Is the word " I love you" has any meaning at all?
I am posting this question after having a very bad experience just last week. The story begins when I wrote to J ..who I saw in Gay Thailand. He is from Vietnam, 28 years of age, very cute, has a nice smile, Intelligent, university graduate. We were writing to each other for almost 4 months in the Internet, sending SMS messages. Slowly, getting to know each other, We both felt attached to each other, to the extent that every mail was signed off with "I love you" "I think about you all the time" "I miss you" and more. I wish to emphasize, that I live 10,000 km away from Vietnam. With the messages, I begun to phone him occasionally, and indeed i fell in love with a person that I never met. I was led to believe that our feelings are both mutual, and we love each other very much. So far so good. We made a point to meet in Bangkok last week for few days and then go to Pattaya, being together with each other. Proper arrangments were made, I booked hotel in Bangkok and J.. booked in Pattaya. On the 12 of this month, J.. flew in from Vietname and I flew to Bangkok. He was waiting for me at the airport, and our meeting was very exciting. Sex between us was divine. I gave J.. many presents that I brought over for him, but never heared the word "THANKS": Of course, Being the older guy, I paid for our meals etc. The second date I took J.. to a fancy resturant, after having a good dinner together we left. Again, J.. never said "thanks". This has moved me a bit to the extent that I asked him, why dont you say thanks? you are inviting a guy every where, at leasr the guy should appreciate it. From my question, J.. was offended - yes offended and made a sour face From that point, I dont know nor understand, our relations started to deteriorate, and next day, J.. decided to take a room by himself, and not to stay with me, claiming, that he has to work at night, as he brought over his laptop with him. We of course continued to stay at the same hotel, I on floor 11, he on floor 12. I tried to understand, asking him, how can you say that you love and make such a big fuss out of a question, but never got a striaght forward reply. One evening we stil went out, the remining 2 evenings J.. went out by himself. I understood that he will be going by himself to Pattaya. I have tried to reason with him why he is behaving the way that he does but to no avail. I came from such a long way to be with him, as all was planed between us, and suddenly because of my question, everything turned upside down. On Saturday the 17th inst, I left the hotel early in the morning, going to Thai office downtown, and J.. left for Pattaya. When I camr back I found a note from him say that he is sorry for hurting me, signing "I LOVE YOU"
I was down to earth, and so hurt, that I guy whom I stil love very much can act the way he did. Never will understand how can one hurt the other with no reason at all. I decided that i am going back to my country, after having changed my flight ticket for Sunday the 18th.
I phoned j... in pattaya and told him that i leave tomorow, and thought that he would have at least phoned to ask how do i feel but yok.
J... has the habit to reply to almost everyone who writes to him signing these messages "Kiss and Hugs", while on one hand telling me of his love to me etc. he told me about an Australian guy who is prepared to do everything for him, planing to visit him at the end of the year in Vietnam. May be J.. writes tp him ,as well as ,to me that he loves him, who knows? I love him very much and I am so hurt by him of no reason whatsoever, and fail to understand this situation. How can a guy spit in your face the way he did. He is not a guy of the street, he is well manered and educated. God - who can give me a reply as to WHY??? I said to him ok just let me know why??? True, the world did not start with J... nor will it end with him.
Readers, please let me have your opinion, as I am now in a terrible state of mind, feeling very hurt with tears in my eyes
Thanks
a means to an end........
Most of us living in Thailand have witnessed Thai boys and girls at the internet cafes with three or four or more farangs on screen and they are
telling each one that they love him and they miss them and the reason the need the money.. While most farangs realize it is a con game, many
farangs also play the I love you game for their own reasons and sometimes it is the Thai boy that believes the farang and he gets hurt..
It is a game and the author was lucky that this encounter started off well and that he at least got his jollies for a while..Probably, the Vietnamese
guy had two or three or more farangs whom he was meeting in BKK and probably moved on to a better prospect, maybe with more money or just a sexier
body or more handsome face.. The fact that he had a laptop would indicate to me that he was not just in contact with one farang.. He probably
didn't like the farang or thought he could do better.. It sure wasn't love!!
I recently had a boy tell me he loved me on the first off..I was amused and laughed and told him I had many years experience in Thailand
and that I like many boys and have many boyfriends etc.. I made the mistake of giving him my mobile number and he started the I love you
SMS and phone calls..The sex was excellent and I offed him a couple of more times and then he started telling me how he wanted to quit go go
dancing and start a business..His birthday was fast approaching and he had to go to his village for a family ocassion.. When I continued to tell
him in English and Thai (mai dai works wonders as it means "cannot") that I liked him but didn't love him or want him for a boyfriend, he just
keep up the SMS and last time I went to his bar, he was pouting and pleading with me about his love and upcoming birthday but I held firm and repeated
that "I am the boss, I like sex, I like many boys and don't want a boyfriend" and he finally seemed to get it when I refused to buy him a drink,
or offer him a seat and told him I would not go with him for his birthday.. Even great sex is not worth getting into the emotional trap and all the
bullshit of the I love you crap.. I was actually insulted that this boy would think I was so stupid to fall for the lies, especially after he knew my long
history and I made it clear that I didn't love him but liked the sex.. He will no doubt find a sucker in Pattaya who believes him and falls for
the con game and rescues him from the go go bar and sets him up in business..good luck to all and I don't love you or even like you......... :cat:
It's been said it before:
There are a million stories in the naked city.
Come here.
Read all about 'Asian culture'--And (when you are thoroughly confused) forget it all!
I truly believe 'They' are as individual as anyone--And wonder (But not too much) if 'they' are 'acting' the stereotype? Acting: because 'They' think--&/or have been told, &/or we prove it by our actions--we expect it.
If I understand correctly; everything was fine until you asked for (verbal) thanks. Until that point; was he, by his actions, showing you he cared? Or might he have thought he was?
There's this '[i]thought' :drunken: from the (Stupid) 70's movie: Love Story; (Dumb, whiny) theme song: ) Love Means You Don't Have to Say You're Sorry. It might be saying, "I love you," covers a lot of ground; fortunate or unfortunate, inaccurate deception, be that as it may.
That's why some (Catty-whup-em.) lean toward the 40's: "I Told You That I Love You, Now Get Out!"
And I'm not making light of your situation...well, no more than I do of anything else in life. How can one take seriously anything we enter...the way we enter life? By way of a...ugh!...I can't even type the word!
So now you know all you need know about Thai Culture and the Naked City; stop picking at the saddle sore and get back on the horse!...Before you wake up tomorrow--And find you're 93! (Like Pearl.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by baziel
ps : not copy cat ! :albino:
No, that's a copy rabbit.
And, just for the record, there's only one game I play with num: Hide the Sa...ng Thip. (What did you think I was going to say?)
Re: Thank You & I Love You
Quote:
Originally Posted by American Teacher
So, there's a little of me. It's been a long time since I have opened up on this board and I am ready for the hail storm of nastiness.
You won't have to wait long Chris, you can be sure that LMTU & his gang are at this very moment trying to work out how to spell words of more than three letters so they can slag you off. :cherry:
Re: Thank You From Children
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Swing
I am not disputing anyone's observations, but I am curious why Thai children seem to invariably say " Kob Khun Khrap", at least in my limited experience? When I have given my BF's young relatives small gifts when visiting his village, they always "wai" me (usually holding the candy or whatever between their palms), and thank me. Is it that they have been coached to thank the farang (unlikely), or is this something that children must do, but not adults? Just wondering.
I think thank you is used, but in different ways and times than farangs expect.
Re: Thank You From Children
[quote="Captain Swing"]I am not disputing anyone's observations, but I am curious why Thai children seem to invariably say " Kob Khun Khrap", at least in my limited experience? When I have given my BF's young relatives small gifts when visiting his village, they always "wai" me (usually holding the candy or whatever between their palms), and thank me. Is it that they have been coached to thank the farang (unlikely), or is this something that children must do, but not adults? quote]
You will find that Thai children do this as a mark of respect to their elders, Thai or Farang.
They tend to stop doing it as frequently when they get to their mid-teens and the more that they mix with Farangs the less the Wai is used as a form of thank you.
The difference between Thai culture and Farang culture is that Farangs expect to be thanked in words for everything whereas Thais can accept a slight nod of the head as a gesture of thanks.
This expectation of a verbal thank you everytime and taking umbrage when those thanks are not forthcoming are probably the cause of more misunderstanding between Farang & Thai than anything else.
Quite frankly if you expect to be thanked for every little gesture you will be dissapointed. Where you are giving to someone who is poorer or considered of a lower status than yourself it is considered by the person receiving the gift as a gesture of sharing your 'wealth' and no words of thanks are needed. If you are unable to give without wanting an expression of thanks then stop giving, give from the heart not to boost your ego.
(The final paragraph is not aimed at you Captain Swing but as a general comment)
Re: Thank You From Children
King Kong wrote:
[You will find that Thai children do this as a mark of respect to their elders, Thai or Farang.
They tend to stop doing it as frequently when they get to their mid-teens and the more that they mix with Farangs the less the Wai is used as a form of thank you.]
Thank you , King Kong. That's pretty much what I thought the most likely explanation was.