NIrish, I'm now treating this as an opportunity to get out of the Pattay bubble. To remind myself why I love Thailand apart from the boys. My last few trips, I haven't bothered leaving Pattaya, and more specifically, the same 2 or 3 bars every day. It's a chance for me to rediscover a bit of my sense of adventure, and the stress and joy of dealing with the practicalities of travelling in a foreign country. So it's become less about Matt, and more about me. Even if Kwan doesn't come with me, I'll enjoy the experience.