When a lonely and rapidly ageing farang tells you of his Asian 'boyfriend' he regularly sends money to he really means his long term off.
Printable View
When a lonely and rapidly ageing farang tells you of his Asian 'boyfriend' he regularly sends money to he really means his long term off.
What is your problem, arsenal? Can you not understand English?
I am not trying to curtail anything (other than the way-off topic responses)
You are perfectly free to be a butterfly and enjoy sex wherever and whenever you wish as are all the members of this forum and post, and in your case, about your dining experiences.
But comments about someone being stupid for spending their money the way they want to spend it is truly insulting and stupid.
There are those who fly around the world seeking sexual thrills and posting about their adventures, are they not stupid?
Point is to stop judging over people by your own standards and start to accept people for what they are.
Is that asking too much?
As for having an Asian boyfriend or any boyfriend, is that a crime in your book? Or are you and others somehow envious?
As for tetchiness, I did have to look up that word; leave it to Shakespeare to coin it!
What I'm pointing to (not objecting to) is the basic sluttiness inherent in the behaviour of hiring a different prostitute every night over a period of decades (behaviour which a psychiatrist would undoubtedly diagnose as hypersexual disorder).
Broadly speaking, the age of the wretch is immaterial - if he's habitually and regularly paying to fuck or be fucked by a different random stranger every night whose only interest in him is the 1500-2000B he's handing over, then no - it's far from "decent" by the definition of the word
I'm also suggesting that (for example) a mid-70's gay desperado who habitually and constantly behaves in such a slutty fashion (and boasts about it) is in no position to attempt to take the moral high ground and belittle others over the arrangements they choose to make with their long-term partners.
Finally, you may not regard spending much of every day seeking out and frequenting establishments which are thinly-disguised brothels, in search of a new prostitute for that day's revels as "predatory" but I rather suspect the general population would accept that definition quite readily.
Hope that clears it up!
:drink:
You've entirely missed the point.
The spending / sending of money or having a "boyfriend" is not what I described when I used the word "stupid."
I was referring to guys who think only with their dicks and are sweet-talked into believing anything the boy says.
Before entering into a relationship they believe to be genuine, they'd do better if they looked into the experiences of others before allowing themselves to be conned. It would save a lot of heartache and angst.
I've already said that how people spend their money after being conned is up to them.
Who is the slut? The prostitute or the client, or both?
Going to the brothel is almost like going to the fruit stall - choose from the most delectable items and enjoy yourself.
I don't see "sluttiness" as being anything to be ashamed of or even mentioned on a forum like this.
Men in general, and gays in particular, tend to be slutty by nature, whereas women are not. I'm sure it's got something to do with evolution. Make men perpetually horny so the species reproduces, but put a brake on it so that we don't over-populate.
Men, straight and gay, can be very promiscuous. An example are the saunas, which are strictly for men, not women, as their attitude to sex is different. The number of times we change partners just illustrates how slutty we are. But if you behave in a slutty way just once, then you've joined the group. Everything else is merely a matter of degree.
As for what others see as being decent, I couldn't care less. Just as they guys who I called "stupid" couldn't care less, either.
We are entitled to lead whatever lives we want, as long as we have mutual agreement as to what activities we propose to do, and noone gets hurt in the process.
I don't see any exclusions for use of the word in the context of commercial gain in the definition and example given by the Cambridge English Dictionary.
used to describe someone who expresses sexual interest in a very obvious way:
I hate going to bars on my own because men look at you in such a predatory way.
Please don't expect less easily taken in farangs to play the delusion game with an old man who claims his 30 years his junior bit on the side is his 'boyfriend'. When the money stops the 'love' goes too. A fool and his money are easily parted and there is no fool like an.old fool.
I see "predatory" as implying that no compensation is on offer. It's a one way street.
But don't forget, these guys offer themselves to us in the bars and we gladly accept.
Also, the term has only negative connotations. There is nothing that any of us here do that is in any way negative, AFAIK.
It takes two to tango.
So I certainly don't see myself as a sexual predator in any shape or form. I'm not pouncing on, or trying to seduce, any younger guy. There is no seduction involved. They boys are there waiting for us.
And I can assure you that if I saw the forum as one promoting sexual predators, I wouldn't be here.
Oh, and if you are going by the strict dictionary definition, most males in the world should be looked upon as sexual predators.
I don't think so!
One of the simplest, yet, cogent points made here. Remember the world that created "moral standards" and words like "slut" would be hateful to us even if we are monogamous longterm or vacationed with only one bar lad. The numbers really don't matter. I come to LOS once a year and sample the smorgasboard as much as possible. By the way, if we were all with just one lad a trip the bars would disappear.
And in the heterosexual world, only women are ever referred to as "sluts."
Promiscuous men who have many female sexual partners are referred to as "studs."
Or just "lucky".
Hardly pejorative terms.
SG, I can’t figure out your mindset in this thread. For years you’ve been a very active habitué of a gay forum, which might indicate a certain tolerance for varied sexual inclinations, but in this thread your rules that a gay man must follow to be deemed ‘decent’ sound like something that might be expressed by a Deacon of the Church of Scotland. (BTW, if you’re interested, C of S diaconates are possible for men engaged in same sex relationships.)
Why use the demeaning “prostitute” instead of bar boy or similar? I think you and frequent are the only ones who use that term. Are you insinuating that you have never been ‘tainted’ by contact with MB’s and that the only Asian you’ve been intimate with is your Vietnamese partner (who, according to your standards, should not be more than 20 years your junior) and we are meant to understand that your relationship with him is completely monogamous?
….hiring a different prostitute every night over a period of decades….
Surely said just for effect. No one hires a different boy every night for years on end, especially not anyone in his mid-70’s.
Broadly speaking, …… if he's habitually and regularly paying to fuck or be fucked by a different random stranger every night….. then it's far from "decent" by the definition of the word.
What has his sex life, presumably carried out in private, got to do with being a decent individual? Among the farangs I’ve met in Thailand, some have been butterflies and some into LTR’s. But most seemed to be decent, caring individuals who in their home countries would not be met with any opprobrium.
I'm also suggesting that a mid-70's gay desperado who habitually and constantly behaves in such a slutty fashion……. is in no position to attempt to belittle others over the arrangements they choose to make with their long-term partners.
The last time I heard such belittlement was when latin was still posting. Some forum members have eschewed LTR’s but I don’t recall those members being critical of those who do have a partner.
You just seem not to approve of people over a certain age doing what younger men do in Thailand. Really not clear what you think is acceptable farang-money boy dynamics.
What would qualify as decent in most people’s opinion surely would need to be stated in terms of which people you are referencing. I’m sure you could get most farangs in Thailand to agree on what is decent behavior regarding interactions with Thai guys, but of course if the details were broadcast, that would not meet the decency standards of straight, mainstream society. Yes, there are certainly dissolute reprobates and raddled old queens who would not meet anyone’s decency standards, but they do not make up the majority of gay farang in Thailand.
Just a thought. :)
"Just a thought." wrote Bob. A beautifully written and thoughtfully thought out thought if I may say.
Of course you are a sexual predator, and a sex tourist. You may want to redefine the meaning of the word "predator" to fit your sensitivities, but language doesn't really work that way! You come to Thailand for the sole purpose of having sex with young men. The fact that it's mostly paid for in a brothel doesn't make you any less of a predator. If trying to get a young man in to the bushes in Burma, so that you could grope him, isn't the action of a predator, then I don't know what is!
However don't be so sensitive about it, most of us here think that this is entirely acceptable behaviour, even though we would be considered by society at large as predators and sex tourists. That isn't changed, and it doesn't become socially acceptable behavior, just because you give the objects of your desire some money! There are some who would say that it makes the behavior more reprehensible.
You are correct that some of the boys who ensnare gullible and foolish farang with dishonest expressions of love and undying affection, while surreptitiously emptying their wallet, are also predators.
That doesn't however mean that every situation in which a non resident farang partner sending money to a Thai partner is either gullible or foolish, nor necessarily believing themselves to be in love. It is just nice sometimes to help people with whom you have fun, when you have so much more than they do.
Surely we can all agree with that, or is it really just a race to the bottom(pun intended):
I don't think Bob gets it. I'll try to spell it out
'I'm not a predator - I'm just a guy in my mid-70s who seeks out and habitually visits certain establishments knowing there will be boys a third or a quarter of my age whom I can pay to fuck for $20 because they need the money. I do that almost every night - a different one each time - and at the same time I feel justified in denigrating other people's long-term relationships'
Any clearer?
:D
I'm the latter, not the former. Your dictionary definition has not kept up with the times. The meaning of words changes over time. These days the types of guys we hear about in the media who groom young people in chat rooms or sexually harass co-workers are referred to as "predators." Obviously, this is not consensual and the victims are not seeking that kind of unwanted attention.Quote:
Of course you are a sexual predator, and a sex tourist.
That's the difference.
If we were to use your definition, then every guy at the beach who looks at a girl in a bikini, or guys who look at other guys would be deemed a "predator." That would constitute probably 100% of men at the beach! Are they all "predators?" Of course they are not. That's plain ridiculous. And yet they would fit the definition you quoted : "used to describe someone who expresses sexual interest in a very obvious way:"
If it was consensual, it is not predatory behaviour at all. I mis-read the situation, thinking that's what he wanted. "Wanted" is the operative word here. If I had sought him out and tried to pressure him into having unwanted sex with me, then I would be a predator.Quote:
If trying to get a young man into the bushes in Burma....
Sex between consenting adults is socially acceptable. Paying for it is not.Quote:
..and it doesn't become socially acceptable behaviour
You ignore the fact that we, or at least our money, are also objects of desire. It's a two-way street.Quote:
just because you give the objects of your desire some money!
I never said they were.Quote:
That doesn't however mean that every situation in which a non resident farang partner sending money to a Thai partner is either gullible or foolish, nor necessarily believing themselves to be in love
With that I agree wholeheartedly!Quote:
It is just nice sometimes to help people with whom you have fun, when you have so much more than they do
And SG, what's this thing you have about guys in their 70s?
Surely everybody has the right to have sex no matter how old they become. Apart from the age of consent, since when has sexual activity become age-specific? And why is the cut-off point mid-70? There's a Japanese porn star - Shigeo Tokuda - who is in his mid-80s yet still making movies. (God only knows who watches them!) Age is no barrier to having sex.
And surely there can be nothing wrong with having a new partner every night. I only wish I had the stamina to go out and find someone suitable every night.
I don't have "a thing about guys in their 70s" - I have a thing about a particular member who has never denied being in his 70's making outrageously hypocritical and snide remarks about the long-term relationships of others whilst himself swirling around in a moral cesspit!
I guess you don't notice that or don't want to notice it?
Moving on to Brad's observations I'm afraid I have to support him.
The "guy at the beach looking at girls" is not a sexual predator unless he goes there specifically for that purpose. Once he does, he becomes a predator - just as gay guys going into certain establishments knowing that they will find boys they can pay for sex because they need the money, are sexual predators, and although you clearly don't want to identify with that, I think you'll find the vast majority of the general population would agree with my analysis.
That's not to say I disapprove (and I guess Brad doesn't either?) - but that's the unfortunate reality.
The entire global tourism industry is built on sex. Young women go hoping to meet a guy, married couples go and hope to rekindle the spark of their love. College kids go to Cancun and Fort Lauderdale to make out. Youthfull European gays frolick in Ibiza. I'm just shy of 70, past by gay 'come hither' years. But, still have sex, travel for it and enjoy that right. Predator, hell no. When I make the long journey to Thailand I want someone every night and a massage during the day! It's jsut part of the tourist industry
OK, but you can disagree with his - whomever he is I've lost the real point - without casting all of us into self proclaimed "moral cesspit" Personally think it is foolish to send large sums of money to a bar boy. On the other hand, there is a young man in Latin America whose college education I'm assisting with - it gives me great pleasure and as I won't be getting married buying his house etc. I feel sure that what I'm doing is fine - even though I first met him on a trip for hot latin sex. Somethign wrong? I think not. My actions there don't make me a saint and my actions in Thailand don't make me a predator. Actually, I would love to see someone walk down Soi Pratuchai or Boyyztown and not be the object of a hundred "preying" calls. Bottom line anyone can dispose of their income however they want and there is a symbiotic relationship between bar boy and patron and no one is a predator. At least, that i smy opinion
"For the benefit of the tape" I didn't accuse anybody of swirling about in a moral cesspit other than the person concerned.
If other people see themselves affected by the description then I'd suggest that's a matter for them to deal with
'Boyfriend', carer, nurse, employee. In the circumstances described here they blur into the opaque.
Bob wrote.
"we are meant to understand that your relationship with him is completely monogamous?"
However if the old farang were asked point blank about his faithfulness it would be a great opportunity to demonstrate his 'love' by answering the question clearly.
I had a dear friend , now passes, who owned a gay bar in Santo Domingo. When asked by the press or police if his bar was gay he always answered, " how can a bar be gay it's brick and mortar." He was full of it, only difference is he knew it and it amused him. The "cess pool" your bewailing is the liscence our venues give us and you well know it.
SG, here’s my final thought on this: Yes, my recall can be very dodgy, and yes, I agree that there are committed relationships which should not be viewed critically, and yes there are people who pay to have encounters with different bar boys on a frequent basis, but….why paint all farang in Thailand with a single brush? If you feel that the life style or comments of a particular board member are objectionable, then it would be appropriate to direct your comments towards that individual rather than questioning the moral fibre of all the other farang in Thailand.
But I’ve had enough for now. Good luck to you, Bon Voyage, Bon Appétit, etc.
I don't have a problem with pejorative terms regarding how I behave.
I've always been open about my activities -some would say too open - and have often referred to myself here as a "sex tourist"; hardly a flattering term. I am someone who the majority of society no doubt looks down upon. But to describe myself otherwise would be dishonest. So I'm not in any way "sensitive."
I'm just going on the definition quoted by Brad. It's too general and ends up encompassing every male on the planet.
A "predator" is much more than someone who looks at others in some kind of sexual way. That's what we all do. It's part of who we are.
The meaning the days has changed drastically. There is nowvsomething inherently sinister and evil about a predator. If the guy who gies to the beach looking for sex - nothing wrong with that - makes unwanted advances, then he's a predator. If the other party is willing to go along, then that's fine. Neither person should face criticism as they are in mutual agreement and are over the age of consent.
But our advances are not unwanted. On the contrary, they are invited.
I refuse to believe that I am in any way sinister. I don't get that impression about other board members, either. Many of us are just sex tourists, nothing more, nothing less.
BTW, the main article on the from page of today's Bangkok Post tells us that the authorities do not believe Thailand is a destination for sex tourists and that, in any case, they are going to "get rid of this [sex tourism]. WTF?
So my days may be numbered!
I enjoyed reading this thread with all the diverse perspectives by all who posted herein; a good debate.
A very interesting topic - how we define ourselves.
a447 wrote.
"So my days may be numbered!"
All of us here have numbered days a447. The difference is that you're not expecting a guy 3 decades younger than you to waste the best years of his life propping up your over inflated ego before you drop off the cliff.
Hum,you do mean 4 decades? :devilsh:
Monsieurs, vous-etes tellement cruel.
No, because I wasn't starting a thread or setting out to castigate anyone.
What I was doing was responding to the mid-70's person's insulting posts on this thread, by pointing out his own considerable shortcomings.
If members want everything that's contentious hidden away in the Holding Room (and believe me there's even more secretive places that posts can be shuffled off to) then may I suggest they apply to moderatorapplications@sgt.com
:D
I fear that Bob's question regarding fidelity will remain unanswered amid a torrent of diversion posts. It looks as though Mother Superior might have dropped her nickers for someone other than her 'boyfriend'.
:D