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What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
Been thinking about this. When you bring a Thai BF in to live with you, what (if any) ground rules do you implement? Are the rules 100% enforced, or there's some lee way given? Been thinking, and I think here's mine.
1.) Never lie to me. I can remember everything you tell me, but there's a good chance you're not going to be able to remember every lie you tell me, so just don't do it, because I'll be very unhappy when I catch you in a lie. Might take me a few weeks to figure it out, but 80%+ chance I'll eventually figure it out if you lie. Besides, I'm pretty open minded, so there's not much you can say that's going to shock me, or that I will be unaccepting of.
2.) No friends allowed at the house. Sorry, Kim ruined that one. If you want to party with your friends, that's totally fine with me as I want you happy, but take it somewhere outside of the house.
3.) Under no circumstances are the dogs allowed on the street. They stay in the yard.
4.) Clean up after yourself. If you make a mess, I don't care, but clean it up. I'm not your mom, nor am I your maid.
5.) You get free shelter, bills, food, clothes, phone, (probably motorbike knowing how things go), and so on. Plus you get a weekly allowance of say 4000 baht, which I think should be fair considering they have a free life and can get a job if they want more money.
I think that's pretty reasonable, no? What are your ground rules?
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
14 years with my BF now.. and no real rules... except "we don't need rules"
Of course except the "no lies" rule
Main thing that used to annoy me was when his friends/family referred to me as "farang" I used to get to him to point out that the farang has a name... and that they should use it!
And on top of that the "farang" understands enough Thai to know what they were saying abut him too!
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
Like Colmx, I also have been a very long time with my old man.
Pot's 48 now and the very concept of 'implementing rules' is long past. I met him when he was 31 so he was a mature and savvy man already. I guess if we had any rule ~ and it was quite a long time before we even discussed it ~ it would be something along the lines of 'honesty-in-everything', but I cannot recall a specific sit-down when we talked formally about even that. I think we both learned the honesty compact by means of a kind of osmosis. After all these years I cannot imagine Pot being dishonest on any level.
Possibly, being in a new relationship with a much younger Thai guy, who had worked in the host bars and gogo bars ~ i.e. "in the business" ~ an 'understanding' about behavior (on both persons part) could be a wise endeavour.
The downside, and unfair side, of the whole process would be if the older farang starts dictating how he expects the Thai to abide 'in-the-life'. That would be a street to nowhere, and would only end badly.
I would like to ban nose-picking, but these cultural icons are hard to stamp out. Averting mine eyes, then rolling them, is the best I can do.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
Colmx's comment about the use of the word "falang" struck a chord. In our twelve years in partnership, I can truthfully report that my overhearing of him using the word to describe me while on his phone to someone I don't know led to our bleakest moments. "How would like to describe you as my Thai-boy?" I said. "No, no, word OK," was his response. I was furious and made sure he knew it- and why.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
I don't know, I've never been too bothered when people referred to me as "farang", because it's always been people who either don't know me, or don't want to know me. Kim's dad's village was always the worse -- I don't know what they were saying because they were speaking Laos, but considering the laughter, it wasn't very polite. I always just shrugged it off. Kim's dad's friends didn't know me from a hole in the ground, so what did I care what they think?
Everyone who's ever known me on a personal level has always referred to me by my name though. Then with Kim it was always either "honey", or if he was pissed with me, "Matchew!". That's when I would know I was in trouble. :)
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
I would say if you need such rules, the relationship is doomed from the beginning.
1.) Never lie to me. I have not gotten that far with any boy that this would be important. In general, no problem with lies. Only one boy I remember is a consummate liar.
2.) No friends allowed at the house. Why not? No loud party or TV, but friends would be fine.
3.) Under no circumstances are the dogs allowed on the street. They stay in the yard.I like animals, but I can barely take care of myself. And they make dirt. No animals in my household!
4.) Clean up after yourself. If you make a mess, I don't care, but clean it up. I'm not your mom, nor am I your maid.
Goes without saying. That's how I lost one boyfriend candidate last year. He came back drunk from disco and puked on my bathroom mat, and the following day it was clean so I thought he cleaned it. I was related, until I found he just turned it around.
5.) You get free shelter, bills, food, clothes, phone, (probably motorbike knowing how things go), and so on.
Nothing for free and no allowance. How do you (cdnmatt) get such ideas? I would make up an elaborate scheme to share costs according to our income/wealth.
No smoking, no excessive drinking, no drugs.
No games, no drama. One acquaintance shared his relationship problems with his now ex on social media, he didn't even get to boyfriend candidate status.
Currently my major problem is communication. When I call or Line a boyfriend candidate, I expect an immediate reply. I can understand the occasional delayed reply, but if that is the rule he is out.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
I'm not quite sure that the use of the word "falang" means anything other than foreigner or (non Thai) however Thai people that know me call me by my name first or last name seems what they do, it is fine with me, every Thai I know has nickname just look at their drivers license no way I can pronounce it.......It seems I know many A, O, Beer,Aek etc. I get a kick out of Thai guys that use names like Johnny, Tom or Mike does any Thai actually call eachother by their real name?
As for rules I only had one and it was incomprehensible to a Thai guy (I need my own space and sometimes I need to be alone) concepts totally alien to them.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
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Originally Posted by christianpfc
I would say if you need such rules, the relationship is doomed from the beginning.
I don't really know, but would beg to differ. I think if I would have been a little firmer with Kim, there's a chance we'd still be together. I went into it viewing as a 50/50 relationship though -- our life, our home, our money, etc... and that was obviously a mistake. Then again, if I did try to be firmer, there's a chance within 12 months he would have told me to go fuck myself, and the relationship would have ended a whole lot sooner.
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Originally Posted by christianpfc
2.) No friends allowed at the house. Why not? No loud party or TV, but friends would be fine.
Because last time I allowed that, I got invaded by 10 ladyboys who wouldn't leave. Wasn't fun.
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Originally Posted by christianpfc
Nothing for free and no allowance. How do you (cdnmatt) get such ideas?
Depends what type of BF I look for. Someone similar to me -- mid 30s, educated, makes decent money, etc... or a cute 20 year old twink for some fun? If the former, then yeah, nothing free, everything 50/50, etc. If the latter, then I'm not delusional enough to believe they're with me due to pure love. They're looking for remittances and someone to take care of them, which in all honesty is fine with me. I'm happy to provide you with a decent life, but just don't be a dickhead about it. Besides, that's basically how many marriages end up working anyway. Loads of wives out there who don't get a job, and their husbands put them on an allowance.
I really don't even know what I want at the moment, but know I have too much work ahead of me to really care too. I also know the curtain motel is getting pretty mundane. At first it was quite exciting, but now just boring (and expensive). I'd honestly prefer just to hang out at home with a bowl of popcorn and a movie.
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Originally Posted by christianpfc
Currently my major problem is communication. When I call or Line a boyfriend candidate, I expect an immediate reply. I can understand the occasional delayed reply, but if that is the rule he is out.
Why? I can understand if you're actually in a relationship, living together, and your daily lives depend on each other -- "can you pick up some chicken from the market on your way home" type of thing. But if you're still getting to know each other, why would you feel they're obligated to reply instantly every time you message them?
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
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Originally Posted by christianpfc
5.) Nothing for free and no allowance. How do you (cdnmatt) get such ideas? I would make up an elaborate scheme to share costs according to our income/wealth.
This is why you will never have a Thai boyfriend.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
Inevitably such rules lead to this:
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
Yeah, but "true love" many times leads to:
http://cdn.roogirl.com/wp-content/up...oken-heart.jpg
And:
http://images.sodahead.com/polls/004...ng_xlarge.jpeg
And:
http://thumb7.shutterstock.com/displ...s-75574162.jpg
And if you happen to be the bread winner, this too usually:
https://donmoseslerman.files.wordpre...roke-man-t.jpg
Not to mention, from my experiences at least, it takes at least 6 months to fully get out of a failed relationship once your lives are that intertwined, and it's usually quite messy and not overly pleasant.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
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Originally Posted by Manforallseasons
I'm not quite sure that the use of the word "falang" means anything other than foreigner or (non Thai) however Thai people that know me call me by my name first or last name seems what they do, it is fine with me, every Thai I know has nickname just look at their drivers license no way I can pronounce it.......It seems I know many A, O, Beer,Aek etc. I get a kick out of Thai guys that use names like Johnny, Tom or Mike does any Thai actually call eachother by their real name?
As for rules I only had one and it was incomprehensible to a Thai guy (I need my own space and sometimes I need to be alone) concepts totally alien to them.
My favourite two nicknames over the years are related: 'Dollar' and 'Money' ... both host-bar boys, and both now long disappeared. They never really understood that such handles might well give thought to farang customers that they were being just a tad mercenary.
Good point about needing one's space. Even after all these years together Pot doesn't really get my enjoyment of fleeing to a solitary beach umbrella with a good book about twice a week. The thought of him going down there alone would be beyond the pale.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
In a relationship between mature adults, I don't think you need rules. Ok, now I see my mistake, "mature adults" does not apply here.
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Originally Posted by cdnmatt
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Originally Posted by christianpfc
Currently my major problem is communication. When I call or Line a boyfriend candidate, I expect an immediate reply. I can understand the occasional delayed reply, but if that is the rule he is out.
Why? I can understand if you're actually in a relationship, living together, and your daily lives depend on each other -- "can you pick up some chicken from the market on your way home" type of thing. But if you're still getting to know each other, why would you feel they're obligated to reply instantly every time you message them?
It's called mobile phone because you have it with you all the time. But I have a German friend who is similar: phone in back pack or not switched on or whatever, I have to adjust that I can't expect him to pick up when I call him. The point is I only call when it's important, I don't do small talk. In case of Thai boys I message them to set up a meeting, no small talk (unless to check how long they need to reply, so I know for every boy what delays to expect). Maybe I have to adjust to Thai boys as well.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
And here are the rules the Thai bf has for the farang.
1) Have plenty of money.
2) Give plenty of money time.
Eh, that's it.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
Matt I think you already know the answer to you're delema!
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
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Originally Posted by Manforallseasons
Matt I think you already know the answer to you're delema!
Would that be the " answer to your dilemna ? "
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
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Originally Posted by lukylok
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Originally Posted by Manforallseasons
Matt I think you already know the answer to you're delema!
Would that be the " answer to your dilemna ? "
If I had the same dilemma it would be the same answer.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
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Originally Posted by francois
Quote:
Originally Posted by christianpfc
[i]1.)
Nothing for free and no allowance. How do you (cdnmatt) get such ideas? I would make up an elaborate scheme to share costs according to our income/wealth.
This is why you will never have a Thai boyfriend.
For clarification of my above comment, I believe in almost all cases of farang/Thai boyfriend relationships it is most likely that the farang will have to support his Thai partner is some way or the other. This would be especially true if there is a significant age difference.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
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Originally Posted by francois
For clarification of my above comment, I believe in almost all cases of farang/Thai boyfriend relationships it is most likely that the farang will have to support his Thai partner is some way or the other. This would be especially true if there is a significant age difference.
Christian is at that age where the age difference would be relatively small, so perhaps there is a chance of a relationship without financial support.
As for the rules, well I would have a no dogs in the house rule & a no-smoking rule. Banning his friends seems a little unreasonable, although I suppose they would need to be banned from stopping overnight unless both you and the BF agree.
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This whole topic has turned into a circle jerk, in the end our Canadian member in Essan will do what suits him. 8-|
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
I have no rules that apply to my live-in partners...only rules that apply to me.
FROM LESSONS LEARNED:
Rule # 1. Never expose my emotional vulnerabilities to him. If he says "I love you" just shrug it off and keep playing my guitar.
Rule # 2. Don't expect him to be neat-as-a-pin. He was probably raised by a drunk father and a mother who plucked chickens next to the food bowls.
Rule # 3: Don't get angry when he watches cartoons all day...at least he's naked.
Rule # 4. Never commit any devotion to him beyond the day I'm living. When he tries to pry this from me...just tell him he's thinking too much.
Rule # 5. Always look behind the SMILES and remind myself that the only reality is the SEX.
Rule # 6. Be grateful to him for all he's giving, but don't expect more from him than he's capable of giving.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
If youre a 60 year old living with a 20ish year old boy I think you don't need rules, all you need is enough money and the boy will follow you anywhere , until your last breath.
And remember we are all farangs here in Thailand. Even locals that lived here for 30 years, I don't mind .
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
loke wrote:
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If youre a 60 year old living with a 20ish year old boy I think you don't need rules, all you need is enough money and the boy will follow you anywhere , until your last breath.
And remember we are all farangs here in Thailand. Even locals that lived here for 30 years, I don't mind
I agree with what you're saying...with one twist...It doesn't matter to a Thai boy if you're 25 or 85 years old. Regardless of your age, your role in the relationship is that of "Sponsor" simply because you are "Farang".
I know 2 boys who worked at bars in Sunee Plaza who entered into full-time/live-in relationships with 2 young farang. Boy #1 shacked up with a 25 y/o blond-haired Swedish boy and became the envy of his friends who hung around the old Corner Bar. He disappeared for two years, then reappeared on the scene after breaking up with the farang. When I asked him what happened he went on to tell me that the farang stopped giving him money and expected him to work. Boy #2 had a similar story. He left his job at Yaya Bar to elope to Russia with a 27 year old Russian farang - only to return 1 year later with his head hanging down. He told me that the farang gave him spending money...no problem there...but refused to give him the extra money he needed at the end of each month to send to his mother back in Isaan, thus the reason why they broke up.
Rule # 7. No Money - No Honey.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
I don't know, but I don't think telling them to get a job if they want more money is necessarily a bad thing. Obviously, this is assuming the farang is a decent person, provides a good life, pays all the bills including food, provides enough of an allowance that allows for at least a somewhat decent life on their own, including help their family a LITTLE, etc. Aside from that, do what every other human on the planet does -- live within your means, or make more money. I don't see a problem with that.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
Matt stop grieving and move on, what the fuck are you asking people on the board for? Grab your balls and just do something because your beginning to sound a bit pathetic. :((
The many stories of woe here bring back memories of this old TV show.
http://youtu.be/0YW-uv3Ibm8
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
I have to been giving my BF 1500 per day while I've been here (approx 2 months).
He gets fed and watered although he does get small things for me.
So am I paying too much?
As an aside after these two months how much has he left....answer nothing.
You couldn't dream it up!
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
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Originally Posted by Manforallseasons
Matt stop grieving and move on, what the fuck are you asking people on the board for? Grab your balls and just do something because your beginning to sound a bit pathetic. :((
I wasn't really grieving, but just trying to provide information for any newcomers floating around. You are right though, and edited.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
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Originally Posted by egel
I have to been giving my BF 1500 per day while I've been here (approx 2 months).
He gets fed and watered although he does get small things for me.
So am I paying too much?
As an aside after these two months how much has he left....answer nothing.
You couldn't dream it up!
No dream here just total reality the only dream is the one in your head, and yes you want to believe it!
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
cdnmatt wrote:
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I don't know, but I don't think telling them to get a job if they want more money is necessarily a bad thing.
I don't think its necessarily a bad thing either, especially if you want to part ways with him..LOL.
If you're fortunate enough to meet a guy who is already working, and content with his work, then that's a different story, but the brand of "Sponsor" still applies...at least from all that I've witnessed and been personally exposed to. In the end, it's always the $$money$$ that serves as the bonding agent.
Rule # 8. Don't try to make him something he's not.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
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Originally Posted by Dodger
I don't think its necessarily a bad thing either, especially if you want to part ways with him..LOL.
But then what do you do? Just flip open your wallet / bank account any time they need money or have a (made-up) problem? From my experience, they're much more skilled at getting money out of us, than we are at keeping it. :)
So there has to be some boundaries somewhere there, no?
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
cdnmatt wrote:
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So there has to be some boundaries somewhere there, no?
I know for me there has to be.
The only boundary I have is my budget.
I stay within my budget for "boy fun" regardless if I have a live-in partner or running around on the town as a butterfly. Granted, I've spent way too much money on "boy fun" since discovering Thailand, but wouldn't change it for the world.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
Exactly. So what do you do when you have a live-in BF for 6+ months say? Obviously, we're the sponsor, and we know that. Do you put down strict guidelines for an allowance, or just play it by ear, and let your emotions take you for a journey?
There's no right or wrong answer there, and up to the individual.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
BF and I have a lot in common and we are very compatible so haven't needed any rules per se, but we do have our understandings. He is starting to grasp the idea of alone time, but I am the one to initiate. When he works it is manual labor, 9 hour days, 6 and sometimes 7 days a week paying 300 Baht per day. We are only able to spend a month per year together right now so I sure don't want him working while I am there. I asked him if he would like to work for me. The job is to be available to travel for the month when I visit and to study English a little bit each day. He can work or do whatever he wants the other 11 months. The job pays 300 Baht per day, paid once a month and he gets a little overtime when I visit. He accepted my offer and we are in year 2 with no problems. He likes to work so he does work most of the 11 months I am not there. He now has money to take care of himself and works to send money to the family. Before he was not taking very good care of himself because he was sending as much as he could to the family. The only hassle for him is finding a job when I leave.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
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Originally Posted by egel
So am I paying too much?
Nah.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/3 ... ing-to-app
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
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Originally Posted by roguebear
The job pays 300 Baht per day, paid once a month and he gets a little overtime when I visit.
At that rate my BF would quit that job with me. :))
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
cdnmatt wrote:
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So what do you do when you have a live-in BF for 6+ months say?
I've only had one partner who lived with me for more than 6 months. In the early days (first 2 or 3 years) I would give him 1,000 baht/day. As time rolled on this daily allowance stuff stopped and we started planning by the month with plans to build a house together. We were together most of the time and of course I paid for everything plus we sent his mom 10,000 baht every month to help make life a bit easier for his family up on the farm. A few more years passed and the house was built. If we were still together I guess things regarding money would be pretty much the same.
I think the important thing is to realize that their mission in life is to have "good face" with the family, and helping to support their parents financially is just ingrained in them. In the West...two people meet...fall in love...form a relationship...and begin building a life for themselves as a couple. In Thai culture building a better life for the parents is always paramount. That's what can get expensive if not controlled. Either that, or find an orphan.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
" I think the important thing is to realize that their mission in life is to have"(guote Dodger) a falang with access to this.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
I find this thread a bit hilarious to be honest. Providing you guys aren't living together with a teenager, one would expect the subject being a relationship between adults.
I can only say that I personally am in a relationship with a Lao boy (does that count, I think it does, as the cultural differences aren't that great) for 12 years now.
Now the past 6.5 years we have been living together in the Netherlands. and we both have a paying job.
In our household there are no rules as such. Yes there are chores we need to do. And it might come as a surprise, but it is me who tries to get away from those chores, not him. So if anyone actually needs rules to be enforced, I think it might be me, not my boyfriend. Having said that, I often do those household chores anyway.
I guess maybe the one rule that applies is being faithful to each other, and again it is me who has been breaking that rule pretty recently. For which I am partially sorry.
In any case, rules in a relationship shouldn't be needed, unless you indeed date a teenager. Luckily my boyfriend is only 5.5 years younger than me, so hardly a teenager.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
jaak327 wrote:
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I find this thread a bit hilarious to be honest. Providing you guys aren't living together with a teenager, one would expect the subject being a relationship between adults.
Who in the hell comes to Thailand to have a relationship with an adult...LOL...just kidding (kind of).
The average age gap in a farang/Thai boy relationship is probably somewhere around 30 years..at least from what I've observed, which ushers in a whole host of challenges that are not present in relationships between two adults of similar age regardless of the cultural differences.
If I embarked in a relationship with a guy my age (60 y/O), (which doesn't interest me in the least), I would fully expect that he would be working...paying half the bills...and remaining faithful, although at that point I really wouldn't care.
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Re: What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?
Quote:
Originally Posted by egel
I have to been giving my BF 1500 per day while I've been here (approx 2 months).
He gets fed and watered although he does get small things for me.
So am I paying too much?
As an aside after these two months how much has he left....answer nothing.
You couldn't dream it up!
1500 baht per day ? So that's around 45k per month . Up to you of course , but its a nice salary here in Thailand.
That's probably why I prefer to stay single in Thailand, I would never want to live a life like that myself . Instead I'll spend my money on boys if I need company for the night. I'm a butterfly anyway .
Also I am not rich so couldn't afford it anyway lol-.