Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by allieb
What I would like to know is how you managed to stay for 14 years until were able to apply for the retirement visa (50). I'm just curious.
14 x 1 year multiple entry 90 day Non-Immigrant visas and around 45 visa runs!
I am not so sure how you would measure/qualify "a non commercial mutual love relationship", which is why I try to avoid such generalisations / classifications. Smiles certainly qualifies,as both he and Pot contribute to the financial side of the relationship, but as all our assets were originaly mine, do I? Do Bill and Melinda Gates? Does QE II and Phil the Greek? Do your/my parents? I am happy that my partner is not working as that means we have more time together, but if he got a job would that mean that our relationship would e re-classified??
I actually have no problem with cdnmatt's proposed "relationship", as he has re-defined it - it really would be a win-win situation for all. My problem was with the lack of honesty/economy of truth in the original post.
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gone Fishing
I actually have no problem with cdnmatt's proposed "relationship", as he has re-defined it
He will be so relieved.
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Well, it's been about three weeks, so I'm giving an update. For all you cynics and nay-sayers, it's working out beautifully, thank you very much. I'm totally in love with him, and I'm 100% certain now that he genuinely loves me as well. It's been through enough tests now to let me know there's no way this is just a typical, fake, Pattaya-style relationship, and it's more genuine than that.
For one example, he'll refuse money from me now, unless he actually needs some. He's not greedy at all either, and he doesn't need much. For example, I just have a crappy 900 baht Nokia cell phone, and the one he bought for himself is even worst than mine, so it's not like he's eyeing me up for that fancy 8000 baht cell.
You know, I now have him at the point where he simply knows he's taken care of, and knows that I only want him, and no other boys. This is exactly what I was looking for from beginning, and looks like I managed it. He doesn't care about how much money he gets from me anymore. He just wants to be taken care of, which he is. On the flip side, I'm just looking for someone to take care of me (and no, not just sexually), and I have more than I could hope for with him. Works out perfectly for both of us.
I have to get him back into school though. The poor guy can barely even read, as he had to quit school at an early age. I'm under no delusions, and expect this relationship to last maybe 2 or 3 years at the most, if that. If it lasts longer, than great for both of us, but I know how these things go. Assuming I get approved for my 1 year visa, once I make the permanent move out here, I'll have to work on getting some education into him. This way if and when the relationship turns sour, he's capable of taking care of himself, instead of being left out to dry. I definitely don't want to see him forced to dicker with farangs in a go-go bar whether his ass is worth 800 or 1000 baht short-time. That's my only real concern right now.
Other than that, for you cynics, sorry boys, but it's working our beautifully. Assuming I get my 1 year non-immigrant visa, I can basically guarantee this will turn into a genuine, long-term relationship. :) I'm happy, he's happy, so it's all good.
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
I wish cdnmatt and his new partner the best of luck.
It seems there are a few Thai/Farang couples that can make it work over the long haul, but from all you read and heard theyтАЩre bucking extremely steep odds. Even cdnmatt says heтАЩs тАЬtried the long-term relationship thing a few times beforeтАЭ, although that may have been back in the Land of the Maple Leaf and not the Land of Smiles, I donтАЩt know. If this is the third or fourth "long term relationship" heтАЩs tried in Thailand in 10 months, perhaps this time will be the charm (or perhaps we're working with different definitions of "long term"). Even he admits (wisely) that he doesnтАЩt expect the relationship to last more than тАЬmaybe 2 or 3 years at the most, if that.тАЭ
cdnmatt said he was 27, should memory serve, and thatтАЩs challenge number one. LifeтАЩs experience teaches us a number of lessons as we mature and molds us into the people we become; cdnmatt himself has a ways to go, as most readers here well know, and his 19-year-old boyfriend is far greener. While the basics are in place by the age of 19 тАУ honesty, respect for others, morality and the likes тАУ our likes, dislikes, viewpoints and values that make us who we are change as we grow. тАЬIтАЩll love you foreverтАЭ brings a very different vision to the mind of a тАЬreal ruralтАЭ 19-year-old Thai тАУ who may well think of a stable place to live, a plot of land and perhaps their own transportation тАУ than it does to a middle-aged non-Thai, who may well think of someone to take care of them as they age, help keep house for them, and provide stable companionship for them, as well as share their bed (which often provides its own challenges for the older partner as time goes by).
The other variable to this pairing is the difference in traditions and cultures: from what IтАЩve learned from those that have been through it, itтАЩs a classic example of тАЬWhen in Rome, do as the Romans doтАЭ. The more the farang is willing and able to adapt to the Thai ways, the stronger the chances are of success in the relationship, and thatтАЩs challenge number two.
Granted, most Thai can be gracious and accept parts of тАЬWestern CultureтАЭ for a guest, but itтАЩs often far more of a challenge for farang to accept multi-generational cultural traditions. Family coming to visit is one thing, but having several move in with you for the long term? Come on, now тАУ how would most members here deal with that? Trips to the temple, traditional religious holidays, events, journeys тАУ just a few minor examples of the plethora of things it would be wiser for the farang to adapt to than to try to get the Thai to ignore. Religious differences are a definite sub-challenge here.
Challenge number three: the probability of the younger Thai becoming тАЬWesternizedтАЭ. Ours is a culture of тАЬMe first, Now, and MoreтАЭ. Yes, he may be the unspoiled just-off-the-farm, only-in-the-city-two-weeks young man NOW, but give him a little while exposed to Western culture and see if he remains content to live the simple life he has been a product of. Unless you move him back out to the farm heтАЩs going to be influenced by the same peer pressure most all farang fall victim to, and that can change anyone. IтАЩd add that if itтАЩs a change away from Thai ways to Western ways it isnтАЩt usually a change for the better, either. I agree, education is very important, but with that comes exposure to new ways and things (partying, drinking and drugs, for example) while schooling with peers.
Those are just a few quick thoughts on the subject, and I donтАЩt mean to malign the three week relationship that cdmatt described as certain: тАЬI'm totally in love with him, and I'm 100% certain now that he genuinely loves me as well. It's been through enough tests now to let me know there's no way this is just a typical, fake, Pattaya-style relationship, and it's more genuine than that.тАЭ Wonderful, if true.
I wish them the best of luck and would love to see them beat the odds. I hope he will be as forthcoming as Dodger in updating the relationship here. It gives the rest of us a look at things we may never experience ourselves, and thatтАЩs a help.
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Good post Bao Bao. I will try to respond more constructively in time.
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Bao, CDMatt - others....
It was good to get caught up on the posts and this thread has been particularly informative, albeit sometimes a little too cynical.
CDMatt initially posted in another thread and spoke in detail about his life, being in Thailand, et al after visiting his parents in Malaysia.
The one thing I like about Matt (outside of also being from Vancouver) is that he knows what he wants, is specific about it, and for 27 yrs old, quite practical and realistic. He also seems like a guy who rescues people. Overall, as in his initial thread on another subject, he was clear that he had no illusions about connecting with a Thai man - that it takes money whether here or anywhere else in the world.
I think the biggest obstacle will be the language barrier.... Ben (my Thai partner of 12 years) speaks English at the highest proficiency and I often asked myself if I would have had the same wonderful and beautiful relationship over the past 12 years if he had not spoken English? I was lucky to have met and fallen in love with a 24 yr old Thai man (who had the brain and maturity of a 45 year old) and he had already gone through the cycle of relationships with a wide range of Thai guys himself (16-24 yr old) and also white men and decided on older white man "because they have maturity, and a life plan."
Matt's objective to get this young man back into school is a smart idea.
Matt, when you are back in Vancouver let's meet up. I would love to meet you and you can tell me all about your adventures there in Thailand, and I can offer whatever advice I can from my relationship (that I swear was made in heaven ...) with Ben.
Th Craig's List (Vancouver) reference made me chuckle... albeit a sad state.
Matt, you have the right attitude, the right expectations, and using your instincts, you'll do fine.
Hope to see you in Vancouver.\
Ron
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron-Heng Vancouver
and this thread has been particularly informative, albeit sometimes a little too cynical.
I'm a newbie here myself. What level of cynicism is acceptable before it becomes too cynical?
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
[quote=Copper Pheel]
Quote:
Originally Posted by "Ron-Heng Vancouver":n75wifvs
and this thread has been particularly informative, albeit sometimes a little too cynical.
I'm a newbie here myself. What level of cynicism is acceptable before it becomes too cynical?[/quote:n75wifvs]
Too cynical? when the statements are hurtful, and do not contribute information or humour and become a "shoot out"...
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
[quote=Ron-Heng Vancouver][quote="Copper Pheel":1y5io6m2]
Quote:
Originally Posted by "Ron-Heng Vancouver":1y5io6m2
and this thread has been particularly informative, albeit sometimes a little too cynical.
I'm a newbie here myself. What level of cynicism is acceptable before it becomes too cynical?[/quote:1y5io6m2]Too cynical? when the statements are hurtful, and do not contribute information or humour and become a "shoot out"...[/quote:1y5io6m2]One of those by itself "hurtful statements" for example would not be too cynical, it has to have all three attributes. Is that correct?
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Well, it's just my opinion, but for me, I think all three conditions, yes.
My expectation for myself is to not be negative at all and to avoid any angry, sarcastic, or caustic remarks to any other human being. But then, that's just me.