Re: Advice for long-term needed...
you're not really talking about a "long term relationship" in the way that term is generally understood. Your first post made it sound like you were looking for a long term BF. That has evolved as you have filled in more details. It sounds like you want to "save" one boy and, oh by the way, have some hot sex with him along the way. It is a rather patronizing view of this boy. It doesn't sound like you really seen him as an actual person. He is a "project" and a commodity. If you really just want to help people, build a school in a poor community. Donate your money to one of the many charities that exist to help poor people in Thailand. Or Canada or wherever. But what you are proposing seems a little fucked up to me. The idea of "saving" a poor boy for your satisfaction doesn't treat him like a human being. And as he becomes dependent on you for everything that means you will be the one holding most of the cards if not all of them. What happens if he actually does get into a good school and can support himself? Will you then toss him aside to find another poor boy to "help"?
Why do you think you have nothing to offer to a university graduate? It sounds like your entire self-worth is tied up in your wealth, not any other characteristic of your. How long ago did this marriage of yours end? Maybe you need some time to figure out yourself. Perhaps some counseling...
I'm not sure what are you really want from the people here. If all you want is a contractual set up, that should be easy enough for such a successful young business man to arrange. What you are looking for sounds like little more than a long term "off".
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Yes...a long-term off.
But, why? If you want to spend time with him or have sex with him, you can have him any time you want. Just call him and he'll show up. You pay him, and he goes away.
It is so much less complicated than a long-term situation which will inevitably end in your getting bored with him. Once that happens, you will find that it is much harder to get out of such situations than it is to get in them.
So, my advice is to let him continue working in the bar. Take him off as often as you want, but don't make him your pretend boyfriend.
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beach Bunny
So, my advice is to let him continue working in the bar. Take him off as often as you want, but don't make him your pretend boyfriend.
Actually this is a better advice than mine :cheers:
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Agree completely! Just off him when you "need" him.
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
I think all of the contributions above, both pro and con, are valuable in exploring the dynamics of such a relationship. So it just depends on whether or not the OP wants to maintain an LTR with a prostitute, or try for someone of another calling.
Choke dee to the OP in his search for the "perfect boy".
Nanny for clueless child needed .....
So much good advice - so ungraciously received!
To sum up this "relationship", cdnmatt has known this Thai bar-boy for a fortnight at the most, they have no way of communicating directly as neither speaks the other's language, he knows nothing about him, his background, his education, his hopes for the future, his interests or his family, they have not been together 24/7 (or even 24/1) and he wants a "relationship" on his terms and reassurance that he is on the right path.
Cdnmatt, you do not need advice, you need a nanny to control your immature, self-indulgent, petulant life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smiles
Normally I would think one would try sweeping someone else off their feet (at first anyway) by 'other means' than throwing cash at 'em. Maybe a little personality, a little fun together, a little gentleness, a little listening etc etc etc.
But the problem, Smiles, is that cdnmatt has none of the above, so "throwing cash" is all he can do: no personality away from his computer screen, no ability to provide "fun" which is why going out together mans a group visit to the karaoke, and little "need or want" of "the other" - which at 27 years old I (and probably most here) wanted pretty often!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedssocr
What you are looking for sounds like little more than a long term "off".
Why "little" more? That's exactly what it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beach Bunny
If you want to spend time with him or have sex with him, you can have him any time you want. Just call him and he'll show up. You pay him, and he goes away.
But that is exactly what he is already doing, BB!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachlover
SF had some valid points... but I don't think there's any need to be this insulting or negatively assumptive when offering feedback.
Why not? The dick-head who asked the question was considerably more negative and insulting. And who said cdnmatt was "cute"? If he was, why are the only boys he can pick up those who are after his money? That he can't converse with them is probably the only thing on his side, as they have yet to be bored to death by hearing what a great guy he thinks he is.
Last, and definitely least:
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
At least with this I know what I'm getting myself into from the beginning.
You have absolutely no idea. You know nothing about him, or what he is thinking - apart from him thinking he has never had it so good; he doesn't even have to have sex with you that much, and he still gets paid and to go out for a good time with his friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
And you can't tell me he doesn't want love, security, stability, to be taken care of, and a better life for both himself and his family
No, I can't. But I can tell you that maybe while he wants all the rest he may not want the "love" bit from you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
I was just looking for advice from others who have had long-term relationships, and how to make them realize that it's worth while seeing me differently. Obviously, I'm not going to get that here.
No you weren't. You got advice from those of us in or who have had genuine long-term relationships, that have lasted far longer than any you have had, and you rejected it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
If you wanted, I'll post an update in about 4 weeks letting you know everything is going great. Just watch.
Why? 4 weeks is a holiday "off", not a "long term relationship". Who cares?
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
I'd be surprised to find out he went back to the scene anytime soon. I mean, why stand on a stage in your underwear all night, when I'm just a phone call away?
I think everyone here would be equally surprised.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
I'm not hurting for cash, and 3000 means nothing to me, whereas to him it's huge. The reason for that is because I'm trying to "wow" him. That's what anyone starting a relationship anywhere in the world does, right? At first you sweep them off their feet, and later on it settles down, right?
WRONG (sorry, but I meant to shout). On the one hand you say that you "get pissed off when people aren't themselves", yet you think it is normal to put on a big show and splash the cash - you can't have it both ways.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
Or I don't know, am I just still completely naive and clueless?
RIGHT!
Re: Nanny for clueless child needed .....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gone Fishing
Cdnmatt, you do not need advice, you need a nanny to control your immature, self-indulgent, petulant life.
Why not? The dick-head who asked the question was considerably more negative and insulting. And who said cdnmatt was "cute"? If he was, why are the only boys he can pick up those who are after his money? That he can't converse with them is probably the only thing on his side, as they have yet to be bored to death by hearing what a great guy he thinks he is.
This couldn't possibly be the same poster who wrote last week to ES..............
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gone Fishing
surely it is only reasonable that any deliberately confrontational / inflammatory post, aimed at an individual rather than an issue, is deleted without waiting to see if it has the desired effect?
Whining Thread
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
After re-reading the posts on this topic, especially that of Gone Fishing, I do smell a troll in the personna of cdnmatt. He seems to be milking his post more than Elsie the Cow, whose husband was Elmer the Bull(shitter).
Re: Nanny for clueless child needed .....
[quote=Brad the Impala]This couldn't possibly be the same poster who wrote last week to ES..............
Quote:
Originally Posted by "Gone Fishing":28ra4mbp
surely it is only reasonable that any deliberately confrontational / inflammatory post, aimed at an individual rather than an issue, is deleted without waiting to see if it has the desired effect?
[/quote:28ra4mbp]
No, Brad the Liar, it couldn't because as usual you have deliberately mis-quoted me. There is really no need to continually demonstrate your ability to lie, edit and mis-represent what I and others write, as I am sure that those few interested in your childish digs are well aware of your ability and experiece in this area. What I actually wrote (with the missing section underlined) was :
"If the intention is now to pre-empt any such "degeneration", then surely it is only reasonable that any deliberately confrontational / inflammatory post, aimed at an individual rather than an issue, is deleted without waiting to see if it has the desired effect?"
The meaning is very clear and if read in context is the opposite of what you said I wrote. Grow up, Brad; I have so far given you the benefit of the doubt that you may occasionally have something intelligent to say, but I appear to be mistaken.
Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by fedssocr
you're not really talking about a "long term relationship" in the way that term is generally understood. Your first post made it sound like you were looking for a long term BF. That has evolved as you have filled in more details. It sounds like you want to "save" one boy and, oh by the way, have some hot sex with him along the way. It is a rather patronizing view of this boy. It doesn't sound like you really seen him as an actual person. He is a "project" and a commodity. If you really just want to help people, build a school in a poor community. Donate your money to one of the many charities that exist to help poor people in Thailand. Or Canada or wherever. But what you are proposing seems a little fucked up to me. The idea of "saving" a poor boy for your satisfaction doesn't treat him like a human being. And as he becomes dependent on you for everything that means you will be the one holding most of the cards if not all of them. What happens if he actually does get into a good school and can support himself? Will you then toss him aside to find another poor boy to "help"?
Why do you think you have nothing to offer to a university graduate? It sounds like your entire self-worth is tied up in your wealth, not any other characteristic of your. How long ago did this marriage of yours end? Maybe you need some time to figure out yourself. Perhaps some counseling...
I'm not sure what are you really want from the people here. If all you want is a contractual set up, that should be easy enough for such a successful young business man to arrange. What you are looking for sounds like little more than a long term "off".
There are some valid points to keep in mind here, cdtmatt.
There are lots of jerks here... but if you wade through the drivel you'll find there's some pretty important wisdom to be had... mainly on the dynamics of Thai culture/way of thinking and the way your boy will respond to things differently to a Westerner.
Helping and supporting the boy is great... but keep in mind there needs to be plenty of genuine love there as well. Thais feel bad if someone helps them out too much... because they feel like they start to owe too much to you... if you shower him in gifts/money/support (not saying that you will) he may feel trapped into being indebted to you. But if there is some genuine love and caring there, then this support would be ok.
In any case, if you're going to get him away from the bar, make sure he doesn't feel like he's being coerced into it. And make sure there's something constructive for him to do... study or some kind of work.