It certainly must be!Quote:
Originally Posted by Oogleman
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It certainly must be!Quote:
Originally Posted by Oogleman
Enough of the "they" and "we" statements. Here is an all-genuine "my" and "me" addition to this very interesting thread...
As many of you know, I have been with my boyfriend (husband) for six years now, and we are on the cusp of celebrating our 2nd year Wedding Anniversary next month. As with all relationships, ours has been one of intense romance, equal-respect, honesty, white lies, difficult times, happy times, funny times, sad times -- yet through it all -- despite the cultural snafus, it is stronger than ever! During these years, I have learned many things about him -- and myself, two of which directly apply to the meat of this thread...
"Thank You":
In my experience, this is indeed a word that Thai's rarely use naturally. As many have stated before, it is a western courtesy that some have learned -- especially the well-educated, but none the less, it has been learned for the benefit of the foreigner. With my husband, there was always gratitude in any gifts I gave him -- but it was shown through more Thai-like ways, such as a deep gasp (when opening a gift), a quick sniff (we all know about this), or just an incredibly wonderful facial expression filled with happiness (which incidentally I like the best). After a while though, I did help him to understand that the verbal gesture of a simple "thank you" was viewed immensly positive by westerners. This lesson was one of many I continue to teach him so that he might better become a more worldly and culturally diverse citizen of the world. He in turn does the same for me with Thai taboos and the like.
"I Love You":
In my experience, this one is the tougher of the two. Again, I don't believe saying this phrase is a natural occurence in Thai culture -- at least not to the extent that I (as an American) wish, and even expect to hear it. With my husband, this continues to be difficult for me culturally because I am one of those sappy 'ol Yanks who says the phrase several times a day to him. This is hard when each time I still wait for the return chorus and alas, all I am left with is a sweet smile and a brisk sniff! I remind myself however, that I know with every fiber of my being that he loves me... He shows me daily by the way he treats me, the gifts he gives me, and the mere fact that we share our lives together (all aspects intimate and otherwise). Still, sometimes, I need to hear it. On these occasions, I push him for it by asking him..."Do you love me?" I know it's silly and I know I sound like a love-sick teenager, but hell, it's how I feel. Anyhow, 70 percent of the time he will respond with "You know Dat, Tee-lak," and often, this is enough to satisfy me. Then, 10 percent of the time he will get short with me for asking so many times and eventually just stare me down until I give it up. The remaining 30 percent of the time, he gives in and returns the chorus. Then, there is the oh-so-rare times when he (unprompted at all) will lean over and kiss me softly, then whisper, "Tee-Lak, I love you so much!" These times are the best and the ones I put away in the back of my memory to see me through until the next. Complicated -- indeed. Worth it? YOU BET!
So, there's a little of me. It's been a long time since I have opened up on this board and I am ready for the hail storm of nastiness. However, hopefully this information will be helpful to some, and maybe even inspire others to look beyond the superficial surface of the Pattaya nightlife.
Fondly,
Chris
www.niddysnook.com
** Home of Pattaya's Tastiest Cheeseburger! **
In the light of being a long-timer with my guy (only!) for nearly 7 years now, I can agree with, and relate to, every single small anecdote which Chris relates above in terms of both the "thank you's" and the "I love you's". It's just like that ... so much so it's uncanny (perhaps we are sharing boyfriends).
In long term Thai/Farang relationships, Thai learns from westerner .... westerner learns from Thai: It just comes naturaly, being just one more way in which each helps to maintain the relationship.
In shorter term, less committed partnerships, the dynamic of "taking care" of the bond (by 'learning') is not so dramatic, and the cultural differences will always be more striking, and possibily more worrying . . . as in the case of not getting your culturally-expected "thank you's", or your "sorry's", or your "I love you's" up front and on time, and with roses.
Cheers ....
You won't have to wait long Chris, you can be sure that LMTU & his gang are at this very moment trying to work out how to spell words of more than three letters so they can slag you off. :cherry:Quote:
Originally Posted by American Teacher
I am not disputing anyone's observations, but I am curious why Thai children seem to invariably say " Kob Khun Khrap", at least in my limited experience? When I have given my BF's young relatives small gifts when visiting his village, they always "wai" me (usually holding the candy or whatever between their palms), and thank me. Is it that they have been coached to thank the farang (unlikely), or is this something that children must do, but not adults? Just wondering.
I think thank you is used, but in different ways and times than farangs expect.Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Swing
[quote="Captain Swing"]I am not disputing anyone's observations, but I am curious why Thai children seem to invariably say " Kob Khun Khrap", at least in my limited experience? When I have given my BF's young relatives small gifts when visiting his village, they always "wai" me (usually holding the candy or whatever between their palms), and thank me. Is it that they have been coached to thank the farang (unlikely), or is this something that children must do, but not adults? quote]
You will find that Thai children do this as a mark of respect to their elders, Thai or Farang.
They tend to stop doing it as frequently when they get to their mid-teens and the more that they mix with Farangs the less the Wai is used as a form of thank you.
The difference between Thai culture and Farang culture is that Farangs expect to be thanked in words for everything whereas Thais can accept a slight nod of the head as a gesture of thanks.
This expectation of a verbal thank you everytime and taking umbrage when those thanks are not forthcoming are probably the cause of more misunderstanding between Farang & Thai than anything else.
Quite frankly if you expect to be thanked for every little gesture you will be dissapointed. Where you are giving to someone who is poorer or considered of a lower status than yourself it is considered by the person receiving the gift as a gesture of sharing your 'wealth' and no words of thanks are needed. If you are unable to give without wanting an expression of thanks then stop giving, give from the heart not to boost your ego.
(The final paragraph is not aimed at you Captain Swing but as a general comment)
That's a nice sentiment. You see, we really can learn something from Thai culture.
A huge smile is a nice way to say thank you
King Kong wrote:
[You will find that Thai children do this as a mark of respect to their elders, Thai or Farang.
They tend to stop doing it as frequently when they get to their mid-teens and the more that they mix with Farangs the less the Wai is used as a form of thank you.]
Thank you , King Kong. That's pretty much what I thought the most likely explanation was.