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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
you're not really talking about a "long term relationship" in the way that term is generally understood. Your first post made it sound like you were looking for a long term BF. That has evolved as you have filled in more details. It sounds like you want to "save" one boy and, oh by the way, have some hot sex with him along the way. It is a rather patronizing view of this boy. It doesn't sound like you really seen him as an actual person. He is a "project" and a commodity. If you really just want to help people, build a school in a poor community. Donate your money to one of the many charities that exist to help poor people in Thailand. Or Canada or wherever. But what you are proposing seems a little fucked up to me. The idea of "saving" a poor boy for your satisfaction doesn't treat him like a human being. And as he becomes dependent on you for everything that means you will be the one holding most of the cards if not all of them. What happens if he actually does get into a good school and can support himself? Will you then toss him aside to find another poor boy to "help"?
Why do you think you have nothing to offer to a university graduate? It sounds like your entire self-worth is tied up in your wealth, not any other characteristic of your. How long ago did this marriage of yours end? Maybe you need some time to figure out yourself. Perhaps some counseling...
I'm not sure what are you really want from the people here. If all you want is a contractual set up, that should be easy enough for such a successful young business man to arrange. What you are looking for sounds like little more than a long term "off".
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Yes...a long-term off.
But, why? If you want to spend time with him or have sex with him, you can have him any time you want. Just call him and he'll show up. You pay him, and he goes away.
It is so much less complicated than a long-term situation which will inevitably end in your getting bored with him. Once that happens, you will find that it is much harder to get out of such situations than it is to get in them.
So, my advice is to let him continue working in the bar. Take him off as often as you want, but don't make him your pretend boyfriend.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beach Bunny
So, my advice is to let him continue working in the bar. Take him off as often as you want, but don't make him your pretend boyfriend.
Actually this is a better advice than mine :cheers:
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Agree completely! Just off him when you "need" him.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
I think all of the contributions above, both pro and con, are valuable in exploring the dynamics of such a relationship. So it just depends on whether or not the OP wants to maintain an LTR with a prostitute, or try for someone of another calling.
Choke dee to the OP in his search for the "perfect boy".
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Nanny for clueless child needed .....
So much good advice - so ungraciously received!
To sum up this "relationship", cdnmatt has known this Thai bar-boy for a fortnight at the most, they have no way of communicating directly as neither speaks the other's language, he knows nothing about him, his background, his education, his hopes for the future, his interests or his family, they have not been together 24/7 (or even 24/1) and he wants a "relationship" on his terms and reassurance that he is on the right path.
Cdnmatt, you do not need advice, you need a nanny to control your immature, self-indulgent, petulant life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smiles
Normally I would think one would try sweeping someone else off their feet (at first anyway) by 'other means' than throwing cash at 'em. Maybe a little personality, a little fun together, a little gentleness, a little listening etc etc etc.
But the problem, Smiles, is that cdnmatt has none of the above, so "throwing cash" is all he can do: no personality away from his computer screen, no ability to provide "fun" which is why going out together mans a group visit to the karaoke, and little "need or want" of "the other" - which at 27 years old I (and probably most here) wanted pretty often!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedssocr
What you are looking for sounds like little more than a long term "off".
Why "little" more? That's exactly what it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beach Bunny
If you want to spend time with him or have sex with him, you can have him any time you want. Just call him and he'll show up. You pay him, and he goes away.
But that is exactly what he is already doing, BB!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachlover
SF had some valid points... but I don't think there's any need to be this insulting or negatively assumptive when offering feedback.
Why not? The dick-head who asked the question was considerably more negative and insulting. And who said cdnmatt was "cute"? If he was, why are the only boys he can pick up those who are after his money? That he can't converse with them is probably the only thing on his side, as they have yet to be bored to death by hearing what a great guy he thinks he is.
Last, and definitely least:
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
At least with this I know what I'm getting myself into from the beginning.
You have absolutely no idea. You know nothing about him, or what he is thinking - apart from him thinking he has never had it so good; he doesn't even have to have sex with you that much, and he still gets paid and to go out for a good time with his friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
And you can't tell me he doesn't want love, security, stability, to be taken care of, and a better life for both himself and his family
No, I can't. But I can tell you that maybe while he wants all the rest he may not want the "love" bit from you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
I was just looking for advice from others who have had long-term relationships, and how to make them realize that it's worth while seeing me differently. Obviously, I'm not going to get that here.
No you weren't. You got advice from those of us in or who have had genuine long-term relationships, that have lasted far longer than any you have had, and you rejected it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
If you wanted, I'll post an update in about 4 weeks letting you know everything is going great. Just watch.
Why? 4 weeks is a holiday "off", not a "long term relationship". Who cares?
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
I'd be surprised to find out he went back to the scene anytime soon. I mean, why stand on a stage in your underwear all night, when I'm just a phone call away?
I think everyone here would be equally surprised.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
I'm not hurting for cash, and 3000 means nothing to me, whereas to him it's huge. The reason for that is because I'm trying to "wow" him. That's what anyone starting a relationship anywhere in the world does, right? At first you sweep them off their feet, and later on it settles down, right?
WRONG (sorry, but I meant to shout). On the one hand you say that you "get pissed off when people aren't themselves", yet you think it is normal to put on a big show and splash the cash - you can't have it both ways.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
Or I don't know, am I just still completely naive and clueless?
RIGHT!
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Re: Nanny for clueless child needed .....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gone Fishing
Cdnmatt, you do not need advice, you need a nanny to control your immature, self-indulgent, petulant life.
Why not? The dick-head who asked the question was considerably more negative and insulting. And who said cdnmatt was "cute"? If he was, why are the only boys he can pick up those who are after his money? That he can't converse with them is probably the only thing on his side, as they have yet to be bored to death by hearing what a great guy he thinks he is.
This couldn't possibly be the same poster who wrote last week to ES..............
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gone Fishing
surely it is only reasonable that any deliberately confrontational / inflammatory post, aimed at an individual rather than an issue, is deleted without waiting to see if it has the desired effect?
Whining Thread
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
After re-reading the posts on this topic, especially that of Gone Fishing, I do smell a troll in the personna of cdnmatt. He seems to be milking his post more than Elsie the Cow, whose husband was Elmer the Bull(shitter).
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Re: Nanny for clueless child needed .....
[quote=Brad the Impala]This couldn't possibly be the same poster who wrote last week to ES..............
Quote:
Originally Posted by "Gone Fishing":28ra4mbp
surely it is only reasonable that any deliberately confrontational / inflammatory post, aimed at an individual rather than an issue, is deleted without waiting to see if it has the desired effect?
[/quote:28ra4mbp]
No, Brad the Liar, it couldn't because as usual you have deliberately mis-quoted me. There is really no need to continually demonstrate your ability to lie, edit and mis-represent what I and others write, as I am sure that those few interested in your childish digs are well aware of your ability and experiece in this area. What I actually wrote (with the missing section underlined) was :
"If the intention is now to pre-empt any such "degeneration", then surely it is only reasonable that any deliberately confrontational / inflammatory post, aimed at an individual rather than an issue, is deleted without waiting to see if it has the desired effect?"
The meaning is very clear and if read in context is the opposite of what you said I wrote. Grow up, Brad; I have so far given you the benefit of the doubt that you may occasionally have something intelligent to say, but I appear to be mistaken.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by fedssocr
you're not really talking about a "long term relationship" in the way that term is generally understood. Your first post made it sound like you were looking for a long term BF. That has evolved as you have filled in more details. It sounds like you want to "save" one boy and, oh by the way, have some hot sex with him along the way. It is a rather patronizing view of this boy. It doesn't sound like you really seen him as an actual person. He is a "project" and a commodity. If you really just want to help people, build a school in a poor community. Donate your money to one of the many charities that exist to help poor people in Thailand. Or Canada or wherever. But what you are proposing seems a little fucked up to me. The idea of "saving" a poor boy for your satisfaction doesn't treat him like a human being. And as he becomes dependent on you for everything that means you will be the one holding most of the cards if not all of them. What happens if he actually does get into a good school and can support himself? Will you then toss him aside to find another poor boy to "help"?
Why do you think you have nothing to offer to a university graduate? It sounds like your entire self-worth is tied up in your wealth, not any other characteristic of your. How long ago did this marriage of yours end? Maybe you need some time to figure out yourself. Perhaps some counseling...
I'm not sure what are you really want from the people here. If all you want is a contractual set up, that should be easy enough for such a successful young business man to arrange. What you are looking for sounds like little more than a long term "off".
There are some valid points to keep in mind here, cdtmatt.
There are lots of jerks here... but if you wade through the drivel you'll find there's some pretty important wisdom to be had... mainly on the dynamics of Thai culture/way of thinking and the way your boy will respond to things differently to a Westerner.
Helping and supporting the boy is great... but keep in mind there needs to be plenty of genuine love there as well. Thais feel bad if someone helps them out too much... because they feel like they start to owe too much to you... if you shower him in gifts/money/support (not saying that you will) he may feel trapped into being indebted to you. But if there is some genuine love and caring there, then this support would be ok.
In any case, if you're going to get him away from the bar, make sure he doesn't feel like he's being coerced into it. And make sure there's something constructive for him to do... study or some kind of work.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
heh, ok, whatever guys. This thread is obviously over. :)
No, I'm not looking for true, genuine love, but yes, I'm looking for a long-term relationship. In two or three years from now, I do still want to be in contact with him. Just looking for a mutually beneficial relationship. He takes care of me, I take care of him, and we're both better off in life because of it. Simple as that.
It's just that I've never done this before, hence why I was looking for advice. What type of arrangements do you make, how much, what should I do or not do, what should I look out for, how have your previous relationships turned out, and all that jazz.
Anyway, doesn't matter. I'm sure I'll see some of you guys while wandering around. Come say hi!
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
How will we recognise you, do you have a pic or will you be wearing a red rose behind your ear?
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by andyinoz
How will we recognise you, do you have a pic or will you be wearing a red rose behind your ear?
Given the very small number of 27 year old farang in Pattaya, I would say it won't be hard.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annan
Quote:
Originally Posted by andyinoz
How will we recognise you, do you have a pic or will you be wearing a red rose behind your ear?
Given the very small number of 27 year old farang in Pattaya, I would say it won't be hard.
If he is indeed 27 and not 72. What's a 27 year old punter doing in Pattaya he's 30 years too early ?
The only punters in their 20's Iv'e met are Arabs who don't know any other way of getting sex.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by allieb
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annan
Quote:
Originally Posted by andyinoz
How will we recognise you, do you have a pic or will you be wearing a red rose behind your ear?
Given the very small number of 27 year old farang in Pattaya, I would say it won't be hard.
If he is indeed 27 and not 72. What's a 27 year old punter doing in Pattaya he's 30 years too early ?
he may be 27 - but physically he is no different than y'all - Smelly, big, fat and ugly :idea: - so he'll fit right in :cheers:
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Mmmmm...a troll, eh francois> Je crois que tu as raison! Je me souviens de quelqu'un qui s'appelle
lollylowlife
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Could we please turn the cynicism and arrogance up a couple notches? I don't think we have quite enough yet. Thanks in advance! :)
And if you're wondering why I don't try to find someone in Canada, here's a good example:
http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/m4m/
That's pretty much what you find in the gay scene throughout Canada. Now why would I fuck around with all that, when I can just as easily have a great, sweet, cute, loving Thai boy who has a soft personality, and takes great care of me? Not to mention it's my first time ever doing something like that, and if it's true that I'm actually his first filang, then we're both going through a new journey in life together. And as an added bonus, I get to help him out in a way he can't help himself. Now why wouldn't I want to do that, especially considering I have the freedom and capability of doing such a thing?
Sure glad it's such a supportive community around here! :)
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
"Loving" is the hard part...unless you like make-believe.
It sounds more like you want a subservient houseboy you can fuck. Ain't nothing wrong with that, but call a spade a spade...
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
I'm actually his first filang,
.... you are his 1st filang all right - THIS WEEK!!! :cheers: :cheers:
BTW what the hell is filang ???? :idea: :idea:
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by khorthodkrub
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
BTW what the hell is filang ???? :idea: :idea:
A portmanteau of "farang" and "fling". Rather appropriate.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by allieb
If he is indeed 27 and not 72. What's a 27 year old punter doing in Pattaya he's 30 years too early ?
I first came here on holiday when in my 20's; I have been living here, retired, since my 30's and I am by no means the only one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beach Bunny
It sounds more like you want a subservient houseboy you can fuck. Ain't nothing wrong with that, but call a spade a spade...
BB, regrettably you are spot on again; had he asked for advice on that, rather than on a "long term relationship" he would probably have got it, instead of some of the laughable generalisations such as "Thais feel bad if someone helps them out too much..."!!
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
lol... that craigslist link paints a pretty bleak picture.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
The "cute, sweet Thai boy who takes great care" of you bit does sound good. If it makes you happy to be around him then you've found someone special. I hope it works out.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by a447
Mmmmm...a troll, eh francois> Je crois que tu as raison! Je me souviens de quelqu'un qui s'appelle
lollylowlife
Mais oui; the more cdnmatt squeezes their teats the more the forum members produce in response.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gone Fishing
Quote:
Originally Posted by allieb
If he is indeed 27 and not 72. What's a 27 year old punter doing in Pattaya he's 30 years too early ?
I first came here on holiday when in my 20's; I have been living here, retired, since my 30's and I am by no means the only one.
Before we go any futher on this one, would you like to tell us how long you have lived in Thailand, or to the point how old are you now? You have said in previous posts that you are in a non commercial mutual love relationship. Were you a punter when you first arrived at the young age of 20 something? The original poster is clearly a punter who's picked up a whore. He says he's 27, there must be something wrong with him if he's paying already.
I would also be interested to know how you got retirement status in your 30's.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
I think you people should leave this poor man alone. It's obvious he has the face of Elephant Boy and needs to find and pay for sex in a foreign country where they do not judge so much by looks. As for him retiring when he's 30, why would anyone doubt him? I'm sure he also flies first class wherever he goes, with his business paying for it. People...just enjoy his posts.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by allieb
would you like to tell us how long you have lived in Thailand, or to the point how old are you now? ....Were you a punter when you first arrived at the young age of 20 something?.....I would also be interested to know how you got retirement status in your 30's.
1. 16 years.
2. 52.
3. No, I was on holiday.
4. I stopped working.
Quote:
Originally Posted by diec
I think you people should leave this poor man alone. It's obvious he has the face of Elephant Boy and needs to find and pay for sex in a foreign country where they do not judge so much by looks. As for him retiring when he's 30, why would anyone doubt him? I'm sure he also flies first class wherever he goes, with his business paying for it. People...just enjoy his posts.
No idea if you are talking about me or not, but since cdnmatt has not retired and is only 27 you can't be talking about him, so just in case:
As I have barely lived in the UK (my home country) since I was 20 Thailand is no more "foreign" to me than anywhere else. I have only once flown first class, when I was upgraded (from economy) and I have never owned, run or worked for a "business".
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gone Fishing
Quote:
Originally Posted by allieb
would you like to tell us how long you have lived in Thailand, or to the point how old are you now? ....Were you a punter when you first arrived at the young age of 20 something?.....I would also be interested to know how you got retirement status in your 30's.
1. 16 years.
2. 52.
3. No, I was on holiday.
4. I stopped working.
What I would like to know is how you managed to stay for 14 years until were able to apply for the retirement visa (50). I'm just curious.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Interesting conundrum and one which all regular visitors to Thailand, both gay and straight battle with. I have mostly straight friends in Pattaya who have the same problem with the bar girls they are in long term relationships with. All are visiting up to 3 times a year and providing funds on a monthly basis to maintain their heart throbs in the manner to which they have become accustomed. I myself had a relationship with a bar boy for 5 years; it ended last November. He is now 33. I loved him and probably still do if the truth be known. The age gap is certainly a problem, but we must not shrink from the unbridled truth that there would be no relationship if it did not exist. I do not want to shag a 60 year old, I couldn't shag a 60 year old. Perhaps a shallow sentiment, but the depth of my morality is ever diminished with the ebb of time. I too sent a monthly stipend to my lover. This was a sum arrived at by a negotiated agreement and was the 'minimum' sum that he could comfortably exist on. I asked a friend of mine who is a bar owner in Pattaya how much he paid his girls. His is an ordinary beer bar and he has about 15 girls working. He said they get paid between 4000 & 5000 Baht per month, dependent on their usefulness? He then went on to elaborate that in the main the girls live on their monthly wage by sharing accommodation with 2 or 3 other girls. He said any additional funds they gain from a take-off is sent home to maintain the family back on the farm. I established that this was the case with my lover. He worked in a go-go where he was paid only by the number of drinks that were bought for him and a share of the tips plus the money from take-offs. Part of the agreement was that he would abandon his work in the boy bar and thereafter he worked as a waiter in a ladies go-go. He earned about 4500 Baht wage plus as far as I could judge 150 Baht on average per night in tips. I sent him 15000 + 9000 from his work seemed to keep him happy.
I think you should try and analyse his monetary needs and if you are there for any length of time - what he is doing with the money you are giving him? With the sort of money you are paying he must have a large entourage or he is gambling? I bet he is not saving for a rainy day. The doubt will be the undoing if you are not careful. The most important thing is enjoy each other whilst you are together - it can be beautiful.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by longdorm
Interesting conundrum and one which all regular visitors to Thailand, both gay and straight battle with. He is now 33. I loved him and probably still do if the truth be known. The age gap is certainly a problem, but we must not shrink from the unbridled truth that there would be no relationship if it did not exist. I do not want to shag a 60 year old, I couldn't shag a 60 year old.
longdorm, I think I understand what you said, but need a little clairification. I assume when you ended your relationship with the bf at age 33 yo, you also ended his monthly allowance? If so, did he get a parachute? Did he have another means of supporting himself? It is something, some, but not all have to face who have a long term relationship. For me, I will be dead before the bf is "too old" for me. But I do wonder what does happen when their sponsor is dead or gone?
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by allieb
What I would like to know is how you managed to stay for 14 years until were able to apply for the retirement visa (50). I'm just curious.
14 x 1 year multiple entry 90 day Non-Immigrant visas and around 45 visa runs!
I am not so sure how you would measure/qualify "a non commercial mutual love relationship", which is why I try to avoid such generalisations / classifications. Smiles certainly qualifies,as both he and Pot contribute to the financial side of the relationship, but as all our assets were originaly mine, do I? Do Bill and Melinda Gates? Does QE II and Phil the Greek? Do your/my parents? I am happy that my partner is not working as that means we have more time together, but if he got a job would that mean that our relationship would e re-classified??
I actually have no problem with cdnmatt's proposed "relationship", as he has re-defined it - it really would be a win-win situation for all. My problem was with the lack of honesty/economy of truth in the original post.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gone Fishing
I actually have no problem with cdnmatt's proposed "relationship", as he has re-defined it
He will be so relieved.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Well, it's been about three weeks, so I'm giving an update. For all you cynics and nay-sayers, it's working out beautifully, thank you very much. I'm totally in love with him, and I'm 100% certain now that he genuinely loves me as well. It's been through enough tests now to let me know there's no way this is just a typical, fake, Pattaya-style relationship, and it's more genuine than that.
For one example, he'll refuse money from me now, unless he actually needs some. He's not greedy at all either, and he doesn't need much. For example, I just have a crappy 900 baht Nokia cell phone, and the one he bought for himself is even worst than mine, so it's not like he's eyeing me up for that fancy 8000 baht cell.
You know, I now have him at the point where he simply knows he's taken care of, and knows that I only want him, and no other boys. This is exactly what I was looking for from beginning, and looks like I managed it. He doesn't care about how much money he gets from me anymore. He just wants to be taken care of, which he is. On the flip side, I'm just looking for someone to take care of me (and no, not just sexually), and I have more than I could hope for with him. Works out perfectly for both of us.
I have to get him back into school though. The poor guy can barely even read, as he had to quit school at an early age. I'm under no delusions, and expect this relationship to last maybe 2 or 3 years at the most, if that. If it lasts longer, than great for both of us, but I know how these things go. Assuming I get approved for my 1 year visa, once I make the permanent move out here, I'll have to work on getting some education into him. This way if and when the relationship turns sour, he's capable of taking care of himself, instead of being left out to dry. I definitely don't want to see him forced to dicker with farangs in a go-go bar whether his ass is worth 800 or 1000 baht short-time. That's my only real concern right now.
Other than that, for you cynics, sorry boys, but it's working our beautifully. Assuming I get my 1 year non-immigrant visa, I can basically guarantee this will turn into a genuine, long-term relationship. :) I'm happy, he's happy, so it's all good.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
I wish cdnmatt and his new partner the best of luck.
It seems there are a few Thai/Farang couples that can make it work over the long haul, but from all you read and heard theyтАЩre bucking extremely steep odds. Even cdnmatt says heтАЩs тАЬtried the long-term relationship thing a few times beforeтАЭ, although that may have been back in the Land of the Maple Leaf and not the Land of Smiles, I donтАЩt know. If this is the third or fourth "long term relationship" heтАЩs tried in Thailand in 10 months, perhaps this time will be the charm (or perhaps we're working with different definitions of "long term"). Even he admits (wisely) that he doesnтАЩt expect the relationship to last more than тАЬmaybe 2 or 3 years at the most, if that.тАЭ
cdnmatt said he was 27, should memory serve, and thatтАЩs challenge number one. LifeтАЩs experience teaches us a number of lessons as we mature and molds us into the people we become; cdnmatt himself has a ways to go, as most readers here well know, and his 19-year-old boyfriend is far greener. While the basics are in place by the age of 19 тАУ honesty, respect for others, morality and the likes тАУ our likes, dislikes, viewpoints and values that make us who we are change as we grow. тАЬIтАЩll love you foreverтАЭ brings a very different vision to the mind of a тАЬreal ruralтАЭ 19-year-old Thai тАУ who may well think of a stable place to live, a plot of land and perhaps their own transportation тАУ than it does to a middle-aged non-Thai, who may well think of someone to take care of them as they age, help keep house for them, and provide stable companionship for them, as well as share their bed (which often provides its own challenges for the older partner as time goes by).
The other variable to this pairing is the difference in traditions and cultures: from what IтАЩve learned from those that have been through it, itтАЩs a classic example of тАЬWhen in Rome, do as the Romans doтАЭ. The more the farang is willing and able to adapt to the Thai ways, the stronger the chances are of success in the relationship, and thatтАЩs challenge number two.
Granted, most Thai can be gracious and accept parts of тАЬWestern CultureтАЭ for a guest, but itтАЩs often far more of a challenge for farang to accept multi-generational cultural traditions. Family coming to visit is one thing, but having several move in with you for the long term? Come on, now тАУ how would most members here deal with that? Trips to the temple, traditional religious holidays, events, journeys тАУ just a few minor examples of the plethora of things it would be wiser for the farang to adapt to than to try to get the Thai to ignore. Religious differences are a definite sub-challenge here.
Challenge number three: the probability of the younger Thai becoming тАЬWesternizedтАЭ. Ours is a culture of тАЬMe first, Now, and MoreтАЭ. Yes, he may be the unspoiled just-off-the-farm, only-in-the-city-two-weeks young man NOW, but give him a little while exposed to Western culture and see if he remains content to live the simple life he has been a product of. Unless you move him back out to the farm heтАЩs going to be influenced by the same peer pressure most all farang fall victim to, and that can change anyone. IтАЩd add that if itтАЩs a change away from Thai ways to Western ways it isnтАЩt usually a change for the better, either. I agree, education is very important, but with that comes exposure to new ways and things (partying, drinking and drugs, for example) while schooling with peers.
Those are just a few quick thoughts on the subject, and I donтАЩt mean to malign the three week relationship that cdmatt described as certain: тАЬI'm totally in love with him, and I'm 100% certain now that he genuinely loves me as well. It's been through enough tests now to let me know there's no way this is just a typical, fake, Pattaya-style relationship, and it's more genuine than that.тАЭ Wonderful, if true.
I wish them the best of luck and would love to see them beat the odds. I hope he will be as forthcoming as Dodger in updating the relationship here. It gives the rest of us a look at things we may never experience ourselves, and thatтАЩs a help.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Good post Bao Bao. I will try to respond more constructively in time.
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Bao, CDMatt - others....
It was good to get caught up on the posts and this thread has been particularly informative, albeit sometimes a little too cynical.
CDMatt initially posted in another thread and spoke in detail about his life, being in Thailand, et al after visiting his parents in Malaysia.
The one thing I like about Matt (outside of also being from Vancouver) is that he knows what he wants, is specific about it, and for 27 yrs old, quite practical and realistic. He also seems like a guy who rescues people. Overall, as in his initial thread on another subject, he was clear that he had no illusions about connecting with a Thai man - that it takes money whether here or anywhere else in the world.
I think the biggest obstacle will be the language barrier.... Ben (my Thai partner of 12 years) speaks English at the highest proficiency and I often asked myself if I would have had the same wonderful and beautiful relationship over the past 12 years if he had not spoken English? I was lucky to have met and fallen in love with a 24 yr old Thai man (who had the brain and maturity of a 45 year old) and he had already gone through the cycle of relationships with a wide range of Thai guys himself (16-24 yr old) and also white men and decided on older white man "because they have maturity, and a life plan."
Matt's objective to get this young man back into school is a smart idea.
Matt, when you are back in Vancouver let's meet up. I would love to meet you and you can tell me all about your adventures there in Thailand, and I can offer whatever advice I can from my relationship (that I swear was made in heaven ...) with Ben.
Th Craig's List (Vancouver) reference made me chuckle... albeit a sad state.
Matt, you have the right attitude, the right expectations, and using your instincts, you'll do fine.
Hope to see you in Vancouver.\
Ron
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron-Heng Vancouver
and this thread has been particularly informative, albeit sometimes a little too cynical.
I'm a newbie here myself. What level of cynicism is acceptable before it becomes too cynical?
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
[quote=Copper Pheel]
Quote:
Originally Posted by "Ron-Heng Vancouver":n75wifvs
and this thread has been particularly informative, albeit sometimes a little too cynical.
I'm a newbie here myself. What level of cynicism is acceptable before it becomes too cynical?[/quote:n75wifvs]
Too cynical? when the statements are hurtful, and do not contribute information or humour and become a "shoot out"...
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
[quote=Ron-Heng Vancouver][quote="Copper Pheel":1y5io6m2]
Quote:
Originally Posted by "Ron-Heng Vancouver":1y5io6m2
and this thread has been particularly informative, albeit sometimes a little too cynical.
I'm a newbie here myself. What level of cynicism is acceptable before it becomes too cynical?[/quote:1y5io6m2]Too cynical? when the statements are hurtful, and do not contribute information or humour and become a "shoot out"...[/quote:1y5io6m2]One of those by itself "hurtful statements" for example would not be too cynical, it has to have all three attributes. Is that correct?
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Re: Advice for long-term needed...
Well, it's just my opinion, but for me, I think all three conditions, yes.
My expectation for myself is to not be negative at all and to avoid any angry, sarcastic, or caustic remarks to any other human being. But then, that's just me.