BF accused of being a drug dealer

[colmx]

Hi All
Just thought i'd share an interesting story of village life in thailand....

Over the last few months BF (with my money) has been extending his home to include an indoor kitchen, dining area, utility room and farang style toilet to the home that we built on his land in Buriram in 2003-2004.

It's nothing fancy- just a basic extension to the existing structure

For the last week he has been in Pattaya and Bkk sorting out paperwork to do with a visa application and returned to the village today to find that he has been declared by some folk as a yaba/drug dealer... this rumour has started to spread

Their logic is:
- Money to build an extension
- Money to buy a motorbike (actually it's leased)
- Lots of young guys hanging aorund the house
- He has a money to buy new clothes, mobile, satellite TV etc
-Money to go to europe on holidays

I just sent him a batch of bank statements showing bank transfers from myself to him so that he can attend a meeting of the village heads this morning in order to clear his name...

Its not as if the villagers don't know he is "associated" with a farang... i have been to the village at least 10 times in the last 7 years

Just wondering if anyone else who "sponsors" a thai guy has ever had their guy accused in this way...

I know that people can be petty and jealous of other people finding "success" but have never herd of jealousy manifesting itself in this way...

At the moment the accusation is just a libelous accusation at the village gossip level... but given the corrupt nature of Thailand police force how long before they believe rumours are truth!

I guess this is the way for some villagers to get "one up" on their neighbours or bring them down to earth by BF having to admit all his new found wealth comes from a farang.... But at least it shows that after all the recent negative press Thais are not just out to get us farang... they are also out to get each other! :thumbright: :thumbleft:

But at least it shows that after all the recent negative press Thais are not just out to get us farang... they are also out to get each other!It's known as Thai Rak Thai.

Maybe they want a cut of the pie.

[Brad the Impala]

What an unpleasant and surprising situation. I have never heard or come across this, but I am surprised that village gossip would assume drugs, without any fire, when there is clearly a more logical and visible explanation of his increased wealth.

I am also surprised that it became serious enough that your bf feels the need to justify his source of funds by showing his bank statements. He must have seriously upset someone. Perhaps if he can work out how and who that might be, he might find a path to resolve this.

Anyway I wish you both well in sorting this out.

[ceejay]

I largely agree with Brad, with the only exception that I don't find it that surprising. Small towns and villages (I was brought up in a small rural town in England) seem to be the same everywhere. Much the same sort of thing does happen in small, rural English communities - I know this from experience. What is different are the possible consequences - which seem to be worse here.

My guess is that what has upset somebody is pure envy. You BF has the means to build the house extension, run the motorbike, have the holidays and the rest of it - and the mean spirited gossips, the type who feel diminished by someone else having something they do not have themselves decide that he could not possibly be doing so much better than them in any honest way so it starts with "All that money from a farang? Wouldn't be surprised if he was selling Yabba" then that gets repeated as "I hear he's selling Yabba" - then "He's selling Yabba - everyone says so". Malicious gossip is hard to deal with, partly because it is malicious - it's not meant to be fair. It's also very hard to pin down - because it's a sort of community effort - there's no single source, and possibly even the person who started the rumour ends up believing it - because "everyone knows".

The meeting with the village heads may clear the air "officially" but sadly, I doubt that the gossip will ever really die.

By the way colmx - I hope you censored those bank statements sufficiently to make sure no-one can get your account details from them.

Good luck to you both.

Small towns and villages (I was brought up in a small rural town in England) seem to be the same everywhere.That sounds much like the ex-pat community here in Pattaya which is why I steer well clear of it.

[RichLB]

I hope the BF challenges these "elders" to find someone he supposedly sold the yaba to. Their failure to do so should be as broadly advertised as their accusatons. Somehow I feel that merely showing an alternative source of funds will only make the BF appear defensive (and therefore fuel their fire), but putting on an offense as a defensive tactic might just quench the flames.

He is in a no win situation.
Even if the bank statements prove that he is not a drug dealer then those small minded villagers will change tack to say he is a prostutute (who would be 'friendly' with a farang except for money). They know he has gotten the money from somewhere; they know money like that does not come from a regular salary; Hey Presto .. he must be doing something illegal or immoral.

What he should do is start asking a few questions about them ...
How did your son in Pattaya who works as "a hotel porter" get the money to buy you that motorcycle?
Wow, that new TV must have cost your "waitress" daughter in Bangkok at least 3 months salary?
I saw your niece/nephew recently on the beach ... lovely gold necklace and designer swimsuit. Must have cost a lot ... and you have so little here.

what your bf should do is get some advice from Thai people who actually know what they are talking about. following advice from a bunch of well-meaning farangs will probably cause him even more problems than he already has.

Am I the only one to consider the possibilty (however remote) that he IS selling drugs?

It's surprising what kept boys do when their patron isn't around, and surprising how naive those patrons can be.

How many times have I heard protestations of "Oh my Chai/Mohammed/Hans/Marcel/Carlos (delete as applicable) would never go with another man/fuck a woman/use my ATM card/sell the jewellery (delete as applicable) when I'm away" when we all know that's exactly what some of them do (sometimes they do all FOUR)

I'm not saying it's the case with YOUR boy, but who knows for sure?

:bounce:

what your bf should do is get some advice from Thai people who actually know what they are talking about.

The BF had already decided to show the elders bank statements, so I suspect that is already the case. One doesn't go to jail for having a farang boyfriend...killing the drug-dealing rumor seems prudent to me.

[lo-so]

Providing your bank statements to satisfy their prurient interest seems most objectionable.

Perhaps there is something going on in the village outside of this matter that is causing such speculation about your boyfriend. Jealously being perhaps up there in terms of possibilities. If he comes from a small village he may well be living in what constitutes a number of extended and interdependent families and his show of "wealth" (either by intent or not) may have got their collective backs up- or at least amongst some of the more vocal amongst them.

Showing such financial statements does not necessarily lead to the quashing of such rumours but does allow all to see the financial arrangements that you have with him to become a public spectacle and matter of record which really is none of their business.

Rather that salivating their appetite further by providing the actual numbers perhaps ask his bank to confirm that he regularly receives a 5/6 figure sum per month/annually (cost apprx <150 Bht) - and then let them sit on that. Otherwise the demands for loans from him (effectively you) are likely to be forthcoming. As some here have commented his response gesture is merely defensive and not necessarily assured of any long term success - let them more clearly state where these rumours are emanating from and that they need to clarify such accusations -a put up or shut up response.

Alternatively let him buy the "elders" a load of drinks and bring along some baht filled envelopes (which they will well understand from the local elected representatives) and let the circus continue! (Irony before being flamed). However if all is settled then some donation to the common welfare may stem further such slurs on his character and reestablish some level of goodwill. Sharing good fortune even if in some token manner can act as an effective salve on perceived slights.

I do not consider this to be a purely Thai village matter, there seems to be enough cases where due to unexpected increased fortunes of a particular individual or family there are subsequently difficulties in maintain the harmony in their neighbourhood e,g,. those who have won the lottery but wish to stay in their communities have found it on occasion particularly difficult to do so.

I hope it works out well.

Here's another suggestion from a useless farang:

Why doesn't your BF threaten to sue for libel? Seems to be all the fashion in Thailand at the moment and certainly works like a charm on this Board...

Also, the suggestion made above to censor the account details on the paper statements was certainly a good one...although I do not agree with that course of action (showing statements to the village idiots - I mean, elders) in the first place.

Providing your bank statements to satisfy their prurient interest seems most objectionable.

Showing such financial statements does not necessarily lead to the quashing of such rumours but does allow all to see the financial arrangements that you have with him to become a public spectacle and matter of record which really is none of their business.

Well said.

[giggsy]

If you are going to the trouble of supplying bank statements to the "elders" least you could do is put a picture of him on here to see if we think he looks like a drug dealer.
its in the eyes !! if he looks evil he will be guilty as charged..if he looks like an angel you could also add his phone number as well :cyclopsani:

[colmx]

Phoned BF back this evening when I finished work...
To those that think he might actually be a drug dealer - i know hes definately not!

And if he was - he wouldn't need ay money from me... he'd be flying ME to thailand!

He met with the village boss earlier today and presented his witnesses who confirmed that one of the neighbours was bad mouthing him.

The slanderer was summoned to the village bosses house and withdrew his allegations and apologized...

As others posted above the most important thing was to get the allegation withdrawn... especially if Thaksin and his ex-judicial murder squads ever get back into power again

Case closed... Thai Style (I hope!)

[RichLB]

I'm curious about this "meeting with the elders". What does that mean? I'm not aware of any formal "coucil of elders" in Thai villages. Are you sure it's not just some busy body neighbors gossiping about your BF? If that's the case, i would advise doing nothing and let the rumor mongers grow bored and eventually find another target. And, I am also curious what your BF may have done to make him a target. It is unusual for villagers to pick on someone who has achieved financial success upon leaving the village. The usual response is applause and hands held out to share in the boon. If his neighbors know he is living in Pattaya, I'd bet dollars to donuts they know how he gets his money - even if they never really say it. Dealing drugs would be way down on the list of their suspicions.

[Brad the Impala]

Happy to hear that the source of the gossip was identified and the problem resolved.

[colmx]

I'm curious about this "meeting with the elders". What does that mean? I'm not aware of any formal "coucil of elders" in Thai villages. Are you sure it's not just some busy body neighbors gossiping about your BF? If that's the case, i would advise doing nothing and let the rumor mongers grow bored and eventually find another target. And, I am also curious what your BF may have done to make him a target. It is unusual for villagers to pick on someone who has achieved financial success upon leaving the village. The usual response is applause and hands held out to share in the boon. If his neighbors know he is living in Pattaya, I'd bet dollars to donuts they know how he gets his money - even if they never really say it. Dealing drugs would be way down on the list of their suspicions.


Hi Rich
In my BFs village there there are actually 14 seperate villages and village bosses, his "side" of the village is bisected by the main road to Arranyaprathet with 5 villages on his side of the road. There
is definately something akin to a "council of elders" they are the gene pool of around 5-7 people from which the Village boss is elected each year and they are the ones who patrol the streets a nights with shot guns looking for bandits crossing the border from cambodia!

BF has been living back in the village for around 2 years now and there were lots of rumours 6.5 years ago when he first turned up there with me in tow, but those rumours have died off and conveniently been forgotten about over the years.

As it turns out there was only one guy spreading the rumours and these have now hopefully beeen nipped in the bud

[Diec]

The dude was selling drugs. He got lucky and got away with it. I don't know about this town council crap, sounds bogus to me.

[Brad the Impala]

The dude was selling drugs. He got lucky and got away with it. I don't know about this town council crap, sounds bogus to me.

Have you been watching Shaft again?!

[Khor tose]

The dude was selling drugs. He got lucky and got away with it. I don't know about this town council crap, sounds bogus to me.

Have you been watching Shaft again?!

No the poor dear just got done taking the shaft again, but was still unable to have a happy ending even though the boy performed well. Don't worry Diec, we all understand your pain, however we don't take our bitterness out on others. :tongue:

Forgive me for adding the straight POV here if I can. While his family might know of your relationship with him, and the other people in town know of a falang in the picture, does everyone in the village know his sexual orientation?

Just an observation here and I might be wrong, but if they don't know he is gay, then that might very well be the cause of why they don't believe what he's saying, as they might not know your level of involvement with each other.

If everyone is aware of the relationship you guys have, then yeah, village folk always have the tendency to talk about anyone in the village thats not in their family doing well. It might also be due to bragging on your BF's family, that has put him in the spotlight. Its hard for Thais to resist showing off their children, showing their kid is better then the next.

As well, you have to keep an open mind, that maybe your BF is business minded, and has the financial means to increase hit net worth by participating in illegal activities. I for one would not assume this, and you would have my sympathies if that were the case, but its always a possibility.

If you are not around all the time, just like any of us with partners here in LOS, you have to wonder what they are really up to. And I think I can say with certainty, no matter how much trust there is, you always have that lingering feeling in the back of your head, saying what if.

Hope it all gets sorted out, and everyones back to slamming back Sang Som in the village.

......He met with the village boss earlier today and presented his witnesses who confirmed that one of the neighbours was bad mouthing him.

The slanderer was summoned to the village bosses house and withdrew his allegations and apologized...
Case closed... Thai Style (I hope!)

Its a bit surprising how many posters don't seem to have a clue about what goes on in Thai villages. I can only assume they either a)don't have steady boyfriends or b) if they do don't spend much time in the "sticks" with them.

What Colmx described is the way disputes are usually settled in a small village.

[x in pattaya]

......He met with the village boss earlier today and presented his witnesses who confirmed that one of the neighbours was bad mouthing him.

The slanderer was summoned to the village bosses house and withdrew his allegations and apologized...
Case closed... Thai Style (I hope!)

Its a bit surprising how many posters don't seem to have a clue about what goes on in Thai villages. I can only assume they either a)don't have steady boyfriends or b) if they do don't spend much time in the "sticks" with them.

What Colmx described is the way disputes are usually settled in a small village.

I would assume most of the posters here think everyone in Thailand wears skimpy briefs and "dances" to endless repeats of very old Britney Spears' songs.

On the other hand, went it comes to bad-mouthing, rumours, slander and petty jealousy, you'd think they'd all fully understand how that works.

This bit: "withdrew his allegations and apologized," might be an alien concept, however.

......He met with the village boss earlier today and presented his witnesses who confirmed that one of the neighbours was bad mouthing him.

The slanderer was summoned to the village bosses house and withdrew his allegations and apologized...
Case closed... Thai Style (I hope!)

Its a bit surprising how many posters don't seem to have a clue about what goes on in Thai villages. I can only assume they either a)don't have steady boyfriends or b) if they do don't spend much time in the "sticks" with them.

What Colmx described is the way disputes are usually settled in a small village.

And when the B/F was unable to sit down in front of they village elders they were too thick to realise where the money realy came from
:salute: :salute: :salute: :salute:

Apoligizing is a major thing in Thai culture, thats a serious loss of face. Something many Thais won't do towards other Thais, they'll often just let things die down on their own instead of apologizing for anything and putting and end to it.

People also have to keep in mind, in many of the small villages, most everyone is related by marriage, or by blood. So this is in effect, a really large family with a patriarch and matriarch. So the village elders most times, are grandparents, great uncles and aunts, and so on. If someone in the family is going to give a bad reputation for the rest of the family, thats when they take things seriously and into their own hands for their own justice.

I would be surprised if police were ever called until the resolution of a family or village matter. I can assure you that no neighbors are going to call the police even if they hear someone being beat to death. They handled their affairs without any outside interference for a long time, and many to this day still feel this is the way to continue.

As outsiders, we aren't able to tell them that its right or wrong, its part of the culture. There are some things that we may not like, but we have to accept. I know my missus had gotten into it with her parents while we were out in Issan, and her parents layed into her. She ran over to me to protect her, and when I did, her mom smacked me a few times for even getting involved. No matter how old they are, they still have to answer to their elders. Not a single other person in her family that was there, got up to say anything or interfere with them, thats village justice, and you can believe its real.

[TrongpaiExpat]

Its a bit surprising how many posters don't seem to have a clue about what goes on in Thai villages. I can only assume they either a)don't have steady boyfriends or b) if they do don't spend much time in the "sticks" with them.

What Colmx described is the way disputes are usually settled in a small village.

These poster are often residents. Most of them are living in Pattaya but not all, I know a few in Bangkok.

[x in pattaya]

Its a bit surprising how many posters don't seem to have a clue about what goes on in Thai villages. I can only assume they either a)don't have steady boyfriends or b) if they do don't spend much time in the "sticks" with them.

What Colmx described is the way disputes are usually settled in a small village.

These poster are often residents. Most of them are living in Pattaya but not all, I know a few in Bangkok.


In Pattaya we settle disputes in a traditional manner too. No need to apologize and you get a nice new plastic carrier bag as a free going-away gift. One size fits all.




http://www.pattayapeople.com/article_images/144/thumbs/190609_1.jpg

There is definately something akin to a "council of elders" they are the gene pool of around 5-7 people from which the Village boss is elected each year ....


Its a bit surprising how many posters don't seem to have a clue about what goes on in Thai villages. I can only assume they either a)don't have steady boyfriends or b) if they do don't spend much time in the "sticks" with them. What Colmx described is the way disputes are usually settled in a small village.

What I find more than "a bit surprising" is just how much "what goes on in Thai villages" (or at least what is reported or believed to go on) seems to vary not only from village to vilage but also from the officially recognised system where, for example, the "Village boss" (presumably the phuyaiban?) is elected every four or five years as is the sub-district head (kamnan), and the many different "villages" are actually village sub-districts ("moo"s). This has varied according to the different constitutions, with the most recent move being to make the posts nominated (unelected) and held until retirement at 60, with an official review at provincial level but no local input, but this has proved very unpopular and at least some elections are still taking place. No constitutions, as far as I am aware, have ever had elections "each year".

It all sounds like typical small-town gossip, nothing more.

[yedo111]

Suddenly he is the richest thai in the village so of course some thai people wants to take advantage of that.

Maybe you give him too much money?
If he can buy anything he wants you have to be prepared for anything in a small thai village.

No one wanted to "take advantage of him".

Everyone upcountry is on alert for unexplained wealth. It could bring unwelcome police attention to the village, as the hunt for drug dealers is still very much on.

A friend of mine built a house upcountry, and had it in his housekeeper's name. As soon as the house started coming up, the authorities were around to make inquiries as to the source of this humble lady's funds. Once it was explained, no problem.

It is normal.

Why accuse your neighbour of being a drug dealer and risk being shot (should it turn out to be true)???????
I think he just wanted a look at your bank statement so he could see how much more he can take you for. :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

Also, keep in mind the state of affairs that drug dealers were actually in about 10 years ago or so. They weren't trying these people in court, they were dragging out 100's of suspected and known drug dealer alike into the middle of the roads and flat out executing them.

While it has been a while since they were on the hunt in this manner, that being on many peoples minds still, a drug dealer would not be the most flattering thing to be labeled as.