What would you do?

[Patexpat]

So us old hands and/or residents here are pretty worldy wise when it comes to Thai ways having learnt through bitter experience!

So along comes your friend on his first trip here, and you give him the usual briefing on dos and don'ts and try to point him in the right direction and yet after a week he meets a boy who is 'different' and he falls in holiday, head over heels love.

The problem is you know already that this boy has a long term bf living in Europe who visits regularly.

So, do you keep your mouth shut so as not to spoil your friends holiday, hoping that it will probably peter out when your friend goes back home and meanwhile steer him away from making any large 'investments' on the boy? Warn your friend off? Warn the boy off? Or just let things take there own course .. after all it's not your business is it?

[pyro]

Well, speaking for myself, I would want you to tell me if I were in your friend's position. It is really hard to say about some else though. You just have to base you action on what you know (or think you know) about your friend. Not much help I know, but you know your friend better than anyone on the board. :)

[blueboy]

Is he your friend or not???????

If he is you have to tell about these pro-boys-scams!

[TrongpaiExpat]

My BF has a simple solution to this. If he knows a farang is cheating on a Thai boy, tell the Thai boy. If the Thai boy is cheating on the farang, tell the Thai boy. I asked if he sees any inconsistencies there, nope.

Tell your farang friend.

[francois]

Tell the friend after he returns from his holiday. Let him live his fantasy while he can. Some farang are happy to know that the love of their life has another means of support.

Dont always expect a friendly reaction when you tell. In many cases love is blind.

If there's any moral issue here it lies in the fact that your friend is a common sex tourist whose behaviour, by your own admission, you have aided and abetted. Why should anyone here give a dam about what happens to you, your friend, his money or his boyfriend ? Don't waste our time.

If there's any moral issue here it lies in the fact that your friend is a common sex tourist whose behaviour, by your own admission, you have aided and abetted. Why should anyone here give a dam about what happens to you, your friend, his money or his boyfriend ? Don't waste our time.You mean us sex tourists are not welcome on SGT? Is that in the Forum guidelines somewhere? I was just about to make my contribution to Bob to help the Board's upkeep but perhaps I should not bother.

[allieb]

If there's any moral issue here it lies in the fact that your friend is a common sex tourist whose behaviour, by your own admission, you have aided and abetted. Why should anyone here give a dam about what happens to you, your friend, his money or his boyfriend ? Don't waste our time.

Speak for yourself Talay_Ho I would sugest that with an atitude like that you don't waste your time on this board. From what I understand a lot if not most members here are into sex tourism, and yes I give a dam and I'm sure that many others do if a sister gets burned.

Back to topic of the original poster.

You must tell your friend sooner rather than later. This should be nipped in the bud at the lust stage before it developes into a love thing. If your friend still continues with this boy long distance then you have done your bit. He will be choosing not to see the truth. Some of us know the truth but choose not to see it and thats another syndrome. You don't get involved with the blind let them live in La La land.

My first trip to Thailand was a very foolish one it was love at first sight. I wish I had been given some friendly tips and advise. I fell in love with the place and the people from day one but after 10 trips in 4 years my eyes were opened widely. I stopped comming to Thailand for 3 years as I began to see a Thailand I didn't like. I am comming back this Autumn to try again.

[TrongpaiExpat]

Back when I was living in Farangland I had a BF that was cheating on me and engaging in some destructive behavior. I found out on my own and we parted company. Latter I found out that a good mutual friend knew all along that he was doing this but decided not to inform me. He told others he always knew and it got back to me. I asked him why he did not tell me and he blamed his BF, a fellow Asian, who told him it was better not to get involved. He said he did tells some others in the hopes it would get back to me but no one told me anything. I was not happy with this code of minding your own business and I should have been told.

I definitely know what I would do with a "friend" who had such knowledge but chose not to share it with me...

[gra46]

I definitely know what I would do with a "friend" who had such knowledge but chose not to share it with me...

OHHH U have a Friend

I was just about to make my contribution to Bob to help the Board's upkeep but perhaps I should not bother.

The OP didn't say anything that made me think that his friend was a sex tourist. "15 post" Talay_Ho also doesn't speak for the board. I'm not sure which of you are more confused.

It sounds like the poor guy is getting conned and you should definitely give him the cold shower treatment.

Agreed with the majority. Tell him while he's here, so at least he can bounce back from it before he goes back home. Maybe even meet someone worth exchanging emails with.

I had a friend who I tried to tell, but wouldn't believe me that his missus had not retired from the bar game, especially since she was trying to get LD's and customers out of my bar after she retired from the game. I took a few pictures with my phone, and it was amazing how fast she confessed to him before I had a chance to send the pics. No doubt they figure they can make up a good enough excuse to keep their sponsors in the palm of their hands.

People find real relationships here every day, no reason to let your friend waste his time on someone who only cares about the financial aspects of a relationship.

If there's any moral issue here it lies in the fact that your friend is a common sex tourist whose behaviour, by your own admission, you have aided and abetted. Why should anyone here give a dam about what happens to you, your friend, his money or his boyfriend ? Don't waste our time.

Talay_Ho, you are the one wasting OUR time here.
Anyone not interested in the topic could skip the whole thread after the first few sentences, so there's no need for your hostile comment. Still I guess you won't be back to read this post if you genuinely think the thread is a waste of time.

Back to the original topic if the guy is your FRIEND, of course you should tell him about the double crossing-it's a must.
Just tell him to enjoy it while it lasts & not empty the bank account.

[Patexpat]

Well thanks to (nearly) all of you for the feedback - as I'm a fairly straight talking sorta guy my initial reaction was to tell, but as it was so close to the end of his holiday I chose not to tell my friend (who, by the way, is not a 'sex tourist'! he is 26 years old and has no problems finding partners wherever he is ... he came here to see his old friends from the UK) but I did let the boy know that I knew the true situation, and depending on what happens when my friend is back in the UK a few home truths may have to be told ..... the bottom line is that me friend had a GREAT holiday here, had a great time and will be back again at some point ....

BTW there was no financial transaction here .... the boy told my friend he would be insulted if he had been offered money - so I can only assume the boy was (is) getting enough from his long time falang friend and my young friend was a diversion for the Thai boy! May be I should tell my friend what a bargain he has been getting ... :compress:

[francois]

Patexpat, Maybe you should have told us all the facts of the situation before asking for our opinions!

My BF has a simple solution to this. If he knows a farang is cheating on a Thai boy, tell the Thai boy. If the Thai boy is cheating on the farang, tell the Thai boy. I asked if he sees any inconsistencies there, nope.

Tell your farang friend.

Why should we follow the "Thai Boys Code"?

How about the "Farangs Code"!

If you find out a Thai is screwing your friend...LET HIM KNOW!

"15 post" Talay_Ho also doesn't speak for the board.

He joined the day before you last month, you plonker!! Just because your posting rate is 4 or 5 times even mine doesn't mean you speak for the board either - none of us do, and TH never claimed to.


Patexpat, it looks as if you did exactly the right thing.

Dont always expect a friendly reaction when you tell. In many cases love is blind.

Used to have a farang friend (retired) who was suffering from the aftermath of a stroke.
His Thai boyfriend completely ripped him off, took him out and brought him to the edge.
At some point I was holding the ATM and creditcard of my friend, to keep them out of the hands of the Thai boy.
At last, I resqued my farang friend by taking him to BPH and Chonburi Hospital: not one single baht for medical treatment after a liver-shock (use of wrong medication).

The farang friend stayed with me for about 3 weeks and he was really suffering from paranoia-whatever and waffling about never going back to his Thai boy.

After four weeks he suddenly decided to move out and back to his Thai boy. Obviously the Thai boy visited my house while I was out working and talked into his ATM.

My farang friend had just one request.........if I could take care his finances and keep the cards with me.

I didn't have time to think about what to do and I did what my heart told me: I said goodbye to the farang and his boy and gave him the cards and tell him never to contact me again.

(You should know that I already spent 3 years of hustle and bustle with this farang and his boy(s)).

Removed my advise to the OP.

I agree with most posters. If he really is your friend then tell him the true situation. He can then choose to see the same guy without the blindness of love clouding his judgement and enjoy the attention. Or he could seek out some other potentially more long term friend if that is in fact what he is seeking. A true friend should help open his eyes to the way money-boys are in LoS. Personally I had some general advice but chose to enjoy the attentions of one guy I met on the second day I was there. I fell for him and paid the price. It turns out that he also had a German boyfriend long before I came along. I still like the guy and would most likley have stayed with him during my trip there but I would not have been so generous had I known the true situation.

So us old hands and/or residents here are pretty worldy wise when it comes to Thai ways having learnt through bitter experience!

So along comes your friend on his first trip here, and you give him the usual briefing on dos and don'ts and try to point him in the right direction and yet after a week he meets a boy who is 'different' and he falls in holiday, head over heels love.

The problem is you know already that this boy has a long term bf living in Europe who visits regularly.

So, do you keep your mouth shut so as not to spoil your friends holiday, hoping that it will probably peter out when your friend goes back home and meanwhile steer him away from making any large 'investments' on the boy? Warn your friend off? Warn the boy off? Or just let things take there own course .. after all it's not your business is it?

I would blackmail the boy into giving me half his take for my silence. After that I would tell my friend.

I have no friends.

[Art]

http://www.yunchtime.net/misc/harvard_on_acid.jpg

If a farang is cheating on a Thai boy, tell the Thai boy.
If a Thai boy is cheating on a farang, tell the farang.

We're just human beings, you know? You think you're God.
I... I gotta model myself after someone.