why buy the cow when one can buy milk by the litre???
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why buy the cow when one can buy milk by the litre???
Um... because some of us want to nibble a bit of prime beef?!
Because sex generally sucks like that, not to mention is more expensive. You're getting about 1/10th of the quality for about 3 times the cost.Quote:
Originally Posted by latintopxxx
Give you an example. There's one guy I see on a regular basis, he's 1500 baht each time, we've only gone to a curtain motel so far, and the sex simply sucks. Not saying he's not good at it, because I'm certain he is, but it's just neither of us are into it.
In comparison, Kim was only 300/day for the last 6+ months of our relationship, and the sex was amazing. I didn't even have to do anything. Just went to sleep, he'd show up in bed later, usually fueled on whiskey. Next thing I know I'm being woken up to him spooning me, and licking my neck, and off he goes for an hour. Was great.
Now take the regular I'm seeing now. I'm just beginning to think I like & trust him enough to let him know where I live, as it's been months now, and I probably will sometime in the future. No chance of a relationship, and I've made that clear, which he's fine with. Now watch, if I begin having him come here, we cook a nice dinner together, have a couple drinks, nice music going, play with the dogs a little, nice comfortable environment, etc... I bet the quality of sex increases 10 fold. Not to mention, also a chance he'll want to see me more often, meaning the tip will get dropped to 1000 baht.
So if it works out like that, it means right now it's 2200 baht for an hour of shitty sex (and some good cuddling) in a curtain motel, or a little food + 1000 baht for a full evening of good times with a nice guy, plus great sex at the end. I think I'll go with the latter.
Nice to see Matt you've finally made a decision.
cdnmatt wrore:
Agree.Quote:
Because sex generally sucks like that, not to mention is more expensive. You're getting about 1/10th of the quality for about 3 times the cost.
Sex with the live-in partners I've had was great...much better than bar boy sex...and less than half the overall cost.
I thrive on romance. I can't help it. It's just the way I am. Even if it's make-pretend it beats the alternative. Getting to know where each others buttons are hidden usually takes more time than a 1 hour short time with a bar boy. The sex isn't as rehearsed...more spontaneous...more time to enjoy intimacy and foreplay...resulting in HOTTER and more frequent sex. Switching between live-in partners provides the variety I enjoy as well, without getting tangled in any webs..been there-done that!.
Sorry Matt, but I don't think it works quite that way. I bet if the tip drops to 1000 Baht the quality of sex will definitely not increase. Once you pay 1500 you are stuck and the only direction it can go from there is up.Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnmatt
How do you switch between live-in partners? Are you by chance back in the US in between partners, so by the time you're back in Thailand the previous one has forgotten about you, and moved on? Otherwise, I can't see how that would easily work. Have a live-in for say 3 months, then one morning wake up and basically tell him (politely), "well, I'm spent, and going to go find someone new. there's the door, was nice knowing you". It's not like they're just going to accept it, and leave you alone.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dodger
Wanna bet? He already voluntarily dropped himself from 2000 to 1500, because I told him I can't see him as it was too expensive. I bet right now if I gave him the choice of 2 times/week @ 1500 or 3 times/week @ 1000, he'd go for the 3 times/week option. Obviously he wants his money, but you can tell he's also looking for companionship, as he seems quite lonely, and we get along pretty decently. If given the choice, bet he'd go for the same weekly pay but more time spent together option. Especially if that time was spent at my place with a freshly home cooked dinner, couple beers, couple cool dogs, etc. Beats sitting in his room by himself.Quote:
Originally Posted by roguebear
Nonetheless, I'm sure I'll keep him at 1500. Don't think I want to see him 3 times/week anyway. Twice is more than enough. Three would just get to be mundane and boring.
Best part is we've both made it very clear we don't love each other, and aren't looking for a relationship. So that alleviates a lot of problems. He just calls me his "big brother", which is fine with me. Call me whatever you want, but keep it friendly business, and don't come to me with problems that you need 20,000 urgently due to some famiy problem.
cdmatt, maybe if I lived in Thailand I would go for the live in option, but it would have to be a totally open arrangement as I find it impossible not to have sex with random guys.
I already have a partner, have had him for the last 18 years, guess its called love, I never tire of his company but i certainly dont want to have 1 on 1 sex with him only. Sure we do it...but in my case variety is the spice in life.
When in Thailand usually do minimum 1 new MB a day, very often its 2. I usually book short time which is a 3 hour session, and I make full use of my time. If I had a live in MB it would not last...I would like be so bored climbing onto the same arse day after day.
Back home we (thats my partner & me) do have a live in fuck, he's a uni student and basically trades his arse for accomodation. I get a high having access to him whenever I want...but a week can go by and I dont even touch him....and some days I'll fuck him 4 times.
cdnmatt wrote:
By using the same tactics they use when they switch between us, i.e., Never get caught being deceptive ...just master the Art of Discretion.Quote:
How do you switch between live-in partners?
I've made every mistake that a farang could possibly make with a Thai boy in the past, e.g., gold bracelets, mobiles, falling in love, marriage, honeymoons, house building, kneeling on hard floors chanting with monks, etc., and finally came to the realization that all my mistakes were the result of my expectations. Right now I'm content just shacking up with different guys, enjoying the sex and romance, and being a butterfly as a gap fill just for the fun of the variety. I would love to find a Thai boy who I could love who wanted to spend his entire life as my live-in soul mate, but in all reality, I can see myself ending up with a Labrador Retriever.
How do you find that kind of pleasant arrangement ? I can't find anyone after that at our local university, although it is hardly the type of rental package I can post on the University website.Quote:
Originally Posted by latintopxxx
http://www.houseboy.com/Quote:
Originally Posted by goji
this one I hooked up with on grindr, he turned out to be an international student living on a tight budget so arranging it was real easy. he's not the 1st and will not be the last.
The first rule of the OP was'no lies' or something like that... Sounds good, but really, does it ever work this way? At least I have come to the conclusion that I cannot trust my bf to be 100% honest with me. So far I haven't caught him at something really bad, it's mostly sort of white lies and when I ask him why he did not tell me the truth, he looks embarrassed and says 'easier this way' or 'l worry you angry'. Maybe I am generalizing, but it seems telling half-truths or a make-up story comes naturally to thais. They seem to do it to each other a lot.
So should I break up with him or just take things he says with a grain of salt... But then, how many of us are 100% honest with the thai guys about everything? I think not many...
bidreamer, it seems to me that you are both wrong and right. Everyone, of whatever nationality, indulges in "white lies" as a means of providing "lubricant" on the train-line of sociability. With Thai, that is of ever greater social impact when you consider Kreng Jai. ( I refer you to http://www.thaizer.com/culture-shock/kreng-jai/ for a more complete understanding.)Quote:
Originally Posted by bidreamer
Not that us non-Thai will really ever understand the nuances of Kreng Jai. But in that context, the answers your bf gave you blend right in. He was avoiding situations where he may cause harm to you by making you angry and thereby cause you to be offended or to "lose face".
My suggestion: Just relax and enjoy his company. You may find find that you need more than a grain of salt :D but that is the Western v Thai culture shock.
Our Thai partners understand that we are "farang" and they cut us a lot of slack for not understanding Thai ways and customs, and for being set in our western ways *-:) *-:) . As visitors in their country. should we not give them the same consideration?
Yraen,
Yes, that's exactly what I am doing, enjoying his company and messaging while away, so the "rule #1" does not apply! Initially I was a little disappointed, though, because he's so smooth and believable with it. But now I just say "sure!" and I think he gets from my tone of voice if I believed him or not.
Yrraen,
There's a bit of a difference though, no? For example:
Lie #1 -- A mini van pulls up to pickup a group of people including yourself. There's 10 seats, and 11 people. You lie and tell someone, "go ahead and take the last seat, as I'm still waiting for a friend", although you're not actually waiting for a friend and wanted that seat. That's an acceptable lie, and would be a form of "kreng jai".
Lie #2 -- "I need 3000 baht for rent, or else I'll be homeless". Thai guy gets 3000, and off to karaoke he goes with his friends. Unacceptable lie. That's not "kreng jai" -- that's just being a manipulative asshole.
EDIT: With this whole "kreng jai" stuff, make sure to always put it into perspective, and remember the lens which many (majority?) of Thais view life though. It's a Buddhist society, so this is just one of their many lives. Basically take life as it comes, never want for anything, and be as good of a person as possible with hopes of being reincarnated into something better, and eventually reach Nirvana. Ok, that's quite simplified, but basically how it works. Remember that, and all of a sudden lots of things Thai people do that leave you scratching your head all of a sudden make sense.
on the issue os saving face I fully agree, in Thailand this seems o be really really ultra important. Lots of little lies are told to lubricate life and wish away situations which could cause the loss of face. Thai's will put up with a lot in private but in public their image counts for a lot.
Well, the lies...for me the culture difference thing is that when thais interact it is my impression that they don't even expect to hear the real story, but a heavily customized version. Everybody knows it and plays along. Whereas at least in the part of Europe I come from, people would be annoyed to find out the actual story and feel that they are being taken for a fool. So for me the cultural adjustment part is to play along but at the same time not to give the impression of a stupid farang who can be made to believe anything. Well I don't realy know if I am succeeding...probably not.
The saving face thing, while certainly important, is not an explanation for everything. Sometimes it is just own conveniece, a lie doesn't lead (or so one hopes) to explanations and stuff. So for example, when I ask how his week has been, he always tells its boring, just work in hair salon and room (and he really does not like to party). But then I discover that he's actually taken the train to visit his friend in Laos.... I already know about that friend, so I ask' why you not tell me you go to see him....he says 'easier if I not tell'. And I don't even care what they do together, I fuck around a bit myself. So, cdnmatt, is it a 'gray' lie?
No, that's just a straight up lie and something I wouldn't tolerate. There's absolutely no legitimate reason for him to lie to you about going to Laos for a few days to visit a friend. More than likely, either he doesn't respect you, or you make him feel insecure. If that was me, I'd do something to rectify it. Either get pissed off and tell him to show me the same respect I show him, or let him know I am actually there for him, he can trust me, tell me anything and I won't get mad, but never lie to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by bidreamer
Do you know how many times I got chewed out due to percieved lies? So how does this work? Thai guys are allowed to lie to our faces due to "cultural differences", but if we're ever caught in a lie, we get chewed out to no end? Not likely... honesty is a two-way street.
Then obviously, in every relationship there's those times when if you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question. That comes into play quite a bit too, especially Thai-Farang relationships. I know I've done it quite a few times in the past. Nonetheless, if I ask a question, I expect the truth. Especially if it's someone I'm involved with, because then it impacts my life personally too.
What a silly thread title, and then the usual drivel reminiscing Kim! Either the guy is a live-in house boy, then there can and should be rules of employment. Or he's a boyfriend, as in the title. Make up your mind, coz with that slaver attitude, you won't need to worry about finding a boyfriend anyway.
Hint: There's quite a broad spectrum between being a total pushover (10 ladyboys move in without your permission) and being a total ass who won't allow any visits by any friends. Extremist attitudes don't mix well with dating someone from another culture, I think that much is clear.