.

I'm sure that (with some role reversal for box-office reasons), a movie could be made on the basis of "Andy's" tale.

Just a pity Lana Turner is no longer with us

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by scottish-guy

I'm sure that (with some role reversal for box-office reasons), a movie could be made on the basis of "Andy's" tale. Just a pity Lana Turner is no longer with us

---

arsenal would perhaps recommend Jacqueline Pearce who is also, sadly, no longer with us https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showt...queline-Pearce. I'm more a Hattie Jacques afficionado but she died young(ish) almost 40 years ago. However it raises the question - if a woman plays a man (or vice versa) is this now not the sin of gender appropriation?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by frequent

.... if a woman plays a man (or vice versa) is this now not the sin of gender appropriation?

---

Any reason to lock Julie Andrews up has to be supported.

Attachment 7915

Arsenal is currently watching a fuck off huge hornet flying around the place and is too scared to care.

OK. It's gone. I think Kathleen Turner would be fantastic. She was right on Streeps shoulder until ill health curtailed her career.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by arsenal

Arsenal is currently watching a fuck off huge hornet flying around the place and is too scared to care.

---

For god's sake arsenal what are the servants doing?

It's their half day a month off. They've gone to the seaside for a paddle and a fish supper.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by arsenal

It's their half day a month off. They've gone to the seaside for a paddle and a fish supper.

---

No rain?

Well I don't know but although most earn somewhat below the minimum wage they can probably afford an umbrella between them. Anyway, they're all Scottish so they're used to it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by arsenal

Well I don't know but although most earn somewhat below the minimum wage they can probably afford an umbrella between them. Anyway, they're all Scottish so they're used to it.

---

You exploit your servants? Oh, tut

frequent said this

arsenal said that

frequent said this and that

arsenal said this and that and something else

then frequent said ....

Never ending line of persiflage.

This reads like 9th grader trying to write a novel.
But I'm bored to death, so I did read the whole thing.

You should take creative writing lessons from Cdnmatt, he does it better. Still, A for an effort.

If I may, you should move the escalator scene towards the very beginning in your timeline, foreigners do not wait 2 months to gently touch hair on an escalator, after you been fucking for several months, move this episode to day 2.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by andyrose

One day when we were on the escalator in the shopping mall he touched my hair gently and said my hair was so beautiful

---

At the same time Scottish will say to himself .... gee I have I have nothing to post today...oh well that never stopped me before.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by francois

Never ending line of persiflage.

---

The next Frenchman to use big words like that (which makes this average Brit go to google) goes straight onto my ignore list.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DoubleDutch

...foreigners do not wait 2 months to gently touch hair on an escalator, after you been fucking for several months.

---

Forget "Andy" - there's a real e-romance developing here on the board between an elderly man and his catamite

Attachment 7933

I'm guessing referring to yourself and NIrish. But which is which.

You didn’t have to but thank you for proving your identity by directing us to your Facebook. This is not exactly the best place to open up, as even I am guilty of only asking where to get Viagra without prescription or to the best sex show in Pattaya. Nevertheless I feel your pain to have to choose over your heart or head. Sometimes someone stays for a season, sometimes for a reason.

If anyone is interested in reading this trash, I've condensed it so it's at least a tiny bit readable. Scrolling down a post for about 3 kilometers is not my favourite past time.
It's a troll of course, and simply just a sequel to the other three ... Andy started posting the same old tearful story back in 2014.
If I even for a minute thought there was any truth in these posts I still would put everything he's written into three words which he writes in this last saga: “What about me?”

Who's cuppa tea is this?

Quote:

---

In the year 2003 I was living in Thailand and struggling with everything in my life.

I’d met Ben, a German guy on a gay dating site and we’d started a relationship.

I’m a Thai guy in my twenties; slim, good looking and Ben was in his sixties; fat, short, and bald.
Sometimes I would stay in his apartment and sometimes I would stay at home. Ben sent me to a German language school in Bangkok to learn how to speak, read and write German. He was a retired professor from a German University and he worked part-time as a German reporter in Thailand. He wrote articles for a local newspaper for the German community in Thailand.
He got quite a good pension from his university and he could live comfortably in Thailand. He also got extra money as a reporter. The cost of living in Thailand is much lower than in Germany; that’s the reason why so many people from first world countries live in Thailand after their retirement.
I didn’t have a job so I helped Ben with his work. He gave me an allowance and some extra money whenever I needed it. Even though he was not rich, he was quite generous with me. It was quite common in Thailand for Western people to give money to their male or female Thai lover.
One day I told him he should move from his apartment to a bigger house. He agreed, and we found a good house to rent. It was much larger and nicer than the apartment. I came to live with him only on and off because sometimes I liked to stay with my mother in her house.
After a few months he told me he loved me very much. He would always give me some kind of affection such as kissing and hugging when I came to his rented house. When I stayed overnight with him, he would always hold me gently while I was sleeping.

One day when we were on the escalator in the shopping mall he touched my hair gently and said my hair was so beautiful. It was so soft like silk and my hairstyle was nice.
One day he told me he wanted to bring me to Germany so we could register as legal partners. It was called a registered partnership and it was available for same sex partner since 2001 in Germany.
We planned to go there and went to the German embassy to learn the procedures. He told me once we became registered partners, I would get his pension for the rest of my life in case he passed away.

He also made a will that I would inherit everything he owned such as an apartment in Cologne and all of his money in his bank account in Germany. He left his will with the German embassy in Bangkok. Everything was fine until some incident happened.

A white Caucasian American man sent me a message through the same gay dating site that I had met Ben. I’d forgotten to deactivate my profile so he was able to send me a message. He said I looked very cute and he would like to get to know me. He described himself and I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal. He wanted to meet me and I agreed. We first met in a restaurant and he - Michael - was so handsome in my eyes. He was 50 years old, tall, lean, but a little muscular.
As soon as we met, I fell in love with him right there, right at that moment. This was my first impression and I could feel the right chemistry. He was very honest with me about his life from the beginning. He told me he’d married a Thai girl about a year ago. He had Ph.D. and he was a teacher.

He also told me he’d worked in Japan for many years and earned a lot more money there but he loved Thailand much more so he decided to settle in Bangkok. He was bisexual and he found me very attractive. I was mesmerized by his charm, personality and physical appearance. He asked me to go back to his condominium because he knew his Thai wife went to visit her parents in another province.

I was very excited with his invitation and I accepted it without hesitation. As soon as we got there, he took me into the living room. We sat there and talked briefly with our hands on each other’s lap. The next thing I knew we were in each other’s arms and he started to give me a deep French kiss. Finally, we were lying completely naked on his bed. It was such wonderful sex as I ever had before in my life.He was so good in bed; he knew how to do it much better than Ben.
I kept the affair secret from Ben and I was sure Michael did the same thing from his Thai wife.

I was madly in love with him and we always called each other over the cell phone. If any days passed that I didn’t hear his voice, I would always be in a bad mood. I felt like I had to hear his voice every day if we couldn’t see each other. We met regularly and we would have sex almost every time in a motel. We developed a strong relationship and I was overwhelmed by his charm. He said he felt the same way as I felt.
After several months I told him that I didn’t want to be in that situation forever. He knew what I meant because by that time he knew about my German lover. I didn’t even want to go to Germany anymore to register the partnership. Michael also told me that since he started an affair with me, he had never had sex with his wife again. He said he didn’t love her in the way he loved me. He didn’t understand why he married her in the first place; maybe he felt sorry for her. He told me something like that.
We agreed to be together and he would take me to America to be his partner over there. He would divorce his wife, and I would tell Ben it was over between us because I had met somebody else.When Ben found out about my affair from my mouth he cried like a baby. I told him our relationship was over and I was going to go to America instead. I still remember his distressed face in the last scene very well.

He was begging me to be with him. He said whatever I did behind his back he had already forgiven me. He said “Please do not leave me; I love you very much; my life will be disaster without you”. I turned him down with a breaking heart.

To be very honest as I am writing this now, I felt very bad, very guilty for that moment. But, I couldn’t do anything.I couldn’t control myself or be with Ben anymore. I couldn’t force myself to love him anymore (if I ever loved him at all). We agreed that he would move back to his apartment. Then, the last day, which I remember very well, he handed me a brown envelop from the bank. I opened it and I saw a whole bunch of cash inside; it was 300,000 baht (about $10,000 USD). He said it was for me to start a new life.
He walked away from me and that was the last time I saw him. I was so shocked that I couldn’t react to his last message.
Before I knew anything, tears came down my cheeks. There were no words to describe that scene.

Then, suddenly, less than a month after Ben and I separated, Michael told me he had to call off the plan because his wife was pregnant. We would not go to America and he had to be with his wife for the sake of the baby. I was frozen; speechless; looking at him in disbelief.
“I have to take full responsibility for the baby; the baby will need a father.” I remember one of his sentences very well.
“What about me?” I asked with the shaking voice. He said he was sorry but he couldn’t produce any more words. He left me in such confusion. He went back to his apartment to look after his wife and I went home with a broken heart.
My beautiful world lay in front of me totally shattered. I was more than devastated; I was completely lost.
I felt like someone slapped my face and took my heart away. I felt like I’d fallen from a cliff. There was a burning inside my heart. I was dead inside, but I still could walk.
I spoke to the mirror in vain. “How could you do this to me? I had sacrificed everything because I loved you and I wanted to be with you. You promised me that you would divorce her to be with me.
You said you loved me and would take me to America.”
“I dumped Ben who loved me very much. I gave up the pension money because I didn’t pursue his registered partnership. I have lost such a big amount of money when Ben changed the will as soon as we separated.
I have nothing now. I have nobody now. My whole world is empty now.”
I mourned and I cried like a wounded person in such agony.
“You betrayed me, and you left me with a severe wound in my heart.
I hate you, you hear me? I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”
He didn’t answer his phone no matter how often I tried to reach him. He simply sent me a message “I am so sorry for everything”.
“Yes, sure… you are sorry”
I whispered to myself “but I am going to make you sorry for the rest of your life.”
For months I had to go out every night to drink and party in order to forget him. I came home late and had to take sleeping pill to be able to rest.
I couldn’t get him out of my mind no matter how much I tried. Everywhere I went, I saw his face in front of me. Every night when I slept, I thought he was lying beside me and holding me.When love becomes hate, it is extremely dangerous.At one point, I was planning to kill both of us.
The plan was I would shoot him first and myself after him. Then, I would lie down on top of him so we could be together forever.
My Buddha was the one who changed my mind and turned me to another direction. Maybe, love and hate are too close to each other.
I got wisdom from somewhere, but I used it somewhat in the wrong way.
I sent Michael message one day pretending to be nice to him. I told him I understood his situation and I was going abroad. I would just like to see one last time. He agreed and that would change his life and my life forever.

We met in the same motel that we always used in the past. We were both lying on the bed naked when there was a knock at the door; I knew exactly who it was and I told them to come in. Suddenly, his wife was standing right there in front of us. Her face was as white as a ghost and she looked at her husband speechless. Her face said it all without any words; not one word came from her mouth.
Her face is still in my memory; a face that I will never forget.
I knew how it happened while Michael had no idea at all. He came to see me in a few days later and the first thing I knew he’d pushed me to the floor.
“You set me up, you set the whole thing up” he said in such cold harsh voice; a voice I had never heard from him before.
“You’re darn right” I told him. “I set the whole incident up for your wife to be there to see that scene in the motel.”
He didn’t know that I had asked a friend to call his wife about what time she should go there.
“I give up everything, and I mean everything, because you told me we were going to be together” I started rambling with a shaky voice.
“I had to dump someone who loved me very much because of you. I had lost everything because of you.” My voice was shaking because of the tremendous force of the sensation.
He stared at me before speaking to me in such a cold voice.
“My wife has already left me with my baby in her womb. She wrote a letter that she would have an abortion so I could never see my baby ever. In the letter she stated that she didn’t want the baby to grow up to find out their father was a gay man.
It would hurt the child badly; it would affect the child psychologically. The child would be teased forever and would develop an inferiority complex”.
Suddenly, he came over to attack me. I didn’t even prepare to defend myself because it was not his style. His nature was very calm and he had never shown any signs of violence at all. He grabbed my shirt and threw me down. I grabbed an object and threw it at him; the next thing I knew was we were rolling around. We were lying down on the floor; he was on top of me and I was on top of him. We were silent briefly, trying to catch our breath.
“I never want to see you again in this life time” he said as he left.
Those were the last words from him. This was long ago, more than 10 years, but I can still hear his voice in my memory today.
I was lying on the floor and I was crying like a six year old boy in such pain.
My body was curled up like a child. That scene I’ll never forget for the rest of my life.
My life went downhill as I locked myself away from the world. I couldn’t take care of myself and kept to myself in my room. My mother was the one who stepped in and rescued me. She tried to help me with spiritual stuff and it worked in the end.
Few months later; I was contacted by Stephen (the Canadian man with whom I had contact earlier). We’d lost touch during the time I was having a relationship with Ben.
He asked me if I was still interested in him and would like to relocate to be with him in Canada. It was like a sound from heaven to me.
I couldn’t wait to accept his invitation. My mother and my sister were very happy for me. I got a Canadian visa on my second attempt and was ready to go to Canada the following month.
I wanted to see Michael one more time in my life, but he was no longer in Thailand. When I went to his work place and someone told me he had already gone back to America. I couldn’t get any more information.
One day I found a piece of paper in my drawer which I had forgotten all about. It was Michael’s hand writing with his home address and phone number in America. I called and a lady answered the phone. It was his sister and when I told her who I was she said “I know you”. She even knew my official Thai name. Deep in my heart, my anger went away. I just wanted to speak to Michael and say how very sorry I was for what I’d done to him.
“May I talk to Michael please?” I asked politely.
She said “Michael passed away last week. He was in a car accident. He told me about you and he said he loved you” she said with a normal tone of voice.
My cell phone dropped from my hand and I was frozen in place. I could hear her voice far…far away.
Didn’t I say, a few months earlier, that I wanted him dead? I was the one who hated him so much. Now he was gone.
The tears came down my cheeks like a waterfall.
About a week earlier (before his sister said he was in an accident) I had a dream about him.
In my dream, he came to my bed and said he had already forgiven me. Then, he said good-bye. I tried to call him but he was gone and I then woke up. I’m convinced his spirit came to say good-bye to me.
I’m positive that he loved me but he had to be responsible for his baby. That was why he couldn’t be with me. Sometimes, love is just not enough.
Michael, wherever you are right now, I hope you have found a happy place.
I will always love you and you are always on my mind.

Love.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Smiles

Who's cuppa tea is this?

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Mills & Boon

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DoubleDutch

" ... (I) gently touch (his) hair on an escalator ... "

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Extraordinarly creepy.

I refuse to engage in similar mud slinging.

I don’t know where or by whom someone in this thread was raised.

But my teacher in Thailand taught me when you have nothing nice to say about someone, then say nothing.
Clearly, they were absent on the day that lesson was taught.

I will not let these people bother me at all, and their words do not bother me.They may bother me if it was 15 years ago when I was young and immature.

When you get older and more mature you tend to handle the situation in a much better way. There are lots of ways to handle the situation and I am choosing to handle it with class.

I talked to my ex-Canadian common law partner this afternoon over the phone( the one I stayed with for 5 years from 2005-2010). He told me to ignore those people who said nasty things to me. There are always and always some people like that on the internet. I thought, at first I was going to show some documents to prove my case that my story was based on true story, true incident. But my ex-Canadian partner told me " don't even think about it". And, I kind of agreed with him and I asked myself.

"Why should I prove anything to them?"
"I don't even know who they are while I am very open about myself with my photos."

I can never avoid that kind of people, but I can choose not to let them bother me.

By the way, today's Toronto weather in the afternoon was so beautiful.

Right now 2 a.m. in the morning and I am going to take a walk again. I also like to take a walk in the night time because it's so quiet, peaceful and serene. It gives me such a good feeling and helps me to sleep quite well.

Have a nice day

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Originally Posted by andyrose

But my teacher in Thailand taught me when you have nothing nice to say about someone, then say nothing.

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Many people claim their mother taught them that. The Jews found it very useful advice in Nazi Germany. It's a piece of advice that is worth every penny of the cost of giving it.* My mother taught me never to speak to strange men, a piece of advice I have successfully ignored throughout my adolescent and adult life

*ie. it's cost-free advice and therefore worth nothing

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Originally Posted by Smiles

It's a troll of course...

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It's not obvious to me that he's a troll. Messed up as a person, yes. If you strip away the truly awful writing style (which, sadly, the OP clearly thinks lends dignity to his tale), you are left with an all too believable set of events: young Thai acquires kindly older patron, younger, sexier alternative appears, younger alternative changes mind, revenge by the Thai. The OP was fortunate in that another Canadian patron whisked him abroad after that.

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Originally Posted by andyrose

I refuse to engage in similar mud slinging.

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Good for you, but if you put a downbeat tale like this on a gay message board you must expect some harsh feedback. And adding that you are 'choosing to handle it with class' (in bold type no less) does not help your cause - it merely encourages people to believe that you're a bit full of yourself for all your apparent remorse at events years ago.

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Originally Posted by frequent

...My mother taught me never to speak to strange men...

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Did she also tell you to stop touching yourself?

Mine did.

So I started talking to strange men and found they'd happily do it for me.

See, and here we go again... Jesus christ, are some of you guys ever assholes.

Throwing a public trantrum again, yelling troll and liar. How do you know? Then you guys turn around, and bitch and complain that the bored is dead and there isn't enough activity. That generally leads to you guys blaming it on Moses for some unknown reason.

For years you guys were running around saying I'm a troll, a liar, I don't exist, I'm just a figment of my own imagination, and so on. I'm pretty sure now I've finally gotten through your thick heads that I am actually exactly who I say I am.

What proof do you guys have that this guy is a troll? I questioned his command of the English language, and he gave me an answer that was good enough for me. I have no reason to doubt him, and neither do you guys, except for just being dicks.

Besides, if he was a troll / liar, why would he make a post explaining how horrible of a human being he is? Wouldn't he come up with something a little better?

Either quit being assholes to everyone that shows up on SGT, or quit complaining the board is so dead. Geez, you guys...

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Originally Posted by cdnmatt

I'm pretty sure now I've finally gotten through your thick heads that I am actually exactly who I say I am.

...

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Exactly...to those with thick heads... ONLY.