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Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Let's see if this sparks a decent discussion. I'm sure many (most?) of us have met a Thai boy who has touched our hearts in a way unlike the others, and has caused us to spend hours wondering if there's a way we could help them. So, what's the best way to help?
English Lessons -- This is a common one, but unless they're planning to continue living in a tourist city and/or remain in the tourist industry, I think it's pretty useless. Not to mention, even if that's the case, they tend to pickup English as they go anyway.
Education -- Another very common one, but personally, I no longer believe this is a very realistic way to help someone from Issan. Many of these guys dropped out of school early to work, and help support their family. On top of that, the Thai government doesn't seem overly interested in having an educated populace, or at least their education programs don't show it. Alot of these guys are looking at 3 - 5 years of screwing around just to get the equivalent of a high-school diploma, and really, what's the point of that?
A high-school diploma doesn't mean anything in Canada, and means even less in Issan. They need at least a four year university degree to be considered for a decent job. So even if they manage to stick with schooling for say 8 years, which is highly doubtful in probably most cases, they'll probably be in their early 30s by the time they get a decent job, which doesn't seem very viable. Not to mention, formal education isn't exactly a pre-requisite to building financial stability for yourself. For example, I don't have a high school diploma, have taught myself everything needed, and have done just fine for myself.
Buy a House -- I think this is a really good thing, and hey, houses in Issan are cheap. 1 - 3 million baht, the entire family is happy as hell, he'll always have a good roof above his head, and he gets to help out the family in a huge way. The only downside to this is that it's expensive, and is a pure handout, which the Thai didn't do a single thing to earn. Probably not the best way to build character.
Buy them Gold! -- Ok, just kidding actually. This one's just stupid, because we all know how quickly gold turns into whiskey in Thailand. Not to mention, nowadays, I think it's somewhat disrespectful. Mama is busting her ass to bring in 8000/month, and you drop 30,000 on some gold for your BF? Just give the money to mama instead, because it'll more than likely end up in her bank account anyway, except it'll be a smaller amount because the Thai had to sell the gold (and buy whiskey).
Fund a Business -- This is the best thing I can think of. Find out what they're interested in, make sure they work within that industry for at least a couple years to learn the ropes, then fund a small business for them. Don't buy them a business, but instead loan them the funds to buy it, and have them pay you back monthly from the profits. It's a win-win, assuming you have faith that you're Thai BF knows what he's doing, and is capable of turning a profit. In the long-term you get your money back, he gets a huge helping hand to build financial stability for himself, he has something to work towards that builds character, he looks like a superstar during family get togethers, etc. Plus his dignity remains intact, because he's not accepting a handout, but only a loan that he's making monthly payments on.
So yeah, funding a business seems to be the best thing I can think of. And I'm sure in a year or two, I'll be eating for free at a Thai BBQ restaurant in Kohn Kaen quite often. :-)
What do you guys think? Thoughts? Insights? Stories?
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
I am glad you put English lessons first on the list. I helped one boy to go to Mim at NS travel. She does a basic English
class. I checked to be sure the boy attended on my next trip and was assured by Mim that he attended faithfully. The fact that his English inproved was a good sign the classes worked. I also think that working with farangs in the bar would have also improved in skills. Going to class perhaps helped the process along.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
:laughing3:
OP are u totally effing stupid or what?
Your ludicrous suggestions like buying a house or funding a business for some issan boy whose cock or arse u happen to fancy for a while is just another example of how pathetically naive and gullible some of these 'more money than sense' farangs have when it comes to Thais.
Time and again the experienced ones on this web site try to warn against silly farangs throwing their wordly goods at these prostitutes but u have proven OP that sooner rather than later u will lose what if anything you have.
Mostly what is given to Thais goes to fuel drug or gambling habits or to help keep extended families in their lazy world of idleness and you OP are doing a shocking disservice by posting in this wholly irresponsible manner.
For fuck sake get real!
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Was this topic covered in this forum before ... or was it on Thai Visa? I remember that some time last year I cataloged a long list of my failed attempts at helping Thai boys.
While I tend to be more moderate in my language compared to zinzone's postings, I have to agree with him completely on this one. When I started helping Thai boys (Vietnamese lessons, university study, houses, businesses, etc. ..), I would have been shocked by zinzone's conclusions. Now, ten years later, I can only report that more than 90% of what I have tried to do has been a waste of money, time and emotions. Only a few of the many boys have shown any promise of being able to achieve self-sufficiency, which was my original goal for them. Sometimes it is their fault; sometimes the reasons are beyond their control. Limiting factors are level of intelligence, business acumen, demands by immediate and distant family members. If you're lucky, the one (s) you're helping will be smart enough to study or run a business, and will have a family that is not intent on extracting every last baht from the farang. (A farm boy's poverty stricken family is simply not capable of planning for, or looking towards the future. They'll want as much as they can get right now.) More often than not, the boy has unrealistic dreams of becoming self-employed even though he has not a clue about business ownership or operation.
Yes, there are success stories, but they are certainly in the minority. Still, I admire those farangs who are willing to provide help, though I would admonish them that their success rate will be similar to direct mailing campaigns - about 3 per cent. That's three out of a hundred boys --- but less than one boy out of ten.
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Re: Best thing you can do for an Isaan boy?
[Missing picture: Banana-style Rolls-Royce, Dollar-style sunglasses and ...]
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
So, what's the best way to help?
Thais are self-sufficient. Never change a running system. The best assistance is denial of assistance.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinzone
Mostly what is given to Thais goes to fuel drug or gambling habits or to help keep extended families in their lazy world of idleness and you OP are doing a shocking disservice by posting in this wholly irresponsible manner.
For fuck sake get real!
Geez, what crawled up your ass, and died this morning? Just because you're not capable of making something work with a Thai BF, doesn't mean it's impossible for the rest of us. And the above remark about fueling drug and gambling habits is a bit arrogant, no?
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Giving is the easy part; Not being able to celebrate any real results becomes a bit challenging.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
One of the best things you can do is to go visit his room with him. Pay his landlord 6 months rent for him in advance so that he can't spend it on booze and gambling. Encourage him to get some kind of job where he isn't flogging his asshole. Now that's what I call helping a boy
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Just give him a nice tip, a friend and a smile everytime you say good bye?
Our concept of happiness is nothing like theirs. To even try is a fruitless endeavor.
When you fuck him, make sure he's happy with his reward. Simple.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobsaigon
Was this topic covered on SGT beforeтАж or was it on Thai Visa? I remember that some time last year I cataloged a long list of my failed attempts at helping Thai boys.
While I tend to be more moderate in my language compared to zinzoneтАЩs postings, I have to agree with him completely on this one. When I started helping Thai boys (English lessons, university study, houses, businesses, etc.), I would have been shocked by zinzoneтАЩs conclusions. Now, ten years later, I can only report that more than 90% of what I have tried to do has been a waste of money, time and emotions. Only a few of the many boys have shown any promise of being able to achieve self-sufficiency, which was my original goal for them. Sometimes it is their fault; sometimes the reasons are beyond their control. Limiting factors are intelligence level, business acumen, demands by immediate and distant family members. If youтАЩre lucky, the one(s) youтАЩre helping will be smart enough to study or run a business, and will have a family that is not intent on extracting every last Baht from the farang. (A boyтАЩs poverty stricken farm family is simply not capable of planning for, or looking towards the future. TheyтАЩll want as much as they can get right now.) More often than not, the boy has unrealistic dreams of becoming self-employed even though he hasnтАЩt a clue about business ownership or operation.
Yes, there are success stories, but certainly they are in the minority. Still, I admire those farangs who are willing to provide help, though I would admonish them that their success rate will be similar to direct mailing campaigns тАУ about 3 per cent. ThatтАЩs three boys out of a hundred --- but less than one boy out of ten.
I think the key if you want to help the boy... don't offer what you might logically think is the right path. Coming from a developed country... we automatically think... oh... a good job is what we need for a better lifestyle... and we need education for this etc. So the thing to do is to give the boy education!
In many cases... if the boy wants to be educated, they'll get out there and make it happen for themselves... or at least go part of the way to making it happen.
I think if the boy has a certain amount of drive... and really wants to get into studying something... then great... give him a little boost (support him). But I think picking up a boy and pushing a "better life" on him won't always work. Like someone else said... there's a reason why these kids dropped out of school. Family circumstances are a common reason, but often, it's because they lacked the desire to finish.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Responding to the OP...
I don't think you can rule education out... it would be suitable for some boys. I think the issue is many "sensible" farang would just think this is the best way to go so education becomes the "default" way to help and Isaan boy... which is wrong because it's not suitable for every boy. You're definitely right it's not realistic for every boy... and formal education is definitely not a pre-requisite for success.
I like the idea of funding a business... especially through a loan (I think most farang just give the money to the boy to start the business... loan is better) so he feels more self sufficient (i.e. he did it himself... all you did is offer a little "boost").
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachlover
I think if the boy has a certain amount of drive... and really wants to get into studying something... then great... give him a little boost (support him). But I think picking up a boy and pushing a "better life" on him won't always work. Like someone else said... there's a reason why these kids dropped out of school. Family circumstances are a common reason, but often, it's because they lacked the desire to finish.
I don't think for a moment they lack desire to finish. The type of boys we meet in our Thailand have often been encouraged by their friends to get into prostitution and told of the earnings potential. Not much different from us Farang in a way. I would always go for the easyest way to earn a quid or two. I left school at 15 and have always done well.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
I think Beachlover made a valid point when he said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachlover
In many cases... if the boy wants to be educated, they'll get out there and make it happen for themselves... or at least go part of the way to making it happen.
I think if the boy has a certain amount of drive... and really wants to get into studying something... then great... give him a little boost (support him). But I think picking up a boy and pushing a "better life" on him won't always work. Like someone else said... there's a reason why these kids dropped out of school. Family circumstances are a common reason, but often, it's because they lacked the desire to finish.
There have been a number of valid points made in this thread, from a variety of viewpoints. My belief is there must be a sincere desire and willingness in a person's mind to make an improvement in their life, and communication is the key to understanding that. Sadly, we тАУ as outsiders тАУ seldom have the skills to communicate well enough to understand.
Part of the problem is a failure to have a true understanding of the desire as it exists in the guy's mind. Few of us Westerners can grasp the multiple levels of logic (or non-logic), societal obligations and cultural nuances involved. Add to that the unfortunate colorings of personality and desires that invariably occur when a "country boy" becomes "Westernized" and things can be mighty difficult to interpret. So what do we do? We do what we think would work in Farangland and then get unhappy when it doesnтАЩt turn out as we envisioned it.
In some cases itтАЩs best to remember the old saying тАЬDonтАЩt try to teach a pig to sing. ItтАЩs a waste of your time, and it annoys the pigтАЭ.
I have made both financial gifts and loans to Thai friends. With the sole exception of a guy who justified his entire philosophy on life - one that fell a little to the left of тАЬwhoopeeтАЭ тАУ (his usual justification delivered with a shrug was тАЬI am Voy Boy!тАЭ) they have been properly used and the loans repaid. Voy was so Westernized he was beyond hope, and I should have known better. The others have used the funds constructively.
You can provide the tools, but it's up to the guy to choose if he wants to build a house or just hit himself on the head with it. Simply throwing money at a problem is rarely the answer.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
I will tell you what the best thing is to give an Issan boy. First, it is not to shower them with money or to fund a business for them. They will not ever understand the value of the money, or how hard we as gay farang had to work for that money. Education is also not the way to go. Most of these boys only think in the "now" and do not really plan for their future, especially stupid farm boys from the north. Most of these farm boys do not have any direct contact with successful people and therefore do not understand the value of an education. After all, they make a pretty handsome profit selling themselves on the street.
What these lovely young lads need is a huge dose of LOVE. They don't want our stinking money, they simply want our love. When you give love to these boys, they become richer than they ever thought they could be in their wildest dreams. Love is the universal language, and once these boys know that they have your love, your trust, your devotion, they will do almost anything to make you happy. Yes, there is almost a 50 year difference between me and my future husband, but the love he has for me, and the love I have for him carries us to a realm that many on this board have never experienced.
It's always easy to give money, but when you give your love, it needs to be earned, and once you give your love unconditionally, everything else will fall into place.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
What these lovely young lads need is a huge dose of LOVE. They don't want our stinking money, they simply want our love.
You've got to be kidding!! If you really believe what you write, you should try sticking your head into the next pool of cold water you come across and then think again.
I have lived in Thailand for 2 years and then returned to the west to finish my studies. I know a fair bit of Thai, and I see the hordes of either female ex-prostitutes or male ex-massage/barboys roaming the scene cafes and discos here. I even have a few Thai friends from that "scene" as well as Thais who came here for studying (which mostly turns out exceptionally hard for them, by the way). These groups (students vs. "garee") do not mingle at all as one group is disgusted by the other and the other cares only for parties, sex and drugs.
There are uncountable numbers of "boys" who have farang sitting at home why they have a good time partying and picking up guys for a "gig", and still manage to play the farang for a fool, such that he never finds out what's going on.
What they want ist: YOUR MONEY. Both your cash and your more "long-term" assets such as your house and car, and all other fine things that we farang tend to get during the course of our lives (inheritances, etc.).
Yes, they make you FEEL they love you, both because they are incredible actors (ever heard the phrase: "lie like Siam"??) and because you're their best chance at a secure future. They are prepared to give a lot for that.
They even give in to your stupid desire to make them "study" your native language or study at universities, although they tend to fail quite quickly. There's also a good way to get quick money out of the farang bf if he insists the thai "should earn his own money", such as losing (= selling) one's mobile phone in the disco and getting the bf to pay for a new one. I won't continue the list here...
But don't dare fall ill, or lose your wealth. Then you will see how fast they run away with their "alternatives".
In my humble opinion, there is only one way to deal with this: As far as rent boys are concerned, fuck and forget. If you like them, give them a tip. Even a very generous tip will never compare to what you're about to lose once you "import" them to your country.
If you want a reliable and truthful bf who really loves you, you have to try to get people who at least have a minimum of education and have learned the importance of hard work in life. Problem is: These people, being Thai, will be both shy and nearly unable to speak English. Unless you manage to find the needle in the haystack.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Diec - wrong. Tiuri - Right.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobsaigon
Diec - wrong. Tiuri - Right.
Both, Diec and Tuiri generalizing = wrong.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
I assume the original post refers to (1) a bar boy, or someone that has been otherwise picked up for sex, and/or (2) someone you are not particularly interested in long term?
If that is the case, I suggest forever discarding the paternalist do-gooder schtick and simply asking him what he'd prefer as a one-shot-deal gift from heaven.
If he says 'money', then give it to him ~ for that's what he'll probably say ~ and attach no strings whatsoever on it's end use. Attempting to guess what would be best for any individual, or ~ even worse ~ decide for him is a waste of time, money, and energy, and will only be a salve for your own ego and/or sense of need: Thai guys being of course the white man's burden.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Tiuri.....that was perfect, a great post! :hello1: :hello1: :hello1:
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smiles
Attempting to guess what would be best for any individual, or ~ even worse ~ decide for him is a waste of time, money, and energy, and will only be a salve for your own ego and/or sense of need.
So many of our members are, however, absolute experts on the motives and wants of other people. You have only to read what some of those who believe themselves to be intelligent write in attributing motives, feelings and desires to their fellow posters, almost none of whom they have ever or will ever meet, based on their reading (and in some cases misreading) of what that person has written, without any ear for tone. So when it comes to "knowing" what a Thai boy they're fucked once or twice really, really wants, let alone a Thai boy someone else has fucked once or twice but they themselves have never met, then they are world experts. Get a grip Smiles.
Definition of expert: X is an unknown quantity and a spurt is a drip under pressure. (It's not original; I read it somewhere, possibly even on Sawatdee. Was it homintern? Doubtless that fool PeterUK (speaking of experts) will think so. BTW Pete, it's possible to delete PMs before you read them, which is what I do with yours to me.)
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Copper Pheel
Definition of expert: X is an unknown quantity and a spurt is a drip under pressure. (It's not original; I read it somewhere, possibly even on Sawatdee. Was it homintern? Doubtless.....
Absolutely doubtless
http://www.sawatdee-gay-thailand.com...p?f=12&t=18934
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Author: Tiuri ┬╗ Thu 14 Jan, 2010 3:22 pm
What these lovely young lads need is a huge dose of LOVE. They don't want our stinking money, they simply want our love.
You've got to be kidding!! If you really believe what you write, you should try sticking your head into the next pool of cold water you come across and then think again.
I have lived in Thailand for 2 years and then returned to the west to finish my studies. I know a fair bit of Thai, and I see the hordes of either female ex-prostitutes or male ex-massage/barboys roaming the scene cafes and discos here. I even have a few Thai friends from that "scene" as well as Thais who came here for studying (which mostly turns out exceptionally hard for them, by the way). These groups (students vs. "garee") do not mingle at all as one group is disgusted by the other and the other cares only for parties, sex and drugs.
There are uncountable numbers of "boys" who have farang sitting at home why they have a good time partying and picking up guys for a "gig", and still manage to play the farang for a fool, such that he never finds out what's going on.
What they want ist: YOUR MONEY. Both your cash and your more "long-term" assets such as your house and car, and all other fine things that we farang tend to get during the course of our lives (inheritances, etc.).
Yes, they make you FEEL they love you, both because they are incredible actors (ever heard the phrase: "lie like Siam"??) and because you're their best chance at a secure future. They are prepared to give a lot for that.
They even give in to your stupid desire to make them "study" your native language or study at universities, although they tend to fail quite quickly. There's also a good way to get quick money out of the farang bf if he insists the thai "should earn his own money", such as losing (= selling) one's mobile phone in the disco and getting the bf to pay for a new one. I won't continue the list here...
But don't dare fall ill, or lose your wealth. Then you will see how fast they run away with their "alternatives".
In my humble opinion, there is only one way to deal with this: As far as rent boys are concerned, fuck and forget. If you like them, give them a tip. Even a very generous tip will never compare to what you're about to lose once you "import" them to your country.
If you want a reliable and truthful bf who really loves you, you have to try to get people who at least have a minimum of education and have learned the importance of hard work in life. Problem is: These people, being Thai, will be both shy and nearly unable to speak English. Unless you manage to find the needle in the haystack.
Tiuri
Like I said..shorter Tiuri:
Fuck, smile and tip well!
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Surfcrest
Quote:
Originally Posted by Copper Pheel
Definition of expert: X is an unknown quantity and a spurt is a drip under pressure. (It's not original; I read it somewhere, possibly even on Sawatdee. Was it homintern? Doubtless.....
Absolutely doubtless
http://www.sawatdee-gay-thailand.com...p?f=12&t=18934
I have to say I didn't find that definition sourced via that particular link Surfcrest. Are you also losing your grip?
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiuri
These groups (students vs. "garee") do not mingle at all as one group is disgusted by the other and the other cares only for parties, sex and drugs.
I think its unfair to say that students are only iterested in parties, sex and drugs :tongue3:
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by colmx
I think its unfair to say that students are only iterested in parties, sex and drugs :tongue3:
They were MY only interests when I was at Cardiff Polytechnic.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by colmx
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiuri
These groups (students vs. "garee") do not mingle at all as one group is disgusted by the other and the other cares only for parties, sex and drugs.
I think its unfair to say that students are only iterested in parties, sex and drugs :tongue3:
Well, I referred to the ex-rentboys mostly hanging out in discos at night :)
While the students still like to party, they also have to pass exams, which means they can't party 5-7 days a week ;)
Towards the other post, yes, I am generalizing, and believe me, I would love to be proven wrong. Unfortunately, around me there seem to be only poor (sometimes outright stupid) farang who believe their bf is the purest diamond on the planet while he exploits the farang for money (mostly for drugs) and fucks around till kingdom come.
It's also very funny to see that while in Thailand, you have mix of northerners, Issan boys, central Thais, and southerners, nearly ALL the (discobunny) Thais in the west are from Issaan (I'd say 95%), while the students are mostly central Thai and southerners. That would make it hard to be different and "good" even for a "decent-hearted" Issan boy, as he is shown by his mates constantly how "the system" works.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Which Western country are you talking about here?
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobsaigon
Diec - wrong. Tiuri - Right.
Both, Diec and Tuiri generalizing = wrong.
I would actually have said "Both Diec and Tuiri right", under certain circumstances, but that would be the kiss of death for them both!
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
How to get to the real truth? How to know the best thing you can do for an Issan boy? How to know what bar boys really want?
IMO, we are never going to know by reading posts based on suppositions, anecdotes, guesses stemming from casual contact with bar workers or interpretations produced by referencing Western psychology. Everything posted on these topics is based on what we non-Thai customers think is best for the boys. Finding out what the boys really think is the only way to speak authoritatively on the matter. No clue as to how this can be done, but I am sure it's the only reliable source of information. In the meantime, our postings will remain nothing more than speculation, a way of allowing us to engage in debate without being in the least qualified to speak on behalf of working boys in Thailand.
The saving grace in all the discussions in the forum is that they help us to see that we are not alone in our failures to understand the boys whose charms have brought us to LOS.
Cheers.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiuri
Towards the other post, yes, I am generalizing, and believe me, I would love to be proven wrong.
You are wrong though. You should never generalize like that, because you'll always be wrong, and will always end up with some jackass like myself explaining to you why you're wrong. :-) Really though, saying all Issan boys are low-life, drug using gambling addicts who don't know a hard day's work is just stupid. That's like me saying all wealthy businessmen with three piece suits snort cocaine. And what about all the Issan boys you don't see in the discos, who are busting their ass 16 hours a day for that whopping 150 baht?
As for the love thing, I'm sorry you don't believe, but some of them do genuinely want to be loved. My guy is a prime example. His parents split up when he was 9, and he's been working various jobs since he was 10, most of which were in a different city requiring him to be away from home. I don't think he's ever felt truly loved before. For example, his birthday was a couple days ago. I thought I was a pretty shitty boyfriend for doing so little, because all I did was buy him some flowers worth 900 baht, and a cake worth 660 baht, which I surprised him with at a small Thai karaoke we frequent. That was it. No presents, nothing. We ate at a Thai BBQ buffet place for 109 baht per person.
That night I had to pull him away from our group twice to calm him down because he was crying uncontrollably. He was overwhelmed that someone actually gave a shit about him, and loved him enough to put together a little birthday party for him. And he's the furthest thing from a low-life drug addict. He's the type of guy who wakes up at 6am three times a week, so he can goto the temple, and give the monks some food.
Anyway, yeah... you shouldn't generalize. :-)
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
I try to convince myself that I've got it all figured out, and that leads to generalizations (no money, no honey), but then I see something like Matt's account of his BF's birthday party, and I feel somewhat guilty that I have so frequently dismissed the "love factor", and I force myself to wonder how much of the "love" that various boys have professed is genuine emotional love, and how much is simply gratitude for financial support. I suppose I would have a VERY different outlook if even just one of "my boys" was originally non-commercial. Haven't yet been in a realtionship with a self-supporting individual, and at nearly 70 yrs of age, I guess that's not likely to happen this time around.
Best of luck to Matt and the small number of other posters who appear to have something very special going on in their lives.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
My goodness LMTU, you sure have come back in full force considering you were dieing of tooth cancer last month. Or were you just making up a lovely story about you dieing from tooth cancer to try and make yourself more interesting? Who knew a shot of chemo would make all of your problems dissapear. Your bi-line indicates you had stem cell work. Well...we both know that's a little lie, huh? You little fibber you! I was going to say more but frankly, you bore me so I'm done.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
If you don't mind, please take your immature little bitch fest out of my thread. Thank you!
Seriously though, my 5yo nephew has more maturity than some of the posters here display.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
some jackass like myself
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
my 5yo nephew
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
my thread
So being a jackass runs in the family?
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
I see that in what Matt is saying. One can imagine the type of mind- and type of loving- that allows these guys to pull off getting close to us, giving themselves up for sex, trying to make a living and all at the same time not hate themselves for being whores. Even worse is the realization that creeps into their consciousness...somewhere...that the guys they are trying to connect with view them as a 1000 baht fuck, to be tossed away after a few hours. I totally get that glimmer Matt's bf experienced...that part of him that saw that Matt actually went beyond any expectation and did something from his heart- no matter how incidental it might have been. I wonder, given Matt's depiction of the act as not much of an effort, if Matt himself was stunned at the revelation, and if he was transformed at all.
What's funny for me is that I tend to pick straight guys and they all are so keen to keep the friendship going even after it's obvious there's no future. They try so hard to keep the connection, though it's impossibly incoherent to be a thai bf to a gay farang when they obviously are not gay and only want the daddy aspect. I wonder if the lack of a strong father figure drives that dynamic.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by let me tell u
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Originally Posted by cdnmatt
I
my 5yo nephew has more maturity than some of the posters here display.
Wow how frightening that you look that close at him, only 5 you say :thebirdman:
LMTU, you must be the only person to draw such an implication from cdnmattтАЩs post.
Many people are aware it costs 500,000 bt. to avoid arrest for having an underage boy.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacklipton
I wonder, given Matt's depiction of the act as not much of an effort, if Matt himself was stunned at the revelation, and if he was transformed at all.
Not really, no. It did make it hit home as to how intrinsically alone he truly feels, but that's about it. I know he loves me though, and he's actually broken down a few times in the past week now. He'll start crying, and saying things like the only time he's ever been happy is with me, he never really had a mama or papa, never had a chance to be a typical student with his friends, etc. He's always been working in other cities throughout northern Thailand. I'm heading out of country right away for a couple weeks, and when I come back, and going directly to Khon Kaen to start our new life there. So he's pretty worried that I'm not going to come back for him, hence why he's been so emotional lately.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Matt,
I take it you've told him that he's going with you and not to worry? Is it that he doesn't believe you or is the Thai mindset of believing only in living today and he can't grasp that you've planned out for him a future that includes the both of you? We're all familiar with the 'live today, don't worry about tomorrow' attitudes that Thais seem to have. In this case, it appears that just the act of you leaving the country is far more threatening to him than the solace that you plan to come back and take him with you to start your new life. Maybe they can't concieve that planning ahead actually produces good results, and not just disappointment.
The guy seems like you say, very alone. I hope it works out for the both of you. Strange how if you were to take the classic Thai attitude toward him it would be a reversal of the roles many of us have to play while in Thailand.
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
Reading what cdnmatt says about himself and his b/f , it sounds like they both need each other and are well suited. So hopefully we can be kept informed about how the relationship develops.
:love4:
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Re: Best thing you can do for a Issan boy?
I agree with matt.
How can you generalise about all Thais boys being whores, thieves ad liars - very sad indeed.
I am in a relationship with a ex-bar boy for 4 years now. We spend a lot of time together and I truly love him, and love his companionship. I believe there is a strong bond between both of us, and yes being 20 odd years younger, I don't expect him to have the same feelings as me, but I know he is happy with me which in turns makes me happy. I do not control his life, wouldn't want to. I am helping him at his pace to think and grow and hope I am doing some good.
I treat him as an equal which is what most people on this board don't do, and why it goes wrong.
However, a relationship is not for everyone and also appreciate some just want to use them for short time fun - please treat them well and they will in return.